by CJ Simpson
Chapter 38
“Kat, I wanted to talk to you for a few minutes before Mr. Stevens arrives.” Dr. Sullivan spoke softly from her chair in her office. Initially, when Kat arrived early for her appointment, she expected to see Daniel in the reception area and was surprised to learn he wasn’t there. At first, she thought perhaps he followed through on his earlier vow that he would turn himself in, but when Dr. Sullivan explained that Daniel would not arrive for another half hour, she breathed a sigh of relief. She was anxious and unsure of how she would react when she saw Daniel for the first time since his confession that night in the sanctuary. In fact, Kat was beginning to wonder if what she was doing was the right thing after all.
Dr. Sullivan’s office was decorated in warm coral colors. Her walls were painted in peach and her furnishings consisted of a chocolate leather couch and matching chairs. Her patients typically favored the couch next to the window but Kat preferred the twin sofa chairs directly across from Dr. Sullivan’s desk. She couldn’t imagine herself trying to have a conversation with someone while lying down. Besides, she felt maintaining eye contact was crucial to a productive exchange between doctor and patient.
“It is my belief that Mr. Stevens is not a threat to you and I say this for two compelling reasons. One, he does not possess the characteristics of a masked, knife-wielding rapist, and two, from my observation of his behavior, he exhibits indicative signs of deep remorse for his actions, particularly since he was in a drug-fueled state of mind at the time of the rape.”
Kat exhaled slowly, unaware that she had held her breath. Dr. Sullivan noted her apprehensiveness but refrained from commenting.
“From our last session, you indicated that you would be receptive to letting Daniel become a part of Tyler’s life.”
Kat bobbed her head, swallowing hard. “Yes, I did. Do you think that’s wise? I mean, isn’t that the right thing to do for him?” A lump resurfaced in her throat as Kat fought to main self-control.
Dr. Sullivan removed her glasses and set them on her desk. Folding her hands, she leaned forward and gazed at Kat thoughtfully. “Your comfort level will play a large role during this transition. In other words, if you are comfortable with Tyler spending time with his father, I think in time, a very healthy father/son relationship will evolve. I have no evidence to suggest the contrary, nor do I believe that he would be a danger to your son.”
“What if I am not comfortable with it? What if I realize after the first couple of visits, I’ve made a terrible mistake?” Kat played with her hands, suddenly feeling very unsure of her initial decision. While she trusted Dr. Sullivan, she wished Mary was here for moral support, but Mary had returned home. Kat knew her sister was thinking about her and that knowledge gave her some reassurance.
“Once you begin visits, it’s not as simple as cutting them off just like that.” Dr. Sullivan snapped her fingers to illustrate her point. “The child becomes confused and may blame himself. He learns his father is not dead, but in fact, very much alive, and from what you’ve told me, your son adores Mr. Stevens, so to discontinue the visits so soon after they begin would do much more harm than good.”
Kat nodded in agreement. “So basically, either I agree to the visits or I don’t. There’s no in between here.”
Dr. Sullivan shook her head. “Kat, I want to make sure you understand the entire picture here. Regardless of what Mr. Stevens did to you in the past, as Tyler’s biological father, he has a parental right to be a part of his son’s life.”
Kat leaned back in her chair to let this information soak in. She didn’t know where she got the idea that if she told Daniel he couldn’t see Tyler, that that would be the end of it. She just assumed that Daniel would honor her wishes, no matter what she decided. Perhaps she was wrong about him after all.
As if she read Kat’s mind, Dr. Sullivan held up a hand to indicate that there was more for Kat to hear. “I want to make it clear, crystal clear, that Mr. Stevens told me himself that he will stay away from you and Tyler if that is what you want him to do. He made it abundantly clear to me in our last session that the last thing he wants to do is disrupt your life any more than he already has and he certainly doesn’t want to disrupt your son’s life.”
One of the things Kat liked about Dr. Sullivan is that she did not sugarcoat things. The doctor was always upfront with her, making sure she understood what her options were.
“So, he’s basically leaving it up to me?” Kat queried. She knew she heard her doctor’s words correctly, but she needed to be absolutely sure.
“Yes, he is.” Dr. Sullivan smiled at her then became serious. “And he will turn himself in if that’s what you want him to do.”
All at once, the floodgates opened. Kat could no longer keep her emotions in check. Tears streamed down her face and she began to cry. She buried her face in her hands and sobbed for what seemed to be an eternity.
When Kat raised her head, something out of the corner of her eye caught her attention. She turned to the figure sitting on the couch and realized it was Daniel. He sat there quietly, observing her, his face wet with tears. He looked to have aged ten years and lost weight.
Despite his appearance, Kat stared at the man she still loved, wracked with disbelief that he had betrayed her and that there could never be anything more than just a platonic relationship between them. The realization that the man sitting across the room from her was not the same man who raped her all those years ago made her heart break. The man sitting there was a man who cared deeply about her and loved their son.
Daniel hated seeing Kat in such pain. Even though her eyes were bloodshot and her face was full of sadness, he still found her to be the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. He wanted so badly to reach out to her, to hold her in his arms and comfort her the way he used to, but he didn’t dare move. He didn’t want to frighten her or come across in a manner that could be misconstrued as threatening.
