by Kiley Reid
But when she sat down on Emira’s couch, Alix spotted something else. On the wall opposite the futon was a ten-gallon fish tank on the floor. There was no lid on top, and there were no fish, but there were about a dozen potted plants—ferns, palms, snake and spider plants—and their green leaves shot up and over the sides. It was completely unexpected, and Alix was grateful that Briar raced to it, so she could figure out how both a lumpy futon couch and this lovely aquarium could exist in the same space.
“Can I get you some water?”
“That would be great. Thank you. Briar, don’t touch, lovey. You wanna take your helmet off?”
Briar said, “Nokanku,” and pointed to the fish tank. “They’s no fish in here.”
“But look at all those pretty plants, honey.” Alix removed the straps to the Babybjörn and slid Catherine to a horizontal position, her little head on Alix’s knees. “Emira, that is such a clever idea.”
“Oh.” Emira closed the freezer door. “Well, the tenants before us left it here. And it was too heavy to move downstairs . . . so yeah. That’s what that is now.” Emira broke up the ice cubes in a blue plastic ice tray and filled a glass with water from the sink.
“Why . . . why they’s no fish in here?” Briar asked. Emira delivered the glass of water to the coffee table and sat in the butterfly chair.
“It’s just for plants, girlfriend. I know that’s kinda funny,” Emira said. “But I think there used to be fish in there.”
While Emira explained this to Briar, Alix got to peek into the bathroom door off the kitchen. There were four damp and colorful bras hanging across the shower rod and Alix thought, Okay, that’s why you’re wearing a jean jacket. I get it. Washing her bras also seemed like something Alix would do if Alix were very restless and upset. One of the bras dripped twice on the shower curtain, and for some reason, this made Alix quite certain that Emira and Kelley were no longer together.
“So, I hope we didn’t startle you too much,” Alix said. Catherine was taking in the new ceiling and saying dadada. “But I just wanted to drop by and—”
“No, yeah. Umm . . .” Emira cut in. She leaned forward and put her elbows on her knees. “Sorry . . . can I talk first?”
Alix lifted Catherine to her shoulder and crossed her long legs. She noticed a Netflix DVD envelope on the bottom shelf of the coffee table, and this, combined with Emira’s request to speak first, filled her with affection. I love this girl, Alix thought. She actually still gets the DVDs? What movie is that? The Devil Wears Prada? Jesus Christ, I love this girl. Emira and I will be okay. “Of course you can speak first,” she said.
“So umm . . . I’m sure you saw that video ’cause . . . like, everyone did,” Emira said. “But just so you know, I definitely don’t usually talk that way in front of Briar. I mean—I obviously say things around my friends or whatever but never in front of Briar and that was honestly the only time. I was just super freaked out that they would take her away from me or something and so I yelled and said some things that weren’t child-friendly.”
Briar reached underneath the coffee table and pulled out a red water bottle that said Temple in white letters. “I open dis,” she said.
Alix said, “Briar, no no.”
Emira waved her hand. “Oh, it’s empty, she can play with it. But yeah . . . obviously you’re here so maybe your mind is made up and I get that.” Emira folded her hands between her knees. “I just wanted to say my piece of it and umm . . . yeah, I guess that’s it.”
The night before, Alix watched the video on her iPad five times, sitting on the bathtub as Peter slept, just after receiving a text from Laney that read, “It’s up.” Each time, it was like she was meeting Emira all over again. She’d never seen her sitter talk so much and she’d never realized how pretty she was and she’d never seen Emira so bright and quick. Alix knew the ending. She knew that everything eventually turned out alright. But watching the events play out and listening to Emira’s voice change over into fear made her heart beat as if she were watching a horror movie. Alix found herself thinking, Yes, Emira. Tell him, and Watch out, he’s right behind you! But mostly she just thought, Ohmygod, was that only a few months ago? How in the world was Briar so teeny?
Most of the content on Twitter and trashy websites was praise for Emira’s behavior, but some of it got off course. This seemed to be the content that Emira considered when recalling her behavior on that September night.
