Until I'm Found

by M. Lynne Cunning

  “And what if I told you, Amy, that my reputation wasn’t all truth and fairness?” He stopped, let his words sink into the silence between us, and then added, “Besides, I know where your information about my reputation is coming from, and I can tell you that it’s a biased opinion and an unfair one at that.” His gaze drifted momentarily toward the bar where Ryan and Maria were busy emptying the bins of clean dishes from the back room, and then he locked his eyes on me.

  I wasn’t going to defend myself over the fact that I’d heard some things about him from the only person I really knew in town, so I did the only thing I could think of to end the awkward silence between us. I stood up.

  “I should get to work, Officer,” I said, but my voice wasn’t as harsh as it had been. I hesitated when I saw the defeated look on his face, one that let me know he had thought he could get through to me but realized now he hadn’t succeeded. I sighed and pressed my hands down onto the table, leaning in slightly toward him and lowering my voice.

  “Sometimes,” I met his gaze, “Sometimes, all it takes is one mistake to ruin other people’s perceptions of you, Jeremy. I understand that, I really do. For that reason, my impression of you isn’t based on anything anyone else has told me. I tend to learn things the hard way, but at least it’s my way. For that reason, I’m not saying we can’t be friends, but I am asking you to stop asking me to go out with you. Give me a chance to do things my way, and I will give you a chance to prove that the gossiping folks around here are sadly misinformed about what an upstanding young gentleman you are. Got it?”

  Jeremy didn’t even blink as he stared at me. I suppose he wasn’t expecting me to negotiate the terms of our potential friendship. Slowly, a smile spread across his face and he tossed a few dollar bills onto the table beside his coffee cup.

  “You got it, princess.” His gaze met mine again when he added sincerely, “Thanks.” I just nodded and straightened my posture.

  “Now, you have a good night, Officer.”

  Jeremy didn’t even bother to correct me on his name this time. “You too, Amy.”

  CHAPTER FIVE

  As the days slowly passed by, Ethan became less angry that Amy had left him and more irritated that she had done it in a way that made it impossible for him to lie about it. People were figuring it out, realizing what had happened. They looked at him differently out on the street now. He saw the expressions on their faces, not of sympathy for his loss but of defiance and ridicule. He could practically see their stares taunting him from behind their sunglasses. He was convinced they were whispering about him, about how his girlfriend had made her escape and left him with nothing but fury in his heart and a whiskey bottle by the bed.

  No matter what story he told people in town when they had the audacity to ask where Amy was, Ethan was beginning to get caught in his lies. He had told her boss at the hair salon that she had gone to visit family, but that was well over a month ago. Oddly enough, she had never asked about Amy’s whereabouts again. That broad obviously knew Amy had left him, even if she had not known about it during the initial making of the plans. Hell, Ethan figured she was probably in on it.

  His buddies were beginning to snicker at the fact that Amy wasn’t coming back. It had been more than a month, they said, find someone new. On a drunken night in town last week, Ethan had even hit his buddy’s friend when he snidely commented that Amy was just some chick, and that he should pick another one to calm himself down. He hadn’t handled it well, hearing that from someone who had barely known Amy. Besides, getting laid was not going to fix this mess. If that was all he wanted, he would have found someone else to ease the growing frustration inside him by now. Lord only knew, he had done it before.

  This wasn’t about that at all. Ethan was hell-bent on finding Amy and showing her exactly what happened when she disobeyed a man such as himself. He was sure that by now Amy was convinced she had won, that she had escaped him and proved him wrong. If she actually believed she was safe and sound wherever she was, she was sorely mistaken. A wicked smirk crossed Ethan’s face at this thought.

  Let her believe she’s safe. With a false feeling of safety came calmness, and when Amy began to let her guard down, that was when she would make a mistake. Then, he would find her. Of that, he was sure. The thought made a wave of smug satisfaction surge through him again.

  CHAPTER SIX

  I spent the next few days with my head down and my focus on working. It seemed that all I did was drink coffee, work at the bar, sleep, and repeat. I wasn’t complaining. The wad of bills I was carrying around in my purse was motivation enough to keep going at such a breakneck pace, but the dark circles that were beginning to develop under my eyes were getting harder and harder to conceal.

  I think Ryan was starting to notice, too. He had tried giving me days off, but even on those days I would come into the bar, wait around until it got busy enough to start making it hard on whomever was working behind the bar, and eventually I would be asked to mix a few drinks or grab a couple bottles of beer from the cooler. If it wasn’t busy, I would just sit at the bar and talk with Ryan most of the night. He didn’t seem to mind, and I’d even gotten to know a few of the regulars because of this habit.

  It turned out that Jack—the old man who never missed an evening at the bar and always sat in the bar stool closest to the wall—was just a lonely old gentleman with no real family left to speak of. From what Ryan had said, Jack drank heavily but he was never a belligerent drunk. He talked to me and everyone else in a soft-spoken voice and always seemed to be reminiscing about something.

  Jack missed the good ol’ days, and from what I could gather, the good ol’ days included a family and a life that no longer resembled what he’d become. No one knew how he had come to be alone. Perhaps it was best I didn’t ask, or perhaps it was selfish of me not to, but either way, I didn’t think I could emotionally handle the answer.

