by Jen Minkman
And then I suddenly think of her again. Mother. She looked so lonely and pale. Was she really worried about me and Colin? Why would she?
Hesitantly, I glance back, but I don’t see her standing at the gate anymore.
***
Saul is standing in front of the house when we walk up the path to the side entrance. His strong hands are handling a knife he’s using to cut a new arrow shaft. He’s not looking at us, but my heart starts beating faster when we approach. I can sense his eyes on us somehow. He knows we’re there.
Just as we are about to step onto the terrace next to the manor, he takes a deep breath. “Hold it,” he says quietly.
I stop in my tracks. Mara glances sideways and the blood drains from her face when Saul turns around and puts his knife away. His dark eyes, dark hair and dark clothes look like a stain of ink against the backdrop of the white manor wall.
We stand there, like a pair of deer waiting for the wild hound to pounce. Trapped in Saul’s black stare. One corner of his mouth curls up in a smile.
“You should probably make yourself useful,” he tells Mara, still in a voice so quiet it is almost drowned out by the blood pounding in my ears.
“Use… useful?” she chokes.
“More useful than you were to my brother,” he explains, that creepy smile still lingering on his face. “If you can’t perform a woman’s most important duty, maybe you should just stick to other tasks like doing the laundry. I happen to know there’s a whole lot to be done. I expect it to be clean by tonight.”
“Okay,” Mara whispers, staring at her feet. “I’ll get to it.”
“You do that.” Saul’s gaze swerves to me. I wish I could stare at my feet too, but a belligerent part of me makes me meet his eyes without flinching. From the corner of my eye, I see Mara walking away. I’m left to my own devices.
“Leia.” Saul fixes me with his stare. “You look a bit pale. Anything wrong?”
“No. I’m fine.”
He shakes his head incredulously. “Didn’t it upset you to see your mother?”
He saw us? I gasp for breath.
“Why would it?” I snap.
He takes a step forward, coming so close I can smell his breath. “Why did she come here?” he whispers.
I don’t think it was because she wanted me to know father had died. Maybe she just wanted to see me. I’m a part of him that she misses.
“To deliver a newsletter, I suppose,” I mumble, feeling increasingly alarmed by his proximity.
He lets out a little laugh. “Oh, yes. The news. In the last newsletter, I read your father passed away.”
The bile in his voice gets to me. All of a sudden, I blink back a few tears.
“Oh, sorry, how insensitive of me,” Saul continues. “Weren’t you the one looking forward to seeing him again after your time here?”
“No. That was Colin.” My voice comes out strangled.
He keeps quiet, still not moving away from me. When he finally speaks, I wish I’d stepped backward myself.
“Your father was never there for you, and now he never will be. Don’t forget that.” He looks intently at my eyes and scoffs. “You’re not going to cry for him, are you?”
I shake my head. “No,” I whisper carefully, afraid my voice will break.
“Good. Now go and help your brother in the kitchen. Maybe he will cry when he hears the news. Send him my best.”
His footsteps move away from me, and despite the hot summer sun, I shiver in my still damp clothes. I don’t look up anymore to meet his eyes as I hurry to the kitchen.
-4-
“SO SHE was here.” Colin gives me an inscrutable look.
“Yes.”
“She hasn’t forgotten about us.” He closes his eyes for a moment. “Don’t they say parents always forget about their children?”
I run my fingers along the beads of my mother’s necklace, which I’ve worn every single day since we left. I think of Newexter. I think of the parents, going back to their quiet lives after their children move out. Who don’t have to worry anymore about getting enough food on the table. People who have never liked the responsibility for their sons or daughters. Some of them counting the days until their children leave.
But there are others, too. There was a man who lied about his son’s age after his wife died, so he could stay with his kid for a bit longer. We all knew the numbers didn’t add up, but the Eldest of Newexter couldn’t find it in his heart to send the son away.
The woman next door who’d sat crying on the doorstep for days after her daughter had left her, as though she was hoping her child would come back.
“That’s what they say,” I reply softly.
“And father has passed away,” Colin continues. “We’ve missed the funeral. Why weren’t we there?” His fist hits the kitchen table in frustration, the knife he used to gut fish jumping up as if startled.
“Most people don’t attend their parents’ funerals,” I stutter.
“Well, I’m not most people. I would have liked to see him one last time,” Colin snaps. “I would have liked it even better to see him alive, but hey, that ship has sailed.”
I look at my twin brother. Sparkling blue eyes and jet-black hair, just like me. He’s tall and broad for his age. And he fancies Ami. I wouldn’t be surprised if he decided to pack his bags and move back to Newexter soon, taking her as his bride. He never found this place useful, always doggedly maintaining that mother and father could have taught him to survive as well.
“I know,” I whisper. “I get it.”
“No, you don’t get it. You have never had a single doubt about the higher purpose of us leaving them. You don’t even miss them.”
My lip trembles. “Well, you don’t get it either. Why do you think I always wear this?” My hand closes around the pendant on mother’s necklace.
With a sigh, Colin walks around the kitchen table and pulls me into a rough embrace. “Come with me,” he mumbles in my hair. “When I go back to Newexter. Don’t stay behind without me. Let’s take care of mother together.”
