Serves 1
Ingredients:
100g linguine
70g cubed pancetta
A knob of butter
1 tbsp olive oil
1 medium onion – red or white – or 1 echalion/banana shallot, chopped
1 large clove of garlic, thinly sliced
A pinch of red chilli flakes
A pinch of sugar
A pinch of salt
A tin of Italian tomatoes – preferably peeled cherry tomatoes
40ml of single cream
Pecorino (or parmesan)
Method:
Heat the butter and olive oil in a saucepan over a medium heat until the butter has melted.
Add the onion/shallot and cook over a gentle heat for five minutes, stirring occasionally.
Add the pancetta and garlic, and cook for a further ten minutes, stirring, so that the onion starts to turn golden, but doesn’t turn brown.
Add the tomatoes, chilli flakes, salt and sugar. Stir, and leave to cook on a low heat for 30 minutes.
Meanwhile cook the pasta in boiling salted water.
Two minutes before the pasta is ready, add a dollop of single cream to the tomato sauce, stir, taste for seasoning and bring back to a simmer.
Drain the pasta, pour the sauce over it and grate some fresh pecorino on top immediately.
* You can see a more visual guide to cooking this recipe on my blog - pastafriends.blogspot.co.uk – if you find that sort of thing helpful, which I do.
For what it’s worth, my recommendations as to what to read next are as follows:
If you’re looking for something very funny, try Bossypants by Tina Fey.
If you’d prefer a smart, sharp thriller, try Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn.
If you want a proper book, I’m a big fan of Beyond Black by Hilary Mantel, The Stone Diaries by Carol Shields, and The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver – all brilliant in very different ways.
And of course if you want a darkly comic book about love and cake, you could do worse than Pear Shaped.
Gino D’Acampo’s spaghetti del poveraccio
(Pasta with anchovies, breadcrumbs and garlic)
The very talented and handsome Gino D’Acampo has written two excellent books on pasta, and has kindly shared with me his recipe for spaghetti del poveraccio, poveraccio being Italian for ‘a very poor man’. This dish makes brilliant use of leftover breadcrumbs, and is the perfect store cupboard supper for a mid-week dinner when your fridge is bare …
Serves 4
Ingredients:
500g dried spaghetti
8 anchovy fillets in oil, drained and finely chopped
100g white breadcrumbs
4 cloves of garlic, peeled and cut into quarters
1 medium hot red chilli, deseeded and finely chopped
3 tablespoons of freshly chopped flat leaved parsley
6 tablespoons of olive oil
Salt to taste
Method:
On a low heat, gently fry the garlic in the oil until golden all over. Remove the garlic and place the chilli and the anchovies in the oil. Cook for approximately 3 minutes, or until the anchovies are melted into the oil. Set aside.
In another frying pan, toast the breadcrumbs until crispy and golden brown. Set aside.
In a large saucepan, cook the pasta in the salted boiling water until al dente.To get the al dente perfect bite, cook the pasta for one minute less than instructed on the packet.
Once the pasta is cooked, drain and tip back into the same pan you cooked it in.
On a low heat, pour over the anchovy oil, the parsley and the breadcrumbs. Stir everything together for 20 seconds, allowing the flavours to combine properly.
Serve immediately.
Ms Marmite Lover’s Leftover Brioche and Marmalade Pudding
‘Some things are just good to eat,’ says Ms Marmite Lover. If you look at her blog, marmitelover.blogspot.co.uk – or better still, buy her beautiful cook book, Supper Club: Recipes and Notes from the Underground Restaurant – you will see that everything she makes looks very good to eat indeed.
Serves 4-6
Ingredients:
8 slices of leftover brioche
½ a jar of marmalade
300ml single cream
300ml whole milk
60g sugar
2 eggs, beaten
100g unsalted butter
Sultanas soaked in Cointreau (an orange liqueur), if you like a touch of booze
Method:
Butter a baking tin. Cut the brioche into slices and butter both sides. Spread marmalade on the side facing upwards.
Place brioche in the buttered baking tin.
Mix the cream, milk, sugar and beaten eggs together. Pour over the brioche.
