Copyright & Information
Andrew And Tobias
First published in 1980
Copyright: John Stewart Literary Management Ltd. 1980-2012
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise), without the prior permission of the publisher. Any person who does any unauthorised act in relation to this publication may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims for damages.
The right of J.I.M. Stewart to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted.
This edition published in 2012 by House of Stratus, an imprint of
Stratus Books Ltd., Lisandra House, Fore Street, Looe,
Cornwall, PL13 1AU, UK.
Typeset by House of Stratus.
A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library and the Library of Congress.
EAN ISBN Edition
0755130448 9780755130443 Print
0755133129 9780755133123 Kindle
0755133439 9780755133437 Epub
This is a fictional work and all characters are drawn from the author’s imagination.
Any resemblance or similarities to persons either living or dead are entirely coincidental.
www.houseofstratus.com
About the Author
John Innes Mackintosh Stewart (who also wrote as Michael Innes) was born in Edinburgh where his father was Director of Education. He attended Edinburgh Academy before going up to Oriel College, Oxford where he was awarded a first class degree in English and won the Matthew Arnold Memorial Prize and was named a Bishop Frazer scholar. After a short interlude travelling with AJP Taylor in Austria, including studying Freudian psychoanalysis for a year, he embarked on an edition of Florio’s translation of Montaigne’s Essays. This subsequently helped him secure a post teaching English at Leeds University.
In 1932, Stewart married Margaret Hardwick, who practised medicine, and they subsequently had three sons and two daughters. By 1935, he had been awarded the Jury Chair at the University of Adelaide in Australia as Professor of English and had also completed his first detective novel, ‘Death at the President’s Lodging’, published under the pseudonym ‘Michael Innes’. This was an immediate success and part of a long running series centred on ‘Inspector Appleby’, his primary character when writing as ‘Innes’. There were almost fifty titles completed under the ‘Innes’ banner during his career.
In 1946, he returned to the UK and spent two years at Queen’s University in Belfast, before being appointed Student (Fellow and Tutor) at Christ Church, Oxford. He was later to hold the post of Reader in English Literature of Oxford University and upon his retirement was made an Emeritus Professor. Whilst never wanting to leave his beloved Oxford permanently, he did manage to fit into his busy schedule a visiting Professorship at the University of Washington and was also honoured by other Universities in the UK.
Stewart wrote many works under his own name, including twenty-one works of fiction (which contained the highly acclaimed quintet entitled ‘A Staircase in Surrey’, centred primarily in Oxford, but with considerable forays elsewhere, especially Italy), several short story collections, and over nine learned works on the likes of Shakespeare, Kipling and Hardy. He was also a contributor to many academic publications, including a major section on modern writers for the Oxford History of English Literature. He died in 1994, the last published work being an autobiography: ‘Myself and Michael Innes’.
J.I.M. Stewart’s fiction is greatly admired for its wit, plots and literary quality, whilst the non-fiction is acknowledged as being definitive.
PART ONE
Toby
I
The principal approach to felton house was through tall wrought-iron gates which turned, or had once turned, upon two heavily rusticated stone pillars. Perched on each of these was a rearing stone hippogriff, ambiguously cavorting behind a bulbous and curly stone shield. When first ensconced, these composite monsters had witnessed to the respectability, indeed to the consequence, of the Feltons; now, lingering on in a markedly abraded state, they might be taken to testify to the antiquity of the family as well. This was fair enough. The property had descended from Felton to Felton over a long period of time. The first dwelling on the site had been built by a Thomas Felton who, at the close of the fourteenth century, was seneschal of Aquitaine.
On the west side of the entrance was a lodge lived in by two old women of whom it was dimly remembered that they had once formed part of the domestic establishment of the mansion. These faithful retainers, seldom seen, were in no condition to perform janitorial functions of any sort, and here may have been one of the reasons why the gates, although preserved beneath a decent lick of paint, had not been moved on their hinges for many years.
On the east side of the entrance, running on a curve some thirty yards long up the drive and then away from it, was a high and dense prunus hedge incongruously out of scale with the rest of the scene. It had been planted long ago by the present Mr Felton in order to mask an unsightly metallic contraption, almost as large as the lodge opposite, which the electricity people had asserted to be essential were Felton House to be provided with more electricity than it had consumed hitherto. Mr Felton suspected at the time that this was nonsense, and that it was the better servicing of the neighbouring hamlet of Felton Canonicorum that was in question. But this had the more constrained him to grant the electricity people what his lawyer called an easement. So there the monstrous thing was, and there the hedge had been planted which now so inordinately flourished.