Take care of mother. The world upside down.
“I can’t,” I object. “Not yet. I don’t have a boyfriend. If I go now, I’ll never be able to get married. I’ll be alone for the rest of my life.”
“What about Andy?”
“He’s dating Mara.”
“Right.” Thankfully, he leaves it at that.
I actually came in here to tell Colin about Andy and what he said about The Book, but my brother is so upset right now. I’d better go and find Andy first. “Listen up, I’ll talk to you again at dinner. I still have some things I need to do,” I quickly end the conversation.
I don’t look back when Colin calls after me. I don’t want to hear the note of sadness in his voice, his evident pain upon learning that father has died. It will only make me waver and doubt myself. Because deep down, I am just as upset as my brother.
***
Mara is still in the laundry house, stuck up to her elbows in drab, soapy water. She’s washing out a pair of brown pants. The smell of wet wool and lavender soap pervades the room.
“Hey,” I say, casting a pitying look at the enormous pile of laundry still waiting for her. “You know where Andy is?”
Mara wipes her forehead. “He mouthed off to Ben because of me. And with consequences, I might add. He has to fight Max and Cal tonight.”
I blink in disbelief. “You mean both at the same time?”
“Yes.” Mara’s bottom lip starts to quiver and she bursts out in tears when I put my arm around her shoulders. “It’s not fair.”
My stomach turns. We really have to get out of this place. Saul is destroying everyone with a soul. But where should we go? Should we seek refuge with the parents?
“Come on,” I comfort her. “I’ll help you out.”
I work hard, pushing thoughts about confronting Saul to the back of my mind. Once Cal and Max have knocked Andy around tonight, the last thing on
his mind will be talking to me about The Book, Saul and his lies.
We rinse all the clothes and blankets thoroughly and hang them on the line without speaking.
At last, Mara breaks the silence. “I wonder where Andy went.”
I shrug. “I don’t know. Gathering strength, I guess?”
“So it’ll take them a bit longer to beat him to a pulp?”
I nod hesitantly. “Yes. Something like that.”
My best friend bites her lip. “Leia... something’s wrong with this place. It makes me scared.”
I think of my encounter with Saul and nod quietly. I know exactly what she means.
-5-
IN OUR camp, bedtime is when the sun sets.
Sometimes I stay up after dark. I’ll sit in the library and read books by candlelight, but not often. By now, I know the few books we have by heart, and it’s nothing to write home about. Some volumes about edible plants, hunting tactics, how to sheer the sheep and ways to build huts and catch fish. In front of me right now is a different kind of book that I’ve read many times as well. A book containing imaginative stories called ‘fairytales’. Even in a fantasy world, parents are not to be trusted – the stories of Snow White and Cinderella make that perfectly clear. The mothers in those tales didn’t love their children either.
I close the fairytale book with a sigh and stare at the flickering candle in front of me. Real reading is out of the question. I can’t get the images of the fight earlier this evening out of my head. Of Andy taking a beating by Cal while Max was holding him from behind. Of the youngsters who were all forced to watch. Some of them had averted their eyes. Some of them had seemed relieved that it wasn’t their turn this time.
Some had enjoyed the spectacle.
Mara’s right. This truly is a place to be scared of.
My gaze drifts across the room toward the door in the back of the library. That’s the room where Saul keeps The Book. Every week, he takes it out to read to us during assembly on the lawn in front of the manor house.
Saul always tells us how each and every one of us has to feel the Force within and shouldn’t be dependent on anyone. The Fools, separated from us by a Wall, believe that help will come from afar. That salvation lies beyond the horizon, away from our island. That’s why they put so much energy into building ships, and that’s why they sail so far away that they never return. But we don’t. We are strong – and stand alone.
When I look around me, I suddenly notice I am the only one left in the library. But I can still hear noise. Downstairs, in the hallway, I hear raised voices.
Curious, I tiptoe through the hall and down the stairs. I can make out more now: Saul is shouting something, addressing his brother.”Hold him, Ben.” It’s followed by a grunt, like Ben has to restrain or lift someone. Shuffling of feet and muttered cursing.
Oh no. Haven’t they brutalized Andy enough for today? I thought they’d frogmarched him to his hut after the fight, covered in abrasions and sporting a black eye. Mara had even told me she’d bring him some medicinal ointment later on.
No, I don’t think this is Andy. The person they’re trying to hold down is grumbling in a voice that sounds older than the ones belonging to the youngsters in the manor house.
A shiver runs down my spine when I freeze on the stairs. I am not allowed to see this – I can sense it. But still, I want to look.
Quiet as a mouse, I sneak down the last few steps and cautiously look around the corner. This part of the house is illuminated by torches lining the walls so visitors can see where they’re going. Saul allegedly has nocturnal visitors sometimes – girls, according to Colin, but I’ve never heard any of the girls mentioning it.
All the way in the back of the hallway is a beer cellar. It’s always locked, because Saul says beer should be under lock and key. We only pour alcohol on special occasions – weddings and such. It’s quite a chore to make.
