I could hear him in the kitchen. I could tell from the clinking sounds that he was stirring milk into his coffee. What was he thinking now? What did he think of me? He must have changed his opinion of me in some way. Part of me wanted to know, but there was a part of me that didn’t as well. Had I told him too much? He was the one who had asked. He said he wanted to know, that I would feel better after I told him. Did I? Maybe.
Now, it was up to Cole to decide whether or not I was someone he still wanted to know. My story wasn’t a typical tale of growing up and leaving town after school to chase the dreams I’d had as a child. It was a story of leaving town and being chased by an obsessive ex-boyfriend who would rather see me dead than be with someone else. There would be no fairy tale ending to this story, that much I knew. Deep in the pit of my stomach, I knew Ethan was going to find me sooner or later. I wondered if Cole had thought of that, too.
I watched him slip back into the room and resume his place on the couch. He took a small sip from his mug and then set it gently on the table again. He was looking at me and I tried to gaze back at him, but eventually turned my focus back to the mug in my hands. He wasn’t saying anything. Why wasn’t he saying anything?
“What are you thinking?” I finally asked without looking at him.
“I want to kiss you.”
I snapped my head up to look at Cole, and I saw a seriousness on his face that hadn’t been there before. The heat rose in my cheeks and I second-guessed my earlier decision to buy brighter light bulbs for the lamps. Perhaps the low lighting had its advantages as well.
“I didn’t expect that to be your answer,” I confided. My voice cracked with a sudden wave of anxiety.
Cole didn’t smile, but he did move closer to me. He put his arm around the back of the couch and, miraculously, managed not to touch me despite being in such close proximity.
“If I kissed you,” he began, “then maybe you would realize a man’s touch doesn’t have to be rough. Being kissed doesn’t have to be an aggressive assault. Maybe then you would realize that a man doesn’t have to leave marks on your body to leave his mark on your heart. If I kissed you,” he lowered his voice and the corner of his mouth turned up gently, “then maybe you would know you still have some things worth living for.”
Tears threatened to fall. I choked back a soft sob and shook my head, hoping it would help restrain the emotions that were flooding me, drowning me in my own disbelief.
I had spent the last eight years of my life imprisoned by a man who had relentlessly claimed he loved me, that he could not bear to live without me, but never had I heard such beautiful words spoken by a man who actually meant them. This man sitting beside me had spoken those words, not in the condescending and hurtful way I had come to expect, but with conviction. He never said he loved me, but the words that had graced his lips meant more and were truer than any other sentence he could have formed.
“I never expected to find you here, Cole,” I said once I was sure I could speak without sobbing.
“I get the feeling you never expected much, Ames. Having low or no expectations guarantees you won’t be let down again. Well, I’m telling you right now, Ethan may have let you down and hurt you, but not everyone is going to do that to you.” He reached out and tilted my chin upward gently so I had little choice but to look into his eyes. “I’m not perfect,” he stated, “but I can promise you that I will not hurt you, and that I will do everything in my power to make sure no one else does either.”
I smiled and the tears stung my eyes again. I believed Cole’s every word and I told him so.
“Good,” he said with a small chuckle, then he pulled me gently against him and kissed my forehead. “Now, please…come here. Just relax, okay? I know it couldn’t have been easy to have that conversation.” He wrapped his arms around my shoulders and after a moment I let my head lean against his chest, slowly feeling the tension start to ease from my body. “Just know that you can always talk to me if you want to,” he added.
I closed my eyes for a moment and just savored the feeling of his arms around me and the smell of his cologne. A few things immediately caught my attention. The first was that Cole’s arms, although strong and muscular, did not feel constricting. He wasn’t holding me in place, he was just holding me. The second and most surprising thing I noticed was that I was actually becoming relaxed. Part of me had thought I wouldn’t have it in me to meet someone and relax within his presence. Perhaps I was wrong.
