by Lisa N. Paul
Chapter Nineteen
I’m Supposed to be the Village, Asshole
ONE HUNDRED TIMES…one thousand… April had no idea how often she checked her phone on Sunday, but it was to the point of insanity. She’d gone as far as to have her sister call and text her to make sure her cell phone was working. It worked just fine.
After waiting up most of the night, hoping to hear from Decker, she’d fallen into a fitful sleep around the time both the birds and her son were waking for the day. Thankfully, Elijah was easily entertained and quite mellow in the early morning hours, so when he entered her room with his blanket and stuffed penguin, all April had to do was pop on a movie, check her phone, snuggle her boy, and go back to sleep. Unfortunately, her mind refused to quiet, and the sleep refused to return.
While Decker denied the problem had anything to do with Charlie, worry about his mother and brother sat in her gut all day, festering like an infected wound. Several times during the day she tapped out a text to inquire if he was okay, but then the harsh sound of his voice and the distant look in his eyes before he’d left the night before haunted her. He’d been buried deep in her body, claiming love, desire, and need, then… he was gone. The physical emptiness jarred her, but the way he shut down was unnerving. Sure, there was obviously something wrong, something very wrong, but he didn’t bother to fill her in. He just left her… standing in her house… alone. The familiarity of the situation was uncanny, the anger just as hot, the pain… worse.
She did her best to keep busy that afternoon, taking Eli for new sneakers then to the market for their weekly food-shopping trip, but her concentration was split, her stomach in knots and her head aching.
“Mommy, can I have ice cream?” Elijah asked while sitting in the shopping cart.
“Sure, sweetie.”
“Really?” Eli’s surprise gave April her first real smile of the day. “You never say ‘yes’ before dinner,” her son whispered, as if saying it louder would cause her to change her mind.
April kissed the top of his head, sniffing in the sweet scent of shampoo. “Sometimes, my sweet boy, you just have to say, ‘what the fu…fudge.’” She pinched the bridge of her nose, grateful that she stopped the cuss before months of hard work was undone.
“Hmm, no,” Eli said thoughtfully. “I want vanilla ice cream, not fudge.”
That time, April laughed as she strolled the cart to the dairy counter.
A couple of hours later, April’s already frazzled patience was tested further while she and Eli were at her parents’ house for dinner, a bi-weekly event that was enjoyable as long as her mother kept her opinions to herself.
“April,” Ellen sighed. “I see you checking your phone under the table every five minutes and, like drying paint, watching it won’t make whatever you’re waiting for happen sooner. Put the phone away, dear, and enjoy the family time.”
Had April been in a better frame of mind, a calmer place, she’d have noticed that there was no bite in her mother’s voice, no pinched expression on her face. However, the whole day had passed, and still Decker never reached out to her. He’d left her without explanation and clearly without concern. As far as her mother’s advice, she could shove it up her judgmental ass.
“I’m going outside for a minute… or ten,” April huffed quietly, trying her best not to worry her son, who stared amazed at his grandfather’s hands, trying to figure out just where the coin had disappeared to.
Thank God for Dad and his ageless magic tricks. She looked down at the cell phone gripped tightly in her fist, where it had been since the previous night. It suddenly felt too cumbersome, too pathetic. She placed the device on the table and headed out of the house before she said or did anything that couldn’t be retracted or explained to Eli.
The squeaking of the porch swing brought instant comfort to her battered heart, allowing slices of reason to filter into her conscious thoughts. Maybe her mother wasn’t completely wrong this time. Decker had made his choice when, after he voiced his deep devotion and soul-searing love, he left her practically naked with his cum still warm inside her body and a glacial look on his face. She’d have understood if he’d explained what was going on, but obviously she warranted nothing. His love meant nothing. Once again…her heart meant nothing.
“Tiny…”
“Honey…”
Both August and Ember startled her when they joined her on the porch.
“Move over, girl.” Ember said wedging herself on the left side and August on the right. “Hopefully this old swing can still handle the three of us.”
The comment was more like a prayer as the old swing winced under the additional weight.
