With a laugh, I grabbed my phone from my pocket and dialed Tess’s number. Ivy was right. I needed to find Tess. I should’ve never let her run away from me yesterday in the first place. I should’ve been brave enough to chase her down and explain that all the strain between us was my fault. I should’ve done a lot of things differently, but I was hoping she’d give me one more chance to make things right.
When the phone call went straight to Tess’s voicemail my heart sank. But I didn’t let that stop me. Tess and what we could be . . . it was worth whatever amount of effort I had to put in. And I wasn’t going to give up until I told her how I felt.
I knew better than to let someone walk away without telling them how I felt. And it was time I did something about it.
Grateful for the safety of such a small town, I left my keys under my visor and went to get my girl.
I ran all the way to Mabel’s. I paid no attention to the strange stares I got or the fact that I wasn’t dressed for running. I only paused momentarily to catch my breath and wipe the sweat from my brow before marching hastily inside.
Mabel looked over curiously, her head tilting. “Rowan. I wasn’t expecting to see you today. What can we do for you?”
“I’m looking for Tess,” I answered, still a bit breathless.
“Oh. Well she’s actually working from home today, sugar,” Mabel replied. “She’s arranging the centerpieces and it looked like she needed some alone time. You’ll find her there.”
I headed back out the door, my heart sinking further. Alone time? That was my fault. I hated that I’d caused her even a moment of pain. There had to be a way to make it up to her.
Looking up and down the street, a plan slowly formed in my head. Ivy was right; this was exhilarating. I had no idea how Tess would react or what she’d say, but the idea of putting her happiness above my own was thrilling. And I couldn’t deny that I was beyond excited at the prospect of seeing her again.
My heart raced, my pulse thrummed, even my head was spinning, but I’d never felt more alive.
I had one shot at proving to Tess how I felt, and I was going to do it right.
Chapter 16
Tess
“Just one more,” I muttered to myself, biting my lip as I carefully glued the last rhinestone on the beautiful, ornate centerpiece for Ivy’s wedding.
After the stone was perfectly placed, I threw my arms up in celebration, glad to have successfully distracted myself from the pain of yesterday’s encounter with Rowan by throwing myself into this project.
After I’d run from the Bradford Estate, I picked up all the centerpieces from Mabel’s and spent the rest of last night and this morning toiling away. My fingers ached and I probably had IKEA-sized bags under my eyes, but at least I’d kept Rowan far from my mind. Not that he hadn’t slipped through the cracks every now and then, suddenly emerging from the depths of my mind to remind me how delicious his lips tasted or how warm his eyes had been while he bandaged my hand.
That moment could’ve been perfect.
Honestly, I shouldn’t even be upset with Rowan. The whole awkward incident was my fault. I’d already let my messy past rush in before he blurted out another woman’s name. But that didn’t make my heart hurt any less.
I still didn’t know what to make of it.
Maybe it was my fault things had fallen apart yesterday. Maybe my heart was too closed off after everything that happened in Chicago. Maybe I’d never be able to trust another man again, even someone as kind and handsome as Rowan.
I mean, if I couldn’t convince my heart to let someone like him in . . .
I sighed and flopped back against my couch cushions.
Yeah, I'm doomed.
A sudden banging at my front door had me sitting up in confusion. I stared at the front of my cottage from where I was nestled between half-packed boxes and extravagant, rhinestone-studded centerpieces for Ivy’s big day.
Who the heck was here?
No one ever came to my house. Mabel and Hal were the only friends I had in town and those two always just walked in.
The knocking persisted and I climbed to my feet, hurrying toward the front door. I cracked it open slightly so I could peer cautiously outside. Bradford Cove was a nice place with very little crime, but I’d spent enough nights alone in my Chicago apartment not to trust anyone who came banging on the door like this.
But nothing could’ve prepared me for the face staring back at me. There, standing on my doorstep, was Rowan Bradford holding a delicious smelling box of pizza and a six-pack of beer.
I blinked hard and rubbed at my eyes, wondering if I’d passed out in the middle of my decorating and dreamt up this fantasy.
