“What kind of music?”
“Um, a Christmas song about angels.”
Dan wracked his brain. “How about Angels We Have Heard on High?”
“I think that’s it.” Mandy stuck one leg out behind her and held one arm high in front and the other behind her. “This is called arabesque.”
“Okay. You’ve got good balance.”
Mandy wobbled for a few seconds then lowered her limbs. “I can’t do it without music. Because there’s flying and jumping and stuff.”
Dixie hadn’t left yet. She stood beside him, jacket zipped up, and stared at her five-year-old.
He didn’t have any Christmas music in the house, did he? And the moment would be lost if he hunted it up on YouTube and tried to choose a good rendition. Okay, fine. He’d sing it. He could remember the first verse, anyway. “Angels we have heard on high, sweetly singing o'er the plains. And the mountains in reply...”
Mandy dropped her hands to her hips. “Daddy, you know that song!”
“Sure, I do. Get dancing, baby.”
He blocked Dixie’s astonished stare from his periphery as Mandy resumed her position. He sang the first verse again and launched into the chorus. “Gloria, in excelsis Deo.”
Mandy twirled around the living room, her brothers smart enough to stay out of her way.
Dan sang the gloria bit again, enthralled at the little girl’s grace.
She swept a bow at his conclusion.
“Hey, baby, you’re pretty good, you know that?”
She beamed proudly, her gaze bouncing off his and fixing on her mother’s. “Did you like it, Mama? Did I do good?”
“Yeah, you’re amazing. I didn’t know they were teaching you to really dance.”
Dan glanced at Dixie.
“Did you?” she asked. “I thought they were just doing a little kid pretend thing.”
“I’ve never been to one of their church programs before, but Fran got Ava involved, and she takes dance at the academy, so I guess it shouldn’t be a huge shock. The real surprise is how good this little missy is. We’ll definitely have to get you into lessons next term, Mandy.”
She clasped her hands together. “Yay! Thanks, Daddy.”
Dixie didn’t jump on it that time, either. “You did good, baby. I’ll see you tomorrow.” She turned for the door.
Dan opened it and followed her out onto the stoop. “Thanks, Dix.”
She paused in the act of tugging her shoulder length blond hair out from behind the fur collar. “What for?”
“Making Mandy so happy.”
“No biggie. She did good.”
“It is a biggie. She really craves your approval. She soaked it right up.”
“She’s a good kid.” Dixie cut him a glance. “I guess I need to say thanks to you, too.”
He raised his eyebrows. “Oh?”
“You always seem to know how to please her. Who knew you could sing a Christmas carol all the way through?”
Dan shrugged. “There’s more verses, I think. I might need to pick up a Christmas CD.”
“I thought you were a Spotify guy.”
“Yeah, but a CD would be easier for the kids.”
Her eyes searched his face. “You’re pretty awesome, you know that?”
He stilled. This usually meant she wanted something.
She stretched up and her lips brushed his. For just a moment, he gave in and gathered her close, intensifying the kiss. Dixie broke away first then bolted down the concrete steps and over to her car. She didn’t even wave as she peeled out of the gravel driveway.
Dan stared after her, his lips tingling, his whole body yearning after her. She was such an exasperating woman but, no matter what Jacob advised, there was no way Dan could give her up. Call him a sucker for punishment, but he’d take whatever Dixie was willing to give him… without crossing any lines. If that made him look like a pathetic puppy, so be it.
He loved her. How was a guy just supposed to turn that off? He couldn’t.
5
“Dixie! It’s so good to see you!” Dan’s sister, Linnea, swooped in with her arms outstretched. “It’s been ages. How are you doing?”
Dixie managed to survive a quick hug before stepping back. “Pretty good, thanks.” All things considered, like how it was Linnea and Logan’s fault Dan had chosen Jesus over Dixie last spring. It was hard to stay mad at his sister, though. She was a genuinely nice person in an annoying family and had really tried to be a friend to Dixie. Too bad she and Logan were enrolled at Edmonds Community College clear across the state.
Henry ran toward them, tripping over his feet and tumbling to the floor. The kid just bounced back up and finished the trek. Dixie swept him to her hip.
“I can’t believe how much he’s grown since summer.” Linnea ruffled Henry’s blond curls, but the little guy ducked away from her hand, nestling into Dixie’s shoulder.
Whew. Maybe she’d survive a few hours with the Ranta family, after all. At least her kids loved her... most of the time. Dan wanted her here and had even brought the kids. It was a good idea to keep him happy occasionally.
Dan’s mother poked her head into the entry area from the kitchen. “Linnea, can I get you to — oh. You’re here, Dixie. I didn’t hear you come in.”
Dixie forced a smile. “Hi, Yvonne. I asked Dan what I could bring, and he said nothing.”
Yvonne’s smile looked as pained as Dixie’s. “That’s right. We’ve got everything covered. Won’t you come in the kitchen?”
