His fingers threaded into the hair on the nape of my neck as he pulled my head back slightly so he had a better angle against my mouth. His teeth nipped my bottom lip softly before he sucked it into his mouth with a groan that seemed to develop in the back of his throat. I shivered against him, brought both hands up to the back of his neck, and pulled him closer, feeling like the distance between us was too much.
He pushed me against the large tree trunk and slanted his mouth over mine once more. This time, the action was more desperate, his tongue sliding into my mouth in search of mine. I felt myself free fall into the kiss in a way that terrified me. I’d always wanted Rowan, but I had stayed away from him because a part of me knew that it would be like this—an intense push and pull that neither one of us was ready for. It was that thought that had me breaking the kiss and rearing away slightly. I kept my gaze on his chest, unwilling to meet his eyes just yet.
“I fucked this up, didn’t I?” he said, his voice a rough whisper that did crazy things to me.
I began shaking my head, but he caught my chin and tilted my face up to look at him. His gaze was intense and hazy and did nothing to settle my thrumming heartbeat. He leaned in, pressed his lips to my forehead, and walked away without another word.
Chapter Eight
Tessa
He owed it to me to respect my privacy. That was what I told myself when I glanced up from my sketchbook and saw him walk into the coffee shop. I was tempted to slide out of the booth and leave, but I got here first. His eyes found mine quickly, as if he’d heard my thoughts from way over there. My heart skittered at the look he gave me, raw and heated as it stilled the breath in my lungs until he finally looked away and toward the girl behind the counter. Jenny, the barista, was already flirting with him. I wasn’t even sure he realized it; his face was stoic. She was cute. Cuter than Camryn. Nicer than Camryn. If I had come home and found out he was dating a girl like her, it wouldn’t have bothered me . . . much.
I looked at my sketchbook and sighed, ripping out the page and starting over. In my periphery, I tracked his approach. I kept my eyes on the sketchbook, trying not to react at the scent of his cologne. He’d worn my favorite one, and Rowan wasn’t the kind of man who left things up to coincidences, so that alone made me think he knew he’d run into me today. He took the seat across from me and sat in silence, but I could feel his eyes on mine as I sketched.
Some people are shy about their art. I never understood that. My sister was like that. She hid her writing and poetry until she landed an agent. I didn’t bother to hide my sketches. Art was something meant to be seen, to be read, to be felt. It didn’t have to be great, it just had to carry emotion. Rowan picked up my discarded paper and examined it.
“What’s wrong with this one?”
My hand paused on the sketch I was working on, but I didn’t look up. “Wasn’t feeling it.”
“Why’d you rip it out of your notebook?”
I shrugged. “I don’t like looking at my mistakes.”
“You should learn from your mistakes.”
I lifted my eyes to his. “I like to move past them.”
“By ignoring them?” he said, lifting the to-go cup to his mouth. I swallowed as if I was the one taking a drink, shrugged again, and tore my eyes from his. Turning away was hard, but I did it, dropping my eyes to the sketch in front of me, the one I hadn’t fucked up yet. I wasn’t going to get into this argument in the middle of the coffee shop. This was my safe zone. He shouldn’t be here.
“This is good, Tess. Really good.”
My heart glowed with his praise. Stupid organ. “Thanks.”
“I’m serious.” His mouth was slightly parted, and his attention was still on the paper of the dress I was drawing when I dared to let my eyes find his again. “I’m impressed.”
“I can tell.” I laughed, felt myself blush. “Thank you.”
“Is this your own design or are you practicing from someone else’s?”
“My own.”
His brows lifted. “Who’d you get an internship with?”
“Apprenticeship,” I corrected. “And I never said I got one.” I couldn’t bite back my smile as I said the words. Rowan grinned that knowing grin of his that made my heart flutter. I tried to contain myself so it wouldn’t affect me. It didn’t work.
“Talent like this doesn’t go unnoticed.”
“Talent goes unnoticed all the time. People walk right by it at subway stations or hang it on their fridge and never give it a second glance. Talent is probably the second most overlooked thing in this world.”
“What’s the first?”
“Love.”
Obviously, things like that weren’t always apparent to him. He looked away, uncomfortable. The word alone made him so, which set off a slow-building and unwanted mix of sadness and anger inside me. The way he was raised did that to him, I got that, but what made me angry was that he hadn’t snapped out of it. Sam was the same. They were both ridiculously good-looking men who had both money and power but didn’t have a fucking clue how to accept something so many were willing to give so freely. He cleared his throat and looked at me again.
“So? Apprenticeship?”
“I was offered two. One in New York and one in Paris.”
His brows hiked up. “Paris?”
“I know.” I smiled sadly.
“You aren’t going to take that one?” He leaned forward on his elbows. “Why do you keep doing that to yourself? Why do you keep flapping those incredible wings of yours like they’ve been clipped? Why won’t you let yourself soar?”
Anger seared through me. How dare he appear out of the blue and decide he can make claims he doesn’t know a thing about? I lifted my chin. “Why don’t you mind your own business and go build your empire with your Stepford wife?”