“What are you doing here?” I asked once I realized I wasn’t about to wake up alone in the middle of my carpet. But then I yelped, tugging at my t-shirt and trying to ease it lower down my thighs.
To work on the centerpieces, I’d changed into a big shirt and a tiny pair of yoga shorts that could hardly be classified as such. Rowan definitely noticed my lack of proper clothing, but he was polite enough to avert his eyes.
“Checking on my favorite patient,” he said with a faint smile. “How’s the hand?”
I stared at him, scrutinizing his expression. Something about him had changed but I couldn’t put my finger on it.
“I’m fine,” I answered quietly, sliding further into the open doorway to block the unpacked boxes cluttering my messy rental home.
Rowan stared at me, smiling slightly and then stepping forward. He lifted the pizza and the smell of the heavenly meal made my mouth water. “Can I come in?” he asked.
There was no way I could turn away a guy carrying two of my favorite things. Especially since I’d been too upset to eat since yesterday. But pride and fear kept my feet rooted to the spot.
Rowan’s newfound vitality seemed to deflate a little, but his eyes burned into mine when he spoke. “Look, I messed up, Tess,” he said simply. “Let me explain over some food?”
I bit my lip, eyeing him carefully. Yesterday had been such a mess. Would we really be able to sort it all out without both of us ending up more hurt than we already were?
Ugh. I wish my mom was still with me so I could ask for some of her patented advice.
But I guess I already knew what she’d say. If there was just one major thing my mother had tried to teach me it was how important communication was for the people you cared about. She always taught me it was best not to leave things unsaid. And with me and Rowan . . . I had a feeling we could fill a library with all the things we were holding back.
Sighing, I stepped back to invite him in.
A little pizza, beer and closure never hurt, right?
“My house is really messy,” I mumbled in embarrassment.
He shrugged when I edged sideways to let him in. He was so broad and tall that he filled the entire doorway, blocking out the afternoon glow. When I closed the door after him, I almost didn’t want to face him again to see the judgment in his eyes as he took in my cluttered little house.
But to my surprise his gaze barely seemed to skim over my meager home. His bright blue eyes were focused solely on me. It was intense and intimidating.
I ducked my head, my cheeks burning. “Seriously, if I’d known you were coming, I would’ve cleaned up a bit.”
Rowan just looked at me with warmth. “You don’t have anything to be embarrassed about, Tess,” he said. “Besides, I don’t judge people because of their homes. Hell, that’s why I left Bradford Cove in the first place.”
My eyebrows lifted faintly. He usually tried to sidestep conversations that revolved around him leaving this town and then inevitably coming back.
“Whoa,” he whispered, eyes widening. “Are these the centerpieces for Ivy? She’s going to flip out when she sees them. They’re great.”
I nodded but I wasn’t interested in talking about centerpieces. I wanted to know more about Rowan, I wanted to hear his story, I wanted to address the
undeniable attraction between us. I wanted to say all that was unsaid.
If we’re going to patch up anything at all, we needed to finally be open with one another, so I went for the jugular. “Who’s Rachel?” I asked quietly, still pressed back against the door. “Is she why you left town?”
He set down the pizza and beer and we gazed at one another from across my living room. His eyes flitted over the centerpieces to the boxes and sparse walls of my home before looking at me again.
This was the moment of truth. Was he going to open up or was this the end?
Without speaking, he grabbed two beers, cracked them open and offered me one. Then he sank down onto my lumpy couch, one ankle hooking over his knee. He took a long swig of the brew, his foot bouncing anxiously. Then he said, “I left Bradford Cove because I felt it was my duty to give something back.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
Rowan exhaled, settling deeper into the couch as he chose his words. “While I was growing up, I became curious about my family’s ancestry and our ties to this town. I always knew my family founded it, but I didn't realize the struggles they went through to establish a community. Building homes, starting businesses, establishing jobs. The Bradfords who settled here, they didn't arrive with wealth. They made their fortune while helping others. My family has forgotten that, I think.”
