Sam's Theory

by Sarah Mendivel

  ORPHAN’S MANIFESTO

  To every kid that has ever felt like they were the only ones going through it- we are here to let you know that you aren’t. We know about your pain and know that hope exists to fight through it. Look toward one another and give yourselves what we all missed out on growing up. We are coming for you, and know that you need help now. Keep these truths close to you until we can reach you:

  You are worthy of love and kindness, especially when you don’t believe that you are.

  Do your best to treat every person around you with grace and kindness, because they all have their own stories they are struggling to survive.

  You are responsible for, and capable of, defining your own story.

  Use your pain to understand others around you, your anger to empower each other, and your loneliness to create belonging.

  Only surround yourself with people that will challenge you in healthy ways and encourage you to be the best version of yourself.

  Have compassion for yourself, and then turn it on those around you.

  Know that you are greater than any single person or experience.

  All of your feelings are real and you should work with them, never against them.

  You have permission to ask for help.

  Genuinely listen to each other and respond from the heart.

  Conflict is an opportunity for growth, both for you and the other person.

  Life works in opposites; if there are people who have hurt you, then there are people who can heal you.

  You have the human right to be happy and kept safe by the hand of others.

  Stay forward focused.

  Be brave.

  ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

  This book was written to honor the underrepresented voices of every child and teen that has ever been burdened by the unwanted experiences of abuse, neglect, or abandonment. The brutality of secrecy, loneliness, heartache, and confusion that accompanies such darkness can be excruciating. Please know that your pain is seen, heard, and understood by these characters, and by their writer.

  You will have moments where the weight of the world feels like it is crushing you into submission; moments where you will question your own worth and wonder if a future exists for you. Believe that a different life is absolutely possible, and then fight like heck to obtain it. The resources and resiliency to survive the “now” exist both within you and in good role models around you.

  It was never your responsibility to carry the pain of others; but now that you are, trust that you have the power and ability to make your own decisions about how you will live from here on out. You are capable and valuable, with infinite potential.

  Use your imagination to create a future, even if it seems too outrageous to achieve in the moment. Stay forward-focused. Find something bigger and healthier than yourself to believe in and strive toward. And remember that no matter what, you are loved, even if by only this distant stranger.

  It is my hope that our world will eventually recognize and accept that abuse is a ghost that looms in the lifelong gaps of a broken heart. These acts of violence and disconnect are done by people who don’t have healthier ways to express their own darkness. They, too, perhaps, experienced abuse and are struggling to find out what kindness can feel like. Either way, the inaction of advocating for those living in chaos is inexcusable. It’s time to step up.

  Abuse, of any kind, is preventable. It is imperative that more people open their hearts to the possibility of seeking support through mental health care. No one is obligated to suffer. Treatment, like Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), exists to soothe and neutralize this pain. Research what feels right to you, and then pursue it. The hardest part is being courageous enough to make the first call to a professional. Know that you are capable of calling though, because you were capable enough to survive.

  When you focus on healing yourself, if only by a little, the transformation of change ripples into the world and influences everyone around you for the better. Relief, kindness, and compassion can exist for anyone by summoning just a few moments of courage to make the call to a helpful someone. Shame and insecurity aside, this is your life at stake. Find someone or something to heal for, if you find you aren’t quite ready to do it for yourself. Anything is always possible.

  The inspiration for this novel blossomed within the very safe, very loving care of expert trauma psychologist Dr. Elaine Rado. Elaine single-handedly saved my life and gave me a future. Through her unyielding patience, creativity, and loyalty to the process, Elaine made room for me to breathe for the first time in a world I never thought I’d never have access to. What a glorious gift it is to be introduced to health, boundaries, secure attachment, and authentic kindness so late in life. Although the responsibility of achieving health was ultimately mine, her guidance through this journey is a treasure I will be grateful for across many lifetimes. Thank you, Elaine, for always showing up, for reminding me that I can be brave, and for Bowlby, who still sits perched on a table nearby.

