by K. A. Hobbs
“Now it’s your turn to be absurd,” I snigger, “Look in the mirror, Daniel.”
“I could say the same to you, Katie.”
“Don’t go comparing the two of us, you’re….”
“I’m?”
“You’re After Eights, while I’m the store brands mint thins.”
His laughter fills the car, I can’t help but laugh too when I think about it. Only I could compare Daniel to an After Eight. But it is the truth, he is ridiculously attractive, at the hospital, all the women swoon over him. I really don’t think he sees it.
“Katie, you are so not a store brand mint thin.”
“But I’m not an After Eight either,” I smile, “I’m more of a… I don’t know what I am. Let’s stop talking about this, it’s embarrassing!”
Thankfully, all talk of chocolate and Daniel’s attractiveness stops and we chat about much more comfortable things. I learn that Daniel’s favourite book is Far From the Madding Crowd, the one place he desperately wants to visit is Canada and that he believes everyone should believe in some kind of greater force.
“If you don’t believe in anything, what do you believe happens when we leave this earth? Where do we go? Is there just… nothing?” he asks.
“I completely agree, you don’t have to go to church every Sunday and pray every day, but I do agree, you have to believe in something. There is something greater out there, something that I don’t know or understand, but I have to believe there is a place where everyone goes after we leave here, where there is no hurt, no sadness.”
“Exactly and for all we know, they are up there,” he smiles sweetly, “Looking down on us right now and thinking, I can’t wait for you to join me up here, it’s incredible. All we know is our life here, we have no concept of what life there will be like. And maybe, just maybe,” he takes a deep breath, “The ones we love the most are taken too soon because they are the ones most deserving of the life they lead up there.”
“I think you’re right.” I whisper, reaching over to squeeze his hand.
Chapter Eight
The sun is shining and we’re walking along the sea front. Daniel has his camera around his neck, stopping whenever he sees something worthy of his time and attention. We find the little gallery and I show Daniel the artist I fell in love with so many months ago on a visit to this very place but with a very different man. I push those thoughts out of my mind and focus on the photo in front of me. It’s black and white and of a couple in a tree, one of them reading while the other looks on. The artist incorporates words into all of his work and the wording in this particular piece is just beautiful and the reason I love it so much.
I lean forward a little more and read the words for the hundredth time, I am transfixed by it and there is something inside of me telling me, I have to buy this piece. I can’t though, it would be a reckless splurge and I wasn’t about to do it. If I keep repeating it to myself, maybe my hands won’t reach for it and walk it over to the cash register, maybe my hands won’t reach into my bag and pull out my credit card.
“You’ve been looking at this same piece for a long time, Katie. Are you okay?” I feel Daniel’s warmth as he comes to stand beside me.
“I’m fine, I’m just in love with this piece. It seems to… I don’t know, it’s like it’s taken root in my heart and I can’t tear my eyes away from it. It’s beautiful isn’t it?” I whisper.
“It is. The use of words within the picture is incredible.”
“Daniel,” I try to look away but I can’t, “You’re going to have to physically remove me. I can’t seem to walk away from it.”
I feel his warm, strong hand encircle mine and he tugs, pulling me from the shop. I stumble out into the bright, sunny day in a daze. I can’t explain what happened, but I do know, one day I will be coming back and I will buy that print. It will hang in my house and I will sit and have coffee looking at the beautiful artwork on my wall.
“Are you okay?”
Daniel’s voice snaps me out of whatever it is I’m in and I look up. The light is behind him, casting him in shadow yet giving him a golden glow. Right now, I believe in angels, I believe in Heaven, I believe in the good in people because I have that goodness standing right in front of me. Someone so good, so kind, that he spends his days making everyone else feel better.
“I am.” I smile weakly.
“You don’t look okay, was that… the picture, was it important to you and Richard?” he asks, bending his head a little closer to mine.
“No, the artist we did discover together, but that particular one, no. I just, I can’t really explain it. It just seemed to capture me, grip me, I couldn’t tear my eyes away from it. I’ll own it one day.”
“Today?” he asks questioningly, cocking his head to the side.
“Not today,” I shake my head and smile, “Now we did what I wanted, how about we do what you want?”
“Well, I want to take your photograph by the boats we passed.”
“Then let’s go back to the boats.”
We walk back to where we came from, both of us silent. A comfortable silence, not one that needs to be filled and I am thankful for that. When we reach the boats, Daniel asks me to stand just to one side, while he steps back and finds the best angle, clearly having a vision in his head of what the shot should look like. He seems to find it and calls over, asking me to just look his way. I do and I try to ignore the looks of strangers as they walk past. Daniel smiles and walks towards me, grinning at something.