“I like how you shortened my name to Ames,” I said, slowly resting my arm against his stomach. “You know, because it wasn’t short enough already,” I added amusedly. I heard and felt Cole chuckle softly, his chest rising and falling.
“I never meant to, it just came out when I said your name and, I don’t know, it sounded right. No one’s ever shortened your name before or given you a nickname?” he asked, tilting his head to look at me.
I tried to think of anyone ever doing such a thing, but nothing came to mind. “No, I don’t think so. Well, not unless you include Jeremy, who keeps referring to me as princess.” I tried to dismiss my comment, but Cole’s body had already stiffened in response. “I know you two have a history,” I continued. “I guess he just likes talking to me because I stand up to him. I basically called him a self-absorbed jerk and Ryan said I have balls for doing it. He says he’ll have to hire me as a bouncer instead of a bartender.”
“I highly doubt that,” Cole said.
“That I could be a bouncer?” I asked. I lifted my gaze to his face, crinkling my forehead up as I awaited his retort.
“No, that you have balls.”
We both laughed then, and I gave him a playful shove, feeling Cole entwine his hand with mine against his stomach. I let him hold mine, but wasn’t yet brave enough to squeeze his in return.
“I don’t want to talk about Jeremy, Ames.”
“I know what happened between you two,” I said without thinking, watching Cole’s thumb rub gently against the back of my hand. His hand completely engulfed mine, yet his touch was gentle. It was hard to believe someone of his size was capable of being so tender. I felt mesmerized just watching him. That a man who was so strong, so confident, and so capable of physically getting whatever he desired would manage to be so compassionate and so soft in his methods of interaction was almost something I couldn’t comprehend.
Cole began to slowly sprawl out on the couch. I noticed that he took his time and watched me warily, undoubtedly giving me time to sit up and away from him if I chose to. Instead, I cuddled next to him and he looked pleased when I laid my head in the crook of his arm, facing him as I reclined on my side.
I waited patiently for him to acknowledge what I’d said about Jeremy, but after a few minutes of pure quiet, I realized he wasn’t going to. I didn’t push the subject.
“Is this all right, Ames?” he asked in a low voice as he placed his other hand above my hip bone. I nodded. Between the sound of his voice and the heat of being this close to him, I felt almost intoxicated with his hands on me. That lopsided smile returned to his face and I could see him searching my eyes for any signs of hesitation.
Then he whispered, “Can I kiss you, Amy Teake?”
My gaze locked on his and I knew I couldn’t deny him. Not that I wanted to, by any means. I searched for words to tell him how much I wanted him to, but I was unable to find them.
At last, I just nodded. Cole didn’t leave me any room for hesitation as he lifted his head slightly off the arm of the couch and kissed me. It was a slow kiss, as if he was giving me one last chance to change my mind. His lips were warm and inviting. He cautiously slid his hand around to my lower back and pulled me closer to him. After a moment, he pulled his face away from mine and laid his head back on the arm of the couch.
“Are you okay, Amy?” he asked in a hushed tone.
I nodded slightly. When he didn’t say anything more, I wondered if he had even seen me nod, so I matched his whisper and asked, “I’m fine, ho
w come?”
He lifted his head again and kissed my forehead. “Your body went as rigid as a fence post,” he said with a flicker of sadness, “and you were holding your breath.”
“I’m sorry, Cole. I didn’t realize I was doing that.”
“Can you tell me what put you so on edge? Maybe we can work on it over time,” he replied, and I couldn’t help but wonder where this man came from and how in the hell I ever got so lucky to be the one laying here kissing him on my couch. Yet, I was screwing it up by being a rigid fence post who forgets to breathe.
“Honestly?” I said, suddenly feeling silly. “All I can think about is the fact that I didn’t lock the door behind us when we got here.”
I saw Cole’s expression change from sympathetic to protective in the blink of an eye.
“You think he’s going to find you, don’t you?”
“Sooner or later he will, Cole.” I knew this without a doubt, but I could tell by his expression that he still believed it was unlikely.
