“Uh huh.”
“What uh huh?” Em stopped pacing and turned to face her mother.
“Well, baby girl, this is pretty tricky territory. On the one hand, I don’t want you to be mad with me anymore and not let me see my grandbaby. But on the other hand, I don’t want to have to lie to you. So you get uh huh.”
Emmalyn sat in one of the chairs across from the sofa. Her pants were tight and uncomfortable, partly from overeating at lunch, partly because she didn’t have any maternity clothes. She wriggled in the chair until she found a comfortable position. “Just give it to me. I won’t get mad.”
“Promise?”
“I swear.” She held up her hand in an oath.
“You and Lukas remind me so much of me and your father. It’s why I never really supported your relationship with him. Your father was the sweetest, kindest, most thoughtful man on the planet, but his head was always in the clouds, never on the task at hand. And if it wasn’t in the clouds, it was in the bottom of a bottle of bourbon. And I never cared. I thought I could always be responsible enough for both of us. I always had to be the adult, and, frankly, that get’s tiresome.
“I know Lukas never drank, but his head was always somewhere else, and he always seemed to leave you holding the bag somewhere. And it scared me because I know what happens when the adults lose their patience, when the rose-colored lenses come off. And I never wanted that for you. But despite everything, I wouldn’t trade your time with your father for anything.”
“Really? Because I would. He was never there. He constantly made promises he knew damn well he couldn’t keep. He missed recitals, ball games, ceremonies. It broke my heart every time I looked in the crowd and saw that empty seat next to you.”
“Your daddy loved you,” Delma asserted. It broke her heart to think that Em didn’t know just how much her daddy had loved her.
“I know. He told me ten times a day. But he was never there when I needed him, and neither was Lukas. I won’t let him do that to this baby—not if I can help it.”
“Lukas deserves a chance to try. You aren’t God. You can’t decide who gets to be a parent and who doesn’t. I’m not trying to hurt you, but what if Lukas decided you weren’t going to be a good mother and tried to take the baby away from you? Would that be fair? Of course not. Because you will be an amazing mother. And he will be an amazing father. Or he won’t. But your baby deserves the chance to have a father in its life. I’ll stand by you no matter what, but I hope you’ll think about what I’m saying.”
Delma stood up and kissed Em on the forehead. “I’m so glad you came. I’ve missed you so much.You just don’t know, baby girl.”
Em smiled. “I missed you too,” she replied, surprised to find that she meant it. “What time does Bobby get home?”
Delma waved her hand in dismissal. “I sent him off fishing. It’s just us girls this weekend.”
*
After tossing and turning most of the night, Emmalyn’s brain came to a decision somewhere around four a.m. She waited until she heard Delma moving around before getting up and tracking her down. She finally found her mother sitting on the back porch sipping coffee and reading the front page of the newspaper. She jumped when Emmalyn came bursting out of the sliding glass door.
“Emmalyn,” Delma exclaimed. “What’s got you up so early? It’s not the baby is it?”
“No. Get dressed. We’re going on a road trip.”
“Oh. Okay. Where are we going?”
“California. I’ve got an ex to track down.”
“Emmy, I don’t think…,” her mother started but then thought better of it. “I’ll go get dressed.”
She set her coffee down and stood up. Emmalyn pulled her into an awkward but strong hug. “Thanks, Mom.”
It took about two hours for mother and daughter to finally leave the house. It was easy to find Lukas’s address on the Internet. Emmalyn wasn’t sure about bringing her mother along, but that issue solved itself about halfway into the ride from Yuma to San Diego when Delma announced that although she was tagging along for moral support, she didn’t think it was wise for her to be there for the actual conversation.
“You two are adults, and you’ll have to develop a way to communicate with each other and not be angry or accusatory. It’s up to you to set the tone, baby girl. Men are emotional creatures. They don’t have the capacity to be rational and logical. Set the terms you want, and negotiate from there.”
