by Carl Crow
Even if fortunate enough to avoid meeting the tourists the local resident felt the effect of their presence for they upset all comfortable routine by raising the price of everything that they bought. Local people had to stay away from Chinese shops for several days after the visit of a tourist ship so that the shopkeepers could have time to come down to earth again and bring their prices back to a normal basis. The schedule of prices was as variable as in New England when the summer visitors begin to arrive. Finally the tourist generally managed to collect and carry away with him the most fantastic collection of misinformation about almost everything connected with the place.
On two memorable occasions we had the privilege of entertaining visiting delegations of American Congressmen. I have forgotten the reason for the first visit in spite of the fact that I was one of several Shanghai Americans invited by the Chinese government to accompany the party on their grand tour from the Chientang River to the Great Wall. Whatever may have been the reason for the visit, it was, in the minds of the junketeers completely obscured by the fact that they enjoyed an extensive tour of the Orient at practically no expense to themselves. There was one Senator in the entourage, a dozen or so Congressmen, all but one of whom had a wife or some other female relative. There was one widow of a Congressman accompanied by her sister and a daughter of a governor general of the Philippines accompanied by her Filipino maid who was a pain in the neck to everyone. It soon developed that the primary activity of the visitors was directed toward seeing just how hospitable the Chinese could be and to collecting as many souvenirs as possible.
The first stop was at Hangchow and there the hospitality was not all that could have been desired. In their anxiety to do everything possible to make the visit of the Congressman a memorable event, the Chinese officials consulted the local American missionaries about all the preparations. Chinese food was to be served and the missionaries helped work out a menu which would appeal to the uncultivated tastes of visitors. This brought up the subject of the drinks to be served. It was unthinkable to a Chinese to give any kind of a party either formal or informal without at least a few bottles of Chinese wine. As the finest wine in China was produced in Shaohsing, just across the Chientang River from Hangchow, they were prepared to give their visitors the most famous vintages in the country. The Shaohsing people have the pleasant custom of putting down a few jars of very good wine when a girl baby is born and when she is married this wine is sold and provides her dowry. The Hangchow committee had their eyes on a few jars made for babies who were now grandmothers. The Congressmen never knew what they missed. The fact that America was then going through the noble experiment of prohibition aroused some doubts in the minds of the Chinese. Would it be appropriate to offer drinks to the legislators of a country which had definitely outlawed all alcoholic beverages?
Only one guess is needed to arrive at the answer the missionaries gave. Since a Congressman at home could not take a drink without aiding in the violation of law, it was, according to missionary reasoning, unthinkable that they should take a drink while in China. They succeeded in convincing the Chinese hosts that to offer a drink to a Congressman not only showed a deplorable ignorance of American customs but would be a breach of etiquette almost insulting in its implications. There were dinners and luncheons and visits to the beauty spots of the city and boating excursions on West Lake but nothing stronger than tea and the Congressmen hadn’t thought it was necessary to bring their prohibition flasks with them. There was genuine suffering. On the evening before they arrived in Hangchow they had been the guests of the American community of Shanghai at a party where there was no hint that prohibition was being experimented with. The party had lasted late and there had been a lot of it. The gentlemen from a number of states were very much in need of a tuft of the hair of the dog that had bitten them.
The next stop was at Nanking where the local war lord’s ability to collect taxes and confiscate property enabled him to offer the most lavish entertainment I had ever seen or ever hope to see. The party was to be in Nanking for only one night but the school dormitories which provided sleeping quarters for the visitors were all wired and equipped with electric fans which were ripped out the day after the visitors left. A hundred motorcars had been shipped from Shanghai, with chauffeurs and English-speaking guides. Even the Filipino maid had a car at her disposal and upset the Senator terribly by heading the procession when we went out to visit the Ming Tombs. The Commissioner for Foreign Affairs told me that the party had cost his chief more than $200,000. But the missionary influence had prevailed and as in Hangchow there was not a drop to drink. The Congressmen never learned of the existence of a little private bar which had been set up for the nonofficial members of the party. It wasn’t very heavily stocked and we said nothing about it.
Late in the afternoon we were ferried across the Yangtze and took the special train from Pukow to Peking which we were to reach after several stops. Everyone was tired and the fact that the Senator had managed to get a private car for himself escaped the attention of the lowly Congressmen, who soon went to bed as sober as they had ever been in their lives. Roy Anderson and I sat up in the club car and talked over the many things we always found time to discuss, the topic on this occasion being the marked contrast between the boorishness of the American Congressmen and the suave politeness of the Chinese. We were very sorry the delegation had visited China for we felt that it had definitely lowered American prestige in Chinese eyes. As the train traveled through the night there were constant reminders of the presence of our Chinese hosts. Guards of honor had been placed along the track and as the train passed there were little salvos of bugle calls.