Why wouldn’t she just let the cop talk to the kid’s dad? That’s technically resisting.
Sorry, but she does NOT look like a babysitter.
If she acts that way in front of a camera, I wonder what she’s saying to the kid when no one’s around.
But Alix felt the same way seeing Emira say these things as she did when she caught the foul lyrics of a song on her phone: delighted and intrigued. Alix was never more frightened of Briar acting like Emira than she was of Briar acting like her. Did she want Briar to act like Emira? In her better moments, sure. More importantly, did she want a babysitter who was capable of standing up for herself? Alix thought, One hundred percent. She folded her lips together and bounced Catherine on her shoulder. “Emira,” she said. “Did you think Peter and I would be mad at you?”
Emira looked up and patted the back of her head. It was clear she had been crying for some time. “Well, I feel bad for calling Peter an old man because he’s always been nice to me and he’s not even that old.”
Alix couldn’t help but laugh as she pulled Catherine’s sock farther up her ankle. “He would appreciate you saying that but it’s honestly not necessary. Well, first of all . . . I know we’ve had our moments, you and I. But Emira, I feel very strongly that I know where your heart is. Peter and I are so grateful that you care about our children and that you’re there to protect them when we can’t. And I appreciate your protectiveness over the girls as much as I appreciate your privacy as a person, so I can’t imagine what you’re going through right now.”
Emira crossed one leg over the other and said, “It is what it is.”
“Well, we are definitely not mad at you,” Alix said. “We’re the exact opposite. We’re so impressed with how you reacted that evening, and so grateful that you came into our lives . . . and for the record, I’ve definitely said plenty of things in front of them that are not child-friendly, so please don’t stress out about that. Okay . . .” Alix reached for her purse at the other end of the couch and set it down between her ankles. “I have a lot to say right now, so just bear with me. Briar my love, come here.”
Briar looked up and pushed her helmet back onto her skull. Alix held Catherine with one hand and dug into her purse with the other. She pulled out a small, wrapped square gift with red and white twine tied on top. “That’s for Emira, remember? Go ahead and give it to her.”
Emira said, “What’s this?”
Briar took the gift in her hands and made her way to Emira. “I want . . . I want to open dis. I do it.”
Alix said, “That’s for Emira, lovey,” and Emira said, “How about you help me?”
Alix watched Briar and Emira open up the small package to reveal a pocket calendar with a painted floral theme for the year 2016. Emira’s eyes went wide in confusion, but she still said, “Oh, thank you.”
Alix brushed Catherine’s hair with her fingertips and said, “Why don’t you look inside.”
That morning, Alix had written the name EMIRA on all the Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Fridays in the first six months of the calendar. She watched Emira flip the page open to the month of January, as Briar pointed at the picture of the featured flower and said, “I smell dis right now.” Emira flipped to February, seemingly waiting for something to pop out.
“Emira, this is my very bad way . . .” Alix started, “of asking you to do more hours with us.”
Emira flipped to March. “I’m not sure what you mean.”
&n
bsp; Briar tapped her helmet. “Mama, I want dis off.”
“Come here and I’ll help you.” Alix looked at Emira and smiled. “So . . . Mama got a very cool opportunity, right?” With one hand she released Briar’s helmet. “And it looks like I’ll be facilitating a class at the New School for the upcoming semester. And it’s every Tuesday evening, but the girls obviously can’t come with me, so . . . we’d love for them to be with you. So! It would be . . .” Alix held up a pointer finger to count. “Monday, regular hours, twelve to seven. Tuesday you’d come in at noon and spend the night till noon the next day—we’d make the guest room perfect for you and make sure you’re all set up—and then regular hours on Friday from twelve to seven.”
Emira appeared so stunned by this proposed schedule that she began to hold the calendar as if she’d learned it was quite expensive, and she didn’t want her fingerprints to prove that she’d come in contact. “Wow,” she said.