“You’ve been here how long? More than two months, Ames? And you’ve seen and heard nothing from him. You skipped over three states to get away. You did it. You made it out. Can’t you see that? You escaped from the bastard, and you can live now.”
“Is it all right if I just go lock the door?” I asked.
He might have thought it was unnecessary, but I still didn’t. I locked the door every time I entered the house. It was the first thing I did, and the fact that I’d forgotten made me uncomfortable. My guard had obviously been down.
Cole sighed, but he relented and got up from the couch so I could as well. I quickly disappeared into the kitchen and turned the lock on the door handle. After that, I reached up and slid the deadbolt across the door as well. I turned around and saw Cole standing there watching me.
“Feel better?”
“Yes, it does make me feel better.”
“Good,” Cole said as he crossed the room in a few long strides and tilted my chin with his finger just before pressing his lips to mine again.
This time, I grinned shamelessly against his and he responded by lowering his hands to my hips and holding me loosely as his lips parted and our kiss deepened. I heard a faint whimper of satisfaction escape his throat and I kissed him back, my hands pressed tenderly on the back of his neck, pulling him to me.
Cole was the first one to pull away, but his smile was lopsided and absolutely adorable.
“That’s more like it,” he said, kissing the top of my head again. I smiled and hugged myself against him. I felt incredible, like something within me had just awoken. It was surreal.
“I redeemed myself, then?” I looked up at him.
“You’re breathtaking, Ames.”
“Thank you, Cole. For everything tonight.”
He smiled and bent forward and kissed my forehead again. “I guess I should go for now.”
“Stay.”
Cole’s eyes widened. “Are you sure about that, Amy? We don’t have…”
I glanced up at him. “As long as you don’t try anything, I’m more than sure about it.”
Cole chuckled, holding me a little tighter. “I promise to be a perfect gentleman. I’d never make you do something you didn’t want to do, Ames.”
“I know that. Or else I wouldn’t have asked you.”
Cole nodded. “You’re calling the shots,” he said, rubbing my arm gently. He pulled away from me and began to tidy up the kitchen, putting the coffee mugs in the sink and the milk back into the refrigerator. “Got an extra blanket for the couch?”
I leaned against the doorjamb with my arms crossed, a smile tugging at the corners of my mouth. “Well, seeing as I’ve never had someone clean my kitchen up for me, I think you’ve earned the right to sleep in a real bed, don’t you think?”
Cole’s surprise was evident.
“If me putting a few coffee mugs in the sink intrigues you, you’re not going to believe what other rabbits I can pull out of my hat,” he said as he flicked off the kitchen light and ushered me back toward the living room. I grabbed my purse from the table and stopped at the foot of the stairs to look back at Cole.
“You coming?” I asked.
“You sure you’re okay with this, Ames?”
I nodded. “I swear, Cole,” I said, putting my hands on his arms, “I’m okay with it. Want to know why? Because you’re not treating me like irreparably damaged goods. I’m not broken, and I certainly don’t need fixed. I’m surprisingly…okay.” I took a breath. “I just want to lay with you, the way we were downstairs. I feel surprisingly safe when you’re around.” My gaze met his, and he nodded in understanding. I watched as he leaned over and turned off the lamp before following me up the stairs. I was used to trudging up the stairs in the dark each night, but Cole wasn’t. I ran my hand along the wall and felt the light switch under my fingertips at the top of the staircase. I flicked the switch and dim light cascaded across the landing.
I stepped into the first room on the right and turned on the lamp beside my bed. I turned around to see Cole standing in the doorway.
“You look more unsure of this than I do,” I said as I pulled the covers down and tossed one of the pillows to the other side of the bed.
“I’m fine,” he assured me, giving me a forced smile. I bent down and grabbed a pair of pajama pants and a tank top from the bottom drawer of my dresser.
“The bathroom is just across the hall. I’ll be right back,” I said as I snuck by Cole and disappeared into the bathroom, shutting the door behind me.