An Englishman who had something to do with the operation of the railway dropped in to have a chat and when he had thawed out his British reserve he asked our advice. His official instructions from the Chinese government had been to extend the spirit of extraterritorial laws to the train and strictly enforce the prohibition law which was technically appropriate since all the passengers were Americans. But the train boys had reported that a number of Congressmen immediately they got settled in their compartments had loudly demanded drinks and that the gentleman from Pittsburgh had been abusively profane when the boy had followed instructions and said that drinking on the train was prohibited. The Englishman said there was a fine stock of liquor on board, everything from beer to champagne, and did we think there would be any scandal if he should unlock the storeroom.
“Does the champagne happen to be iced at the moment?” asked Roy. “I would hate to see the raw whisky tastes of these Congressmen tempted by a beverage like champagne and Carl and I will put a few bottles of temptation out of their way.”
While we were doing this we enlightened the Englishman as to the difference between the personal and professional views of Congressmen on the subject of strong drink. The train rolled on through the night with the frequent salvos from the unseen trumpeters. It sounded like ancient, blundering, helpless China appealing to the sleeping Congressmen for sympathy and help. About eleven o’clock the train halted and we looked out at a sea of lanterns each inscribed with Chinese characters of greeting and good will. In the vanguard were gray-bearded gentry who probably had never been up that late before in all their lives.
“Look at those fine old men,” I said. “It’s too bad they have traveled far and stayed up late just to get a sight of an American Congressman and the bums are all asleep.”
“They are not going to be disappointed,” said Roy. “You and I can talk to the Chinese people with love and understanding in our hearts and we are going to make them a speech. You are the Senator and I am your secretary and interpreter.”
And so we did, or rather Roy did. The three hundred pounds of his great bulk towered over the platform of the car and his great voice rolled out over the plains. Addressing them in a vernacular they could all understand he got them all in a good humor, explained the absence of the other members of the party and made face for us by hints that
we alone had been able to survive the food bowls and the wine pots at Nanking. The others hadn’t been able to take it. In correct Chinese phrases but with a touch of American flamboyancy he thanked them for having come to welcome us. Then he talked long and earnestly about the problems of China for they were very close to his heart, giving them better advice than could have been given by the whole Congressional body. It must have been a pleasant surprise to them to know that an American Senator was so familiar with the problems of China.
When the aged Chinese spokesman replied his voice was quivering with excitement. He and his neighbors had been privileged to hear words of wisdom from a great United States Senator. (That was me.) They were grateful for our friendship and advice; they hoped some day China would regain its old greatness and be able to repay America for the many friendly acts. They had felt despondent and hopeless but now they had new courage and their sons and grandsons would carry on the work of building a new China. The old gentleman was still speaking when the train slowly pulled out and a sea of brightly colored lanterns waved us farewell. Roy and I finished our champagne with the satisfaction that comes with a duty well performed. It was the first and undoubtedly the last time that I was to play the role of a Senator of the United States.
The next day we learned that the reason the train had stopped so long at this station was that the Englishman had been busy sending telegrams explaining to Chinese officials that while there was a prohibition law in America that did not prevent American Congressmen from raising a robust thirst. There had been quick action. At seven in the morning we stopped at Tiaanfu for a journey to the ancient sacred mountain of Taishan. The local Chinese had prepared a breakfast reception for us with tea and cakes in the big waiting room of the station. The table was more than forty feet long and down the center was a solid phalanx of bottles; Scotch, bourbon, gin, Scotch, bourbon, gin, from the edge of one end of the table to the edge of the other. Never before or since have I seen such a display of strong drink at such an inappropriate hour. Since the only foreign residents of Tiaanfu were missionaries this lavish display could not be provided from local stocks. During the night the dozens of cases had been rushed from Tientsin by special train.
Chair coolies carried bottles and glasses and ice to the top of Taishan where we were to have tiffin. The Congressmen took a new interest in China. The Senator made a speech. He talked to the Chinese as if they were a tribe of friendly Mohawks. Other Congressmen made speeches. I composed a composite Congressional speech which I later delivered with great success at various stag gatherings in Peking. “We have crossed the great plains, traversed the mountains and sailed across the boundless seas to bring to you friendly Chinese the pipe of peace.” With a running start like that you could go on indefinitely without departing from the dead level of mediocrity which distinguished all the Congressional speeches. Fortunately Roy translated all of them and the full flow of the original was lost on all except the few Chinese who understood English. Some of the Congressmen would have been surprised at a retranslation. All wondered why Roy’s translation was so short. I had to explain to several of them that the Chinese language being concise and cryptic a twenty-minute speech could quite easily be translated in less than five.
The fact that the Senator had a private car rankled the individual Congressmen. It was a very old car and never had been a good one and he didn’t have the comfort enjoyed by the others but his prestige was tremendous. Chinese at the stations would wait around the car as if it contained a caged lion and always appeared surprised when all that rewarded them was the appearance of a solemn-looking old man in a shabby gray suit. The matter of precedence soon had to be settled. The Senator sent word to me that he was very much annoyed by my habit of hopping off the train as soon as it had stopped. It appeared that to be the first to leave the car was a Senatorial privilege. When I tried to make a joke of the matter it developed that my boorishness had also offended the Congressmen. It was soon arranged that the Senator would first ponderously descend from his car, then the Congressmen in some order of precedence that had been agreed on without very much bickering. By the time the rest of us were privileged to leave the car the train was usually ready to pull out. As Chinese are accustomed to associate seclusion with the idea of greatness the general impression was that those of us who remained in the cars or emerged just before the starting bell rang were the official members of the party and that the men who came out first were our servants and guards, an impression, I am ashamed to say, none of us did anything to correct.
