by Kelly, Marie
Did she enjoy that shit?
Nothing around me was making fucking sense and I wasn’t sure about anything except TJ. That was my son—fuck that nigga.
I knew from he walked in my house with Kanada and followed her upstairs without coming into the living room, that he wanted her and not TJ.
He took his ass upstairs to make sure she packed her shit. And I saw the look on her face when she stepped into that room—her mouth said that she was leaving with him, but her eyes told me that she didn’t want to.
As mad as I was and still am with Kanada, I couldn’t allow that nigga to take TJ with him. Especially as before they arrived, he was telling me all the times he heard and saw his momma crying because of shit his dad was saying to her.
Him putting his hands on her the way he did was news to me, and I didn’t know until TJ said it.
Kanada only said that he was abusive and controlling but she never came right out and said he was whooping her ass like a nigga.
From the way TJ’s little body was kicking and punching wildly, I knew that nigga did some damage to her.
Hearing that shit, made something snap inside of me and since the bitch ass nigga liked to beat on women, I broke his fucking hand and arm.
I wanted see him put his hand on another woman after that.
Someone came knocking on my door and I sat up in my bed. I had been lying there for about an hour just staring up at the ceiling in deep thoughts.
“Come in.” I called out and the door opened.
When I saw Kanada slid into my room, I sighed.
“Shorty, you gotta go.” I shook my head no at her.
Since last night she had been trying to talk to me, but I just didn’t want to fucking talk.
Instead of doing like I asked, she stepped further into my room and closed the door behind her.
“Kanada, I said you need to go!” I snapped already feeling my anger rising.
“No! Not until you talk to me.”
“We don’t have shit to talk about!”
Her face frowned at my words but that was the fucking truth. We didn’t have shit to talk about.
“Mannn, I’m not in the mood for this shit, Kanada. Get out of my room ma.” I motioned with my hand for her to leave but she stood her ground.
“No, I’m not leaving so I guess you’re gonna have to talk to me.”
I chuckled because she of all people should have known I didn’t do shit when I didn’t want to.
Nodding with a smile, I ripped the comforter off my body, got off the bed and walked over to her.
“Cool, you stay then,” I said as I went to move her ass from in front of the door.
She wanted to fucking talk, she could talk to herself because I wasn’t staying in the damn room. If she didn’t want to leave, I would.
Kanada braced her back against the door and used her arms to further block my path.
“You’re not leaving! I want to talk!” She screamed at me and I glared down at her.
“Okay, you wanna talk? Alright, let’s talk about you being a lying ass disloyal motherfucker! Let’s talk about that!”
Her eyes glazed with tears as she stared up at me.
“You said you wouldn’t judge me, Alvaro. I made a mistake, why can’t you understand that?”
“I said that shit when I thought you had left TJ in your car to get a fucking job like you told me you were and not to go fuck for some money!” I pointed at her and said behind clenched teeth.
Tears poured down her face and I let out a long sigh.
“This is the shit I was trying to avoid! Why the fuck can’t you just leave me the fuck alone, Kanada?”
I didn’t want to talk because I knew it was going to end up in an argument and I wasn’t with the shits.
“Shorty, you lied and fucked up what we had. I can’t look past that shit and we can’t be together anymore. Why can’t you get that? Talking isn’t going to change shit! I’m a motherfucker that deals with loyalty—you know that shit! And you still fucking lied! I’m good on you shorty!”
My anger was getting the best of me and I didn’t even try to control it because she was the one who wanted to talk, so that’s what the fuck we were gonna do.
“You’re standing there playing the victim but yesterday you were happy to go back with the same nigga who forced you to work the streets? Fuck outta here with that bullshit man for real.”
“He told me that if I didn’t go back he was going to tell the cops in Boston and ask the court for full custody of TJ. I was frightened but you wouldn’t understand that, would you?”
I looked at her with a frown on my face before sucking my teeth.
“You should have known I wasn’t going to allow that nigga to take TJ.”
She scoffed.
“Yeah, and I was supposed to know that when you won’t even talk to me!”
“AND WHOSE FAULT IS THAT? YOU FUCKED SHIT UP WITH US, NOT ME!”
Her body trembled from the base in my voice and then she dropped her head.
I was so angry my chest was heaving up and down as I stood there with clenched fists and my eyes trained on her.
She had me fucked up acting like all of this was coming from nowhere.
It was plain to see that she had no fucking faith in me and kept shit away from me. How could I say that I loved a woman and wanted to spend the rest of my life with her when she couldn’t even keep it real with me?
The shit wasn’t going to work and that’s exactly why it wasn’t working now.
I turned to walk back over to my bed knowing that the conversation was over.
“What would you have done?” She asked just above a whisper and I turned to look at her.
“What did you say?” I frowned.
Kanada slowly lifted her head to look at me.
