However, now was not the time for thinking of him--or blaming him. Instead, she sent up a silent prayer that the Lord would forgive him for his indiscretions. She couldn't live a life free of him as long as she held bitterness in her heart. Doing so only kept her a prisoner to the secrets she so desperately wanted to put behind her and forget. Somewhere deep inside her heart she now knew she could let it go and forgive him. It was the only way to truly be free of him.
Thank You, Lord, for this revelation. Because of this, I can now live the life You desire for me. If it is Your Will, I shall marry Jeb and be happy.
Her prayer had flown from her mind only a moment before her husband-to-be addressed her.
"You've been rather pensive this evening, Tillie. I hope all is well with you." It was obvious he was concerned.
"Yes, I'm fine. I've had a lot on my mind these last several weeks." She'd tried to sound normal, and had succeeded, though she detected a bit of evasiveness as well. Hopefully, he hadn't noticed.
"Thomas told me you'd arrived here suddenly and unexpected, though he refused to say why you ran from home." His interest was definite, but she heard compassion come through as well.
"I simply feel that is something my sister should discuss with you. It is not my place to divulge her reasons for coming to stay with me."
Tillie glanced at her brother and flashed him a polite smile of thanks, then turned her gaze back to Jeb.
"I've decided to let go of the bitterness I held for the offending person. Thomas knows what I mean, and I shall explain it all to you after dinner. You won't have to leave right away, I hope?"
His smile only made him more handsome, if that were possible. "I made arrangements for my father to come around at nine. That should give us plenty of time to talk."
"Yes, I believe it will." She couldn't hold back the smile that wanted to stretch beyond the natural boundaries of her face.
Clara came in from the kitchen to clear away the dinner plates. Having brought them back into the kitchen, she returned in a moment with generous slices of freshly baked peach pie. Before she could exit, Jeb stuffed a large forkful into his mouth, quickly chewing and swallowing it.
"Oh, my! This is the best pie I've had in a long time."
Clara stopped and turned toward him. "I would say, 'Thank you,' but Tillie made it. All I did was put it in the oven."
Both men stared at her, eyes wider than the dessert plates in front of them.
"Don't be so modest, Clara. You deserve some of the recognition. I simply followed your recipe with you over my shoulder to make sure I did everything properly."
With a humble chuckle, the cook turned and went back into the kitchen, leaving them to enjoy their peach pie.
Chapter Seven
Telling her story again wasn't as difficult as she'd thought it would be. In her heart, Tillie was doing her best to remain calm and maintain impartial emotions. She'd already forgiven the man, and now it was necessary to shake off the dust of the past and leave it all behind. Until now, she was able to deal with letting it go, and she prayed she could continue to do so.
Jeb sat beside her in the settee on the front porch, listening intently to what she had to tell him. If he felt anything, she was unable to discern it. His face and body remained relaxed and still, though she could see something in his eyes that told her he was thinking deeply about it all. Having finished her tale of abuse, she allowed him several moments to respond. When he didn't, she prompted him.
"You're very quiet, Jeb. Would you care to share your thoughts with me?"
He inhaled deeply, then let it out in a long, slow sigh. "I'm not sure what to say, Tillie. I want to be furious at the man for what he's done to you, but you've forgiven him." He gazed into her eyes, and she knew he was being truthful.
"It was not my intention to upset you. I simply felt that if we are to be married, you should know what I've been through." She waited a second, then continued. "I believe there should be no secrets in a marriage. I hope you agree."
He offered her a polite smile. "Yes, I do. I also feel the Lord is telling my heart to forgive him--and to pray for him." He paused for a quick breath. "I think the man needs all the prayers we can give him."
She returned his smile. "Then we are in complete agreement. I think we shall make a fine couple as long as we keep our faith in the Lord as the center of our lives."
"You are an amazing young woman, Tillie." His eyes held respect and awe for her. "I must admire you for your ability to let go of past transgressions. I'm sure it was not easy for you."
Her gaze went to her hands clasped in her lap. "No, it was not. But I came to realize I was the only one being hurt by holding onto the anger and pain. I don't want to live my entire life with that, so I had no choice other than to let it go."
His hand reached out to hers, and she grasped it. Lifting her gaze to his eyes, she saw a tenderness she'd never beheld in a man. Why did that make her heart beat a bit faster?
"I believe our Lord has brought us together for a reason, Tillie." His voice was soft and gentle. "I also believe you will be a splendid wife - and maybe someday a wonderful mother, also."
She couldn't speak. His hint of having children struck a chord deep within her. For as long as she could remember, she'd thought about the prospect, but with all she'd been through, she never imagined she would find the man who would want the same. Something hit her at that moment, and she knew Jeb was right. They were brought together by the Lord. This was meant to be.
The week went by at a hurried pace. Jeb spent nearly every moment of each day with her, and Tillie enjoyed their walks in the park holding hands. He'd shared meals with her and Thomas as if it were a natural thing for him. Thursday evening was spent having dinner with his family. Tillie was thrilled that her future in-laws were such nice, caring people.
