by Maggie Fox
On the far side of the tarn Zane checked his waterproof watch. They’d been in the water almost ten minutes. It was probably enough for Faith, as she wasn’t used to the temperatures of wild swimming, even on a warm day like today.
“Let’s head back to camp.”
She nodded and launched herself across the water towards the far shore. He reached the tent before she did and headed inside to fetch them some towels. Faith walked towards him and he handed her a towel before pulling off his shorts and starting to dry himself.
“You know I’m impressed don’t you?” Faith asked as she watched him cooking swordfish marinated in lime and coriander on skewers over the camp fire. “Businessman, extreme sports instructor, all-round nice guy, cook. Is there anything you can’t do?”
He turned the fish round to grill on the other side.
Yeah, he thought, relationships. I can’t do relationships. Not usually. It’s different with you though. When I’m with you I feel as though it will all be OK. I think that I can do this.
“There’s plenty I can’t do,” he said aloud. “I can’t make cakes. I can’t speak Russian. I can’t keep my hands off you.”
She leaned her head against his shoulder.
“You are such a sweetheart and this day has been totally perfect.”
“Yeah, it has.” He kissed the top of her head.
The problem with perfect, he thought, taking the fish off the fire and putting it on a plate, is that once you get to perfect, things can’t get any better. They can only get worse.
“Can you play music?” she asked as he handed her the plate.
He nodded.
“What can you play?”
“The guitar. In fact I have it with me, it was already in the tent in case we wanted to sit under the stars later and have a campfire singsong.”
“You sing as well?” She raised an eyebrow.
“No,” he said tucking into his dinner. “But you can sing if you want.”
“How much have you had to drink today?”
Zane shook his head, knowing what she was getting at. “If you want me to sing, not nearly enough!”
How much later it was Zane had no idea as he tried to work out what kind of owls were hooting somewhere in the distance. Faith was asleep next to him, breathing heavily.
He hadn’t intended for this to happen. When he’d arrived at Carrdale the last thing he expected was to end up falling in love.
He still hadn’t told her everything. How would she feel when he did? When they’d started dating he’d thought about telling her then, but he’d been worried about the consequences. Now he knew he’d left it too late.
The past twenty-four hours with Faith had been the best of his life. The connection between them was so deep and powerful it was as though they could never get enough of each other.
Then it hit him. Two words popped into his head from nowhere, instantly filling him with a crippling fear.
Why? Why did this have to happen now? The panic started to seep through him. He’d been doing OK. He was the happiest he had ever been. He’d honestly thought he could handle things this time.
He watched Faith sleep, her eyelashes flickering, drinking in the sight of her.
Oh Faith, he thought, if you only knew. I wish I could tell you everything. If I had a guarantee things would still be OK for us once you knew, then I would tell you. But there are no such guarantees...
His mind was going over and over the thoughts whirling in his head. Everything he’d managed to hold together with Faith for these past few months was now slowly unravelling. And there was nothing he could do about it.
Self-preservation kicked in. The voice in his head told him to get sensible and get out of the relationship, while he had some chance, however small, of keeping his sanity.
No, he knew, it was too late for that.
He didn’t want to let her go, but he had to.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Zane pulled into the parking area at Carrdale and turned off the ignition. At four o’clock on an early November day it was already beginning to go dark. He just wanted to make sure everything was OK after being away from the place for a day on his camping trip with Faith. All right, so he was paranoid. But, just for his own peace of mind, he wanted to make sure.
Standing in the car park he looked around him, taking it all in – Carrdale with its stone façade, the slate name sign near the entrance, the way the Centre nestled amongst the rock and grass-strewn hills, and the trees swaying in the strengthening breeze. He owned half of this place. Well, he along with the bank. He took a moment, thinking, appreciating how he’d actually done it. All he’d worked for since college, all he’d sacrificed to get to this point.
Now, it seemed, he would have to sacrifice something else as well.
Walking across to the entrance he spotted Matt’s and Dave’s cars still in the parking area. There was also another car which he didn’t recognise, a sporty little hatchback. That was odd. There were no activities planned for now, so there shouldn’t be any customers around at this time of day. Perhaps it was just someone who had called in to buy a gift voucher. The sale of the vouchers which let people book whatever activity they wanted at a date to suit were proving very popular; even more so as people’s thoughts started to turn towards buying Christmas presents.
Heading for the office Zane turned the door handle and stopped. The door was locked. That was weird. A light was on in there (he’d seen it through the window when he’d walked into the Centre), but maybe Matt and Dave were off elsewhere in the Centre sorting equipment, and had locked the door for security.
Zane ferreted around in his jacket pocket for his bundle of keys, then froze. Had he just heard voices? Holding his breath he listened hard.
Yep, the voices came again. And a girlish giggle.
Zane backed quietly away and headed for the stairs and the top landing. From here he could watch the entrance to the room whilst remaining out of sight. A few minutes later he heard the door unlock. He saw a woman leave the room, tucking a T-shirt into her trousers with one hand and fluffing up her hair with the other. She paused in the doorway, reaching up to kiss Matt, who was now leaning on the doorframe, his shirt unbuttoned.