“April, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see that you’re hurting. Christ, even Mom was being sympathetic,” Ember mused. “Tell us what the hell happened so August can kick this guy’s ass and I can ruin his social life forever.”
“That was Mom’s sympathetic side?” April shook her head in disbelief. “No way, how does the woman have any friends?”
“Tiny, you and she have been battling for so long that you see and hear everything she does as a jab or an insult.” Understanding filled August’s eyes. “I don’t blame you, I really don’t, and she’s treated you differently than the rest of us for, well, always.” He and Ember shared a look that April didn’t care to decipher. “Ember and I have never understood it, and trust me, we’ve tried to figure it out. But I can tell you this, tonight, Mom really was trying to be helpful, kind even.”
“Aug, I’m thrilled you’re all pro-Mom and shit, but she’s created the relationship we have. I’m trying my fucking best to be considerate toward her especially in her own home …” No matter how old we get, we need to show our mothers respect. Those had been Decker’s words to Eli. She’d not only listened to them but taken them to heart, hence why she’d bit her tongue just moments before and left the house. What a shame his advice didn’t include respecting one’s girlfriend. Her throat tightened and a pit grew in her belly as she breathed in through her nose and out through her mouth, doing her best to avoid tears. Shaking off the melancholy, April resurrected the wall of indifference she’d lived so many years behind and pulled out her armor suit.
“It was strange to see her so… what’s the word I’m looking for?” Ember stared blankly into the twilight sky. “Nice. Yeah, let’s call it nice, for lack of better words.”
Even stifling their chuckles, both Ember and August sounded like nasally lunatics.
Her siblings always made her feel better. They didn’t even need to try—just their presence provided April with a sense of love that no other person had ever given her. Well, except for Decker, but she was done with him. Yeah, done. Finished.
“Look, children,” she mock scolded, trying not to let the corners of her mouth turn up. “Can you please put down your Mom pom-poms and focus on something I actually care about?”
“And that is?”
April released a heavy sigh, filled her sister in on the events leading up to and including them arriving back at her house, then explained to both of them what had happened after August left them, in her brother’s words, pie-eyed and drooling all over each other.
“Tiny”—August rubbed the shadow of scruff growing over his jaw—“I know this looks bad, I do. And if it were any other man, after I kicked his ass, I’d tell you to move on. But it’s not. I’ve met this dude a few times, and I’m telling you, there’s an explanation.”
“An explanation?” April seethed, the taste of bitterness finally seeping into her words as well as her mind. “There’s no explanation, August. It takes two seconds to send a text message. Two. You’re saying I’m not worth two motherfucking seconds?”
Ember clutched April’s arm, her touch instantly dispelling some of the ire that boiled April’s blood. “Come on, April, we both know that men are stupid.”
“Helloooo.” The way August dragged out the word had both women snickering. “Man sitting right here.” August poin
ted at himself. “You’re right, okay, what he did is terrible”—he shot a pointed look at April’s older sister—“but Ember, I saw him last night. Hell, I spoke to him. Fucking guy is crazy about her. And not in the ‘I own her like she’s my favorite pair of underwear’ crazy, like that freak she was married to. I strongly believe it had to be something extremely important to pull him away like that.”
Fighting back the tears that filled her eyes, April looked straight ahead and swallowed. Crickets and the sound of rusted metal squeaking above them filled the silence.
“You’re right,” April muttered. “It had to have been something big. Something so huge that he tossed me aside and ran.” She wiped the lone tear that escaped its confines then looked at both of her siblings. “Thing is, I’ve already been tossed away. I’ve been told I wasn’t enough, and you know what?” Identical crestfallen looks surrounded her. “It sucks. And I don’t wanna go through it again. I can’t.” She looked at her watch. Eight p.m. had come and gone. They’d been out there for an hour, and it was past her son’s bedtime. “I need to get Eli home.” She swallowed the tennis-ball-sized lump in her throat. “But thanks for talking to me. I love you guys.”
She walked back into her parents’ house to find a freshly bathed child snuggled up on the sofa in her father’s arms.