“She isn’t my wife, nor will she ever be.”
“You always say things like that right before you run back to her.”
He shot me a glare that made me want to cower. “What happened to you?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“You used to be . . . I don’t know . . . cordial with me.”
“I was going to try to be cordial with you again, but then you kissed me.”
His smile was slow, wolfish. “You liked it.”
I dropped the pencil, picked it back up, and continued shading. I wouldn’t allow him to drag me down that place with him again, the one where we flirted and kissed and frolicked around town holding hands. Rowan was well versed in the art of having women fall in love with him and leaving them behind. I saw him do it time and time again. I wasn’t sure why I ever thought I would be different.
“Why are you so upset?” he asked.
“Your parents convinced mine to sell them their company,” I said quietly. “They knew it was all they had, and still they went after them until they couldn’t say anything but yes. You Hawthorns don’t know how to take no for an answer.”
“That isn’t true.”
I cocked my head. “Really?”
“No one ever says no. There’s a difference.”
“Stop veering off topic. My point is that we sold our family business, the one thing we’ve had passed down from generation to generation. Then, once it was out of our hands, it ripped my parents apart.”
“And, somehow, this is my fault?”
“You knew what was happening, and you didn’t even think to warn me.” He gave a nod, and took a sip of coffee as I continued on because the way he was looking at me pissed me off. “All you needed to do was pick up the phone and give me a heads-up. Unless you didn’t know?”
“No,” he said. I started to let out a relieved breath. If he didn’t know there was no foul. “I knew. I just didn’t want to tell you.”
My chest squeezed. I gripped my pencil a little tighter. If it didn’t snap, I wouldn’t either. Solidarity and all that shit.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Becaus
e I knew you wouldn’t approve.”
“Obviously.” I rolled my eyes for good measure and stared as I waited for him to continue. He had an amused look on his face, that little twinkle in his eyes that never let up. When he finally spoke, I found myself leaning in a little closer.
“My dad didn’t go to yours about buying his company.”
“He bought us all out.” My voice lifted with my hand as I pointed outside. “He bought all the factories within a fifty-mile radius.”
“He didn’t want to buy yours. He knew how much it meant to you guys. Even if he had, Mom wouldn’t have let him.”
“Right.” I scoffed. “Because they’re so fucking caring.”
“Maybe not with us,” he said. “But they look after their friends. They respect your parents.”
I thought about just how much his mother respected me. “Don’t mind me, I’m just sitting here waiting for an explanation.”
“Your parents sold to us so they could pay for your school. The business wasn’t doing well. Dad tried to talk them out of it, and when he couldn’t, he gave them more than it was worth.”
His words shot through me like a tsunami. I uncrossed my arms and let my hands sit on my lap, studying the way they shook slightly. Rowan was a lot of things, but a liar wasn’t one of them. Then again, I’d never known my parents to be liars. My siblings. My grandmother. How many people were in on this? How many of them looked at me and saw the reason our family was split apart? I swallowed past the lump in my throat and then swallowed again when it tried to come back up.
“Does Sam know?”
His jaw clenched. It took me a second to remember that I’d made him think I was dating his brother. If he were truly my boyfriend, I probably would have already known that answer. Nevertheless, it all seemed too small and insignificant—the fake relationship, the running away from him all this time, the anger. And yet, it was what I’d settled on, and once I did something, I didn’t undo it. I didn’t know how.
“I don’t know if Sam knows.”
“Thanks for telling me. I have to go.” I slid out of the booth and gathered my things. He waved the ripped-out page.
“Sure you don’t want to keep this one?”
“Positive.”
Once I ripped something out, I never took it back. But I hadn’t ripped him out of my life, had I?
Chapter Nine
Tessa
Past
I watched Camryn saunter around the Hawthorne’s expansive lawn like a lioness on the hunt. From the way she looked at Rowan, it was clear who the target was. She walked over to where he was entertaining his crew friends, squeezed in right beside him, and said something that made his friends laugh. My eyes were still on Rowan. It had only been a couple of hours since those lips, which were spread into a full-fledged grin, and been on mine—and a whole month since the first kiss at my grandma’s party. The group laughed at something again, and Rowan looked down at Camryn. He flashed her that wide and welcoming smile that had jealously bleeding through me.
I pushed off the spot I’d been standing in most of the night and walked in the opposite direction, stopping when I found Celia and Freddie talking to Sam.
“Where have you been?” Celia asked, looking up. “With Ro?”
“No. Just . . . around. What are you guys doing?”
“Wishing we were elsewhere.” Her comment had both Freddie and Sam chuckling.
“We were talking about taking the boats out tomorrow afternoon,” Sam said.
“Hm.” I glanced away, my eyes finding Rowan again. Camryn had her arms around his left arm, clinging on to him like a goddamn koala. My patience ticked. Couldn’t she just keep her hands to herself?
“Tessa.”
I blinked up at my sister. “What?”