By the time Saturday came, she was becoming nervous about the wedding. What would she wear? For that matter, why hadn't she thought about this sooner? She mentioned her concerns to her brother over breakfast.
"Good morning, Old Brother." She took her usual seat and gave him a smile. "I have a problem I must speak with you about."
His eyebrows lifted. "And what might that be, Baby Sis?" His concern was apparent.
"First, I want to thank you again for the beautiful wardrobe you so generously purchased for me." She took a quick breath. "However, now I find that I overlooked something important."
"Oh? Please, enlighten me." Now she heard a teasing note.
"I fear I've neglected to plan something for my wedding tomorrow. I have no dress to wear."
His laughter filled the dining room. "Yes, I would say that could be a problem. But you need not worry yourself. I've prepared for this."
She felt her eyebrows pull together. "I'm not sure I under--" Then a memory flashed through her mind of Thomas with a wrapped box and telling her it was a surprise. "Oh, my! That gift you told me about last week! Did you ...?"
Tillie couldn't finish. Thomas had reached down beside his chair, grabbed the box, and set it on the table.
"Try to wait until after we've had our breakfast." The grin on his face was wide enough to show every tooth in his mouth.
All her concentration was spent on keeping her jaw from falling open, and for several moments she didn't notice the joyful tears sliding down her cheeks. She jumped up from her chair and went around the table. He was standing when she reached him, and she threw her arms around him, holding him as tight as she was able for a full minute.
Pulling away from him, she looked up into his eyes, wondering about something.
"I don't know what I've done to deserve such a generous brother."
He wore a gentle smile. "You were born, Baby Sis." Then his expression went blank. "I know the last several years were horrifying for you, and I felt you needed some kindness." He hugged her again, releasing her after a moment. "Shall we finish our breakfast now?"
She flashed a happy smile. "Yes. I can barely contain
my curiosity, but I am hungry, also."
Chapter Eight
She knew she wasn't the first woman in all of history to be nervous in the moments just before her wedding, and was sure she wouldn't be the last. But that did nothing to calm her. Without her father to do the job, Thomas had walked her down the aisle to give her away. He now stood on the other side of his friend, fulfilling the role of best man.
Standing at the altar next to Jeb, their hands clasped together, Tillie found herself wondering why he seemed not to notice her nerves were dancing a jig beneath the surface of her skin.
Aside from that, everything seemed to be flowing smoothly, and Reverend Barton was in top form this morning, so why did her mind keep trying to pester her about something? She couldn't think of anything that had been overlooked.
The more she tried to ignore the prickle in the back of her brain and push it aside, the more it tried to come to the surface. But what was it? With her head so preoccupied, it was difficult to keep up with what the good Reverend was saying.
She barely recognized when he reached the part about 'if anyone should know of any reason these two should not be wed,' and the bristling reached a feverish pitch. Something she'd feared was about to happen.
Before she could take a breath, a voice in the back of the church rang out. A voice she'd prayed she would never hear again.
"Yes! I have an objection!" George Holland's words boomed and echoed throughout the church. A collective gasp of surprise came from the congregation, followed by instant and total silence.
She felt Jeb increase his grip, and glanced at him. He appeared shocked, though his face was taking on a fiery color. A quick peek at her brother showed her the same reaction in him.
Leaning toward them, she kept the volume of her whisper as low as she could. "Please do not let him upset you. This is not the time nor the place for anger."
The two friends glanced at each other, then responded with a slight nod.
Reverend Barton kept a kind note in his voice, though he appeared bewildered. "Speak, brother. What is it you wish to say?"
"As the father of the bride, I can assure all of you she is not pure."
The parishioners again reacted as they had moments before. Tillie heard a few of them remark that they didn't believe the man.
Jeb released her hand. He and Thomas spun around, almost in unison. She could see their faces had regained a shade of crimson that frightened her. If she didn't do something, these two would likely pummel Mr. Holland right there in the church aisle until he bled to death. This was not how she'd envisioned her wedding day.
Dearest Lord, I need Your help now! Please give me the words to calm Thomas and Jeb. If it be Your Will, I also need the words to say to Mr. Holland. Thank You for hearing my prayer, Sweet Lord. Amen.
The second her prayer flew from her mind, she knew what to do. She turned to face the crowd, held her arm out in front of her soon-to-be husband, and grasped her brother's arm in an effort to block them both from moving.
"No. Please do not let him bring out your anger." She glanced back and forth between them. "Allow me to talk to him. I must do this and end his attempts to torture me."
Not sure of the words that would come out, Tillie opened her mouth to speak. The calm assurance she felt surprised her only a little, but knowing the Lord would put the proper words in her heart and brain gave her the courage to address the man standing in the aisle at the back of the church. The one who had just claimed to be her father.
"Mr. Holland, I pray the Lord will forgive you for telling those lies here in this house of worship." She descended the two steps from the altar. "You know my father died seven years ago, and you have been married to my mother for only five years."
Moving slow and steady, she made her way toward her stepfather. "You also know your accusation is untrue. I shall not reveal your sins against me to this congregation." She swept her gaze over all the people in attendance. "However, here in the presence of my Lord, I shall reassure all of you my purity is indeed intact."