“Can I push my luck and come a bit closer?”
The question is simple enough, completely innocent, he wants to come closer to take some photos, so why does my heart rate accelerate and my cheeks flush? I clear my throat and shake my head a little to try and clear it.
“Sure.” I mumble.
A light ignites in his eyes as he gazes at me, I’m not stupid, I know what the light is. Daniel finds me as attractive as I apparently find him. The feeling of being this attracted to someone that isn’t my husband suddenly feels alien to me, it feels disrespectful. I look up into Daniel’s lens and try to stay calm. I try to calm my breathing and my racing heart. I try to calm my overactive mind that is swinging from being attracted to him and wanting to push him away and yell it is too soon to be feeling like this.
Twenty minutes later, we are making our way back to the pier, there are a lot of people milling around, some eating cones of chips, others eating donuts and some just watching everyone on the beach. The day is glorious and everyone is making the most of it. As we continue to walk further along to a restaurant right in the centre I notice Daniel’s eyes are focused on a little girl just ahead of us, her long blond hair blowing in the slight breeze, she clings on to her father’s hand and laughs at something he says. She must be about seven years old.
From the photos I’ve seen of Poppy and the way Daniel tenses and doesn’t move his eyes, I know he is being flooded with memories of his precious little girl. I can’t see what he is seeing, I don’t know what he is feeling, but I can have a pretty good guess. The same thing I feel when I see someone who, for a fleeting glance, I think is Richard. I reach for his hand and wrap my fingers around his, I give them a gentle squeeze as we walk, just letting him know, I’m here and I understand. He squeezes mine back and my heart clenches. When we reach the restaurant, we opt to sit inside and out of the sun for a little while. We place our orders, both of us laughing as we order exactly the same thing and even ask for some bread and butter too. When the waiter walks away, I look at Daniel.
“Are you okay? I’m a little worried.” I tell him.
“I’m okay. Sometimes,” he looks over my shoulder then back to me, “Sometimes I’ll see a little girl that looks so much like her, Katie. So much that I have to force myself to remember that it isn’t her.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I know you are, so am I.”
“Does anything help?”
“Help with the feeling I have right now?
Not really. But being here with you, spending the day like a normal person, that helps. It helps me remember that life does go on, it is going on. That I’m living and breathing and even though I hurt, I’m surviving.”
“How do you do it?” I ask in awe, “How are you so strong and still smiling?”
“I do it, because I have to. I do it because Poppy deserves to have a Dad that lives, Katie, not a Dad that crumbles and wastes his life,” he runs a hand over his face and looks at me, “And lately, I do it because of you, Katie.”
I don’t know what to say to his admission. I feel exactly the same. The one thing that has helped me lately, helped me get out of bed and to live rather than exist has been Daniel. His friendship means more to me than I thought it ever could. The connection we have is stronger than most friendships and I’d only known him for a few weeks.
“You help me more than anyone has been able to. You are the reason I get up some days, knowing I have someone who understands, someone who will be there for me when I’m a mess. Someone who wants to help and expects nothing in return. I hope you know that in the short time we’ve known each other, you’ve become so important to me.” I tell him honestly.
“I do know. I hope you know the feeling is completely and utterly mutual.” he smiles.
“I do.” I smile back.
* * *
“Thank you for a wonderful day, Daniel.” I sigh, as we pull up outside my house several hours later.
“Thank you for asking me and for letting me beat you on the dance mat.”
I laugh. It was hilarious watching Daniel try and work out what he needed to do on the arcade game. I had taken pity on him and slowed my moves. Eventually, he remembered enough to do it properly and he won. He was beaming by the end of it and his happiness was infectious. I found myself grinning for a long time after.
“You’re welcome. Next time, I won’t let you win!”
“I wouldn’t expect you to.” he grins, shaking his head.
Just as I’m about to get out of the car, my phone buzzes. I fish it out of my bag and read a message from Ginny.
Ginny: I want 2 invite u 2 a BBQ Saturday. Please bring that gorgeous man u’ve been telling me about. I won’t take no 4 an answer, I expect u here @ 12.30. Cu then gorgeous! x
“We’ve been invited to Ginny’s for a barbecue.” I look at Daniel who has a shocked frown on his face.
“Me?”
“Yes. And me. Saturday lunchtime.”
“Why me?”
“I’ve told them about you, I told them about you the first day we met, you don’t realise the change you’ve made to my life, Daniel.”
“I know the change you’ve made to mine.”
“So…. Do you think you’re brave enough to meet my best friends?”
“I’m not sure.”
