All warmth I’d garnered slipped away as I stepped back and wrapped my arms around myself, ashamed and embarrassed. Holy shit. The guy had just been talking about his dead wife, and here I was, getting in his face. What was wrong with me?
“Okay,” I whispered. He turned from me and rubbed his face. I trudged back into the cabin without having the guts to look at him again.
“Pepper,” came Rylen’s soft voice. “Pep. We gotta go.” When I felt his fingers rub my cheek, down to my chin, I opened my eyes. He watched me, crouched close. Sounds of people moving about quietly filled the dim space around us.
Neither of us moved for a minute. I tried to search his eyes to see if he was upset with me for being . . . I don’t know . . . forward or whatever last night. But he just sort of gazed at me, like he was wondering something himself.
“Get up, Amber,” Tater said gruffly from behind me. That broke the moment. I sat up, back muscles aching, and looked toward where Remy sat at the edge of the couch. One hand clutched her belly, one rubbed her eyes. Judging by the way she hunched into herself, she was feeling like shit.
“I just gave her another dose,” Tater said, securing his tightly rolled sleeping bag. “And J.D. said we can take the cranberry pills.”
“‘Kay,” I told him.
“You can use the bathroom,” Sean said as I staggered to my feet. “Just bring a glass of water to pour down to make it flush.”
It turned out my body needed most of what it took in, because I hardly urinated. I put on clean underwear, two new trash bags on my legs, and warm clothes that had dried in front of the fire. My muscles were extremely stiff and sore, and damn it, I was hungry again. Nobody asked for more ramen, and J.D. didn’t offer. I couldn’t blame him. A deal was a deal, after all.
I really wanted to boil some water to wash my hair, but there wasn’t time now. The guys were itching to get back out there. I pressed Remy’s clean sasquatch holders into her hands, along with two new trash bags, and she got up to dress too.
“We’ve got about a foot out there now,” Matt said, looking out the window. “This is gonna suck ass.”
“A foot?” I practically yelled. It snowed another six inches over night? My heart began a sickening acceleration at the thought of being out in that.
“We’ll be all right,” Rylen promised. “Just ten or twelve miles to go.”
I gaped. That was a lot!
“Ten miles?” J.D. asked. “There’s nothing within ten miles of here except . . . oh. I thought it was closed.” A light bulb seemed to go off in his head as he imagined the Army base. Rylen gave an apologetic look to the room.
“Have you seen anything going in or out of there?” Texas Harry asked him, now that the cat was out of the bag.
J.D. shook his head. “Nothing. But then again, I’ve been stuck in here for, like, two weeks, so I haven’t seen anything. Not exactly near any major roads.”
Texas Harry nodded. “All right. Everyone say their good-byes and gear up.”
I didn’t expect to get emotional when I hugged Sean good-bye, and J.D. too, but these days you never knew if, or when, you’d see people again. I felt weepy and depressed for numerous reasons as I layered up, eternally grateful for the new winter stuff, though I pulled the warm hat down over Remy’s head instead of my own. Geez, only she could make the ugly thing look cute.
J.D. gave Remy and I another two pairs of socks to put on, too. We had to work to shove our feet into the sneakers. We look like a pack of hobos, I thought as we gathered together.
The only thing that kept me walking toward the door when they flung it open was knowing we’d had dinner last night, plenty of water this morning, and a good night of sleep. Because every single ounce of what we’d gotten last night was going to be needed today, and then some.
On the plus side, it was no longer snowing and we weren’t being battered by brutal winds like yesterday. On the down side, Matt had underestimated. At least fifteen inches of snow covered the ground.
I had to lift my legs high and push down to break through a top crunchy layer of ice that had formed overnight, and it was soft and fluffy underneath. I stared down at it with each step. My sneakers were coated in white, and so heavy. I moved behind the guys so I could walk where they’d trampled already.
