by Multiple
Welcome to Hell where you’re screwed if you do and damned if don’t. And just so you know, Lucifer has a special spot reserved for you…
Warning: This story contains a sexy demon with corny pickup lines and an irritable witch who works for Satan. There is coarse language, hot scenes, twisted, religious ideology and a whole lot of giggles. Also, be warned that Lucifer is back trying to steal the show. If you possess an open mind, a good sense of humor and a tainted soul, then read at your own peril.
Prologue
A long, long time ago…
I’m going to die. And painfully, too, which really wasn’t how she’d pictured spending her day. Gardening, yes. Maybe whipping up a few healing potions. Fooling around with her lover. Getting roasted to a crisp while the townsfolk looked on cheering? Not something she would have fit in to her schedule.
Ysabel pulled at the rope binding her to the stake, her mind still cloudy with disbelief. When she woke this morning and went about her chores, feeding the hens and collecting their eggs, tending her herb garden and other mundane tasks, she never expected a mob to descend upon her screaming, “Brujería! Witch!”
The fact they were correct didn’t surprise her. She’d never tried too hard to hide her healing powers. Besides, the whole village benefitted from her concoctions which she used in exchange for items she needed. Smoked ham for a gout cure. A wheel of cheese for a tincture to soften chapped skin. Love potions by the handful for hopeful maidens and their mamas – a lucrative trade for a woman like herself without a husband or father to care for her. As for her title of witch, while she heard it bandied about, she didn’t take offense. She was proud of her heritage handed down, generation after generation, by the women of her family. What shocked her when the screams to string her up and roast her came to her ears, was who headed the mob – her lover’s mother, Luysa.
Dressed in a heavy black gown, her mantilla of black lace pulled back to show eyes burning with hatred and lips curled in a vicious snarl, she screamed “Burn the witch!” loudest.
Shriveled old hag. It seemed someone didn’t want to cut the apron strings to her only son. Yet, Francisco, at twenty and five, was well past the age to settle down and begin his own line. A family he’d promised to build with her. While they met in secret due to his strict mother, and the village gossips, he’d promised to soon publicly announce his intent to wed her. She couldn’t wait, although, now confronted with his angry mother, she wondered if they should have spoken sooner.
Ysabel didn’t put up much of a fight. Why bother when she couldn’t win against the number of folk sent to fetch her? Limp in their grasp, she closed her eyes and mind to their vicious taunts as they dragged her off to the edge of town where the narrow minded village people showed themselves busy, erecting a wooden stake and piling bramble and branches around it. Even as they lashed her to the pole, she didn’t panic. Francisco, her lover with his dark eyes and thick lashes, would save her. Evidently, he’d told his mother of their love, and she’d temporarily lost her temper – and mind. Yet, Ysabel knew the man she loved would come to her rescue. Their commitment to each other would prevail over the mob’s need to execute a witch as the church and religious heads in Rome instructed them.
As the villagers continued to pile flammable items about her and the sun began its descent, signaling the arrival of nightfall, she held on to that belief, clung firmly to her love as the first torch approached, its flickering flame dancing in the light breeze. Despite the situation, the scene was almost picturesque, reminding her of the many bonfires she’d participated in, with these same folk, as they celebrated the harvest and the solstices. Of course, nobody was lashed to the stake on those occasions. Lucky me.
Scanning the eager faces, the first tickle of trepidation went up her spine as she didn’t spy the face of her lover. Surely he’s heard of my dilemma by now? Perhaps he planned a grand rescue at the last moment like the heroes the bards sang of. How romantic.
As the last ray of sunlight disappeared and twilight fell, a hush fell over the waiting crowd as Luysa, a smirk of triumph on her face, stepped forward and held up her hands for silence. Firmly spoken words spilled from her lips with a hate and vileness Ysabel could scarcely give credence. And this is the woman who birthed my sweet Francisco?
“This most unholy of witches must die. She freely practices her dark craft amongst us.”
Heads nodded all around.
Unbelievable. I practice my arts and use them to cure sickness and aide the healing of infected wounds, Ysabel thought, shaking her head in disbelief. See if she’d help them the next time they came knocking at her door in the middle of the night, the betrayers.