Yep. Anything that kept her out of the line of sight of Dan’s dad and brother a bit longer was all right with her. She’d take either of them on toe-to-toe if she had to, but it upset Dan’s gut — wait, since when did she care? She wasn’t technically with him anymore, other than that they shared parenting.
“I just can’t wait to move back to Spokane and put into practice the stuff we’re learning in college!” Linnea gushed as she gestured Dixie to precede her. “Between Logan’s business classes and my horticultural design and all Dan’s hands-on experience with the company, we can offer more services than ever before.”
“You’re selling yourself short, aren’t you?” Dixie set the wiggly toddler down as she leaned against the nearest cupboard. “You worked for Ranta Landscaping more years than Dan has.”
Linnea sent a quick glance toward the living room door. “Just as a serf, though. Dan’s been doing amazing things in the two years since he’s taken the helm. Right, Mom?”
Yvonne shot her daughter a sharp look. “He seems to have kept it in the black, at least.”
“Oh, come on, Mom! Give him some credit.”
Her mother pursed her lips as she stabbed a fork in the potatoes. “He’s lost some long-term customers.”
“And gained new ones who want better ecological practices. I think he’s way ahead. Don’t you agree, Dixie?”
No way did she want into this conversation. “Um, sure.” All she cared about was that he paid the rent, kept the kids clothed and fed, and was able to pay her something for watching the children. She’d hated to ask but, hey, a girl had expenses, and he seemed able to pay Fran, so why not her?
“Can you mash these, Linnea?” asked Yvonne.
“Absolutely.”
“What can I do, Yvonne?”
Dan’s mom glanced over, biting her lip. Had Dan really said his mom had asked him to invite Dixie? Because this was not a warm welcome. Mind you, there never had been. Dixie should be used to this treatment after nearly three years. Whoa. Had she and Dan really been together that long? Not that they were together, exactly. Dixie gave her head a shake.
“Can you get Dan or Logan to come carve the turkey?”
Her gut clenched. “Sure. Are they watching the game?” Dave Senior was bellowing at the TV, so things weren’t going well in the other room.
Linnea pointed the masher at the patio door beyond the dining table. “They’re out on the deck, talking.”
Dixie nodded and circle
d the table, already set with a white linen cloth and Yvonne’s prized china. Henry’s high chair stood in the center of one side. Dan must have tossed it in the back of his pickup. She slid the glass door open a few inches and slipped outside, hearing the low murmur of men’s voices around the corner.
“You still love her, then?” Logan’s voice.
Dixie froze. The cold November wind with its hint of snow had nothing on her heart.
“I do.” The anguish in Dan’s voice clutched at her. “How do you just stop loving someone whose life is so entwined with yours?”
“I don’t know, bro. And I know you’re praying about it all. What has God shown you?”
Dixie eased the slider shut behind her as quietly as she could.
“I’m not sure. Guess that’s obvious. Jacob said two wrongs don’t make a right, and that makes sense. He said just because we have a son together doesn’t mean I should marry her.”
She knew she didn’t like Jacob. How dare their neighbor judge her like that?
“She open to marriage at all?” asked Logan.
The silence lasted just long enough that Dixie could envision Dan shaking his head.
“Is she open to Jesus?”
Dan sighed. “Not that I know of. She’s changed some in the past few months. I see glimpses of a softer side, but then those barricades whip right back up. All those men parading through her mom’s life when Dix was a kid really messed her up. That’s all the relationship she knows.”
“I get it.” Logan’s chair creaked. “I didn’t have a family to speak of, either. Like your little guy, my sisters and I all had different fathers. That was my biggest fear, really, that I’d let Linnea down. That my hang-ups were hereditary, and I couldn’t learn how to love one person for the rest of my life.”
Huh. Why had she not known this about Logan? Because she’d never cared enough to look below the surface. He didn’t affect her life.
Behind her, the glass slider rolled open with a loud rumble. “Dixie! There you are. Is one of the boys coming?” Yvonne called.
Dixie cringed as heat flared up her face.
The chairs around the corner creaked and Dan appeared. “Hey, Dix. What’s up, Mom?”
Dixie licked her lips. “I was, um, sent to see if you or Logan would carve the turkey.”
Dan’s eyes narrowed at her, but she couldn’t hold his gaze. Not when he knew she’d been eavesdropping.
Logan clapped Dan on the shoulder as his gaze toggled between them. “I’ve got the bird.” He brushed past, followed Yvonne into the house, and slid the door shut.
Pretty sure Dan was the one with the turkey. Her.
“How long were you out here?” Dan couldn’t help the sharpness in his voice. What all had he said to his brother-in-law? How would Dixie interpret — or, more likely, misinterpret — what she’d heard?
Her chin came up as she wrapped her arms tight around her narrow middle. “Should’ve known you’d be talking about me behind my back.”