Saul and Ben are standing by the beer cellar door, Ben supporting a man with blood running down his right temple. He’s hanging limply in Ben’s arms.
Who is he? One thing is certain: he’s not from the village. I’ve never seen him before, and I’m sure I know all the people in Newexter. That rules out the possibility of him being a spy for the Eldest as part of the intervention my mother mentioned. The only thing I can think of is that he might be a Fool. But why would they knock one unconscious and confine him to a cellar?
Then again, he may have already been hurt. Perhaps they found him like this. Perhaps they’re going to help him.
Saul opens the door with a tiny, silver key on his keychain. Ben pushes the wounded man over the threshold, making him trip on his way into the dark beer cellar. Without another word, Saul slams the door shut and turns the key.
Looks like they’re not going to help him.
“Let’s go get Max,” Saul tells his brother. “I want to discuss things with you two.”
When they turn around, I dodge away, heart hammering in my throat. Please, please don’t let them come up the stairs. I have no idea where Max is.
Fortunately, I can hear the door to Saul’s room close with a thud. The hall is silent. I carefully glance around the corner again, my eyes landing on the cellar door.
My jaw drops. Saul’s keys are still in the door. My mouth turns dry when I spot the ancient, intricately-decorated key that fits the lock of the library room upstairs – the room hosting The Book. My heart speeds up. This is the only chance I will ever have if I want to know what exactly Saul has kept from us.
I dash forward, take the entire set of keys in one hand to prevent them from jangling together, and use the other hand to take the library key off the chain. Sweat is pooling in my palms.
The sound of voices makes me jump. Not on the stairs, but behind one of the doors. Fragments of sentences, Saul’s loud and annoyed voice. “… does he think he is… not crazy… nobody on the island…”
As quickly and quietly as I can, I sprint toward the stairs, taking two, three steps at a time on my way up to the library.
How long will it take Saul to discover the key to The Book Room is missing?
I don’t have much time.
-6-
THE FLICKERING candle in my hand casts eerie shadows on the wall. I bite my lip as the door to the little room squeaks on its hinges. Very slowly, I push it open and slip inside.
The Book is on the table. It has a hardcover, a spiral binding at the side, and an image of Luke on the front. He is our ancestor, one of the first men to have lived on the island. He’s wearing a white outfit and he’s holding some sort of weapon that doesn’t exist anymore. Next to him is his sister Leia, who I’m named after. Her sword emits light because she’s a firm believer in the Force, so the story goes. On the other side of Luke is his friend Han. He also has a luminous sword, wielding it to protect the twins. Too bad Saul – derived from Han’s second name Solo – isn’t exactly living up to his ancestor’s good name.
And all the way at the top is a man wearing a black mask - Dark Father, who betrayed his children and used his powers to do evil.
I shiver and reverently touch The Book, running a hand over its cover. This is the only book on the island with a different kind of cover – glossy and smooth. All the books in the library are bound with raw threads and have softcovers made out of bark, paper or leather, and this feels so different. This is the first time I’m actually touching The Book. Of course I’ve seen the front of this book many times, because Saul always parades down the rows of people listening to his speeches while he’s reading from it. He carries it around like a symbol of his power.
I have always been proud of having been named after one of the legendary twins who once lived on this island, but at the moment, I feel anything but brave and strong. My heart still slams against my ribcage, causing me to put down the candlestick with a trembling hand.
I open The Book.
My eyes take in the words on the very first page. They were written by Luke.
; “They have abandoned us,” I quietly read out. “My mom and dad said they’d come for us, but they lied. Most children are still waiting at the dock. Night and day. They are stupid. They are fools. Our parents will never come back. We have to save ourselves.”
His full name is written underneath. Luke Skywalker. There are lines around it, like he wanted to draw a radiant sun around the letters.
The next page features a drawing of the manor house. All white and shiny, no ivy covering the walls. New and clean. Luke’s story continues underneath, but I can’t risk reading everything. It would take me hours – time I don’t have. I skim through the pages, looking at drawings of primitive bows and arrows, weapons, a spinning wheel.
A picture of the sea catches my eye. Dark, ominous clouds at the horizon. The clouds we still fear today. But these clouds have a peculiar shape I have never seen before. They look a little bit like mushrooms. One single word is written underneath.
“Poison,” I whisper.
Suddenly, I hear voices echoing in the corridor next to the library. “How the hell should I know who has the damn key?” Ben shouts, sounding frustrated. “You left your key ring in the door, not me.”
They’ve already found out. I quickly slip The Book into the waistband of my pants. There’s no time to tear out pages of incriminating evidence – besides, I haven’t found any yet. I storm out of the door, looking frantically around me. The library has two exits, but they both lead to the corridor where Saul and Ben are currently biting each other’s heads off. The only other way to get out of here is the window.
I reach the window in three giant steps, crawling onto the windowsill and opening the window as fast as I can. I have to jump down two floors if I want to get away without being seen. And I have to make absolutely sure I won’t be seen – if Saul finds out I’ve been reading The Book, I’ll be locked up in the beer cellar for all eternity, just like that Fool.