Zane’s heart sank.
He leaned back against the wall of the upstairs landing, taking care to stay hidden. Twenty-four hours he’d left the place under Matt’s management, and this was how he behaved. Zane hadn’t recognised the woman, which meant there was a good chance she wasn’t a local. Which in turn meant there was every chance that the woman was a customer of the Centre.
As soon as Zane heard the front door of the Centre open and then close behind the woman, he raced down the stairs two at a time and stormed into the office, slamming the door behind him.
“You’re not supposed to be back.” Matt looked distinctly uncomfortable as he did up the last button of his shirt. “I didn’t expect you to call in today.”
“Obviously not.”
Matt sighed and flopped into the chair behind the desk. “By the look on your face I assume it was you not Dave who tried the office door a few minutes ago.”
Zane nodded. “Yep, afraid so.”
“Go on then,” Matt rubbed at his forehead and eyes. “Get the lecture over with!”
“I didn’t recognise her.”
“You wouldn’t.”
“Who was she, Matt?”
“OK, OK. You already know the answer to that question. She was one of the women on this afternoon’s corporate team-building group.”
Zane muttered something under his breath as he paced the room, shoving his hands in his pockets so he couldn’t grab hold of Matt and do something he would later regret.
“She made it pretty obvious she was interested in me. After the rest of the group went she stayed behind, and we fooled around a bit.” Matt chewed nervously on his bottom lip. “Go on, say it.”
Zane stopped pacing and turned on Matt. “A customer? Seriously? I thought we’d agreed
you wouldn’t do that anymore. It was risky enough when you were messing around with the customers when we were working for someone else. But this is our own business, and we’ve put pretty much every penny we’ve got into this place. Not to mention all the years of planning, preparation and hard work to get to this stage. And you want to risk it all for some casual thing with a woman you just met?”
Matt got to his feet, planting his hands on the edge of the office desk. “I’m sorry, OK? So we can’t all be Mr. Perfect like you. I screwed up.”
“You know,” Zane paused, taking a breath, trying to stay in control. “You know how it works, Matt. If we get a reputation for stuff like this, it could ruin us and the Centre!”
“Just relax,” Matt said, pushing his hand through his hair. “It won’t happen again. I swear.”
“But what if that woman tells her friends? What if they start booking on courses at the Centre expecting more for their money than just a go on the assault course? You know how it was in Austria, some women think they’ve bought the services of the instructor in more ways than just a climbing lesson!”
“I know, I know. I made a mistake. I won’t let it happen again. I was feeling low. I just wanted someone to want me.”
“You’re an idiot, Matt,” he sighed. “Will you never learn?”
“How many times can I say I’m sorry? What do you want me to do?”
“I want you to take the Centre seriously. We’ve a lot of time and money invested here.”
“I am doing. Don’t forget it’s my money as well as yours that’s made this place happen. You think I’m going to risk it all? It was one time. I swear. I was lonely and fed up. I just thought, well, why not.”
“You know why not. It’s asking for trouble, it’s bad for business, and it’s totally unprofessional.”
“Well, you were off doing God-knows-what with Faith in the woods, and I cracked. You were enjoying yourself, why shouldn’t I?”
Zane shook his head. “If you really had to, then at least you could have taken her on a date, or gone somewhere else. It’s not exactly discreet, is it?”
Matt shrugged. “There was nobody else around except for Dave, and I sent him down to the equipment stores to clean and check everything. I knew that would keep him out of the way for a while. Nobody would have been any the wiser. Until you turned up of course.”
Zane closed his eyes and started counting to ten under his breath.
“Why don’t you just do what you really want to, Zane eh? Hit me, shout at me, and swear at me! Go on…”
“I don’t want to hit you. I know you’re angry with the world these days, but believe me, Matt, this isn’t the answer. I know what it feels like, remember?”
Matt said nothing, staring out of the window into the darkness.
“You helped me through it, Matt, now I just want to help you. I’m trying to.”
Silence hung heavily in the air.
Matt sighed, still looking out the window. “It didn’t work. With this woman it meant nothing, and I didn’t even enjoy it. I just kept thinking about Karolina.”
Zane walked across the room and rested a hand on Matt’s shoulder. “I’m sorry. You say you were thinking about Karolina, but I thought you were involved with Emily. What happened there?”
“She’s away on business at the minute. Before you say anything: yes, I know, I’m scum. I don’t need you to tell me. Why do I always mess everything up?”
“You don’t, mate. It’s not just you.” Zane sighed, thinking of Faith. “It’s life.”
“Right now, I hate life.” Matt took a deep breath. “So anyway, how was your little woodland escape with Faith?”
“Great, thanks.” Zane crossed over to the filing cabinet. He wasn’t comfortable talking about private things between him and Faith with anyone, let alone Matt. Besides, right now, he wasn’t sure what he was going to do about his relationship with her.
Matt stopped staring into the darkness and looked at Zane as he flicked his way through one of the cabinet drawers looking for a file.
“You’re very lucky, do you know that?”
Zane didn’t look up.
