Jake acknowledged this with a nod
“I worry people will turn on me and I’ve never given myself to anyone—not really. I don’t have faith in my instincts. I thought if I had enough money, enough power. A pretty enough wife. A big enough house. But what’s enough? You search and you search and there’s always something more and you think, ah. If I have that, I will finally be safe.”
Jake’s expression went from unhappy to mild surprise while I talked. “You seriously feel like that?”
“To see him crumpled and old. Vulnerable. Utterly vanquished.” I shook my head. “I don’t know how that makes me feel.”
“Me neither.”
“I’ve got to put Pop behind me. Not just ignore him, but really get rid of him. I’ve got to believe that not only is he in the past, I’m perfectly capable of avoiding anyone like him in the future. That I will never be like him.”
“You never will. I told you. You will never be like Pop. It’s just not in you.” Jake picked up his menu and studied it.
It was time to change the subject. “Cam is planning an engagement party for you, did you know that? I promised him I’d help.”
Jake smiled. “Yeah.”
“They’re having it at our place, and I was asked to man the grill. How does Cam know I can be trusted with fire?”
“I told him you’re great with the grill.”
I blew my cool and made my brother laugh by asking, “What did he say to that?”
“I don’t know if he said anything. I just told him you were competent.”
The waiter came by to take our order, preventing me from hotly replying that I was far more than competent with the backyard grill. I’d gone to Barbecue University in Colorado and taken Stephen Raichlen’s class a couple of years before. “You making a cake for the event?”
“Yeah.”
“What kind?”
“I’m only saying that it’s going to be a red velvet cake with cream cheese frosting.”
“Really?” I glanced up at that. Maybe I was hungrier than I thought but that cake sounded delicious. Maybe I was one of those ex-smokers who replaces cigarettes with sweets.
“Red velvet seems to be the firehouse favorite.”
I’d been meaning to do something nice for Cam to let him know I was back in town. Flowers were a little girly. I was considering wrapping up some fancy cat food for Spot, but this might be better. “You do red velvet cupcakes?”
“Yeah. I do all kinds.”
“Does anyone ever send them as gifts?”
“Sure. I make up baskets sometimes. It’s a particular favorite gift for new moms.”
“Would you wrap a couple dozen different kinds up nice and take them to Cam at the firehouse for me?”
Jake shot me a knowing grin and sang, “Somebody’s got a boyfriend…”
I glanced out the enormous picture window at the ocean view. “Shut up.”
“Somebody wants to send his boyfriend a basket of cupcakes.”
I said, “Kiss my ass, Jakey.” But, no. He kept on singing.
“Somebody wants me to write I love you all over a whole bunch of cupcakes and make all the o’s in the shape of little hearts.”
“You do and I’ll end you.”
“Never fear, your not-very-secret secret is safe with me.” He looked at his phone and thumbed another text message. “I’m letting JT know we’ll be back this afternoon. While I’m at it, do you want me to ask him if Cam likes you likes you or if he only likes you like a friend? Do you want me to make it seem like I’m just curious, or—”
“Give it a rest, will you?”
The waiter brought our beers, and for the first time, I wasn’t really certain I wanted to drink one. The image of our father’s wasted life was too fresh, and alcoholism had played a major role in his irrational behavior and declining health. “Do you ever worry? That we’ll be like him?”
Jake seemed to know exactly what I meant. Maybe he’d been thinking along the same lines. “Alcoholics, bro? I don’t think so, but you should talk to someone about that if you’re worried.”
While I wasn’t precisely worried, I wondered. Fear of turning into Pop wasn’t going to go away easily, if it ever did. Plus there was avoiding his fate to be concerned about. I didn’t want to die like that. Especially, not like that.
I did drink too much, and I wasn’t going to be comfortable taking my health for granted ever again.
Sudden-death overtime.
Jake grinned and in a respectable act of defiance, clinked his beer to mine. “I really think we dodged that bullet.”