“But you haven’t?” I whispered, edging closer to the couch until I could perch on the armrest.
He shook his head. “Everything my family has is because of the efforts of our ancestors to put the good of others first. I grew up with so much wealth and luxury. And when I realized it wasn’t like that for most of the world, it just fueled my desire to want to give back to others with less. I didn't pursue medicine because it makes good money. I chose that field because I wanted to help people. That’s why I joined Doctors Without Borders.” He smiled, ruefully. “That feeling when you heal someone, when you see that spark in their eyes as they realize they’re going to be okay . . . It’s magical.”
I nodded again, noticing that he was speaking in the present tense. Rowan still had a passion for medicine even if he couldn’t see it yet.
His head shifted and he stared down at the centerpieces on the ground, watching them glimmer in the sunlight filtering in from my windows. After another pull from his beer he said, “My father never understood that. He wanted me to take over the family business juggling our properties and political duties to the town, but I didn’t want that. I felt I could do more with medicine. We had a falling out over it. It only got worse when I left town to pursue my own dreams.”
“If you loved your career so much . . . what brought you back to Bradford Cove?” I pressed, watching his eyes grow sorrowful as he tilted his head toward me. “Why did you give it all up?”
“I was engaged once,” he whispered.
“Rachel?”
Rowan closed his eyes and dragged a hand through his hair, collecting himself. After he put his beer down, he spoke again. “Yes. Her name was Rachel Hart. She was a doctor, too.”
Was. The word made my throat go tight. I put my own beer down and slid off the arm of the couch to be closer to him. I had no idea what to do or say, but I placed my hand on his knee just so he’d know he wasn’t alone. After a second his own warm palm smothered mine. Our fingers laced tightly, and he drew in a shaky breath, but he didn’t stop talking.
“I met Rachel in Venezuela when I was working for Doctors Without Borders. She inspired me with her passion for helping people. She made me a better doctor, a better man. We had the same dreams, the same goals. I fell hard and fast. We got engaged pretty quickly, but then she was assigned to Libya. I was still contracted in Venezuela, but I couldn’t deal with the distance, so after a little while, I followed her.”
Rowan pulled in another ragged breath, and I squeezed his hand. I couldn’t believe he was sharing this with me. I suspected he had a haunted past. But this?
Did he have any idea how brave he was being right now?
“I wasted so much time.” Rowan exhaled, his words coming rapidly now as though he was eager just to get them out. “By the time I got my paperwork approved to go to Libya, Rachel and I were only reunited for a day before the airstrike.” His voice cracked. “There was nothing I could do. I lost her. She died in Libya.”
I sucked in a shallow breath, squeezing his hand. I knew it was coming, I knew the moment he started saying things like ‘had’ and ‘was’ that this wasn’t a story with a happy ending. But still, I was unprepared for the weight of his truth.
Rowan’s shoulders sagged. “And every time I close my eyes, it’s like I lose her over and over again.” He took a deep breath, his eyes finally meeting mine. “Until I met you.”
I was frozen, my heart in my throat, my pulse pounding with injustice.
“Tess, you make me want to fight my way back, but . . . but I might be too far gone.”
I didn’t say ‘you’re not’. I didn’t say ‘I'm sorry’. I didn’t say anything at all.
What words could possibly help in the face of pain like this?
All I could do was hold his hand and be there with him in this shattering moment.
The clock on the wall ticked as Rowan hesitantly opened his eyes. He stared at our hands while I continued to stare at his face.
“Tess, I'm broken,” he finally murmured, still not looking at me. “When I lost her, I lost myself, I lost everything: my will to ever love again, my worth and value as a person. I have nothing left to give. That’s why I can’t be a doctor anymore. That’s why I shouldn’t give my heart to anyone again.” Finally, his eyes met mine. “Even when I desperately want to.”
I tore my hand away from his and pushed myself up onto my knees in front of him. His chin tipped up as he stared at me in surprise.