“I’m pretty sure that’s exactly what they say about us,” Em replied laughing. She shifted in her seat for the umpteenth time. “I have got to get new pants. These are cutting off the circulation to my feet.”
Delma laughed. “When I got pregnant with you, I couldn’t fit into any of my clothes after about a month. I had at least three different wardrobes because I didn’t think it was possible for me to get any bigger. And, oh Lord, the heartburn. Don’t even get me started on that.”
The mindless baby chatter helped calm Emmalyn’s mind. More than once she contemplated turning around and simply calling him when she got back to Charlotte. But her conscience wouldn’t let her. She had to see this, through and she wasn’t going to let the massive number of butterflies trying to flit their way through her stomach stop her.
13
Well, Damn
Emmalyn didn’t give herself a chance to talk herself out of the conversation. She barely got the car into park before jumping out.
“Good luck, sweetheart,” her mother called before going back to the thick novel she’d brought with her.
She didn’t see any cars in the drive but rang the bell anyway. Then she took a step back from the door, not wanting to seem overly enthusiastic.
The woman who answered the door was simply breathtaking. She was at least four inches taller than Emmalyn, with smooth, caramel-colored skin and a smattering of freckles across her nose and cheeks. The woman’s hair was at least down the center of her back, all curls and half-tamed, reddish-brown wildness. Emmalyn was awestruck.
The woman smiled. Her voice was something beyond melodic. “Can I help you?”
Emmalyn needed a couple of seconds to find her own voice. “Um, well, I was looking for Lukas.”
“I see. He isn’t home.” The woman’s smile faltered, and her head fell to one side as recognition lit her eyes. “You’re Emmalyn, aren’t you?”
“Yes, I am. I just wanted to tell Lukas something, but it isn’t important.” Em couldn’t hold the woman’s gaze. She felt like a complete idiot.
“Why don’t you come in? Lukas won’t be back for a while, but I’d like to talk to you.” Sunny swept her arm in a wide arc, offering Em entry into the house before she could argue.
“Um,” Emmalyn’s voice cracked as she stalled for time. She quickly looked around for something she could use as an means of escape. Her feet weren’t helping the situation. No way she wanted to go in the house with this gorgeous creature. But she’d clearly violated the woman’s home and felt she owed her that much. “Sure,” Emmalyn replied, “okay.”
The house was beautiful. There was clearly a woman’s touch in the decorating. The Lukas Emmalyn had known was perfectly happy with futons and egg crates. This house looked like something out of one of Zavia’s interior design magazines.
“Please, have a seat.”
“I’d rather not. My mom is out in the car, and we’re going to the beach before we head back to Arizona.”
“So, you live in Arizona now?” Sunny asked, obviously not believing one word of Em’s hastily cobbled together story.
“No, my mother and her husband live in Yuma. We were heading to the beach. I figured I’d to stop by and say hi,” she added, hoping to add credibility to the story.
“I see. I want you to know that I know about you and Lukas’s last visit, and I’ve forgiven the transgression. We are going to be married in a month.”
Emmalyn couldn’t hide her surprise. She’d specifically asked him if there was someone else, and he’d
said no. “I didn’t know that,” was all she could get out. Her mind raced a hundred miles an hour.
“I can see that. I am well aware that the man I’m marrying is still in love with someone else, but he is under the impression that there is no chance for reconciliation between you. Does your visit here today mean he read you wrong?” Sunny’s perfectly arched eyebrows were raised in clear anticipation of Em’s response.
“Nope. He was absolutely right on that point. There is not a snowball’s chance in hell of a reconciliation,” Em said growing angrier by the second. “I was simply in the area and wanted to say hi. I thought we were still friends. I can see that I was wrong. I am so sorry for coming here, and you can rest assured that I will never do so again.” Emmalyn was furious and embarrassed and very eager to be away from this place. She never should have come here, and now she had absolute proof that her initial assessment of Lukas was correct. He didn’t deserve any consideration from her.