“She uses her magic on our young men, forcing them to do her wicked, unchaste bidding.”
Ysabel’s brows arched. Funny, but it was your son who plied me with alcohol the first time he went up my skirts and had his naughty way with me. Of course, I enjoyed it, but still, I never made him do anything.
“The church says thou shalt not suffer a witch to live. So, I say in the name of God and all that is holy, the witch must die!” Spittle flew as Luysa worked herself into a fever pitch and aimed her last remark toward the back of the crowd. Ysabel followed her gaze and smiled. Francisco had arrived.
I knew he’d come to save me. Take that you crusty, old hag.
Tall, dark and handsome, he looked like something out of a fairytale, the type of story her grandmother used to tell her. A true hero, come to save his damsel from the wicked witch. Well in this case, he was saving the witch from the wicked, almost, motherin-law. He pushed his way to the front of the crowd until he stood before his mother and the stake upon which Ysabel hung. His dark eyes darted to Ysabel’s for a moment and a frisson of fear finally tickled down her spine. She didn’t see anger in his expression at her situation. No fear at how closely she treaded death’s path. In his eyes, she read the truth. And it wasn’t pretty.
I’m going to burn, and he’s not going to do a damn thing to save me.
Disbelief made her forget the avidly watching crowd. “Francisco. Tell your mother, I did nothing to bespell you. Tell her of our love for each other.” She didn’t want to beg, but she couldn’t bring herself to believe the dispassionate man in front of her was the same lover who’d murmured such sweet promises.
He didn’t reply and at his silence his mother turned to face Ysabel, a look of triumph on her face. “You shall die for your sins, witch.” The lit torch was thrust into the ruling harridan’s hand and she held it aloft for a moment. “Brujería!” she shouted. “Burn you unholy thing.” Then she lowered the flaming brand, and the dry tinder lit with a whoosh.
Panic clawed at Ysabel as the hopelessness of her situation came home. Too late, she struggled in vain at the bindings holding her. But the rope didn’t budge. Damn Pedro and his rope tying skill. The crackling sound of the flames grew, aided by the ale Alvaro accidentally spilled on the pyre.
Worse than the view of the spreading fire, was the billowing black smoke and encroaching heat. The first entered her lungs and she coughed as tears streamed from her itching eyes.
Sweat beaded on her face as she worked frantically to free herself, her simple spells and charms of healing no match against her captivity and the element of fire.
With frantic eyes, she scanned the crowd, waiting for someone to step forward and cry foul, to come to her aid, but they watched, some in morbid fascination, some with a sick glee, as the flames grew closer. She caught Francisco’s gaze and this time, he didn’t turn away. She pled with her eyes for rescue. Acknowledgement. Anything from the man who’d declared he’d do anything for her. Climb the highest mountain. Defy the wishes of his family. Do anything for her love.
Lies. All of it lies, she understood now as he stood there, unflinching while the fire leapt higher, licking at the hems of her skirt, toasting her toes. He showed not a hint of remorse as he watched her burn.
Fury enveloped her, hotter than the flames licking her body. “Bast
ardo,” she spat. “You used me. Betrayed me like a coward. I can’t wait to see you in Hell. I’ll see all of you in Hell for this.” She closed her eyes and began chanting, a dark prayer she’d never thought to use. A last resort her grandmother taught her, but told her to forget. A promise to the Dark Lord – one that wouldn’t save her mortal life, but would grant her revenge on those who’d betrayed her. The darkest, most powerful of curses crossed her lips.
As the flames curled around the skin of her feet, burning them and drawing forth screams of agony, she gave her life and soul to the Underlord in return for vengeance. She promised the Devil, whom she worshipped in hiding, anything – her life, her soul, her devotion. He could have it all for a chance to bring Francisco, his mother, and all the sheep-like villagers who rejoiced, into Hell with her. Her cackling laughter at the end of her death spell sounded more like a coughing choke, but thankfully, Lucifer read her intent, and granted her wish. She should have read the fine print.