Drain and sprinkle the plump sultanas on top.
Bake at 180°C/356°F/Gas Mark 4 for 15 minutes or until golden brown.
Serve with double cream.
* NB. This recipe can be made with any leftover bread, preferably sweet – try pannetone, or challah (a braided egg bread available from Jewish bakeries).
The Goslathon
I am embarrassed to admit that as recently as two years ago, I would get confused between Ryan Gosling and Ryan Reynolds. Both were good-looking, mousy haired and thirty-something, and I couldn’t really tell them apart. I’d never seen them in the same room or film; it’s possible they were the same person.
Now I look back and I am amazed and saddened that my younger self failed to invest sufficient attention towards Gosling. I had opportunities. I’d heard rumours, talk of ‘the hotness’ from friends and breathless media alike; but I was in the middle of a weird Alec Baldwin crush and paid no heed. While regret is a futile emotion and achieves nothing beyond self-flagellation I can honestly say that I regret this failure to notice and thus appreciate Ryan G. And while this is truly the worst pun I’ve ever typed, and I regret it too, let me say it in French anyway: je regrette Ryan. For in those pre-Ryan years, while I thought I was happily making my way through life, it turns out I was merely sleepwalking.
Then one day, I was so bored of people telling me how brilliant the soundtrack from Drive was, that I decided to watch the damn film, just so I could tell them they were wrong. And they were wrong! The soundtrack is monotonous and whiny, I’m sorry, it is.
But they were right about Ryan.
When I revealed to my now ex-boyfriend that I had a late-onset crush on Ryan Gosling, he said something rather insulting about Ryan. I can barely bring myself to say exactly what that something was it is so patently ridiculous, but still…he said that Ryan Gosling…give me strength now…he said that Ryan Gosling looks like Rodney Trotter in a denim jacket.
Seriously? I’m sure he was just trying to get me back for the countless times I’ve said that Rose Byrne is average-looking. It’s hard not to be jealous sometimes, I admit it. (Of course Rose is a beauty). But still, Ryan as Rodney Trotter? I Really Don’t Think So.
Nonetheless, it did strike me as strange that this random Canadian had gone from Disney Mickey Mouse Club child actor, via years of steady, stable acting in interesting, indie roles, to suddenly BOOM! The Sexiest Man on the Planet. So I decided to investigate the development of Ryan’s hotness. Maybe in doing so, I could find myself a geeky ex-Mickey Mouser and mould him into my own private Ryan.
Having obsessively studied the oeuvre de Gosling (not the worst homework, by the way, better than quadratic equations), I am now in a position to report back on what are the key eight films in his repertoire. Here for you now are my findings. You’re welcome.
United States of Leland (2003)
Plot: Ryan plays Leland P Fitzgerald, a very sad, gentle teen, who is in love with the girl from Donnie Darko. He commits a terrible crime, though possibly not as terrible a crime as the film’s scriptwriter. The plot is unconvincing.
Hot: If you had to bet a fiver on which actor in this movie would go on to become a bona fide heartthrob, you’d almost def
initely place your money on Chris Klein from American Pie’s broad shoulders, rather than the young Ryan who stars. You would barely recognise this reedy Ryan with his thatch of murky brown hair as the same Ryan from the shower scene in Crazy Stupid Love, and yet they are one and the same. At no point in this film is Ryan hot, though he is endearing.
The Notebook (2004)
Plot: Super-shmaltzy love story about a young couple falling in love, told in flashback. Ryan plays Noah, who is desperately, unwaveringly in love with Rachel McAdams, whose snobbish parents don’t approve of young Ryan because he is a simple, working-class lad. You will be moved to tears by the end, whether you like it or not. Watch with ice cream.
Hot: An interesting film from a transitional hotness point of view. At the start you’re still thinking I don’t get it, he’s skinny, a bit weedy, boyish, lanky, his lips are a little thin and then suddenly POW! He grows a BEARD. He drinks a little too much BEER. He gets ANGRY. He makes things out of WOOD. And he becomes H-O-T. He becomes A MAN.