“I asked what would you have done? If it was KeKe and she was crying saying she’s hungry and you had no money, no one to call and was living in your car. And then a stranger offers you money for sex—the same thing you’re running away from—and although that was the last thing you wanted to do, all you can think is that money could feed KeKe and get her a night or two in a hotel instead the backseat of your car. What would you do?”
I opened my mouth to answer her but I couldn’t find any words because she had me stuck.
What would I have done?
Just knowing how much I loved my daughter, I knew I would do anything to feed and look after her. I would sell my soul to the highest bidder if it meant she got something to eat.
“Just imagine you just got home from jail for selling drugs and you had KeKe, and both of y’all are suffering, starving and living in your car. And then someone comes to you and offers you money but it’s to do the same thing you just got out of jail for—something you vowed never to do again—would you do it if it meant food and shelter for KeKe?”
Again, I had no words to answer her. Or maybe I did but I just didn’t want to answer out of fear of what that could mean.
“I’m not proud of the things I did, Alvaro. So no, I wasn’t going to openly admit and tell you that the night you found my son, I was that down and desperate that I was willing to allow a stranger to pay me for sex. And I wasn’t going to tell you that I may have killed someone so that you could either ask me to leave or look at me the way you are now.” She snivelled.
“There is nothing I wouldn’t do to protect and look after my son. Even if that meant going back with his father, that was a sacrifice I was willing to make but it was better facing that hell than it is having you hating me.” She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.
“I won’t bother you again, Alvaro.”
I made a step toward her, but she was out of the door before I could process all that she had said.
“Fuck.” I groaned running a hand down my face.
She hit me with some deep shit but as her words floated around my head, I was still confused and stuck.
My heart and pride started to wa
r against each other, and I didn’t know which one to follow.
I paced my bedroom floor and mumbled under my breath.
My mind was too overwhelmed to think straight. I wanted to run after her and I wanted to stay where I was at the same time.
“I need to get out of this house.”
Leaving the house and getting some space seemed like the best thing to do, so I sat on my bed and picked up my cell.
My first thought was to hit up Brittany and go by her crib but after dealing with Kanada, the last thing I wanted was another female to add to it. Brittany wanted to talk about us being together, and I did too but now wasn’t the time for that.
I bypassed her name and went to my brother Surge’s contact to see what he was doing.
“What’s popping bro?” He answered almost immediately.
“What’s good? Where you at?”
“We hanging outside of Pac’s building. There’s a few of us out here.”
“Aight, say nothing. I’m about to head that way.”
“Aight, bet.”
I ended the call and got up to get dressed, while I texted Legion and told him to come meet us.
Hanging with my brothers, smoking and drinking was exactly what I needed. Tomorrow I would deal with this shit but not right now.
After a quick shower, I got dressed and quickly left the house, thankfully avoiding both Ma and Kanada.
I knew she must have heard our argument and Ma was definitely team Kanada, so I knew she would have got in my ass over that.
I sped to my brother’s location with a million things on my mind!
Meshach ‘Guns’ Ramsey
The nightstand started to buzz as my ringing phone bounced around. I rolled on my side and picked it up to see Wrath was calling me.
I just laid there staring at it.
“Answer it, baby.” My love encouraged me and I looked down at her. “There must be a reason why he’s calling.” She added and I nodded because she was right.
My brothers didn’t call me unless they wanted something or some shit happened. Sighing out, I answered his call.
“Yerrrr.” I answered and he chuckled.
“What’s good, Guns. What you doing?”
I looked down at my love and her naked body before I answered him.
“I’m chilling. Why what’s up?”
She looked up at me and smiled.
“I’m on my way to meet Surge and Legion. We hanging outside of Pac’s building. Why don’t you come meet us?”
I opened my mouth to tell him nah but my love stopped me when she nodded yes.
I frowned because I didn’t know why she wanted me to go meet them when she knew they didn’t fuck with me like that, but I decided to just go along with her because I knew she was saying yes for a reason.
“Aight, bet. I’m gonna leave out soon.”
“Cool.”
We ended the call and I looked down at her.
“Why did you tell me to say yes? You know they don’t fuck with me.”
I was a little surprised that Wrath even called me but I knew that didn’t mean shit!
“Because, if they’re out on the streets, who’s watching the traps?”
A wicked smile crossed her lips and I had to smile too because I damn sure wasn’t thinking about that.
“Damn baby, you’re right! That’s why you’re my fucking Queen!”
She giggled when I rolled us over so that I was on top and started sucking on her neck.
“I would much rather stay here all night being in your guts but this will just be another step closer to us finally being on top.”
She nodded and stroked my face.
“Yes, and I can’t wait!”
I kissed her lips and then her face.
“Me too baby.”
Even though I wanted to make love to her again, her plan was a good fucking idea.
Plus, if I pulled this off, soon she would be mine to fuck whenever I wanted.
Giving her another kiss on the lips, I rolled off the bed and started to get ready to meet my brothers.
“I’m gonna go home baby,” My love called out behind me as I stepped into the bathroom to shower.
