She Never Knew

by CJ Simpson

  When Kat and Tyler first arrived to the restaurant, William was outside waiting for them. He held in his hands a shoebox sized present for Tyler, wrapped in party paper. He squatted down in front of Tyler and handed the box to him. Tyler squealed when he saw it and after Kat said it was okay to open it, Tyler tore off the wrapper and shouted with glee when he saw what the gift was.

  William had given him a miniature toy BMW car. It was a tiny replica of the M35, silver in color, and offered the ability to open the doors, hood, and trunk. Tyler’s jaw dropped as he gasped, staring at his new gift.

  “Mommy, look!” Tyler held up his new treasure so Kat could see it.

  “Wow!” she said, glancing at William, her face in smiles. “What do you say to William?”

  “Thank you!” Tyler remembered his manners. “Thank you so much!”

  “What do you say we get it out of the box?” William suggested.

  “Oh, okay.” Tyler handed William the box. William turned the box upside down and unwound the soft metal ties that kept the car secure. After he freed the little car, he handed it back to Tyler. “Here you go, little man.”

  Tyler threw his arms around William’s neck, nearly knocking him off balance. He laughed, touched by the way his gift seemed to mean so much to the little boy. From his conversations with Kat at the party, he deduced that Tyler’s father was not actively involved in his son’s life, but he made no mention of it to Kat. He looked up at her and saw that her eyes were misted with happiness.

  “You like it? William asked, directing his focus back on Tyler.

  “Oh yes!” Tyler exclaimed. “I love it!” Obviously delighted with his new toy, he began inspecting it thoroughly, opening and closing the tiny doors of the four-door sedan. As he continued to check out the features, Kat thanked William for his thoughtfulness.

  “It’s my pleasure. I’m just glad he likes it.” William smiled at Kat, thinking how beautiful she looked in the sun. Her face was lightly tanned and her smile radiated happiness. He genuinely liked her and wanted to get to know her better. They spent the rest of the afternoon playing with Tyler, talking and laughing. She told William how much she enjoyed being an online instructor and helping students realize their potential. She told him about the problem student she had, and that she hoped he had learned the errors of his ways. She even told him about the letter she had mailed to her sister that morning.

  In return, William told her about his job as a real estate broker. He owned his own company and was quite successful. He enjoyed meeting people and getting to know them so that he could help families find the right homes that best fit their needs and wants.

  It was the perfect day. Tyler showed William all of the things his little car could do. William took a sincere interest in return and told Tyler all about the cars he used to have when he was a little boy. To Kat, it felt incredible to know that there were still good people in the world. There were people who cared about her and her little boy.

  When their afternoon came to an end, Kat and Tyler were reluctant to leave. William told them how much he enjoyed their company and asked Tyler if it would be okay if he asked his mother out again.

  When Tyler grinned with approval, Kat blushed. She felt like a school girl again, with butterflies in her stomach. She really liked William and felt safe with him. She especially liked the way William included Tyler in their outing together. He was the kind of man she was looking for, one who accepted her son as a part of her.

  With promises to get together again soon, Kat and Tyler headed home. As her son played with his new toy in the car ride home, Kat smiled to herself, reflecting on the nice time she had had. She was glad she was getting out more and meeting new people. She was also pleasantly surprised to see how easy it was for her to herself. She didn’t feel as though she had to pretend to be anyone else. Of course, it helped that William was so easygoing and for that, Kat was grateful. She liked that he always put her and Tyler first before talking about himself. She liked the way he was sensitive to her needs and truly listened to her. She also noted that he didn’t try to make any moves on her. Instead, he had kissed Kat’s hand and gave Tyler a bear hug.

  This could lead into something more than just friendship, she thought, as she pulled into the driveway of her home. Her apprehensiveness momentarily returned as she determined that she had some serious thinking to do.