All this was set back from the public road behind a fan-shaped expanse of tarmac narrowing gently until it reached the gates. Long before tarmac was thought of, matters had been thus disposed in order that the Sovereign, should he or she conceivably be prompted to honour the Feltons with a visit, could turn into the drive in a coach-and-six at an unimpeded trot. Nowadays it was possible for a skilful motorist to perform the same manoeuvre at fifty miles an hour. This was the habit, in particular, of Toby Felton, the son of the house. Toby owned an Aston Martin (almost his sole substantial possession so far, since the Feltons, though unembarrassed, were scarcely wealthy), which he could marvellously control, and in which he delighted to shave past one or other of the rusticated pillars in a manner alarming only to a passenger, should he chance to be carrying one. There had, indeed, been a single occasion upon which, being concerned deftly to avoid a cow-pat, he had allowed his bumper to clip the stone and detach a fragment of its artificially-pitted surface. He had retrieved this and mounted it with a piece of plasticine on his dashboard – as a reminder, he said, not to get too frisky. It was a talisman witnessing to a lurking prudence in Toby Felton.
Nevertheless this particular evolution, performed every weekend to celebrate his return to a home to which he was deeply attached, was not without hazard to himself and others. Of course the Aston Martin had superb brakes. Another vehicle would have to be coming down the drive at a great lick (almost his own lick, in fact) if he failed to stop without a good yard to spare in front of its bonnet, and any stray pedestrian would be safer still, since a pedestrian moves at practically no lick at all. If this reasoning was a shade specious, so that Toby’s driving could be objectively viewed only as a little on the risky side, he owned a particularly accurate measure of his own reaction times. The wheel would swing in the right direction at sudden need.
This evening, an August evening so warm that the stubble in the fields shimmered like still unreaped wheat, Toby approached the turn-in to the drive rather less rapidly than usual. The cautious side to him often operated in a spontaneous way, and he may not conscio
usly have considered that, over the last couple of miles, his concentration had been flickering rather in the manner of the fields around him. This was because of Elma Loftus.
Elma was the doctor’s daughter, and like Toby she worked in London during the week: Toby in an acceptance house in the City and Elma as receptionist to a consultant in Harley Street. Toby often drove Elma back from town on Friday afternoons, the occasion ending with his decorously carrying her small suitcase up the garden path between roses and hollyhocks to her parents’ house. Usually Dr and Mrs Loftus would be around, and he would have a short palaver with them on local topics. But on the present occasion, Elma had insisted on parting from him at the garden gate. In fact, she must be said to have dismissed him, and it was something he wasn’t unaware that she had lately been learning to do. There had been no question of any sort of concealment; Elma would of course have to mention to her parents that he had brought her home as usual. She just hadn’t wanted him to have that small domestic (and faintly privileged) encounter with the old folks at home. Toby couldn’t help feeling this to be perverse in Elma: part, indeed, of a certain unknown aspect of her which should have dissipated itself by now. Elma had been his girlfriend – his ‘mistress’ as his father would say if he knew about it – for several months.
Of course one mustn’t get amorous at inconvenient moments. Perhaps, standing there by the door of his car, Elma had sensed that his head had been swimming; even that beneath the familiar scent of the roses there was creeping from concealed herb or shrub a queer warm muskiness which somehow took his mind at once to the thought of Elma in bed. And this was so exciting that he felt he really might go dotty before the surprised gaze of the senior Loftuses if given the chance.
Yes – perhaps, there at the garden gate, Elma had been acting circumspectly in face of considerations such as these.
But Toby didn’t really believe this. The small rebuff formed part of a pattern which he had seen emerging for some little time. And his awareness of it was part of his beginning to think about the whole thing. At first there had just been no thinking at all. The quite sudden establishing of his relationship with Elma had been an event too staggering for thought. Nothing remotely like it had ever happened to him before. Nobody had seduced him at school; as an undergraduate at Cambridge he hadn’t been sexually enterprising; and after that there had been nothing to record except a few dismal and perfunctory experiences entirely shaming to look back upon. So Elma in her new character (for he had known her from childhood) had been tremendous, apocalyptic. When impressing her with robust talk he had declared their performances to be everything that is advertised. But as for thinking, he just hadn’t done any. He had simply vaguely assumed that Elma and he would get married whenever it proved most convenient to fix matters that way. That seemed the regular thing, and he took it for granted that Elma saw the situation in the same light. In fact, when his mind did begin to stir, it was in the direction of prosaically supposing that she would be more keen on the idea than he was. He believed – it was perhaps an old-fashioned belief – that a girl takes a risk unknown to a man when she gives herself to a lover in bed with nothing yet signed on the dotted line. And the prospect of Felton – he told himself in these reasoning moments – was quite something for a doctor’s daughter. So it seemed odd that now, when his own impulse was for shifting the affair discreetly from the clandestine to the approved, Elma’s inclination seemed to be moving the other way. Why otherwise should she cut down on those occasions of his being smiled upon by her dad and mum?