Dr. Sullivan broke the silence by inviting Daniel to sit in the other twin chair, next to Kat. At first he hesitated, but slowly complied with her request. When he finally sat down, he was careful to keep his hands on his lap and his feet flat on the floor. He kept his head down to make himself appear humble and smallish in nature. He didn’t look at Kat, nor he did he speak to her. He was afraid to do anything except sit quietly.
“Okay, now that we’re all here, we can begin.” Dr. Sullivan smiled and focused her attention on Daniel. “Mr. Stevens, thank you for coming in and agreeing to participate in a joint session with Ms. Brennan.”
Daniel spoke softly. “Thank you for having me, and please call me Daniel.” He glanced at the doctor and nodded slightly.
“Very well, then.” As Dr. Sullivan spoke, Kat slowly began to relax. Maybe this won’t be so difficult, she thought. Taking a deep breath, she forced herself to focus. After all, this meeting was about Tyler’s future.
“I think it’s safe to assume we all know why we’re here today.” Dr. Sullivan’s eyes darted between Daniel and Kat. “The purpose of today’s session is to determine if the two of you can come to an amicable arrangement where your son is concerned.”
Kat and Daniel both nodded in agreement. It was apparent to Dr. Sullivan that the two people sitting before her were in love with each other. This didn’t strike her as odd despite the circumstances and she wouldn’t be surprised if someday they gave into their feelings. But she made no mention of this as she continued.
“Daniel, let’s start with you.” Dr. Sullivan shifted her attention to him. “I see no reason why you cannot be a part of your son’s life. From what I’ve observed in our previous session, you have demonstrated a sincere interest in his well being. Your past experiences as camp counselor can only serve to enrich your relationship with him.”
“Kat, it’s clear to me how much you love your son. It’s clear you appreciate that a child needs both a mother and father and you’re willing to do what it takes to make that parent/child relationship work.”
D
aniel spoke softly. “Kat is an amazing mother. She’s done a terrific job with Tyler and I think you would agree with me if you met him. He really is a remarkable little boy.” Daniel smiled with pride as he cautiously glanced at Kat.
Dr. Sullivan agreed. “I’m sure he is. Now, for obvious reasons, I didn’t meet with your son until we discussed a plan of action first. Kat, I think if you introduced to Tyler the idea of Daniel becoming his father, he may be more inclined to accept Daniel as opposed to coming right out and saying that Daniel is his father. You won’t know how Tyler will react, so you need to tread carefully here.”
Personally, Kat felt that Tyler would jump at the idea, but she kept her opinion to herself. She didn’t want to raise false hopes and she wanted to choose a route that would benefit Tyler.
“I’m not a family court judge so I can only offer you my recommendation. If your son is receptive to the idea, then you can move forward with the next step. I repeat, you must tread carefully here so that you don’t rush the process. Start off slow, together, with a family visit to the playground or other child-friendly environment. Eventually, if and when Tyler accepts Daniel as his father, you can proceed with unsupervised visits. It all boils down to the child and what the child is comfortable with. You cannot make predictions, so you must be proactive in your decision making.
Dr. Sullivan paused for a moment, studying Daniel and Kat. Both of them seemed to react favorably to her suggestion, which was a positive sign to her. “Now comes the hard part. Can you two work together as adults and make decisions together as parents of your child?”
After a long silence, Kat spoke. “I’m willing to try.” It was now or never. She was taking a leap of faith here and she hoped she wouldn’t regret it.
“I am too. I will do whatever—”
Dr. Sullivan interrupted and threw her hands together in the air. “Turn to each other and look at each other. Talk to each other now. If you can’t talk to each other here in my office, how are you going to do this out there?”
Kat blinked her eyes and swallowed hard. Clearing her throat, she turned to Daniel. She waited for him to raise his head before addressing him. When his eyes met hers, she saw genuine sorrow behind them and knew for sure she was doing the right thing.
“Daniel, I—I know this hasn’t been easy for either one of us, but I’ve had a lot of time to think about this. I’m willing to do what it takes to keep my—our son happy. I don’t think I could ever forget what happened that night six years ago, but I’m going to find a way to start putting it behind me. I need to move forward and that means telling Tyler the truth. I can’t promise you anything, but I do believe he will want you in his life and I’m willing to do my part to help make that happen.”
Daniel looked relieved and surprised at the same time. “Kat, I can’t tell you what this means to me. I will do whatever you think is best. Would once a week for starters be okay with you? Of course, I’ll abide by your terms.”
“Why don’t we let Tyler decide that?” She looked earnestly at Daniel. “As far as the rest goes, how about we figure it out as we go along?”
A tear slid down Daniel’s cheek and a full minute passed before he found his voice again. “Thank you, Kat. Thank you for sharing Tyler with me.” A lump formed in his throat as he struggled to speak. “Thank you for giving me my life back.”
Daniel knew he and Kat would never be together as man and wife, but that didn’t matter right now. What mattered was that she had forgiven him.
Several miles away, in an empty sanctuary, the light in The Lamp shone brighter than it ever had before. The cycle of abandonment had broken and the solitary darkness had forever drifted away.