Bickerings over loot had divided the Congressional party into several hostile camps before we reached Peking. At Hangchow everyone had been presented with two rolls of silk and two boxes of tea, products for which Hangchow was famous. Nanking was in the orbit of a rival war lord who had to outdo the generosity of Hangchow; and so in addition to silk and tea there was a distribution of silver medals, brocaded squares, handkerchiefs, and many other things. Every time you turned around there was a boy at your elbow with a tray of gifts. But the division was not entirely equitable. Some Congressional ladies took two where only one was intended, and the Filipino maid, who at the formal dinner was seated next to a distinguished Chinese scholar, got more than anyone else. Everyone grabbed more than he could conveniently carry; and at a time which should have been devoted to farewells to the host, the Congressmen and their ladies were busy guarding their loot from each other and trying to arrange for its safe transportation.
With each stop the presents offered grew in number and value and dwarfed all other interests. At Tsinanfu there were all the things that had been given away at Nanking and in addition blackwood canes with silver mountings, toilet cases, scrolls, and an assortment of especially hideous embroidered pictures in great blackwood frames. The idea that the Congressmen were staunch upholders of the Volstead Act had by this time become so thoroughly dissipated that the presents included jars of Chinese wine - though this was the produce of Shantung and was not so good as the wine the Congressmen missed at Hangchow.
The distribution of the embroidered pictures presented a serious problem, for they were of different values. Furthermore there were not enough of them to go around if we unofficial members of the party were included. That phase of the problem was settled at once by a Senatorial ruling. At the insistence of the governor general’s daughter the Filipino maid was to get one of the pictures. She had been the most successful collector of loot and had enough stored in her stateroom to start a small shop in Manila. But as the pictures were of different size and value how were they to be divided? One Congressman suggested that the rule of procedure set at the Treaty of Vienna for the signing of diplomatic documents be followed: that an alphabetical list of all participants be drawn up and that each choose his or her picture in A, B, C, order. Doubt was cast on the sincerity of this suggestion by the fact that its adoption would have given the proposer first choice. As an outsider who had no personal interest in the matter, I suggested a series of freeze-out crap games or draw poker, but the suggestion was ignored. The Senator had directed that the pictures be stored in his private car and he now solved the problem of distribution. With his own hand he numbered all of the pictures and each member of the party drew a numbered ticket. They compared the numbered ticket with the number on the picture and so each learned what he or she had drawn. It developed that the Senator’s wife who had helped prepare the numbers had been the luckiest. Gossip and accusations spread from one end of the train to the other. Just by glancing through the open compartment doors it was easy to see that some people had a great deal more silk or tea or both, than a fair division would have given them. The consumption of free whisky was terrific. By the time we got to Peking, the Congressmen were not speaking to each other.
The visit of the last Congressional party was more pretentious but of briefer duration. Vice-President Garner and Speaker Bankhead, and a galaxy of Senators and Representatives junketed to the Philippines to attend the inauguration of the new commonwealth a
nd stopped over in Shanghai for a hectic day. The old question of prestige and privilege had made the sea voyage anything but a happy affair, for very few of the Congressmen or Senators thought they had been given the accommodations to which they were entitled. We laughed about this in Shanghai and then someone stirred the hornets up again by making a mistake in the typographical arrangement of the formal announcements for the big party staged by the American community. Either Vice-President Garner’s or Speaker Bankhead’s name was in the wrong sized type, and Chinese printers had to sit up all night correcting them.
The high spot of the official entertainment was a tiffin at the new Civic Center given by Wu Teh-chen, the mayor of Greater Shanghai. The genial mayor set out to make this the finest possible entertainment. A large number of Chinese notables were to be on hand; an important speech was to be made; and it was a matter of national prestige that all the American officials should attend, as their absence would be a slight to the Chinese host. Everyone did accept the invitation. But most of the guests had been up late at the evening party given by the American community, and they didn’t feel any too well the following morning. Some of the ladies decided that in their present condition they couldn’t face Chinese food and just stayed in bed. The Senators and Congressmen sought to recover their drooping spirits at the club bars and found it impossible to tear themselves away as the tiffin hour approached. A kind of vigilance committee of local Americans hastily rounded up some of the guests, but there were many vacant chairs at the mayor’s party. When they finally left there was no evidence that the attendance had been light. They had carried away all of the mayor’s solid silver chopsticks and most of the cute little solid-silver condiment dishes.
Americans living in China would be just as happy if there were no more Congressional visits for a long time to come.