Chapter One
Centuries later…
“Stupid, bloody Devil and his hell-be-damned clauses,” Ysabel grumbled under her breath as she stomped to her Lord’s office.
Receiving his imperious summons – essentially his voice booming from the walls themselves and ordering her to move her sweet cheeks – she immediately began cursing. Lord of the Underworld or not, the man was truly a pain in her ass. Didn’t he know she had better things to do with her time than run when he summoned, like trimming her nails, or washing her hair? Besides, according to the terms of the contract she’d agreed to over five hundred years ago – signed in her still sizzling blood no less – her time as his personal assistant was almost up. Freedom beckoned just around the corner and she couldn’t wait, even if she didn’t have the slightest clue what she would do with all her upcoming spare time. Gardening in the Pit wasn’t feasible. Joining the general populace made her shudder. What did that leave?
No matter. She’d find a hobby. One definite benefit? Not having to answer the devil’s every beck and call. Just a few more days, then I’m free.
Of course, Lucifer didn’t care if their tenure together was coming to a close. The man got sadistic pleasure out of goading her, reminding her that she wholeheartedly agreed to be his personal slave in exchange for revenge. Thankfully, his idea of chores involved the menial kind; phone answering, filing paperwork, customer – AKA damned souls – relations. In other words, mostly clerical work, a small price to pay when it meant that those who had a direct hand in her burning would be punished eternally for their sin. Vengeance tasted beautifully sweet.
Heels clacking on the slate floor – because Lucifer, stuck in the middle ages, clung like a leech to a dungeon/medieval castle theme – she made her way to the throne room where the Lord of Hell liked to rule his subjects, or, as Ysabel liked to call them, Heaven’s leftovers.
When a person died, if they lived an absolutely pure life, free of sin, even the teensy tiniest one, they went to Heaven. Slide across the line into bad, even if you just took the other Lord’s name in vain once, and you were screwed, doomed to an undying life as a damned soul.
Welcome to Hell, where the living conditions went beyond crowded, the jobs sucked, and the pay sucked even worse. It was like living in, well, Hell.
Forget the ash strewn streets and tenement housing. The inconveniences of the Pit paled beside Lucifer, a true prick of a boss. He brought new meaning to the term sexual harassment. Although, she’d cured him of his ass grabbing habit by wearing a skirt braided with tiny silver slivers… Did she forget to mention they were blessed?
Cost her a fortune to acquire seeing as how some demons had to smuggle it from the mortal side, but worth every damned coin when the Prince of Darkness – dressed in his stupid Darth Vader cape – hopped up and down in his office shaking his hand, bellowing.
The video she’d taken, and threatened to post on HellTube, helped her finagle a private suite in the west wing of the castle. Peace and quiet at la–
“Ysabel!” Lucifer’s yodel made her grimace. “I know you’re out in that hall, woman. Stop testing my patience and get your ass in here so I can explain before it happens.”
Explain what? Waving to his shriveled secretary, she swept past the reception area and pulled open the massive door to his office and stepped in. Her heels tapped on the floor as she headed to her boss, who paced in front of a massive carved desk. It should be noted that the magnificent piece of furniture was carved out of bone, the creature to whom it belonged hopefully extinct, given the ridiculous size of the jaw the artist used. As usual, folders of all thickness and colors covered the desk’s gleaming, ivory surface.
Great. More filing. Looks like I’m working late tonight.
The business of selling one’s soul boomed, which meant more work and no raise. I should have joined the minions union.
“About time you got here,” Lucifer said, as he halted his pacing to face her. She paused and waited as he did his usual once over, his eyes lingering on her tits before traveling down. Sure, she could have ruined his enjoyment by wearing something nun-like, but she found more enjoyment in showing him what he’d never have. Besides, Devil or not, a girl liked a man to find her attractive. She cocked a hip and waited for him to finish.
His gaze hit her feet and his brow creased. “Uh-oh. You might want to kick off those expensive pumps of yours.”