I grabbed his shoulders roughly. “Know your value, Rowan. Isn’t that what you said to me in the flower shop? Know your worth. A broken heart doesn’t make you less treasured or lovable or talented. When you said that to me at Mabel’s, it changed everything. It made me look at my own heartbreak in a different light. It made me see that I was more than just the sum of my mistakes and fears, more than just a woman running away from her past.”
“What were you running from?” he asked gently, his brow slightly furrowed.
I grimaced, chin falling toward my chest, but Rowan gently slid a hand to my cheek and cupped my face until I looked back at him.
“I’m listening,” he whispered.
I bit my lip then began to speak in a quivering voice. “In Chicago, I trusted someone I loved . . . someone who took advantage of that trust.”
Rowan’s clear blue eyes bore into me, making the words tumble freely. “I thought he was the one, I thought we were building a life together. But then I found out he’d been cheating on me with my best friend. In a span of a moment I lost my boyfriend, my best friend and all the money I’d invested in the business we were running together. I found out on the anniversary of my mother’s passing. It was all too much to bear.” I blinked back the tears that my ex didn’t deserve. “I thought he was my life, my future, but he didn't care about me at all. So I cut ties and ran.”
Rowan shook his head, anger churning in his eyes. “I can’t believe someone would treat you that way.”
I gulped in a breath, suddenly lightheaded with the relief I found in finally saying the words that had been weighing me down. Carrying around my shameful secret had been crushing me, making it impossible to move on.
How had I been so foolish?
I’d spent so long being guarded that I forgot how good it could feel to be honest.
With renewed confidence, I looked directly into Rowan’s intense gaze. “That’s why this has been so hard for me.”
“What has?” he asked.
“Falling for you, Rowan,” I whispered, making his pupils go wide.
“You’re falling for me, too?’
I nodded. “But I don’t know where I belong. I'
m lost . . . I have been since I left Chicago. That’s why I haven’t unpacked. I'm not sure if this place fits. I'm not sure I fit anywhere anymore.”
Rowan suddenly gripped my waist with both hands, pulling me roughly toward him until I spilled onto his lap. His hands slid up my body until they cupped my cheeks. I clung to his wrists for dear life, my entire body trembling as Rowan stared at me with so much fiery conviction, I felt the singe bone-deep.
I hadn't shared my story with anyone, but with Rowan it just felt so very right. Just like being in his arms. I didn’t want it to end, this closeness between us, but I didn’t know what to do next, what I could handle. What he could handle.
He was right. We were both broken. But maybe all our broken parts could build something whole again.
Rowan pushed his forehead to mine, fisting my thick brunette locks at the base of my neck as his uncertain breaths mingled with mine. “You terrify me, Tess. And I know you’re scared of heartbreak just like I am but that guy who hurt you . . . he’s an idiot. If you belonged to me . . .” He trailed off, staring so deeply into my eyes that I was positive he could see my soul. But what he saw didn’t frighten him away.
Rowan held my gaze and I couldn’t tear my eyes away.
Which one of us would be brave enough to make the first move?
Something told me it would have to be me. His gaze was hungry but his touch was tentative as his fingers roamed slowly down my spine to my waist. He hooked one finger beneath the hem of my shirt and when he touched my flesh I felt lost again. But this time, I was lost with Rowan, and I didn’t care if I was found.
With a faint moan, I leapt forward just as he pulled me against his chest, our lips crashing together with unbridled desire. Heat bloomed inside my chest as my fingers stroked through his hair and down his impressive chest.
His arms encircled my body as I clung to him, pinning him against the back of the couch as my legs straddled his strong waist. His hands stroked up and down my spine, leaving me breathless and trembling.
I’d never had a kiss like this.
It was like waking up from a long sleep, like seeing color for the first time, like every inch of my body had caught fire. The tip of his delicious tongue swept my lower lip and I gasped, inviting him in. I deepened the kiss with fervor before sliding my hands under his shirt to feel the ridges of his rock-hard muscles. He gave a faint grunt of desire, his own fingers gliding under my shirt.
Palmetto Passion: A Sweet Small Town Family Romance (The Bradford Brothers Book 1) Page 14