I raised my bottle to salute him. “Maybe we just took the bullet and lived.”
Jake’s smile was contagious. “Yeah. Maybe we did, at that.”
Chapter Twenty-four
Two weeks later Jake and I hosted his engagement bash at our house. Already there were a mountain of coats on the bed in Jake’s bedroom, and I added another leather jacket and two purses to that. One of those purses belonged to Izzie, and one—a tiny, studded leather bag with a long thin strap that went across her body—belonged to Muse.
Jake was both touched and delighted that almost everyone we knew showed up. Gifts piled up on every horizontal surface that wasn’t covered with food. I’d hired a caterer to do the honors so Jake could enjoy the event, but he’d still spent three long days working to provide desserts.
The red velvet cake, a monstrosity that he’d topped with a massive car wreck, was…probably not something he’d seen in Modern Bride. Each of the figures: the cars, fire trucks, victims, and firefighters, showed off an amazing level of skill. He’d even fashioned my sporty little Lexus from fondant and cut it in half, immortalizing in pastry the twisted wreckage of the accident that nearly killed us, which was also the night JT came out to his family and friends.
It was both awkward and one of the most delicious cakes I’d ever eaten, and I couldn’t imagine, given that this was only his engagement party warm-up cake, what his actual wedding cake might look like.
“Did you get a piece of your car?” Cam asked from close behind me. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the sensation of his breath on the back of my neck, shivering a little even though the night was far from cold and I was wearing a jacket over jeans and a light sweater.
“I’ll pass. I got a bit of the middle without too much frosting.”
“I snagged a corner piece.”
How like my guy. He liked things sweet. “There’ll be plenty of leftovers. I’m sure you’ll be able to take some back to the firehouse.”
“We’re still working off the cupcakes you sent. Everyone’s been spending twice as much time in the gym since Bêtise opened.” He turned me so he could reach my lips and drop a soft kiss there, and one on my nose, making it itch a little. I wasn’t sure I should enjoy that sort of thing as much as I did.
“That didn’t take long.” I heard the familiar voice and froze. BreeAnna. What the hell was she doing there?
I turned and saw Al next to Bree. Jim—who for a reason I utterly failed to understand—stood holding a gaily wrapped gift in his hand.
My mouth dropped open but before I could say anything Al stepped in and grabbed my arm in a firm grip. “I need to talk to you for a minute.”
I let him lead me to the patio, past a couple of our guests who were sitting and having a smoke. “What on earth?”
“I hoped I’d get the chance to tell you she was coming before she got here, but no such luck, I see.”
“Why is she here? She hates us. This is Jake’s night. If she does anything to ruin it for him, I swear to fuck I will personally throw her out.” I felt Cam behind me. There was no mistaking him even here in the shadows, because of his size. He dropped a hand on my shoulder, and I leaned into him.
“I don’t know why she’s here.” Al glanced back through the window. “I just know that since you told Ted to change the settlement agreement, she’s now a partner in Livingston Properties. Or didn’t you realize that would
happen.”
“I realized. I initiated it. But I didn’t invite her to Jake’s engagement party.”
“I didn’t realize I needed an invitation to a family event,” Bree said stiffly. “Can I talk to you? This will only take a minute.”
Cam’s hand tightened, but I nodded. He and Al drifted a short way away and left me facing my ex-wife for the first time in months. Her hair was different; she’d had it cut in a sleek, square style with short bangs that made her hazel eyes look enormous. It suited her delicate features. As always, she was dressed impeccably—a Chanel jacket over menswear trousers and soft, high-heeled calfskin boots and leather gloves. She was as beautiful and brittle as ever. Fragile and poisonous at the same time.
“Hello, Bree. You look lovely.”
Her smile was sad. “You don’t have to do that anymore. It’s not your job.” I must have frowned, because she explained. “Lie to prop up my ego.”
“What are you doing here?”
“I came to tell you…” She cleared her throat. “Thank you for what you did about the settlement. You didn’t have to. I probably wouldn’t have.”