“Now, I know you have another typing job you do on the days that you’re not with us, and I don’t know how attached you are to it . . . Briar lovey, helmet straps are very dirty and not for your mouth, okay? But yes, we’d obviously make this a full-time job since you’d be giving your other position up. This would put you at thirty-eight hours a week, but we’d bump you up to forty just in case a train is running late one day or what have you. And that way we’d be able to include health insurance and vacation days and all of that good stuff . . . And I didn’t mark up summer only because I know you’ll probably go home at some point, and we can work around all that . . .” Alix sighed and smiled; her shoulders went down about two inches. “I did write all of this down for you because I know it’s a lot,” she said. “And you don’t have to let us know right away, but maybe for now, if you can think of any questions you might . . . oh no . . . Emira, honey, are you okay?”
In the most uncomfortable and cheap-looking chair Alix had ever seen, Emira put her hands to her face and cried. There were no tissues on the coffee table (just two remotes and a tube of something called Baby Lips), so Alix carried Catherine to the bathroom and grabbed a roll of toilet paper. With Catherine at her chest, Alix kneeled in front of Emira, and when she put a clump of the tissues into Emira’s hand, she let her own hand linger.
“You’re having such a time right now and I’m laying all this stuff on you, I’m so sorry.” Emira had such a sweetly embarrassing and mushy crying face that Alix felt that she too might turn teary. “I thought it might all be perfect timing but maybe we should deal with this video first and then we can start to think about next . . .”
But Emira shook her head, almost as if she were both happy and spent, and said, “No, I’m sorry, yeah. Yeah, that sounds really good.”
“Really?!” Alix didn’t mean to say it so loud. She placed a hand over her mouth, as she felt certain that Emira’s neighbors had heard her through the popcorn-textured stucco walls. “Yes? Ohmygod, we’d be so happy, are you sure?”
“Oh yeah, for sure.” Emira laughed. “Yeah, I’d ummm . . . I’d definitely like to up my hours.”
“Oh God, that’s amazing news! Okay. Okay.” Alix beamed. “Bri, lovey, guess what?” Briar was unsuccessfully trying to buckle her helmet to the widest part of her stomach. “Bri, you and Emira are gonna do sleepovers next year. Isn’t that so special?”
“Mira?” Briar picked up the Temple water bottle and brought it to Emira. “Mira, let’s put . . . let’s put raisins in here and we save them for later, okay?”
Emira said, “That’s a pretty good idea.”
Alix sat back on her heels. “Okay, so yes. In the New Year?”
Emira wiped her eyes with her pinkies and said, “Yeah, that’s perfect.”
“I promise we’ll iron out all the details and get everything set before then. But I do want to mention one last thing.”
But there were so many things Alix wanted to mention. She couldn’t wait to reach a point in their relationship where she wouldn’t have to sit on opportunities for growth that Emira would hopefully carry with her for the rest of her life. This video you’re embarrassed of? Alix wanted to tell her, It’s honestly not that bad, and it shows how much you love my kid. And this water bottle you’ve been using? It might give you cancer so let’s get you a new one made with glass or stainless steel. And this thing you did by accident? With the plants and the aquarium? It’s so, so lovely and your instincts were spot on. And I know that a couch is a huge investment but it’s one of those things you’ll want to spend money on. And these are the staple items you want to have in your closet. And this is a meal that looks fancy but it’s really not. And this is how to crack an egg with one hand; you practice with a quarter and two Ping-Pong balls. This was not the time to share these things, but with Emira working full-time, Alix would definitely get her chance.
“If it’s all too fresh to talk about, just tell me,” Alix said. “But Peter and I want to help you out with this video.”
Once again, Emira said yes.
* * *
—
And so on Monday morning, Laney Thacker and her camera crew arrived at the Chamberlain house at seven a.m. Tamra took the train in and arrived with coffee and croissants. Emira entered with Zara shortly after, holding two dresses in the colors Laney recommended (mint and cobalt blue). Her hair was straightened and curled in a way Alix had never seen before, and she’d ditched the chunky eyeliner. A simple gold necklace sat on her chest, and when Alix saw it, she thought, Good girl.