She returned her attention to George, fixing a sympathetic gaze upon him. "I cannot understand why you wish to pursue me so diligently. You should be happy I'm no longer living in your home to tempt and torture you, as it seems that is how you feel."
He was beginning to fidget now, and his face was taking on a bit of a rosy shade. Clearing his throat in what she could only think of as a haughty way, he began to speak. "I'll not have my daughter--"
"No! Sir!" She had not intended the power that came through, and took no delight in interrupting him. "I am not, never was, and never shall be your child. You have no claim to me in that regard. This is my wedding day, and I shall not allow you to blemish it in any way."
Tillie stood in front of him now, her gaze fixed directly into his eyes, refusing to look away. "I do not wish to ask any of these fine people to remove you, and I'm sure you would prefer to leave on your own."
She reached out and grasped both of his hands in hers. "Before you go, I want you to know I have forgiven you. I pray for you every day, and shall continue to do so until I am in my grave. That is all I can give you, Mr. Holland." She paused, intensifying her stare. "Now please go back to my mother and try to be happy with her."
Turning her back on him, she made her way back to the altar. She wasn't sure he would go until she heard the door open and close. A few more yards, and she'd regained her place next to Jeb. Both he and Thomas gazed at her with what she believed to be admiration.
"My deepest apologies, Reverend Barton." She spoke with softness and respect. "If you will, please continue with the service."
Chapter Nine
One week later, she was sitting next to Jeb on the train to Hope Springs. She still thought he was a handsome man, and very similar to Thomas in personality. Not only did this intrigue her, but she found it to be a very attractive feature. Besides, the way he looked at her was much more to her liking. His gaze was nothing like George's had been and for that, she was more thankful than she cared to admit. The reason she liked it was for its appreciative and admiring qualities. Tillie felt her heart wanting to burst from her chest every time he looked at her. Yes, she had her reasons for marrying him, but was it possible she was falling for him? It seemed to be the only explanation.
She also noticed his cheeks would become flushed when she caught him peering at her. Maybe he had similar feelings rushing through him. Could that be possible? Then he answered the question.
"Thomas never told me his sister was so beautiful in so many ways." His sunny smile was reflected in his eyes.
Heat rushed to her face. "Thank you, Jeb. That's a very kind thing to say."
"You must have heard it before now, I would think."
"I may have been told a few times, but I was never sure if I should believe it." Yes, she was aware she was being modest. She also wanted to hear him continue with the compliments.
"Well, I think you might want to reconsider. I find it difficult to look anywhere else." His cheeks took on a shade to rival ripe tomatoes.
"I do believe that's the most pleasing thing anyone has ever said to me." She was sure her face now matched his. "If I may be so bold, I must say I enjoy looking at you, too."
Her left hand seemed to have grown a mind of its own, and when she glanced down, she saw it had found his right hand and grasped it. He seemed delighted at her display of caring, gave her a smile, and held fast.
Unable to bear the emotions running through her any longer, she turned her head to gaze out the window. There wasn't much to see, but God's creation had always fascinated her. To see it all swiftly passing by was an experience she'd never had before, and she found it difficult to turn away.
The rhythmic motion of the train soon had a soothing effect on her, and she caught herself nodding off for a nap. Glancing over at Jeb, she saw he'd already begun to snooze, so she gave in to the soft rocking also, and fell into a light sleep.
It was late that night when they finally a
rrived at Hope Springs and Tillie was grateful he wasn't a rancher, meaning they would now be facing a long buggy ride in the dark rather than simply arriving home. Not that she would mind if he was a rancher, in fact he would no doubt be good at it. No, it was just she'd had enough traveling for one day and longed to take a bath and then some supper before settling down for a long sleep that didn't involve the motion of the train. In fact, even though she had feelings for her new husband, she would prefer to start her marriage properly, tomorrow morning.
Jeb had explained to her that he preferred to live more modestly than Thomas, and his home was a testament to his words. Yes, it seemed like a nice house but was alarmingly smaller than the one Tillie's brother owned. Even so, it appeared to be larger than it's neighbors and while she was in no way snobbish about these things, it occurred to her she would need to do some serious adjusting. Life was clearly different in Texas to that of Savannah.
Jeb noticed her hesitation. "I guess it's not like what you're used to," he said. The disappointment in his voice could not be hidden. He had feelings for his new wife and wanted her to be happy.
"It's not what I was expecting, is all and you're right about needing to make adjustments. To be honest, I was so caught up in running away and then finally feeling safe with Thomas, I didn't fully prepare for what being married would really mean."
Jeb guided her gently through the front gate and onto the porch. "It will be alright, Tillie. We have plenty of time to get to know each other and you can take all the time you need to settle in and then some. All I ask is that you be honest with me and not let our marriage be influenced by the differences between life here and that of Savannah. I've come to like it a lot better actually. There's a special kind of freedom out here and life is less formal on many levels. Smaller houses are just one of the differences. Mind you, a small house has its advantages but I hope you believe me when I say, you'll likely be pleasantly surprised."
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