  Then there was Cole, the man who had shown up here and then asked about me. He had come into the bar at least every other night since then, sometimes multiple nights in a row. Had I said anything to him? No. Had he said anything to me? No. That was mostly my doing, seeing as I was avoiding having contact with him. I had made small talk with him a time or two—well, more like necessities of conversation. Find out which drink he wanted, thank him for the generous tip he gave me, that kind of thing. Mostly, I just served the other customers around him and popped a couple more dollar bills into my tip cup. Not only did I succeed in avoiding a potentially awkward situation, I financially gained from it. See? Upside to everything.

  Thankfully, he hadn’t even crossed my mind tonight. Things had picked up at the bar as the night progressed, and though the turnout still wasn’t what Ryan said it usually was, it was still a bit better than it had been lately. Besides, it was a weeknight and the fact that there were people filling almost every bar stool, dancing on the little dance floor, and playing pool made for a much quicker evening shift.

  I was making drinks and sliding beers across the bar counter on a constant basis, and was even surprised to get a few flattering comments about how I looked from some of the regular customers who frequented the bar, including Jack. I was definitely going to have to invest in a vehicle so that my attire wouldn’t be demolished every day on the way here.

  I was laughing at something a customer said when Jeremy walked in, so absorbed in my conversation that I didn’t even realize it was him until he spoke.

  “Hey, princess. I was wondering if you would be here again tonight,” Jeremy said as he slid onto one of the vacant bar stools with that cocky little grin of his. I guess I hadn’t recognized him without his police uniform on. There was no mistaking him when he opened his mouth, though. He practically stank of overconfidence and obnoxiousness. However, I smiled at him. Oddly, his cockiness bugged me, but I wasn’t unhappy to see him either.

  “What can I get for you, Officer?” I asked in my most professional voice. I didn’t want to give him the notion that I liked him
, but I knew I had no real reason to dislike him either.

  “Budweiser, please. Call me Jeremy.”

  “Coming right up,” I said, turning away from him quickly and heading for the cooler. I watched from the corner of my eye as he gave Maria a little wave and she promptly turned on her pointed heel and snubbed him. A grin formed on my lips as I closed the cooler door and popped the cap off the bottle. I handed it to him and he slid a five dollar bill toward me in return.

  “Keep the change, beautiful.”

  “I planned on it,” I retorted with a smirk.

  His eyes shone with amusement. “I like you,” he said, tipping his beer back and taking a long swig from it.

  “You don’t even know me,” I reminded him flatly.

  “I’d like to, but you’re always so hostile toward me.”

  “Hostile?” I could tell he was playing, so I played along. “You haven’t seen me hostile, Officer.”

  “Maybe not, but you’re feisty as hell, and that’s hot.”

  “Do you try to be vile, Officer, or is it just a talent that comes naturally to you?”

  “Let me take you out sometime, princess. I’ll prove to you that I’m not vile.” He leaned closer to me as though he had a secret to tell. “You might even like me a little, if you give me a chance.”

  I was about to tell him he didn’t have a chance when I heard a voice from behind me that stopped us in mid-conversation.

  “Well, hey, Cole.” Ryan’s voice came from directly behind me, and I jumped at the sound of it. I turned abruptly to see him and then Cole, who had obviously just walked into the bar. He was standing off to the side. He said nothing, but he was staring daggers into Jeremy. Ryan seemed to be trying to decipher his facial expressions. Jeremy just seemed to be, well, Jeremy.

  “Cole, hey,” Jeremy offered as he leaned forward on his elbows. He would have seemed sincere had he not winked at him afterward like there was some kind of hidden joke between them.

  From the look on Cole’s face, I could tell that whatever it was that was between them, it wasn’t a joke at all. Even a few other customers had stopped their conversations and were watching and waiting with thinly veiled curiosity. Obviously the rest of the town knew the history between these two. It looked like I was the only one without a clue as to what was going on.

  After a moment, Cole turned from Jeremy’s sneer and looked at me. I was sure I had a mix of uncertainty and surprise written on my face, but I couldn’t help it. The sudden tension had caught me off guard.

  And, just like that, it was over.

  “It’s fine, Ryan. I’ll see you later,” he said before he turned and walked back out of the bar. Ryan immediately turned to me and gave a look that left me staring back at him incredulously. Somehow, it seemed like I’d done something wrong. What in the hell had I done? I was the one out of the loop here, and somehow he was blaming me? No way, this little scene was not my torch to bear.

  I turned away from Ryan and glanced back at Jeremy.

  “I don’t even want to know what that was about,” I told him, and I meant it.

  Jeremy’s amused expression as he tipped his beer back told me everything I needed to know. Whatever he’d wanted to accomplish during that little episode with Cole, he’d done it.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  I stepped out into the crisp evening air and let out a sigh of relief. Working at the bar was great; it kept money in my pocket and my spare time filled with something to do. However, it was nice every now and again to just be alone in the natural silence of the night and not have to tend to anyone’s requests for drinks or plaster a smile on my face in order to please others around me.