“It wasn’t right to let things stand like that, with you thinking you were the only one who broke our agreement.”
She nodded regally. “I guess I should be pretty horrified. I mean…that you were out there fucking every queer piece of trash you could find.”
I closed my eyes and prayed for patience. “I never took a chance with your safety, Bree. Not in the way I behaved with others, and especially since things were fairly…safe…when we were together, not with you.”
“I got tested anyway. I’m negative.”
I shrugged. “So am I.”
Her eyes found Cam’s bulky shape in the dark. “But for how long?”
That was irritating, but not unexpected. “I don’t know, Bree, Jake and I were in a massive car accident, and I could have been killed. Life seems like a crapshoot any way you live it. At least I no longer have to live it with you.”
Her face changed. I saw something flicker there—regret, resolution. I wondered what it was. It wasn’t vicious, at least. She appeared to be reining herself in.
After she took a deep breath, she spoke. “I apologize for that. That’s not why I came. Since we’ll be working together, I felt I ought to put my best foot forward with you, Jake, and Al. With the other partners and investors. With your friends, some of whom”—she glanced back toward the party—“I haven’t ever seen socially. I’m trying to put my anger away for both our sakes. I thought a family event might be a good place to start.”
“I see.”
“I admit I’m not doing a very good job of it, but I’d like you to believe I’m really trying here.”
Wow. Sincerity? That was unexpected. Unless she’d finally learned to fake that too. “Thank you, Bree.”
“So may I congratulate the new couple, and visit for a brief time?”
“Can you do it without your usual bitchy homophobia?”
“I said I am trying to get beyond all that, Dan.”
“All right. But I’ll throw you out if you do one single thing to hurt Jake tonight. This is his special night.”
“I understand that.” She glanced around. “What I don’t understand is why you’re going to all this trouble and expense if gay marriage is illegal in California?”
“Try the cake, Bree. It’s delicious. And you can even eat my sugar Lexus if you want. Your half of it.” Bree would no more eat a piece of cake than she would wear plastic shoes.
“Ha-ha.” I think she actually shuddered.
Somebody had to be the grown-up. It might as well be me. “In the kitchen we’ve got some seafood on ice.” That was more her style. Shrimp with a little lemon. Maybe a piece of sushi or two, if she would eat. She’d have to take her gloves off, and I didn’t think she would.
“Thanks.”
I nodded. “It’s—” It wasn’t good to see her. That wasn’t right. But if she behaved herself, since we were stuck together as partners of Livingston Properties, I could make the best of a bad situation. “It’s going to be all right, isn’t it?”
She tipped her head, again putting on that air of deposed royalty. “I think so. Yes.”
* * *
“So that’s the infamous BreeAnna?” Cam found me on the far edge of the yard, fully regretting that I’d quit smoking. No way was I going to bum a cigarette and light up with the patch on; that would have been begging for trouble. I was chewing gum, but it wasn’t helping.
“Yes indeed.”
“She’s a tiny little thing.”
“That she is.”
“You all right?”
“What, because of her? Yeah. She gave me a start. I thought she was going to be like that witch in Sleeping Beauty, you know? Maleficent?”
“Why was I not invited?” Cam mimicked, with a laugh.
“Yeah. But she actually… I don’t know. She thanked me.”
“For what?”
I hadn’t told Cam I’d come clean, and for some reason, I didn’t want to. “For trying to be fair.”
Cam rested that big heavy head of his against mine. “I see.”
“She wants to bury the hatchet because we’re partners at Livingston Properties.”
“I’d be afraid of where she wants to bury it. You’d better tell her I’ve got your back and an ax of my own.”
“No.” I let him enfold me in his arms. Cam was way better than gum. “It’s going to be all right. She’s nothing if not image conscious. She won’t do anything to make herself look bad in front of our friends”
“That’s good.”