Hours of drudgery passed. I couldn’t feel my feet or hands, my ears or nose, then my legs or arms. The guys grunted with effort, and nobody called cadences. Cloud cover kept us from being able to keep watch of the sun’s movement. I had no idea how long we’d been marching, and though it felt like we’d gone ten miles already, it could only be one. I tried not to think. Not about anything at all. Because even thought took energy that I didn’t have.
“Whoa,” Tall Mark called from the front. He halted and was staring ahead with his binoculars. “What the hell is that?” My heart became a hammer in my chest as I stared out, squinting.
Texas Harry snatched the binoculars to take a look. All I could see was a dark line in the distance. Too short to be buildings. Maybe a fence of some sort?
“Solar panels,” Texas Harry murmured.
“That many?” Mark asked. “It’s like a field of them.”
Texas Harry pressed the binoculars into Mark’s chest and beamed a red-cheeked grin at the horizon. “We made it, folks.”
I knew better than to let out a cheer—we needed to stay quiet—but I fell to my knees, overwhelmed by those beautiful words.
Low chuckles and back slaps floated in the air above me, and I felt Remy fall to my side, linking her arm with mine. We fell back together into the snow and hugged, laughing like maniacs. We were running on sheer glee at that point, because our energy stores were in the negative. I had no idea how we’d made it. All I knew is that I never, ever wanted to walk, march, jog, or run any length of mileage again. Not even for exercise for “fun.” Give me a pilates video any day.
“Base is on the other side of those panels,” Texas Harry said. “Let’s wait ‘till the sun drops before we move forward. There’s nothing between here and there to cover us.”
His words of caution settled over us as the guys sat. We huddled closely, and all of us shivered with tremors of cold and exhaustion. We’d made it here, but we really had no clue what lay beyond. The signal for allies we’d heard on the radio could be legit. Or we could be walking into a trap. Looking around, it would be a good place for a trap. Not a single place to run or hide. The darkness would be our only hope.
Truth was, if this was a trap, it was the end for us. Even if we managed to escape, we had no more food. No more water. And the winter was about to get much worse. Our tents would be no match for the snow drifts and winds.
None of those thoughts needed to be said aloud. Judging by everyone’s bleak stares toward the horizon, I wasn’t the only person thinking it. This was it.
I licked my dry, cracked lips and tasted blood. I pulled my frozen lip into my mouth to try and moisten it. My whole face felt like it would crack just as my lip had.
The next hour passed in a state of delirium. When it was time to stand, I literally couldn’t feel my legs. I sat there, looking up at Rylen pitifully.
“I can’t move,” I whispered.
It took both Ry and Tater to pull me up and steady me. I wanted to cry, it hurt so bad.
“I can walk,” Remy assured Tater when he tried to carry her again. At this, he backed away and her face fell at the sudden distance. I took her socked hand in mine.
The ten of us shuffled forward like undead walkers, leaving trails of dragging feet marks in the pristine snow. Matt stumbled and fell to his hands and knees under the weight of his pack, but Devon and Mark were there to hike him back up by the arms. He gave his face a hard rub and kept going.
As we approached the solar panels, it truly was a remarkable sight. Acres and acres of fields filled with dark, rectangular panels tilted upward to catch sunrays. It was amazing to think of how much energy this could supply.
Past the field of panels
I could make out telltale military fencing that ran around the base: tall chain link fencing with barbed wire circling the top. The main road was in sight, along with the gates to the base. This caused us all to slow, even though no people were in sight yet. It appeared deserted except for scattered boulders and rocks. Everyone readied their weapons. I took off my sock-gloves and got grandma’s gun ready in my hand. I could barely feel the handle.
We made it past the solar panels and Texas Harry motioned for us to spread out. We’d only taken about five tentative steps forward when Tater let out a loud hiss and seemed to turn into a statue. All heads whipped toward him.
“What’s wrong?” Remy whispered.
“Move away from me,” he said through clenched teeth.
I had no idea what was wrong, but my heart began to gallop. I grabbed Remy’s arm and pulled her back from Tater by a dozen feet.