  Chapter 21

  Kat brought Tyler to church that evening. FaithWeaver was an extension of Kid’s Own Worship, and was an activity-based program that applied the lesson learned in Kid’s Own Worship, a church service geared toward young children. Tyler always looked forward to going and that night was no different from the others.

  Instead of going home like she usually did, Kat walked across the parking lot to the sanctuary. She knew she had to make some decisions about the changes in her life, specifically about where her relationship with William may lead. Deep down, she felt she wasn’t ready to take their friendship to another level, but didn’t want to string William along, either. It was clear to her that he had enjoyed her company as well as Tyler’s, but she was conflicted about how much she should tell him about her past. Did he really need to know these things, and if so, when would be the right time to tell him? She didn’t want to scare him away, but at the same time, she didn’t want to lie to him.

  Kat needed to seek God’s advice. Pastor Cullen was out of town visiting his mother and while she had a very good idea of what he would advise her to do, Kat wanted to take his earlier advice to invite God into her struggles. She slid into a pew, set her purse on the seat next to her, folded her hands, and bent her head down in prayer.

  Dear God, she began. I’ve been thinking a lot about you lately. I know I should’ve come to you a long time ago, but I’m here now and I’m hoping you will hear me.

  I like William. Although we’ve only known each other for two days, I feel like I’ve known him for a long time. He’s warm, kind, and makes me laugh. Tyler adores him, too. I feel safe around him and believe I may actually have a chance for a real relationship.

  We talked about so many things, God. When I told him that my sister and I weren’t on speaking terms, he was very understanding and supportive. When I told him that Tyler’s father wasn’t a part of our lives, he didn’t persist for an explanation. He didn’t jump to conclusions, nor did he judge me. I can’t tell you how much it meant to me to have someone truly listen to me and laugh with me. Michael and I used to do that, and I’d forgotten how wonderful that feeling is. In fact, I’ve missed that feeling so much that it scares me to believe I could actually have that kind of happiness again.

  God, I want to be honest with William. Should I tell him about what happened to me all those years ago? Should I tell him that Tyler is a product of rape?”

  Kat heard a metallic noise from behind her. When she raised her head and turned backwards, she saw Daniel standing in the sound booth. He waved nervously and stooped down to pick up something he had dropped.

  “Daniel?” Kat smiled, standing up and facing him. She began to walk to the back of the sanctuary.

  “Hi Kat.” He smiled sheepishly. “I’m sorry I disturbed you. I didn’t think anyone was here.”

  “Oh, that’s okay. I was just—uh, I was praying, actually.”

  Kat and Daniel stared at each other for a moment in awkward silence. Finally, he spoke. “I can come back later to fix this.” He motioned to the small booth in the corner of the room that housed an electronic sound system.

  “No!” Kat replied, a little too quickly. “I was just finished, anyway. I didn’t realize you worked here.”

  “Actually, I don’t.” Daniel laughed. “Pastor Cullen told me the other night during Bible Basics class that the sound had been malfunctioning during services. He asked me if I would take a look at it. So, here I am.”

  “Well, that was nice of you.” Kat praised. “So you’re going to transfer your membership here after you complete the class?” She recalled Daniel te
lling her that he had faithfully attended church before he moved to the area.

  “I sure am.” Daniel nodded. “Everyone has been so gracious and so kind to me that I feel like I’m part of the church family.”

  “I’m so glad.” Kat agreed. “I know that you impressed quite a few people when you came in to help with vacation bible school.” She paused, looking at her watch.

  Daniel looked at her and smiled. “I don’t mean to pry, but are you all right?”

  Kat waved a hand. “I’m fine, thanks.” Before she realized what she was doing, she blurted out, “I was just asking God if I should tell somebody something about my past.”

  “Wow.” Daniel replied. “That’s a tough one.” He peered at Kat and said, “You know, if I’m not out of line, I’d like to help if I can. I’ve been told I’m a pretty good listener.”