“Why?” she asked staring down at her shoes. Ridiculously high heeled, and an eye popping purple, green and blue, meant to resemble a peacock’s feathers, she didn’t care if her toes hurt, or if she didn’t exactly have the slim kind of thighs the shoes demanded. She discovered a fetish for shoes in the eighteenth century, probably because she spent most of her mortal life barefoot. Her collection now numbered in the hundreds and the pair she currently wore were fantastic, stolen from the corpse of a favorite movie star – again, an item that cost her a ridiculous sum to smuggle, but so worth it in her mind.
“Don’t say I didn’t warn you,” he muttered enigmatically.
It started with a tickle of her toes that turned into a hot itch. She shifted her weight, wiggling her little piggies. It didn’t help. Her feet ignited. Despite her usual cool, Ysabel shrieked, and it wasn’t very ladylike. “What the fuck are you doing to my feet?” Forget her feet, the flames licked higher, up her bare legs, snagging her short, white skirt – a color worn to annoy her boss – then, her magenta silk blouse. Engulfed head to toe, a living, screaming torch, the moment brought back the nightmares of the way she’d died.
Dammit! It took hundreds of years of reliving that awful moment before she eventually prevailed and put her memories of burning at the stake away. It took only seconds of getting torched, once again alive, to bring it all back.
“Goddamn, donkey fucking, bastard, whoring…” The list of words went on and on, because despite her fiery new look, she remained conscious the entire time. More annoying – though her body survived sans blister and flaking skin, the pain was just as excruciating as she remembered.
White foam hit her in the face, shutting her up. The same soothing cool smothered the rest of her body, dousing the flames. It didn’t take away the ache in her skin, but at least she wasn’t ablaze anymore. She couldn’t say as much for her temper. It simmered, held at bay only because she couldn’t see the object of her ire and feared opening her mouth and getting a taste of the chemicals used to put her out.
“Hold out your hand,” Lucifer said.
She did as told for once and felt a cloth dropped into her palm. Wiping her face first, she opened her eyes and glared at the Lord of the Pit.
For those who’d not met him before – but probably eventually would, because chances were you’d already sinned – the man everyone feared looked like an ordinary business man. Kind of tall at about five eleven or so, with a stocky build and dark hair going silver at the temples. If one ignored the wicked orange fires in his eyes, he would look almost benign. Until he smiled. How he could make something so innocen
t as the curve of his lips appear so evil, she didn’t know, but she practiced, every night in the mirror, to no avail. She just couldn’t make her apple cheeks and dimple look grim, no matter how she tried.
“What the fuck just happened?” she asked in a tight voice.
“You were on fire,” he calmly replied before turning and heading back to his desk.
Controlling an urge to fling a curse at his back took her a few seconds. Not because holding her temper was the right thing to do but because the jerk possessed a bouncing spellshield on him, kind of like the kids rhyme – ‘I’m rubber you’re glue, whatever you say, bounces off me and sticks to you.’ Ouch was all she had to say on that matter.
“Okay, oh king of observation, I was on fire. Care to tell me why?”
Lucifer shuffled some papers on his desk as she stalked toward him – clip, clunk, on uneven heels – as gobs of extinguisher foam fell off her to the floor. Flicking her gaze down, she shrieked.
“I’m naked!”
“Yeah, I noticed. Nice tits by the way. Did I mention you might want to look into getting some flame retardant clothes?”
Eyes narrowed, she shook her finger at him. “You. Explain. Now. And get me some fucking clothes or Lord of Hell or not, I’m going to rip your eyeballs from your head and shove them where the sun never shines.”
She knew she’d gone too far when his body began to expand and smoke poured from his ears.
“Enough!” he roared, the force of his yell shaking the room. Dust sifted down. “I might have to put up with this kind of attitude from my daughter, but dammit, you work for me!”
“Not for long,” she muttered not in the slightest cowed. Lucifer yelled a lot. Tortured and killed at will too, but, as she’d learned over the years, he respected people with backbone. Of course, he respected it only in private. In public, she smartly bowed and scraped like all his other minions. He did have a reputation to uphold after all. Some lines she knew better than to cross. But alone…she didn’t take shit from anyone. Oddly enough, she got the impression he liked her feisty attitude.