Rylen began to jog toward him, but Tater growled, still like a statue, and said, “Get. The fuck. Back.” He closed his eyes and said, “My foot is on a landmine.”
No. The cruelty of it made me nearly scream into the frozen, dark air.
Remy’s hand slapped over her mouth, both of us watching in disbelief. I held her tight as Rylen took careful, tentative steps away from Tater. We looked down at Tater’s left boot, which was flush to the ground in a hole of snow. If what I knew about landmines was correct, the slightest movement of his foot would set it off.
“Everyone watch the ground!” Texas Harry called down the line. They moved stealthy and quietly back toward us, kicking snow to scan the ground in the small bit of moon and star light.
I couldn’t think straight. I wanted to bend over and dry heave until my stomach turned inside out. Words. I had to form words. “W-what can we do?” I asked.
Remy had gone into a stillness that freaked me out. She watched him, like her own movement might affect him.
“Stay still, Jacob,” she said. “We’ll help you. We’ll find a way.”
Tater’s eyes were still closed, frozen in the exact pose he’d been in when he must have felt the click underfoot. If it weren’t for the severe clenching of his jaw, I’d think he looked calm. Tater had always favored Mom in his appearance, but right now his fierce, controlled look was such a Dad expression. I took three deep breaths to thwart my panic.
“Tater, hang on,” I said, looking to Texas Harry. “Can’t we switch out the weight of his foot with a rock or something?” I had zero idea what I was talking about. It was probably something I’d seen in a movie, but I couldn’t let myself believe there was nothing we could do.
“Doesn’t work that way,” he said. “Best we can do is yank him by a rope and hope he only loses a leg, not his life.”
Oh, my God.
Remy sucked in a breath and clasped her hands together under her chin, whispering under her breath. “Please don’t take him.” Matt dropped his pack and went to her side. “It’s okay,” she said, when he tried to comfort her. “He’ll be okay.” She sounded crazed in her confidence. “Right, Amber?”
My thoughts were spinning, and her words forced me to shove away my bout of alarm. Tater was in trouble. Screw you, universe, you’re not getting my brother, too.
“Right,” I said, licking my lips. We had to act. Now. “Who has a rope? Let’s do it.” I was so afraid he was going to move or pass out and end up dead. Maybe if we could all yank the rope fast enough and hard enough . . .
“I’ve got one,” New York Josh said. And just as he laid down his weapon and started to open his pack, a series of distant clicks sounded, and we all stilled.
“Drop your weapons!” shouted a male voice.
We spun and it took a second for my eyes to comprehend. One of the boulders had opened, like it was on a hinge, and a man in full desert camo stood there pointing an assault rifle. Down the line, all of the rocks and boulders were cracked open with people staring out, guns aimed at us.
“Well, I’ll be,” Texas Harry whispered as he bent to the ground and settled his gun at his feet, kicking it with a puff of snow. I slowly bent at the waist, hand shaking, and placed my gun down. The others did the same.
“Hands on your heads!” The man yelled, taking a step toward us. We obeyed. All except for my brother, who hadn’t moved an inch.
“I said hands on your head!” he yelled again, this time directing it at Tater.
“He can’t!” I said in a shaking voice. “He’s on a landmine. Please,” I pleaded. “Don’t make him move.”
“It’s not a landmine,” the man said.
Tater’s jaw rocked from side to side, his only movement. “Is that right?” he challenged. “Then why don’t you come stand real close while I step off it.”
The man pointed his rifle and took a step forward. “Put your fucking hands on your head.”
I held my breath as Tater slowly raised his arms and linked them on top of his head without moving the lower half of his body.
“Now, if you all do exactly as I say, this will be quick and painless.” The guy sounded as young as we were, and his directions had a militaristic, choppy tone to them. “You have no less than twenty guns aimed at you this very moment. You will not move a muscle as your weapons are taken, and your bodies are examined.” Bodies are examined? “If one of you moves or attempts to fight, every one of you will be killed on the spot. No hesitation.”