  For the gorgeously influential staff of the IPU who are valiantly dedicated to the ongoing well-being of children in need. My years on the unit will forever be my favorite, and it was all of you that made so much healing for countless numbers of children possible. You are feelers, healers, and everyday warriors. Every child that arrives on the IPU leaves in a better place, and it is because of your sincerity, compassion, and talent. You have much to be proud of and I learned a great deal from every one of you. Thank you for continuing to do your work, and for keeping “My Island” alive.

  Thank you to the children and teens I have worked with, both personally and professionally. You are my life’s purpose. Every single one of you has impacted me in some way and made me a better giver.

  For The Clubhouse, CFC, and Ms. Lane. It was through the enthused energy and wisdom of my dearest friends there that I was able to find the verve to begin writing. Thank you for always blindly believing in my abilities and propelling me toward a higher plane.

  For Amy and Paddington, whose sweetness and good humor kept me charismatic enough to dream as big as I do today.

  Thank you to Sheriff, for the many years of protective friendship you provided so that I could grow into the strong voice I am today.

  To Alexis, my BFF since 6th grade. Thank you for being the first person to call me “strong” and for the decades of authenticity and kindness. May the rest of our charts be just as beautiful!

  For my mentor, friend, nature aficionado, and Bro, Dr. Julie Rinaldi. Thank you for taking me under your wing, both professionally and personally. It was your love of the PNW that led me to the very mountains in which this story took place.

  To the Pioneer Women, for giving texture to the journey and support behind-the-scenes.

  To Bonnie, for role modeling what living for your craft looks like. Thank you for always being one of my biggest champions.

  For my fish, Erin. Thank you for keeping an eye on the horizon when I lost sight of it. Thank you for helping me focus whenever it was time to buckle down at the library, and for believing in me as strongly as you do.

  For Hannah, for reminding me what a certain kind of magic feels like. Thank you for introducing me to a new, unparalleled view of science, nature, and resiliency.

  For my editor, Jenn Scott, who nurtured Sam and recognized her beauty instantly. Thank you for taking such precious care of these characters and understanding the importance of their story.

  For my gorgeously resilient sprout, Abby. I have been proud of you since the day I met you and will forever be in your corner. Thank you, to you and your sisters, for bestowing such an exceptionally rare and meaningful sense of family upon me. You are an inspiration to all you come in contact with, and this book would not have been completed without you in orbit. The next generation is blessed to have you. Thank you for teaching me what unconditional love looks like from the other side.

  For my team at West 8th, who kept me buckled in laughter, inspiration,
and compassion as I polished the final pages. I couldn’t imagine a more supportive group of people to share the completion of this book with.

  To Dr. Francine Shapiro, the creator and advocate for EMDR. Thank you for manifesting a tool that can give anyone and everyone a shot at a normal life. Your reach is boundless and it is my hope that more children will have the privilege and opportunity to access your gift.

  To public libraries for creating safe, quiet spaces to let ideas manifest in. The vast majority of this book was written in the sanctuary of a library somewhere.

  To our national parks, for protecting our wildlife and the beloved landscapes that produce so much magic. There is such a magnitude of peace, wonder, and healing that happens in nature. May people of all ages be able to find sanctuary in these breathtaking wonders by visiting our parks and respecting the grace that they afford by leaving them as they found it.

  Thank you to all of my teachers, professors, therapists, managers, and mentors who saw something special in me. So much gratitude exists for the time you spent to help me realize my authenticity and for providing me with ideas about whom I could become. Be eternally proud of yourselves for having injected so much resilience into a kid who would have been lost to the world otherwise.

  And lastly, to those who have a special kiddo in your life- please know how much impact you have on them. Treasure that relationship and protect it with your life. Your presence and good intention is a gift that they will carry with them for the rest of their lives. Take care of them, and yourselves.

  May we all have the courage to become what we are fully capable of becoming.