Sunny didn’t say anything. It was clear that Emmalyn had no clue she existed and was beyond furious at finding out this way. It didn’t matter to her. Whatever the reason, Emmalyn wasn’t going to be reaching out to Lukas again, and that was just fine by her.
Emmalyn’s hand was on the door knob when she turned back to Sunny with fire burning in her eyes. “Please don’t tell Lukas I was here. He doesn’t need to know.”
“It’ll stay just between us girls,” Sunny replied, all smiles.
As Emmalyn left Lukas and Sunny’s life behind, she was on the verge of tears. She didn’t say a word to her mother as she jumped in the car and slammed the door shut. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a car pulling into the driveway. But as the tears fell, she didn’t care enough to turn around.
*
Lukas nearly crashed into a parked car as he watched Emmalyn storming away from his house and peeling away in a strange car. He sat in the driveway trying decide if he wanted to follow Emmalyn or go inside and face Sunny. Despite the strong desire to go after Em, he had no clue where Em was going and didn’t think he’d be able to find her. Instead, he opted to face Sunny and the ass-chewing he knew was waiting for him. She met him at the door, having watched his struggle from the window.
She stepped out onto the stoop, head cocked to one side. Her smile wasn’t friendly.
“Couldn’t decide who to go to first? Seriously?” She turned and went back into the house, headed straight for the master bedroom. “So, what, you came in here because you didn’t know where she was going?” she threw over her shoulder.
She’d struck him right in the truth. He hung his head, disgusted with himself. “Sunny, I didn’t know she was coming.”
“I am well aware of that.” She turned on him suddenly. “Why didn’t she know about me? Why didn’t she know you were getting married? Why didn’t you tell her?”
“I don’t know. I—I didn’t know what to say,” he said weakly.
“Are you kidding me?” Sunny slapped him across his face. “Lukas, come on, be real with me. You ran into a woman you were clearly not over. You slept with her. At no point did it ever cross your mind that you’d given me a ring, made a commitment to me?”
“Sunny, please. It was one night. No conversation, no strings, no promises. She asked me if there was someone else, and I said no. I wanted what she was offering, and I knew if I told her the truth, she would have kicked me out. I don’t know why she was here,” he defended, albeit poorly.
“I don’t care why she was here. I want to know why she looked like I had punched her in the gut when I told her we were going to be married in a month. And I gotta tell you, if you’d been here, I’m pretty sure she would have beaten the shit out of you—she was that angry.”
“I can only imagine. Emmalyn has a very short temper. She didn’t yell at you did she?”
Sunny rolled her eyes. “Thanks for your concern, but she was very cordial as I pulled the rug from under her feet.” She shook her head in disbelief. She then pulled her engagement ring off and set it on the dresser.
“Sunny, please don’t do that. This will work.” He knew as soon as the words were out of his mouth how grossly untrue they were. This wasn’t ever going to work.
“It shouldn’t have to work. It should be. You should be looking at me the way you look at her. I saw you. I watched your face as you realized who she was. I saw the distress you felt at not being able to go after her. I can’t be Emmalyn, and I can’t be some consolation prize, Lukas. I thought I was okay with it because I wanted the life we’ve been building, the life you promised me. But this isn’t right.” Sunny fought the tears that had been building behind her eyes. Clearly, Emmalyn wasn’t the only one to have the rug pulled out from under her today.
“Sunny, I am so sorry. This isn’t what I wanted. You don’t have to go.”
“You’ll let me keep your house,” she laughed. “No thanks. I don’t need to live among the life I can’t have. Can you give me a few days to find somewhere else to go?”
“Take all the time you need. I’ll stay at a hotel this weekend.” He took a chance and stepped toward her. When she didn’t cringe, he pulled her into a hug. “I am so sorry. You deserve better than this.”
As she moved away from him, she smirked and said, “Well, don’t think I’m all charity. Even though you won’t have me standing in the way, your precious Emmalyn is never going to forgive you for not being straight up with her. I could see it in her eyes.”
“You’re probably right. But I think I have to try.”