Stay (2005)
Plot: Complicated psychological thriller, almost impossible to follow at times. Equally distracting (along with the holes in the plot) are Ewan McGregor’s many pairs of badly cropped trousers. Ryan plays Henry Letham, a psychologically troubled art student, who seeks help from a shrink – or does he?
Hot: Ryan’s hair is often dirty in this film, and in a few shots he has a disturbing touch of the Macaulay Culkins, before Macaulay turned to the dark side. Gosling still looks way better than McGregor and his dumb trousers; but not better enough to justify the 99 minutes of your life you just kissed goodbye. Avoid.
Fracture (2007)
Plot: Extremely entertaining thriller, pitting Ryan as hotshot southern lawyer, Willy Beachum, against a psychotic wife-murderer played by Anthony Hopkins. Lots of twists and turns, and great casting, including a sterling performance by Rosamund Pike, whose hair looks brilliant.
Hot: Ryan’s character is charming, cocky and on the side of good. He looks supremely handsome throughout, wears some sharp suits, and even manages to carry off a diamond and gold lucky horseshoe ring. If you watch closely there is a shower scene, and a work-out scene, but you see nothing, damn it, NOTHING.
Blue Valentine (2010)
Plot: Heartfelt, painful story of a couple’s relationship and its deterioration over time. This film is ferociously depressing, but not necessarily in a bad way – it feels entirely authentic. Besides, if my relationship with Ryan Gosling was breaking down, I too would be ferociously depressed.
Hot: Flashback Ryan is super-hot as Dean, particularly when he woos Michelle Williams, and serenades her with a ukulele while she dances in a shop doorway. As life and alcohol take their toll, Ryan’s looks go to pot – his hair suffers terribly – and yet he remains hot because a) he loves his wife so much, b) he looks like he’s a great shag, and c) he is Ryan Motherfucking Gosling.
The Ides of March (2011)
Plot: Ryan plays Stephen Meyers, a staff member working for would-be presidential candidate George Clooney. As one of the key team members in charge of spin, Ryan gets embroiled in a potential scandal and has to take care of business.
Hot: One of the reasons Ryan is so fiendishly sexy is that he is very good at playing intelligent characters and therefore one assumes (rightly or wrongly), that he must be intelligent in real life. His cleverness in this film is underlined by accessories, namely, some rather fine dark-rimmed, non-ironic spectacles. He even wears them in bed, while typing on a laptop, that is how clever he is. Not just a very pretty face. Also, note how his eyes study Marisa Tomei’s features in the early scene where he is flirting with her. Imagine for a moment that you are Marisa Tomei. Good, right? Now imagine that Ryan is actually Nicholas Lyndhurst. No longer good.
Crazy, Stupid, Love (2011)
Plot: Ryan plays Jacob Palmer, a serial womaniser, who decides to help Steve Carrell rediscover his manhood after Carrell’s wife asks for a divorce. A charming, funny, silly movie, with excellent casting. Interesting to note that the girl who plays the babysitter came to fame in America’s Next Top Model, cycle 11. Who knew?
Hot: Ryan looks very, very hot throughout, but in particular: the scene at the mall where he’s wearing shades and eating a slice of pizza; the naked scene in the shower where Steve Carrell’s head is sadly covering Ryan’s crotch; the scene where he takes his shirt off and reveals his insane body to Emma Stone.
Drive (2011)
Plot: Ryan plays Driver (correct, no name allocated to his character. Poor The Ryan). He is very good at…driving! And so makes a living in Los Angeles as a stunt driver, with some dodgy business on the side. Then he meets Carey Mulligan and things start to go wrong. Violent – avoid if you don’t like eyeballs being pierced with forks.