  Wondering if this was God’s answer to her questions, she instantly relaxed around him. Remembering their conversations during vacation bible school breaks and how he helped her store the church items in her shed, she decided to confide in Daniel.

  “Well, I recently made a new friend in this person. It’s very possible this new friendship could turn into a relationship and I don’t know if I’m ready for that. There are some things in my past that could affect the outcome of this relationship and I’m wondering if I should tell this person about it now or wait until what seems to be the right time.”

  Daniel whistled. “It sounds serious.”

  “It is.” Kat said sadly. “I mean, it affects Tyler as well.”

  Daniel held a finger up to his lips and studied Kat for a moment. “Do you want to know what I think?”

  Kat nodded. Daniel continued, “If it were me, I would probably say something sooner rather than later. The reason I say this is because this, uh, thing from your past is obviously bothering you and that’s going to affect your relationship right from the start. I think sometimes it’s best to be upfront about things so it doesn’t appear you’re holding back.”

  “And so this person doesn’t feel I’m trying to hide things.”

  “Exactly.” Daniel agreed. “I mean, what do you have to lose? If this person is worthy of you, he’ll understand. You and he can build on that trust factor going forward.” He paused for a moment before continuing. “Bottom line is, you need to go with what your gut tells you.”

  Before Kat could say anything, Tyler bounded into the room. When he saw his mother and Daniel talking, he ran up to them.

  “Hi Mommy, Hi, Mr. Daniel.”

  “Hey, tiny man!” Daniel held up a hand and Tyler high-fived it.

  “Mommy, can we go home now so I can play with the new car that William got me?”

  “Okay, sweetheart.”

  Kat could see the look of disappointment on Daniel’s face when Tyler mentioned William’s name. He tried to hide it, but Kat sensed he was a little bit jealous.

  Kat thanked Daniel before they left. In the car ride home, Kat thought about her conversation with Daniel and his reaction toward the end.

  Why would he be envious? It’s not like he’s interested in me. However, the more she thought about his final comments, Kat decided to go with her gut and tell William about Tyler’s father. Yes, she was going to tell him about the rape. She was sure he would understand and that her honesty would bring them closer to a new level in their budding friendship.

  Chapter 22

  It was a week later when Kat decided to tell William about her past. They had spoken on the phone several times since their outing at Harbour Sound, but Kat didn’t want to discuss something as delicate as her past over the phone. She felt she owed it to him to tell him face to face. When William invited her to have lunch with him at his real estate office, she made the choice to bring it up then.

  She had thought long and hard all week about her decision. It was obvious to her through her phone conversations with William that he wanted to pursue a relationship with her. Delighted, she desired the same from him, but in the back of her mind, she knew she had to be open about her past if she wanted any semblance of a healthy bond between them.

  She knew that William kept Friday afternoons free of obligations to catch up on paperwork and prepare for open house events on weekends. However, he had dedicated that particular afternoon to her and wanted to show her some of the homes he was contracted to sell. She had expressed interest in learning more about his business, so they agreed to have lunch at his office and tour some of the glorious homes on the waterfront afterwards.

  The evening before their lunch date, Kat had called William on his cell phone to ask him how his recent sale went. She knew that he had closed on an expensive home and wanted to congratulate him. But he never returned her call.

  She had called him again in the morning but he never answered. She became worried and wondered if he had changed his mind about meeting her. Despite the nagging feeling that overcame her, she decided to head over to his office just before their scheduled lunch date. Maybe if she confronted him, she could get to the bottom of their miscommunication.

  When Kat pulled into the parking lot of Deveraux Realty, she saw that William’s car wasn’t there. Discouraged, she decided to go inside anyway to see if there was anyone available who could help her determine his whereabouts.

  As Kat made her way up the steps, she heard multiple conversations going on. So as to not disturb potential clients, Kat quietly opened the heavy door and stepped inside a large parlor. To her right were several mahogany chairs that surrounded a coffee table. A lovely floral arrangement sat in the center of the table, encircled by a wide array of interior decorating and gardening magazines. To her left was a conference room that was being prepared for an upcoming event. As she admired the furnishings around her, a plump woman in her sixties with silver hair and high cheekbones entered the foyer to greet her. Her name tag revealed that she was William’s secretary.