“I think you are. It will be fun and it will be filled with the most delicious food you’ve ever eaten in your life!” suddenly remembering Aidan, I scowl, “And..Well… They have a little boy.”
“And?” he asks, seeming to not understand why that would be a problem.
“I thought I’d best warn you, I didn’t want it to upset you.”
“Katie, I volunteer with children, three days a week. It’s okay, honestly.”
“I know but, I just wanted you to know. So? Saturday?”
“Count me in.” he smiles.
“So, I’ll see you at the hospital tomorrow?”
“You will. It’s party day remember?” he grins.
“I think someone might like the parties more than the children!” I laugh, opening the door to get out.
“There are hats and food and games, it’s the best way to spend the afternoon!”
“Have a lovely evening, Daniel. You know where I am if you need me.”
“And you know where I am. Goodnight, Katie.”
For the first time, in a long time, longer than I care to remember, when I let myself into the empty house, I don’t automatically feel a sense of loneliness. Daniel’s words from earlier come back to me; but being here with you, spending the day like a normal person, that helps. It helps me remember that life does go on, it is going on. That I’m living and breathing and even though I hurt, I’m surviving. I was surviving too, and each day gets a little easier thanks to him.
* * *
“Should I be nervous? Why am I nervous?” Daniel asks me as we pull up outside Ginny’s.
“No, you should absolutely not be nervous. Ginny and Ryan are two of the best people in the world. You’ll love them and they will love you.” I take his hand in mine and squeeze it.
“But they… They knew Richard too.”
“Yes. We’ve been friends since school. Richard was Ryan’s best friend. But it’s okay.”
“Does Ryan… I mean, will he be okay with me being friends with you?”
“We’re friends, of course he will be. He wants to meet you.”
“Okay.”
“Come on, before you vomit all over your nice car.” I grin. We get out of the car and walk up to the door, before we get even half way up the path, Ginny throws it open and runs out.
“Katie!” she squeals, hugging me.
“Hey Ginny, ease up a little will you?”
“I’ve barely seen you this week! Where have you been hiding?” she pulls back.
“At the beach.” Daniel says from behind us.
“I’ve heard so much about you and it really has all been good,” she steps forward and wraps Daniel in a hug, “It really is so lovely to meet you, Daniel.”
“You too.” he smiles, hugging her back.
“Why are you shaking? You’re not scared of me are you?” she frowns.
“Just nervous.” he whispers.
“Why?” she whispers back, looking up into his eyes and paying him complete attention.
“You were… I’m not…” he looks to me for help.
I step up to them and wrap my arms around them both, I lean closer and whisper.
“He is worried about Ryan, being best friends with Richard, and how his presence will go down here.” I tell her. Her eyes swim with tears and she takes Daniel’s hand in hers, squeezing it.
“It’s okay. You’ve helped our best friend so much, Daniel. We can never thank you enough for that. Any friend who has managed to make this one smile again,” she nudges me with her shoulder, “Is always and will always be welcome in our house. Ryan and I are excited to meet you.”
Daniel doesn’t say anything, he just nods and smiles. Ginny pulls us both into the house and through to the kitchen where I can hear Ryan talking to Aidan.
“Little man, if you’re going to dribble all down my nice clean t-shirt I’m going to put you out with the rubbish on Monday you know that, don’t you?”
“I’ll take him, don’t put him out with the rubbish!” I laugh, coming over to them and holding out my arms for the little guy.
“Sold, to the Munchkin wearing a floaty dress!” he hands Aidan to me and winks, “How are you Shorty?”
“I’m good thank you. How is my scrummy boy?” I kiss Aidan who chuckles at me.
“I’m very well,” Ryan says, leaning in and in a mock whisper saying, “But I thought we agreed not to say things like that to each other around Ginny?”
“Oh shut up! This is Daniel.” Ginny calls, ushering him into the room.
“Hi, Ryan,” Daniel holds out his hand, “Great to meet you.”
I notice it’s still shaking and my heart aches a little for him. Daniel is a confident guy, he meets strangers all the time at the hospital and speaks to them like long lost friends.
“Are you sure?” Ryan asks, frowning, “Because your hand is seriously shaking.” They shake hands and Daniel laughs nervously.
“It really is, just this whole thing is terrifying to me.”
“We’re terrifying? Did you already see Ginny without her makeup on?” Ryan jokes.
“No he saw you without yours!” she slaps his arm and heads to the cou
nter where she is busy making things for the barbecue.
“We’re not that scary. What can I get you to drink?”
“What do you have?”
“We have everything!” Ginny laughs, “What do you like?”
“Beer?”
“We have loads of it, lager or bitter?” Ryan asks, heading over to the cupboard where the glasses are.