“Faith is amazing. I might have a pathetic love life at the moment, but at least one of us is having a good time in a proper relationship.”
Zane continued to look for the file, ignoring Matt but feeling himself tense at his words.
“I know how lucky you are. Faith and I were together for years. We were childhood sweethearts.”
Zane felt sick but knew he still had to ask the question. “Meaning?”
“You know what I mean.”
“You’re saying you slept with her all those years ago?” Zane asked, barely able to get his mouth to say the words.
“Of course we slept together.”
In two strides Zane was across the room, grabbing Matt and pinning him against the wall. “Shut up!”
Matt smirked. “Go on, hit me! I dare you.”
Zane released him, backing off and shaking his head.
“No. That’s what you want me to do. To punish you for what you just did with that woman, because, right now, you hate yourself for doing it. And it wasn’t even worth it. It didn’t help. I’m telling you it never will help.”
Matt rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand.
“You’re still blaming yourself,” Zane went on. “You’re trying to punish yourself. I recognise the signs. So I’m just going to walk out of here and not beat you to a pulp.”
“No,” Matt shouted. “You’re walking away from me because you don’t have it in you to hit me, and we both know it. In some things, Zane, you’re just a coward.”
Chapter Twenty-Four
Standing over the sink Zane thought he was about to throw up. There was a fierce burning in his throat. Thankfully he hadn’t risen to the bait and punched Matt. It had been a long time since he’d hit someone. Five years, in fact.
He remembered it clearly. He remembered his mum yelling at him to stop. He remembered getting out of there, scrambling for the door handle, horrified at what he’d done. He remembered finding a pub and getting so drunk he hadn’t even been able to use his mobile to call Becca and James to come and get him. The landlord had rung them for him at way past closing time.
Leaning back against the counter he closed his eyes. He was furious with himself. Furious for what he’d almost done thirty minutes ago when he’d almost hit out at Matt, furious for what he’d done five years ago, and furious for what he was about to do – end things with Faith.
Opening and closing kitchen cupboards he eventually found a bottle of brandy at the back of one of them. He hated brandy, but had been given this bottle as a gift by the man who used to run the Centre and he’d shoved it in a cupboard in case anyone else wanted to drink it. He grabbed a glass and headed for the sofa.
Filling it to the brim he gulped as much back in one go as he could, the heat burning his throat. Right now he didn’t care what he was drinking, just so long as it was something to try to make his brain stop thinking.
Someone was lying to him. And that someone was either his best friend or the woman he loved.
He was fairly certain that it was Matt who was lying, but even so, Matt’s words had planted a tiny seed of doubt about Faith. And that seed was now flourishing, taking hold, forming into an excuse to end things with her, to escape from a relationship that was the best he’d ever had.
Coward. That was what Matt had called him. And the worst thing was that he was right. Zane was finding excuses to get out of his relationship with Faith because he was a coward. Because he couldn’t face up to what those two words had meant when they had flown into his head out of nowhere while he was with Faith on the camping trip.
He poured more brandy into the glass and gulped it back. His phone beeped and he pulled it out of his trouser pocket. A voice message from Faith. He clicked play and listened as her soft voice asked what time he thought he’d be going round to her place tonight with the
promised take-away.
She was waiting for him. Pizza and a DVD, cuddled up together on the sofa.
Zane listened to Faith’s message again. Whether she was lying to him or not, he couldn’t just ignore her. He selected her number from the call list and waited, hoping it would go to her voicemail. At this time of day she should be busy clearing up and closing the café for the day.
It rang once.
Twice.
Three times.
Any second, he figured, he hoped, the voicemail would cut in.
“Hey, Zane!”
Faith. Great. “Faith, look, I’m sorry but there’s a problem at the Centre and—”
“You’re going to be late,” Faith chipped in. “No worries. It will give me time to have a relaxing bath. Then I can cook up something for us to eat instead of you getting a take-away.”
Zane swallowed.
Stick to the plan. Say what you have to, then get off the phone before you end up agreeing to call round later.
“Sorry. I’m not going to be able to make it at all.” He knew he was talking too fast, rushing to get said what he needed to. “You know how it is. I can’t leave Matt in charge for five minutes without him messing things up.”
“It’s nothing serious is it?” He could hear the concern in her voice. “Do you want me to come up there and lend a hand with anything?”
“No. It’s nothing serious. Just some stuff I need to sort, and it has to be tonight.”
“Oh. OK.”
Was that disappointment or surprise he detected in her voice? Possibly both. Surprise because he’d bailed on their plans. Disappointment because she would have been looking forward to the night as much as he had.
“I’ll ring you soon, OK?” he said. “Got to go.”
He switched his phone off and threw it across the room. It hit the coats hanging on the wooden pegs near the front door, bounced off and landed on the floor.
Leaning forward he put his empty glass on the coffee table, propped his elbows on his knees and hid his face with his hands, trying to get himself to calm down. It didn’t work. Reaching for the bottle he refilled his glass again and slumped back on the settee. He’d made the mistake and now he was paying for it. He’d allowed love into his life again, and allowed himself to take the risk.