  “Hi Rosa, my name is Kat Brennan. I was hoping I might be able to speak with William.” She smiled at the woman, confident that she would be able to help her.

  Rosa hesitated, then took Kat’s hands into hers and patted them. “Come over here, dear.” She led Kat to one of the mahogany chairs and sat down next to her.

  “Mr. Deveraux speaks very highly of you.” Rosa said warmly, looking at Kat with a pained expression on her face.

  Something felt very wrong here. “What is it?” Kat prodded, searching the woman’s face for clues. “Did something happen?”

  Rosa bowed her head, as if in prayer. When she looked at Kat, tears had welled in her eyes. “Mr. Deveraux had a terrible accident yesterday.”

  Kat sat there, her heart rapidly beating. What kind of accident? A car accident? She stared at Rosa and patiently waited for her to elaborate.

  “Mr. Deveraux had gone to Libby’s Gift Shop to purchase a housewarming gift for a client. He always buys the new homeowner a gift before closing on a home,” Rosa said fondly.

  Feeling a rising sense of panic, Kat forced herself to remain calm. She leaned forward and gently prodded William’s secretary to continue.

  “Rosa, can you tell me what happened?”

  The older woman exhaled sharply. “Apparently, a gunman stormed into the place and demanded money from the cashier. Mr. Deveraux had been at the checkout counter when—” Rosa voice caught and she began to sob.

  Kat looked wildly around the room. She spotted a box of tissues in the conference room and quickly retrieved them. She was afraid to hear what Rosa had to say next, but she needed to know.

  “Rosa?” Kat whispered. She gently rubbed the woman’s back as she sat there wondering where William was and if he would be okay. As if on cue, Rosa found her voice again and gazed at Kat sadly. “He took a bullet to the brain. The doctors at Union say he doesn’t have much time left.”

  Kat’s had flew to her mouth. Oh God, no! This can’t be happening! She stood up and bolted for the entrance. She had to see William and let him know she was there for him. He had to kn
ow she would be by his side. The question remained, would she make it there in time?

  Kat sped to the hospital and when she arrived, she learned that visitors were restricted to family members only. As she stood peering through the blinds of the glass window, she saw William in his bed. His body was covered in white sheets and his head was heavily bandaged. Kat assumed William was sleeping soundly after enduring hours of surgery, but when she saw that he was surrounded by people who loved him, including a priest, she realized she was too late. William was gone.

  A strangled cry escaped her throat as she turned away from the window. She suddenly felt ill as memories of Michael’s death came flooding back to her. Holding a hand over her mouth, she ran down the hall until she found a bathroom. She vomited just as she entered a stall. She vomited again and again until she thought she would faint. She lowered the seat cover and sat down, grabbing at the roll of toilet paper. She tried to wipe her face but she couldn’t stop shaking.

  Kat forced herself to take deep breaths. After about ten minutes in the stall, she felt calm enough to leave. She quickly washed her face and navigated her way out of the hospital. She didn’t know how, but she found herself in the parking lot of the church and sat in her car for a long time. Tears streamed down her face as she remembered how she and William met, the bike ride they had shared, the conversations they had while Tyler fed the ducks, the way he had taken an interest in her son, and the way he had kissed her hand. She had only known him for less than a month, but that didn’t make the pain of losing someone any easier. She wasn’t supposed to be sitting in her car crying, she was supposed to be out with William looking at houses. When she grasped the fact that their afternoon together would never come to fruition, she thought her heart would break. She would never see William again.

  As she sat there pondering her next move, her eyes drifted to the sign that was mounted near the entrance of the sanctuary. The message had recently changed to a verse from Psalms 37:4, “Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.”