When nobody said anything or moved, several of the men Army-crawled out from the cracks of their fake boulders and quickly snatched up the guns at our feet. Then they started pulling up coats and sweatshirts, untucking shirts and looking at the sides of everyone’s torsos, beneath their arms.
What they hell were they looking for on our skin?
When the guy got to me I held my breath so long I almost fainted. Just like the others, he yanked my shirts and sweatshirt up, flashed a light on my sides and ran a hand over my upper waist. The heat of his hand on my cold skin made me shiver. He checked my other side and then moved on to Remy.
Then the guys jogged over to the leader and faced him.
“All clear, sir.”
He gave them a nod. “At ease.” The men moved to stand beside him, their guns hoisted and ready, but no longer pointed at us.
“What brings y’all out here in this fine weather?” the man asked.
“We came to sing Christmas carols,” Texas Harry said.
The man almost grinned. “Little late for that. Tell me your business or you can freeze your asses off out here all night.”
This time it was Ry who spoke up. “We heard a radio comm for Dugway Proving Ground. So here we are. You working for the DRI, or what?”
Now the guy really did grin. “I’m sure you can understand, but we’re a little untrusting these days. You all need to be questioned before you get any answers.”
“Will this questioning be indoors?” I asked. “Because that would really be nice.”
The guy’s eyes landed on me for the first time, and then traveled to Remy, before he gave a nod. “Follow me.” DRI or not, I nearly fainted at the thought of warmth.
“Wait,” Rylen called. He pointed at Tater. “What the hell is he standing on, if not a landmine?” Oh, crap, Tater! My brother was still like a statue with his hands on his head.
“Ah, that.” The guy nodded. “It’s like a doorbell.” He walked forward and stood two feet in front of Tater. “Step off.”
My heart pounded. Even with the guy standing so closely, I worried it might be a trick.
It took ten seconds for Tater to work up the nerve. When Tater jumped forward, flying past the guy like a freaking cartoon character, I couldn’t help but laugh with relief, and I wasn’t alone. Remy and I both ran to Tater and tackle hugged him. He managed to stay on his feet as we squeezed him.
I breathed through the lump in my throat. Relief made tears press against my eyes. No more crying. Instead, I punched Tater’s arm weakly. “God, you scared the shit out of me and you weren’t even in danger!”
“Good to k
now you care, peque.” Little sis. He sounded as weak as I did.
“All right,” said the leader. “That’s enough. Single file. Hands on your heads. Break rank and you die. Let’s move.”
Soldiers in camo lined us on each side as we followed him into the gates, closing them behind us, and marched us down stone steps into what looked like a bomb shelter hidden in the ground. Heat hit us almost immediately in the darkness, stinging my face, and I let out a breathy sound at the same time as Remy. We might be walking to our doom, but at least we would die warm.
We walked straight down a dim, narrow hallway. Our gaits were stiff, still frozen, and my extremities hurt as the thawing process began. The sudden quiet and warmth made my entire body tingle. We passed several doors as we were marched along, and then we abruptly stopped. Remy was trembling beside me. I wanted to feel her forehead, but I was afraid to move.
“We require your cooperation at all times. Everyone here is armed, and we do not take chances. You are to be interviewed separately. No talking until you get in your rooms.”
I shared worried looks with Tater and Rylen, but they gave me nods. These guys did not feel like DRI. They felt like military—safe. But it was so hard to trust. I didn’t want to be separated. As we were pulled along, guys from our group were led into rooms and immediately shut in. I wondered how long this would take. How long until we could earn ourselves food and water. How long until we could find out if they had any meds here? How long until we could pass out?
I whispered to Remy, “Make sure you tell them you’re sick.”
“No talking!” the guy in front shouted. My insides jumped. How did he hear that?
Within the span of another minute they pulled Remy into a room, and she sent me a tired look over her shoulder. Tater watched grimly as the door shut with a click behind her. He was taken into the next room. Then my upper arm was grasped by the soldier behind me, and I was pulled through a door. With one backward glance I caught a serious look from Rylen; a look of strength before the door closed and I was left alone.
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