“I can take you.” I offered and she walked over to me.
“No, that’s okay. By the time you get dressed, I would have already been home. Besides, the sooner you leave the sooner you can send your crew.”
“You’re so smart,” I said and she flicked her hair off her shoulder.
“I know.”
I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her into my body as my lips claimed hers. My tongue eased into her mouth and she sucked on it in such a sexy way, it made my dick hard.
“Damn, that felt like a goodbye kiss.” I joked and she laughed.
“No, that was a I can’t wait for us to be together kiss. I needed to remind you what you have waiting for you.” She winked.
“Oh trust me, I know.”
I bit my bottom lip and smacked her ass.
“Call me when you get home, Guns. I love you.”
“I will and I love you too.”
We shared another kiss before she pulled away and left our condo.
I jumped in the shower and when I got out, I sent a message to Bully telling him to hit the trap in Manhattan.
He replied to say okay and I got dressed with a smile on my face.
This was going to be my last attempt at trying to make my dad see my brothers weren’t competent enough to run this empire and if that didn’t work, I was going to start taking my love’s ideas.
Did I want to see my brothers dead? No, but at this point they weren’t leaving me any other choice.
After I got dressed, I left my condo happily humming to myself.
I jumped in my car, rolled a blunt and lit it before pulling away and heading for my brothers.
About twenty minutes into my drive, my cell started to ring. My dashboard showed me that it was my love and with a smile on my face, I answered her call.
“Missed me already?” I chuckled and waited for her response.
“Bully, you better not fuck this up! I’ve been waiting too fucking long now and I can’t wait anymore.”
I heard my love’s voice and my jaw dropped.
My heart almost leaped out of my fucking chest from how hard it was beating. The contents of my stomach were threatening to spill from my mouth and I wanted to end the call so I could save my heart, but I just couldn’t.
I was stuck!
“I got this.”
I heard Bully’s voice answer back and my stomach knotted.
“Make sure! Now they’re gonna be on 147th street and Lennox in Harlem. Is Trojan and the detective still in?”
“Yes, they want them dead too.” Bully answered and then I heard them laugh.
I wanted to believe that this was just a cruel joke that she was playing on me, but I knew that she had no idea that she had called me. Plus, there was no reason why she should have known Bully let alone be somewhere with him talking.
Other than his name, she didn’t know who he was—or so I thought. I had made sure never to meet him while I was with her, so there was no reason for her to know him.
All the saliva in my mouth dried up and I could feel my throat tightening as I struggled to breathe. My whole body went numb and pains hit me in the chest like someone had plunged a knife inside of it.
I was crushed and utterly broken hearted.
My love was playing me?
After all I had done for her, for our love, it was a hard pill to swallow.
“Good. Just make sure they all die, especially that cry baby weak ass motherfucker Guns! I’m so tired of that whining ass nigga. If I have to fuck him one more time, I’m gonna blow my brains out.”
The wind knocked out of me when those words left her mouth. All this time I thought she loved me!
Bully laughed.
“In fact, kill him first.” She ordered, and Bully agreed.
&n
bsp; “When they’re dead, kill Trojan and that detective too. It’s time our family came out on top!”
“I got this aunty. I won’t let you down.”
Hearing Bully calling her Aunty almost made me swerve off the road. I quickly hung up the phone not wanting to hear anymore.
I pulled the car over and sat there staring into space. My hands were shaking in anger and fear.
I closed my eyes when I felt them sting with tears.
“I went against my family for her.” I spoke out in disbelief.
Tears trickled down my cheeks as I thought about all the shit I did for us to be together, only for it to be a lie.
I lost my virginity to her and I loved her more than my own fucking family.
All the shit I had done to my brothers—working with Bully, Richard and all the mess I made was for nothing.
She didn’t really love me—she wanted me to die first!
“I went against my family for her!”
The pain that was flowing through my body was unlike any pain I had ever felt before.
I started to feel disgusted with myself knowing all the shit I had done to my brothers.
“Fuck! My brothers!” My eyes popped open when I remembered that she was sending Bully, Trojan and that fucking detective to kill my brothers.
I grabbed my phone from my pocket to call Wrath and warn them.
“Yo!” Wrath answered and I half smiled knowing that he was still alive.
“Where y’all at?” I panicked.
“Nigga, what was taking your ass so fucking long? We went to the spot off Malcolm X because some shit popped off.”
I closed my eyes and breathed a heavy sigh of relief to know that they weren’t on the streets. But then my heart started pounding again when I realized that I would have to tell my brothers what I had done.
“Guns, you there?”
“Um, yeah I’m here.” I snivelled and wiped my tears with the back of my sleeve.
“Nigga, you good? Why it sound like you crying?”
“I’m fine, Wrath but I’m coming to meet y’all there; I need to tell you something.”
The line went silent for a second before he spoke up.
“Okay, I’m here.”
That made me close my eyes because it was only now dawning on me that he was there and always there for me and I betrayed him for a fake love.