  I rounded the corner of the bar and stepped out into the lighted parking lot. My rented house was only a fifteen-minute walk away, which was good because I surely couldn’t afford a vehicle anytime soon.

  I walked through the parking lot, paying attention only to the soft crunch of crushed gravel under my heeled boots. I spent a lot of time lost in my own thoughts when I walked to and from work. Perhaps that’s why I wasn’t prepared to hear his voice when he spoke to me.

  “Amy?”

  I snapped my head to the right and let out an abrupt shriek that came out as more of a squeak. Instinctively, my hand dove into my purse. Thankfully, my brain was able to register Cole’s voice in time, and I removed my hand from my purse and pressed it to my chest tightly instead, sure that he could not only hear but actually see my heart pounding furiously against my ribcage.

  “You scared me to death!” I managed to say, but even that statement wasn’t as reprimanding as I’d tried to make it sound. The truth was, my heart was pounding for more reasons than just being startled.

  Cole held his hands up in mock surrender and took a small step forward. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t trying to scare you.” I watched him stop and hesitate, picking his words carefully. “I came here tonight to see you but…” He looked at me and gave a nervous smile, probably trying to fend off the creepiness factor of having a customer from the bar wait for me after my shift was done.

  I nodded at him in response like I understood exactly what he was trying to tell me, but truthfully I just wanted to know why he had waited. I didn’t say anything more. Not because I didn’t want to, but because I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to say.

  I watched him run a hand nervously through his hair. “I’m Cole,” he said simply. He extended a hand to me after a moment’s hesitation. “I was going to formally introduce myself in there but I didn’t want to bug you again while you were working and…well, I’m not fond of one of the guys who was in there.” He shrugged as though this statement was no big deal and flashed me a crooked smile. I couldn’t help but return it with a grin of my own.

  I took his hand in mine and shook it gently. “Hi, Cole. I’m Amy, but you already knew that.” I arched an eyebrow at him. “Care to tell me how?”

  “Ryan told me about you, that’s all. I’m sorry.”

  “For what?”

  “I’m not really sure,” he admitted. “But I am nonetheless.”

  Suddenly, I realized I was still holding his hand. I pulled away hastily and then blushed, hoping my quick reaction wasn’t misconstrued as rude. The awkward silence that followed made me long for the loud music and distractions of the bar.

  “I should probably be going, Cole,” I stated, tucking my hands inside the pockets of my jacket after pulling it tighter around me. Cole looked around the parking lot and I could tell he was attempting to determine which car was mine. Seeing as he was obviously a local, it must have been easy for him to determine whose vehicle was whose and that none of them were mine.

  “Can I give you a ride home, Amy?” He pulled his keys from his pocket and looked at me hopefully. I smiled and shook my head.

  “It’s not a far walk, but thank you.” I paused and then looked into his eyes. “And thanks for the little note the other night, too,” I added awkwardly, immediately blushing at the thought of it.

  Cole chuckled, looking down at his shoes for a moment. “No problem. I just wanted to say hi, I guess. You sure you don’t need a ride home, though? There are a lot of crazies out there and it is the middle of the night, you know.”

  I pulled my purse up onto my shoulder again. “That may be true, Cole, but you’re the only crazy one waiting for me in a parking lot. Have a good night.” I smiled genuinely as I turned and started to walk away from the bar toward home.

  “Amy?”

  I turned to face Cole again, seeing his crooked grin as he gave me a little wave. “It’s great to finally meet you. I’ll see you around.”

  “You know where to find me,” I quipped, then watched as he climbed into his Ford truck and drove off, giving one more glance in my direction before he disappeared down the road leaving me again in the quietness of the late evening. I began the short trek to my house.

  ***

  The sound of my heeled boots thudding against the old wooden front steps of my house
seemed to echo in the silence that surrounded me as I dug into my purse for my keys and tried to unlock the front door, finally achieving it on the third attempt.

  Once inside, I immediately locked the door behind me and peered quickly out the curtained window of the rickety door to confirm that the front yard was vacant as well. It was funny how walking down the side of the highway in the middle of the night didn’t bother me, but as soon as I was home and could relax, the dark shadow of paranoia settled in and took over the rational part of my mind. Every sound, creak, and movement became something to fear, something to distrust.

  Damn him, I thought to myself.

  I knew I’d spend the rest of my life wondering where and when he would turn up to claim what he believed was rightfully his, and I despised the thought of having to live in such a way. He had turned me into some kind of skittish little girl who was unsure of herself. There was a time when that wasn’t how I would have described myself at all, and neither would anyone else. Granted, that was a long time ago. I had changed, and not for the better. Now, I trusted no one. Sometimes I wondered if I even trusted myself.

  But I wanted to. I wanted to trust Ryan. I wanted to trust my gut instinct about Jeremy, that he wasn’t the town’s bad boy like Ryan believed.

  I want to trust Cole. Tonight, I had trusted him, even if it was only a little bit. The thought invaded my mind as I climbed the stairs to my bedroom and changed into pajama pants and a long sleeved t-shirt. Perhaps it wasn’t quite trust that I had in Cole, but I certainly didn’t fear him the way I thought I would fear other people.