“Why are you so distracted? Don’t tell me you like one of the guys in Rowan’s crew-crew.” Celia smiled wide.
I rolled my eyes. I hadn’t mentioned the kiss we’d shared. I almost had on two separate occasions, but held back. For some reason, it felt like something I wanted to protect and keep to myself. I also hadn’t told her about all of those times I’d snuck out of my house to meet with him, or how many other kisses we’d shared, or the way we passed notes back and forth during AP Lit.
“I’ve been in a car with all of them at four in the morning, and trust me, they’re disgusting,” I answered, not thinking about how those four in the morning voyages had gone from a truck full of friends to just me and Rowan and then Rowan and me stopping on the side of the road to have a make out session. I barely recognized this boy-crazy version of myself, though, in my defense, I wasn’t boy-crazy. I was Rowan-crazy.
“So why do you keep looking over there like you’re interested?” Freddie stood straighter, puffing out his chest.
“Why do you assume I’m looking at them?” They all just stared, waiting. “Fine. I was trying to figure out Camryn’s game.”
Sam scoffed. “Her game is ‘marry a Hawthorne,’ it doesn’t matter which one.”
Celia frowned. I felt my own face contort. “Why?” we both asked.
“Because it’s what her parents have drilled into that pretty little head of hers.”
“Yeah, but why?” Celia asked. “She has her own money.”
“And her parents only trust a few men to keep it that way.”
“Why is she not hitting on you?” Celia asked. “You’re the cuter one.”
Sam chuckled. “I’m not the outgoing one. Besides, she knows Ro is the numbers guy.”
“You can be a numbers guy,” Freddie said. “You’re smarter than he is.”
I watched the way Sam laughed off my sister’s words and frowned at my brother’s, as if he’d never in a million years thought of himself as smarter or cuter than his brother. I shook my head and wondered when they’d learn to see themselves clearly. My eyes landed on Rowan’s group of friends, but I found that he was no longer standing there. Neither was Camryn. Uneasiness prickled through me.
“I think I’m ready to go,” I said.
“I’ll come with,” Celia said, standing and following behind me. She linked her arm around mine. “You okay? You look weird.”
“I feel weird,” I admitted. “I think I’m getting sick.”
As we walked, I scanned the yard for Rowan and came up short. Maybe he went back inside. Maybe he went upstairs. As my sister and I rounded the corner of the house, we heard a giggle and then another and then a moan. We both stopped walking and met each other’s wide-eyed gazes.
“Should we go back?” she whispered.
“I don’t know.”
A part of me wanted to run, terrified to continue down the path we were on. Scared of what we’d find on the other side of it. I looked over my shoulder again. I could go back to the party, but for what? I wasn’t enjoying myself at all and now that Rowan was missing in action I really didn’t want to stick around. I swallowed down my trepidation and pushed on. Celia followed my lead, toward our ATVs, which were parked on the side. We always parked them there because it was the closest to our house. We’d been doing it so long, that it was a known thing by now. Whoever was hiding out here either wasn’t a frequent visitor or didn’t care about the fact that at one point Celia, me, or Freddie would be forced to walk by them. We held our arms a little tighter, our steps light on the grass when we really should have been stomping so the people ahead had some warning.
I heard another sound and decided to push on. If Rowan was fooling around with another girl . . . oh my god, I wasn’t sure my heart could handle that. We hadn’t spoken about being exclusive. Actually, we hadn’t spoken much at all. We’d just kissed and kissed and kissed. He hadn’t even tried to go to second base with me. Still. If I rounded the corner and discovered his mouth on Camryn’s I thought I would die. I pushed on nonetheless, my heart hammering with each step I took, preparing for the worst. I tried closing my eyes to make out the sound better, but I couldn’t. It sounded like someone was whining. It was definit
ely a whine, and it definitely came from Camryn. Finally, we reached the corner of the house. I was breathing heavier then, almost out of control. I looked at my sister, raised my chin as if to say please look for me. She frowned, confused, but I saw the clarity in her eyes. She understood what I wasn’t saying. She was my sister, after all.
She looked, stood there stunned for a moment, and then turned back to me. I couldn’t take it anymore. I took a step forward and looked for myself. My jaw dropped. Rowan was leaning against the wall, hands in his pockets. Camryn was standing in front of him between his legs. She wasn’t flush against him, but she might as well have been. She was standing way too close for my comfort. It took my brain a moment to compute what the rest of my senses were already feeling. A sense of disgust curled through me at the sight of them.
My sister held my arm and tugged me in the direction of the door. We made noise, our feet speeding up a touch as Celia practically dragged me in the direction of our ATVs. Rowan looked up, instantly dropping his foot from the wall and standing straight at the sight of me. I looked from him to Camryn, who smiled.
“Bye, Tessa. It was good seeing you again,” she said. Something in her eyes was telling, almost triumphant. It was as if she was winning some kind of game I wasn’t sure I’d ever wanted to play in the first place.
Then There Was You Page 5