“We figured it would be easier on you if he was clean and ready for bed,” Ellen spoke as she handed April a bag with Eli’s soiled clothing. No matter how coarse her mother was to her, she was always marshmallow soft when it came to her grandson.
“Thanks, that was really helpful.”
“April, listen—”
“Not now, Mom.” Exhaustion ebbed through April’s body. “I just can’t get into anything with you tonight. You want to cut me down, tell me how much I screw up, or laugh at my foolishness… just do it tomorrow. Because, right now, I don’t have it in me to fight back.”
Was it guilt that passed over Ellen’s face? April wasn’t certain, but she knew she was too tired to stick around any longer. After her father tucked a sleeping Elijah into his car seat, they hugged tightly, and she headed home.
* * *
DECKER SCRUBBED HIS hands over his face and stifled another yawn. He stared out the large plate-glass window in his brother’s office and watched the moon make a brief appearance before it was shrouded once again by clouds. Was it really nighttime again?
“It’s fucking late, Deck,” Ford grumbled, pouring two tumblers of scotch. “Can’t believe we’ve been at it for two fucking days.”
Decker accepted the glass and took a sip of the liquid. The scotch was incredible—his brother only drank the best—but fatigue had robbed him of his senses hours before, hence the only thing he knew for sure about the amber liquid was that it was wet. “What a goddamn clusterfuck.” Decker gulped his drink as the adrenaline finally began to leave his body.
His brother stood beside him, taking small pulls from his drink. “The police are gone, and those two assholes are recovering in the hospital.” Ford’s brow arched as a mischievous smirk lifted one side of his mouth. “Maybe the internal bleeding will teach them not to trespass again.”
Decker snickered, uncertain if he was appalled at his brother’s callous response or amused by it.
“According to our lawyers, all the legal bullshit that said assholes will try to sue us for is taken care of, and”—Ford’s brows snapped together as his voice deepened—“they will not get one fucking penny from us, because you had that site closed down according to legal specifications, and those little fuckers worked pretty goddamn hard to get in. Today was a publicity nightmare, thanks for suiting up and handling the press with me.”
Decker drained his glass and looked pointedly at his best friend and business partner. “You know we’re in this together, Ford. Fifty-fifty. I’d never let you face anything on your own. That said, this debacle is far from over.”
Both men grimaced.
Decker tried to smooth out his tattered clothing before reengaging his brother, who looked equally disastrous. “We should probably head home, shower, and get some sleep before we go back. Mom called the office to say she was keeping Charlie at her house for another night. Thank God for her.”
Laughing, Ford pulled out his phone and tapped out a quick text before addressing Decker again. “A shower and sleep sounds perfect. I have a car coming, because neither of us should be driving in this sleep deprived condition.” When had his little brother turned into such a responsible man? As they rode the elevator down to the lobby, Decker felt every single one of the hours he’d spent caught up in the work crisis plow into him. Hour by hour ticked backward until he was eye-to-eye, body-to-body with the woman he loved. “Fuck.”
“You okay?” Decker felt Ford’s steadying grip on his elbow. “You wanna sit down until the car comes?”
Decker reached into his pocket and yanked out his phone. “Give me a second, Ford.” Decker knew in his gut even before he pressed send that he had screwed up. He didn’t realize how badly until he heard April’s voice on the other end of the line.
“Deck, is everything okay?” Her brittle tone told him that things were definitely not okay. But he knew that wasn’t the question she was asking.
“Yeah, babe, I’m so sorry about Saturday night. Do you remember those guys who kept causing all of the problems on my job site?”
“Yeah.”
Decker swallowed. “Well, they broke into the building and caused an accident. They were both badly injured, and Ford and I have spent the whole night and day trying to make things right.” Decker saw Ford’s questioning expression but brought his attention back to April.
“Okay.” The two-syllable word was as flat as paper.
“April, I’m sorry, really—”
“Hey, Deck?” His heart pounded into his ribs as he held the phone closer to his ear in order to hear her quiet words. “That excuse you just gave me, it took less than two minutes.”