When I returned to the bedroom dressed in my pajamas, my breath caught in my throat when I saw Cole sitting on the edge of the bed. He was shirtless, and he looked back at me. I could tell from his expression that my reaction was evident.
“I hope this is okay,” he said. “I understand if it’s not…”
“It’s okay,” I said quickly when he stood and reached for his shirt, which was hanging over the chair in the corner. “It’s okay. I was just caught off guard.” I looked at him, feeling my face flush. “You look like someone whose abs should be in a magazine somewhere.”
Cole laughed and pulled back the covers, patting the mattress beside him. I pulled my purse from the floor and placed it beside the bed before sitting down and swinging my legs up under the covers. Cole leaned over and kissed my bare shoulder lightly.
“You look pretty amazing too, Amy,” he said in a low husky voice.
“Remember your promise,” I reminded him. I was attempting to keep the conversation light to cover up the nerves I felt. I wasn’t second-guessing my decision to have him here, I just needed a moment or ten to adjust to sharing my personal space with someone.
“Right. Perfect gentleman.” He laid down on the bed, holding his arm out so that I could lay back into the crook of his arm. I reached out and turned off the lamp, basking the room in total darkness.
I leaned over the edge of the bed and shuffled through my purse quickly, trying hard not to make too much noise. Not only was I thankful for the darkness to hide within, I was glad it clouded my view of Cole’s body, making it a bit easier to ignore the small wave of wanting that coursed through my veins.
“Are you all right?” Cole asked.
I found what I was looking for and did what I needed to do quickly, then tucked myself against him, smiling when I heard him exhale deeply after wrapping his arms around me. I felt his lips press against the top of my head. I pulled the covers up over us.
“Goodnight, Cole.”
“Goodnight, Ames,” he whispered back. It’s funny, I swore I could hear the smile in his voice, too.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
When I woke up in the morning, the first realization I had was that I had slept through the night. All night. It was now daylight and I wasn’t feeling the groggy sense of having wasted the seemingly countless hours of darkness in a feeble attempt to rest. I had actually slept at night. It was glorious.
However, my euphoria was short lived when I r
ealized Cole wasn’t beside me anymore. A lump formed in my throat from immediate fear when I slid my hand under my pillow to discover that my gun was no longer tucked beneath it. I had hidden it there last night after the lights had been turned out, and now it was gone. So was Cole.
The alarm I felt was instantaneous, but my next movements thereafter were slow. I could hear no sound coming from the rest of the house. After padding a few steps across to the window while cursing the creaky floorboards, I saw that Cole’s truck was still parked in the driveway.
I made my way to the landing of the stairs and listened intently. Sounds could be heard from the kitchen downstairs. The coffee maker was percolating and utensils were clinking and clanging. I shut my eyes for a moment in an attempt to calm my pounding heart and my racing thoughts. Cole wouldn’t be making coffee and shuffling utensils if something were wrong, right? I grabbed a heavy brass trinket about the size of a baseball from the decorative table on the staircase landing anyway, just in case.
Three steps down the stairs, it was evident there was no way to descend the stairs without alerting someone to my impending arrival on the main floor. I had never noticed that, even after the months I had spent in this house alone.
“Hello?” I said nervously, and my voice came out shakier than I had planned.
“I’m in the kitchen, Amy.” At the sound of his voice, I let out a long exhale of breath and set the brass object on the stairs beside me.
Again, my relief was short-lived. As I rounded the corner into the kitchen, I immediately saw Cole sitting at the kitchen table. The first thing I noticed was that his shirt was still off. The second thing was that my gun was sitting in the middle of the table. I stopped where I was and looked at him speculatively.
“Was that in bed with you in case I wouldn’t take no for an answer?” Cole asked, one eyebrow arched in curiosity. His voice was steady, but there was a hint of something else there. Hurt, perhaps? I couldn’t quite tell.
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