We stood together like that for a while and looked up at the sky. Clouds seemed to be moving fast, racing across a nearly full moon. “I miss the stars, Cam. I think we need to get away to the high desert or the mountains. Someplace dark where we can count the stars together.”
“Maybe go camping?”
“In your dreams, baby. I wasn’t much of a camper when I was a kid, but now? Not a chance. I was thinking of renting a cabin or something.”
“I like camping. We could go out on horseback. I can show you how much fun it could be.”
“Oh, jeez. Hell no.”
“You wouldn’t? Not even if it meant making love under the open sky?”
Okay that sounded enticing as hell. Until I thought about bugs and bears. “I’d probably go with you a couple of times because I am a total fool for you, but please don’t count on me ever being much of a camper.”
“You just don’t know what you’re missing yet.”
“I know there are snakes and wild things out there.”
“All right. Okay. Maybe I’ll rent one of those luxury RV things and drag your ass off into the desert with some high-thread-count sheets and gourmet coffee. Then what would you say.”
“I’d say, what are we waiting for?”
“I’ll look into that.” He chuckled, happy with himself. “But you know eventually I’ll get your naked ass on a bedroll out under the stars, and you’ll wonder why you waited so long.”
I felt like I got off easy. I didn’t have to tell him I’d walk barefoot on broken glass and bed down over a red anthill just to be with him. No man I’d ever known had been as kind or as cocky. No one had his beauty or his ability to charm. And I knew no one who loved unselfishly—from a deep down, bottomless well of compassion—like Cam did. If I were twice the man I perceived myself to be, or more even, I’d never measure up.
But for him I wanted to try.
After a long while spent like that, simply holding one another and standing in the shadows counting what few stars we could see and talking about the future, we went back in to the party.
If there was a change in the mood, I didn’t feel it right away. The place was still noisy, glasses clinked, soft music played while people talked over it. At some point, though, I became aware of an undercurrent in the room, like a drop in the temperature. I discovered Jake and JT
packed tightly into the kitchen with the St. Nacho’s irregular militia, Izzie and Andy the cop, Ken and Jordan, Candace and Bianca from Miss Independence Pies. Muse and Minerva, Mary Catherine and Carl, and—absurdly—Bree, Al, and Jim.
They seemed to be having some sort of heated discussion, and I registered the odd fact that Bree was urging calm seconds before I realized they were all holding copies of Al’s St. Nacho’s prospectus, the one about the gaming resort Al wanted to build.
“I’m just saying”—Al spoke slowly and patiently—“that as residents of St. Nacho’s, it seemed like you’d want to be part of the investment group. In that way you would all have a say in the decision-making process. As Dan’s friends and family, it seemed only right to share whatever good fortune may come out of this venture—”
“What is going on here?” I asked, but I knew. Everyone turned toward me.
“How long have you known about this?” Mary Catherine’s voice was calm, unlike some of the others.
“I—”
“Let’s all take a minute,” Carl admonished.
Muse glared at me. “I thought you understood.”
“Muse, it’s not like that.” I grabbed the prospectus out of her hands. “This is only a proposal, yeah? There’s a lot that has to happen before something like this becomes a reality.”
Bree frowned at all of us. “I should think you’d want to develop this place. It hasn’t even got a decent hotel.”
JT bristled. “What we have is fine.”
“That’s just it,” Al argued. “There could be so much more. More jobs, more revenue, more tourists, more income.”
Izzie stepped up next to Muse. “Sometimes more isn’t better. It’s simply…more.”
Al glanced at me. “What the hell does that even mean. You should want this. You should all be on board with this.”
“Al—”
“We don’t want this in our backyard. You should just go away now.” Muse folded her arms.
I said, “I have to go with the crowd on this, Al. I’ve never felt comfortable with gaming of any sort, and I’m sure there’s something better we can do. You know me. I don’t work on emotion alone, but this has me tied up in knots. I have to go with my instinct here that this is simply not the type of project Livingston Properties should undertake.”
St. Nacho's 4: The Book of Daniel Page 19