Hot: Arguably the hottest example of hotness to date. This is not just because of the tight tshirts Ryan sports throughout. Nor is it solely because the director does an excellent job of filming Ryan at angles that showcase his incredibly straight and pretty nose. More than anything, it is because his character is so damn silent. What could be more attractive than a strong, quiet man? He never whines, he barely even talks. He is the opposite of neurotic; he concentrates, and he takes care of business. And then there’s that kiss, in the lift, obviously, that kiss…
While undertaking the extensive research behind this filmography, I happened to visit the cinema to watch Silver Linings Playbook and realised something rather disconcerting: I fancy Bradley Cooper 3% more than I fancy Ryan Gosling, which actually breaks the laws of science, as I didn’t think I could fancy anyone more than I fancy Ryan. It was too late to rewrite this book and change all the references from Ryan to Bradley. Nonetheless, some consolation was to be found in the fact that Bradley and Ryan star together in The Place Beyond The Pines, which is coming soon to a cinema or computer near you, and also stars the rather average-looking Rose Byrne.
Acknowledgements
A massive thank you to my first draft readers – Belinda K, Priya B, Ann F, Dalia B, Keren B, Michelle G, Anna T, Ben K, Sophie S and Kerry W – for your ever-constructive feedback, given in double quick time (apart from you, Little Raynus).
To my editor Claire B, for immense patience and encouragement, and Becke P and the entire team at Avon for all your hard work; and Becky T at William Morris for doing such a good job.
And to all my other friends who have given me endless love and support in a pretty tough year. If I thanked you already in Pear Shaped, I’ll just say ditto; trees don’t grow on trees and all that:
Alex E-W – for investing so much time in cutting out little photos from the colour printer and finding new places to hide them, and for dancing the Annabel’s dance better than any hooker ever could.
Ana S – for the Spanish lesson.
Andrew H – for being one of the good guys.
Anna P – for gin and jam, what more could a girl ask for?
Cassie S – master chef, dance partner extraordinaire, reorganiser of kitchen drawers with or without permission. The secrets of The Notebook are safe with me. I mean, it’s not like I’d ever put them in a book or anything…
Chris and James – for Frandrew.
Dom – the best eyes in the business.
Harriet J – for amazing attention to detail, and for helping me through the hardest times.
James H – you said you wanted to be in my book, so now you are in my book. Happy? (P.S. that beard totally suits you).
Jinesh P – for the many, many coffees.
Henry F – for such a valiant effort.
Jenny K – for never failing to make me laugh.
Kathryn F – for being so lovely, generous and supportive, always.
Mark L – for the rooftop memories.
Massi – for the Italian lessons.
P-Hill – for putting up with my Ryan fixation, and never forcing me south of the river.
Polly C – for letting me use so many of your beautiful things.
Rachel G �
� for being there, always.
Ruth S – for helping me to feel un-lonely at the wedding.
Susie A – for generously granting me permission to name a character Susie. Next book is all about the goats.
Toby F – who is way more attractive than Ryan Gosling.
And finally to my mum and dad, for surviving such a hard year with so much courage and strength. x
About the Author
Stella Newman is the author of Pear Shaped. She lives in London and is a freelance copywriter and keen amateur cook. She is currently writing her third novel. She blogs about restaurants, food and writing at www.stellanewmansblog.blogspot.com.
By the same author:
Pear Shaped
Read on for an extract
from Pear Shaped
Two girls walk into a bar. There is no punchline.
I’m the girl on the left in the wildly inappropriate black and white spotty summer dress. It is the snowiest February in thirty-eight years but I flew back from a month in Buenos Aires three days ago and this tan ain’t going to waste.
A month in Buenos Aires: sounds glamorous? Ok: a month in a £6 a night hostel in the Boedo barrio – think Kilburn with 98% humidity. No air con, no overhead lighting, shared showers. I’m thirty-three. I earn okay money. I don’t like sharing showers, not least with 18-year-old Austrians proclaiming Wiener Blut the greatest Falco album ever released. Wieners aside, Laura and I have the time of our lives.
Laura is the girl on the right in the bar. Best friend, tough crowd, northerner. She’s wearing a polo neck and a woolly hat. Together we look ridiculous; we don’t care.
It is one of those evenings. Whether it’s the outfits, the tans or the sociability that a snowy Friday night in London brings, we end up being the epicentre of it all. One guy, Rob, has been trying to impress me for the last twenty minutes. He’s too pretty for my taste and he’s spouting off about knowing Martin Scorsese’s casting director.
Leftovers Page 30