Very properly no doubt, he had begun to question his own fitness as a lover. Being a child of his age, and having absorbed several small manuals appropriate to his situation, he proceeded here on what was perhaps rather a narrow technical basis. But Elma really seemed very contented in bed; her expectations might be described as keen but (in terms of the manuals) on the conventional side. Fleetingly, he even wondered whether this might be an index of a conformist disposition in other areas of life – or even of its all being not quite so new to her as to him. But on the whole it was himself that he tried to examine. Was he unattractive just to look at? By and large, he supposed not. He mightn’t strip as pretty as Elma did, but supposed that he was reasonably up to male standards when his vest and pants came off. But how was it with him above the collar? He certainly wasn’t handsome or even what is indulgently described as nice looking. He had no illusions here. ‘Strongly marked’ would be the tactful way of referring to his features. His chin stuck out too far, and his nose was too long, and his eyebrows met above it like he couldn’t quite remember what animal in the zoo. Perhaps, just as a piece of domestic portraiture, he was beginning to get on Elma’s nerves.
Struck afresh by this chastening speculation now, Toby edged himself sideways on his seat and briefly scrutinised himself in a driving-mirror. He was wearing sunglasses of an exaggerated size fashionable at the time, so he was unable to come to any fresh judgement in the matter of the eyebrows. But nose and chin reassuringly announced themselves as at least falling far short of any Punch-like bizarre – and there was on view, too, a clear complexion and a shock of fair hair now agreeably riffled through by the wind of his own speed. So the whole department wasn’t really all that bad.
But now the consciousness of having succumbed to this unmanly stock-taking suddenly displeased Toby Felton very much – with the result that he did, after all, a little press on the accelerator as he made the turn into his home territory. It was lucky – as it was also to prove momentous – that no serious accident ensued.
The Aston Martin was at a dead halt, and the brakes hadn’t even squealed. The young man perched on the big step-ladder aslant the drive, intent on his job, seemed unconscious of what had threatened him. He just went on clipping away at the hedge: an operation which had already resulted in a small tossing sea of greenery over a wide area beneath him. Toby, viewing this barring of his way with displeasure, touched the button of his horn. The Aston Martin obediently announced its presence in a manner more commanding than its owner had designed, so that the young man on the ladder gave a visible jump.
‘Sorry!’ Toby shouted – and was at once uncertain that this would carry as an apology and not as a further noise of an imperious character. This upset him, since politeness to servants had been instilled into him from an early age. So he threw open the door of the car and jumped out. The young man was already descending from his perch, briskly but without any impression of discomposure or subservient haste.
‘Sorry mysel’,’ he said. (So that had been all right.) ‘It’ll no tak’ a couple of minutes, sir, to shift some of this lot.’
‘I’ll lend a hand,’ Toby said. ‘Are you the new under-gardener?’ He remembered that such a recruit had been expected to arrive at Felton that week.
‘I expect they ca’ it that.’ The young man’s tone hinted the sardonic, but not to any disagreeable effect. He was of about Toby’s age and stature, and was stripped to a pair of faded jeans hung low on his hips. His skin was burnt brown as if he had been working through the summer similarly unclad; it was glistening with sweat; his long fair hair, almost concealing his eyes, was damp as a swimmer’s might have been. Toby took this in at a brief searching glance from behind the cover of his dark glasses. He grabbed a fork with which to begin clearing up the mass of clippings – being intent, after that peremptory hoot, upon civilised behaviour. Then his eye fell on the shears the young man had been using.
‘Good God!’ he said. ‘You can’t trim a bloody great hedge like this with those, man. Why haven’t you got the electric ones? There’s a power socket just outside the lodge there.’
‘He said they were no’ in order, and he gie’d me these.’
The young man offered this reply inexpressively, and got on with his own share of clearing the drive. Toby knew who ‘he’ was, and in consequence quite failed to believe the story about the electric shears. Hawkstone, the gardener, had imposed on his new assistant the stiffest task he cou
ld think of by way of making it clear that at Felton his subordinates toed the line. He had looked at this young man – for he was that and not a mere unlicked garden-boy – and resolved to break him in. Toby was instantly furious. He had acquired at school something he hadn’t yet parted with: a large dislike of arbitrary authority, particularly as evinced by prefects and their ways. Hawkstone had been behaving in a similar authoritarian manner, and Toby would have liked to hunt him down and denounce him roundly. But that wouldn’t do. Felton was his home – but after a fashion which, although he seldom thought about it, did make him a little careful of throwing his weight around. So he held his peace, and took another glance at Hawkstone’s sweating thrall. It came to him, as indeed it had come to him at a first glimpse, that there was something faintly familiar about him. The explanation of this was probably the cricket field. Long ago he had played cricket often enough with the village boys, and later on there had been occasional rather grand affairs when he had been required to muster a team of his own friends to compete against an all-rustic eleven: this in the interest of what was regarded as a liberal view in the field of social relations. The new under-gardener might well have been among those rustics.
‘What’s your name?’ Toby asked – impulsively, but on a careful note of cheerful informality.
‘Andrew,’ the young man said. ‘Andy.’
Chaps like this, Toby remembered, are always curiously uncommunicative about their surnames. They seem to think you have a right to know that they are Tom, but not that they are Jones. Toby felt snubbed, all the same. This prompted him to another question, although he knew perfectly well that a catechism wasn’t at all the thing.
Andrew and Tobias Page 1