14
Pitching a Fit
“Okay, how about this one?” Isabel and Emmalyn were deeply engrossed in the pages of a baby furniture catalog. Em had been back at work for a week. During the drive back to Yuma, Delma was able to provide some perspective. Emmalyn hadn’t told Lukas about the baby, but since he hadn’t told her about his fiancé, she thought they were even. Let him stay in California and be with his new wife. Emmalyn would be just fine. She decided not to tell Zavia and Isabel about her side trip. She didn’t need them adding to the angry voices in her head.
“Too fancy. If the baby is as clumsy as I am, it’ll just get its head stuck in between the slats.” Isabel laughed, and Em swatted at her with the book. “You weren’t supposed to laugh. You were supposed to say, ‘Hey, you’re not a klutz.’ Jeez.”
“You want me to lie to you?” Isabel tried to stifle her laughs, but it was a waste of time. Em couldn’t walk across carpet without stumbling at least twice.
“Yes. Aren’t you supposed to be sensitive to pregnant women?”
“Oh Lord, do not start that crap.”
The phone rang, cutting off their banter. Isabel picked it up, ducking a flying pen.
“We’ll be right there,” she said sharply before hanging up the phone. “New client is here. Gotta get back on the grind.”
“Fine. I need to get some water first. I’ll meet you in there.”
Emmalyn went to the kitchen and refilled her water bottle. She was walking while taking a deep drink as she turned into the conference room, running smack into Isabel’s back.
“Sorry, Isabel, I….” Her voice faltered as she spotted her new clients. Lukas and Brian sat next to each other at the far end of the conference table. Database schemas and design documents littered the table. Brian at least had the good manners to look sorry for his part in this disaster.
Isabel tried to compose herself, but her head simply swung between Lukas and Emmalyn. Lukas looked genuinely afraid, and Emmalyn looked purely homicidal. “Em, why don’t you go back to the office, and I’ll get rid of them.”
“We have a legitimate business need. This is a real meeting,” Brian implored, his voice oddly strained.
Isabel shot Brian a look that made him squirm in his chair. “You have got to be shitting me,” she whispered angrily.
He held his hands up and nodded toward Lukas.
“I’m not doing this. Find another UI developer.” Emmalyn turned on her heel and walked quickly
back to her office. Lukas was prepared for her to run and was after her before she could get out of the room. He followed her, but because he didn’t remember where her office was, he almost walked past her door. He got his hand in the door just as she went to slam it, catching it squarely on his palm. Out of instinct, she pulled the door open, and he pushed his way in, closing the door behind him.
“Get out of my office,” Em said, quickly sitting behind her desk. She was definitely showing and didn’t want him to notice it.
“Why did you come to San Diego? I thought you said no strings.”
“And there aren’t any. I was in Arizona visiting my mother, and we went to San Diego to hit the beach. I just wanted to say hi.”
“So, why did you leave? Why not wait until I got home to say hi?”
She looked at him incredulously. “Because I didn’t realize you had a roommate. I’m sorry, fiancee,” she said with an angry sneer. “I asked you. I specifically asked you if there was someone else, and you looked me dead in my face and said no. What kind of asshole does that?”
“Emmalyn, you don’t understand.” This wasn’t going the way he’d planned. He’d convinced himself that since Em had come to San Diego, she clearly wanted to reconcile. The angry woman standing before him looked more prepared to kill him and hide his body parts in the river.
Em stood up and walked around the desk. They were no more than six inches apart; instinctively, he took a step back. “I’m going to stop you right there,” she ground out. “I understand completely. I was offering you sex. You wanted the sex, and you lied to make sure I didn’t change my mind. That makes me stupid and you a fucking pig!”
The door cracked open slowly and Isabel stuck her hand in, waving it around to get their attention. Next came her head. “So, yeah, these walls aren’t nearly as thick as one would think, so everyone still in the office can hear everything you’re saying. Just a heads up.” She slipped back out and closed the door behind her.
“Get out of my office. Go back to California and stay there. I swear I will never come looking for you again. Please. Just go.”
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