As Alix prepared for her first appearance on the local news, buttoning her dusty-rose blouse in the mirror, she looked at Tamra for a final confirmation. “I did the right thing, right?” she whispered. She pushed her hair in front of her shoulders. “Sorry, just . . . just tell me that I did the right thing.”
Tamra’s eyes went small in an exaggerated and confident expression. “Oh girl, yes,” she said. “One hundred percent. This is probably the best thing to ever happen to Emira.”
Twenty-four
When Mrs. Chamberlain opened her front door, Emira heard Zara whisper, “Oh shit, okay.” On top of the grandness of the Chamberlain home, which had once shocked Emira as well, there were lights and cameras set up inside the living room along with glass vases of pink hydrangeas on the side tables.
“Hi, sweetie. Are you awake yet? We have lots of coffee if not. Hi, Zara. Nice to see you again.” Mrs. Chamberlain looked sharp and awake. The sweetie caught her off guard, but they were fresh off a hard weekend, and Emira told herself that Mrs. Chamberlain’s warmth would become more natural. Emira and Zara held Dunkin’ Donuts coffees in their hands, but Zara put hers down and accepted a cold brew from Tamra.
Laney Thacker welcomed Emira into the living room. She gave Emira a hug with her arms overly stretched in front of her body and a white napkin tucked into her collar, so as to not get makeup on her dress. Then she said, “Lovely,” as she took Emira’s dresses from her; she held one in each hand. “We’re gonna go with this one.” She raised the bright, cobalt blue. “Just a little pink on your lips and a super-clean finish on your cheeks, okay?”
“Emira, the girls’ bathroom is all yours,” Alix said.
Laney nodded as if she’d been part of this decision. “Let’s meet back in twenty and we’ll be on at nine, superstar.”
Emira tried to match their excitement. While she wanted to ask where Briar was—she was very curious to see what the little girl would be wearing—Emira took to the stairs with Zara. She would see Briar soon enough, and spend plenty of time with her in the near future.
Inside the children’s bathroom, Emira sat on the toilet as Zara applied a finishing layer of powder on her cheeks. “So . . .” Zara whispered. Emira smelled the fancy cold brew on her breath. “They’s some mad plantation vibes up in here.”
“Aight, okay.” Emira opened her eyes. She held up a compact and looked at her reflection. “Imma be spending a lot of time here, so
chill. Can you get my edges a little bit?”
Zara tsked and said, “Where’s your baby comb?”
Emira sat up to peek into her makeup bag. “It’s not in there?” She took the bag from the sink and held it in her lap. After pushing filthy compacts and wands from side to side, she said, “It must be in my backpack,” and looked up at Zara.
Zara poked out her lips. “Oh, it’s like that.”
“Can you just bring my whole bag up here?”
“Wowww, okay, okay.” Zara reached for the door. To no one she said, “She think she cute now that she got a job but okay.”
Emira called, “Thank you!” as Zara closed the door. Alone, she stood and looked into the mirror. There, above a bulk pack of wipes and a jar of baby powder, was the version of herself she’d much rather appear on camera than the one that was still making its way across Facebook and Twitter.
All weekend long, Emira couldn’t help but Google comments and posts about the Market Depot video. In the midst of an onslaught of police brutality videos and Black Lives Matter marches, Emira’s viral video was somehow . . . funny? Viewers and sharers of the video tacked it to their feeds with comments like, This is fucked up but I’m also dying laughing, and OMG, this girl is my hero. Someone had taken a screenshot of Emira yelling at the security guard with a hand to her hip, and they zoomed in on Briar’s face looking helplessly at the camera. The caption read, *record scratch* Yep. That’s me. You’re probably wondering how I got in this position. People made comments like This baby is killing me and Baby girl has had enough and I’m ready for a spinoff with this kid and her sitter. The more it was shared, the lighter it seemed to be, which made the whole thing both better and worse.