He heard her shallow breaths and wanted to reach through the phone to hold her. “I know, but that night—”
“No,” she interrupted him again. “Saturday when you were in my house, you knew it was a work-related emergency, and you didn’t bother to give me even that much information. You just shoved your dick back in your pants and left. Did it even occur to you that I’d be worried? Waiting? Scared? Did you even think to text me just to say that everyone was okay?”
No, those things hadn’t crossed his mind, but not for the reasons she probably thought. He, however, didn’t have the chance to explain.
“I’m so sorry that those guys caused you and Ford so much trouble. You must be beside yourself worrying about the legalities and the ramifications of that mess.” The fact that she even thought about his work situation when she was so upset blew him away. “And thanks for finally getting around to calling me, Deck. I didn’t realize it was such a fucking chore.” The small sob he heard nearly brought him to his knees. “But now I’m gonna show you how communication really works. I don’t want you to contact me again. We’re through.”
“April, wait. April!” He pulled the phone from his ear and stared at the screen, seeing exactly what he was afraid of. The call had ended. They had ended. “FUCK!”
“Hey, Deck, what the hell just happened?”
With his heart in his throat, Decker explained where he had been and what he had been doing when he received the call two nights before.
“Okay, so there was a work emergency, people were hurt, and you had to leave. Big deal.” Ford’s nonchalance breathed some semblance of hope into Decker’s mind. “She’d have to be a cold-hearted bitch not to understand that.” Ford cocked his head. “I thought you said she wasn’t anything like Olivia.”
“April is nothing like Olivia,” Decker snarled, the need to defend April an overwhelming urgency. “She wasn’t being cold-hearted, Ford. I never told her what was going down. She didn’t know it was work related. She didn’t know if it was you or Mom. All she knew for
a fact was that it wasn’t Charlie.” As Decker said the words out loud, he realized just how tortured April must have been during the two days she’d waited to hear from him.
“You fucking moron.” Ford snickered just as the car pulled up to the front door. Once the two men were inside and buckled up, Ford laid into him. “Let me see if I have this straight—”
“You really don’t need to rehash it, Ford. I get it, I’m an asshole,” Decker muttered.
“Oh no, I’m totally rehashing, because it ain’t often I get opportunities like this. And you, big brother, fucked up royally.”
Decker breathed in deep and nodded silently. Yes, yes he did.
“So you finally have April, the woman who’s rocked your world since the minute you laid eyes on her, and while I think monogamy should be reserved for swans and antelope, you two haven’t been with anyone else, or each other, for that fact, since this whole”—Ford actually appeared to twitch when he uttered the word—“relationship started. Deck, I’ve met this woman.” To Decker’s annoyance, Ford’s brows wagged comically. “She’s smokin’. So you finally have her under you, dick firmly planted in her sweet pus—”
“Ford,” Decker snapped, “that’s my woman. Move on.”
All traces of humor left his brother’s face. “Exactly, she was your woman, Deck. Yours. And not only did you answer the phone, which of course I understand because of Charlie, but you bolted without any sort of explanation? Shit, did you even kiss her good-bye?” Decker sat silently as Ford let out a low whistle. “Dude, I’m supposed to be the village asshole, not you.”
Blowing out a lungful of air, Decker closed his eyes and let his head fall back on the plush headrest of the limo. “Olivia never wanted to hear about work,” he admitted. “In fact, she couldn’t stand listening to it. As long as the money came in, all was well in her world.” As the memories formed inside him, the words bubbled out like carbonation breaking at the surface. “I know they’re not the same, Ford, okay. I know it.” His voice cracked with emotion. “Christ, one of the first things she expressed just now was her concern for me, for how worried I must be about the company.” The burning sensation he felt in his eyes was from a whole lot more than fatigue. “It’s just… I’m so used to keeping that shit locked down. You know?” His brother stared, not acknowledging one way or another, but Decker continued to speak. “Yes, I’ve discussed BC with April,” he quickly catalogued their chats, “and yes, she’s always shown interest, but old habits die hard,” he finished weakly.