“It’s not all about you, Dixie.”
“It is when I hear my name.” Her eyebrows peaked.
She had a point. Wouldn’t he have paused to listen if he’d overheard her and a girlfriend talking about him? Sure, he would’ve. That might be the only way he’d ever know what she really thought of him, since she certainly wasn’t telling him to his face.
Dan huffed a sigh.
“So, Jacob doesn’t like me, huh?”
“I don’t believe that’s what I said. Or what he said, either.”
“Oh, give up, Dan. It’s the same thing, telling you marrying me would be a mistake. Probably he called it a sin. You Christians are all about pointing out someone’s sins.”
“Will you marry me? Because I’ll go get a marriage license on Monday. I don’t care what Jacob says.” Did he care what God said? Yeah, of course, only God wasn’t talking. Except for that verse one of the guys had pointed out at men’s prayer breakfast a couple of weeks ago. Something about being unequally yoked with unbelievers. They’d been talking about it in the context of a business partnership, but Dan had read between the lines. The scripture had gone on to say, ‘what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness?’ Being as he didn’t feel particularly righteous — and Dixie wasn’t exactly lawless — he’d tried to shove the whole idea out of his mind.
“You’d go against your new religion?” She angled her head, face etched in disbelief.
“Dixie, I’d marry you in a heartbeat. You know that. You only need to say yes.”
“Even if they say it’s wrong?”
“What’s wrong about a man and a woman committing their lives to each other? I love you, babe. I hate being apart.” Basil’s face drifted through Dan’s memory, proof that even being together hadn’t kept them from being apart. Dan stepped closer and reached for her hands, but she backed up a step.
“I’m never getting married. I’m not cut out for that kind of relationship. You know me.” She offered a wan smile.
“I do know you.” This time he advanced until she backed up against the stucco beside the patio door. He rested his hands on either side of her shoulders and watched while she nervously licked her lips. The sight turned his gut inside out. “Dixie,” he said softly. “Please marry me.”
Her head gave a tiny shake.
Dan leaned in closer and kissed her. He’d meant it to be a light brush, just enough to breathe a promise, but it wasn’t enough. Not when her lips parted for his. He groaned, gathering her close as her arms slid around his neck. He deepened the kiss, yearning for her. Lord, why is this so hard?
“Take me home,” she whispered between desperate, gasping kisses.
“Oh, Dixie.” He pushed away an inch or two and tried to gather his thoughts.
“C’mon, Dan. You know you want me as much as I want you.”
Problem was, he did. He really did. “I can’t, babe.”
This time it was she who ducked away, right out of his grasp. “Religion is kind of a killjoy, isn’t it?”
He deserved that. “I want to do right by you. Treat you with the respect you deserve.”
She laughed, but there was no humor. “I don’t deserve respect. I’m not worth it. You know me better than that.”
“I do know you. You’re a wonderful woman, created by God for a purpose.” The purpose of mothering her kids. Of marrying him. He couldn’t say those things, though. He’d probably already said too much. He definitely knew he’d kissed too much, and that gave her power over him.
“Stuff it, Dan.” The passion in her voice vanished completely. “I don’t know why you didn’t ditch me while you were ahead. Every other guy I hooked up with saw the truth much quicker than you did. You’re blind or dense or both. I’m just a slut.”
He heard the quiet desperation. “Babe, you’re not just anything. Yeah, you’ve made some poor choices.”
Her eyes flared in anger.
“What, you can say that, but I can’t? I’m right there with you. I’ve made a lot of the same ones, in fact. But we were created for better, both of us. That’s why Jesus came to earth. So He could redeem us. Give us a new hope and a new purpose.”
Those arms wrapped around her belly again. “And you’re stuck on your old purpose, thinking I’m worth your trouble. I’m not, Dan. Go do your lofty new thing. Jacob’s right.”
“He didn’t mean it that way.”
Dixie rolled her eyes. “Nice try. Ever since we first met, I knew you were too good for me. I almost felt guilty for dragging you down to my level, but I didn’t let that stop me. I got pregnant on purpose, thinking I could hold on to you that way.”
The words were a sucker punch, but they shouldn’t have surprised him. He just hadn’t realized she’d been quite that calculating. “You got your wish. You’re stuck with me.”
“I’m not.” She shook her head. Her lips formed a thin line, a far cry from the pliant welcome of a few minutes ago. “I’m no more stuck with you than with Brandon or Scott. Th
ey had no trouble walking away. So, go. Leave me to my own devices.”
“Henry—”
“He’ll be fine. In fact, you can have him. I’ll take my other kids and get out of your hair. You’ll thank me for that.”
No. Never. “You can’t, Dix—”
“Watch me.”
“Babe, don’t separate the kids.” He closed his eyes, waves of nausea rolling over him. “We all need each other. The kids need their siblings. They need their mom. They need me, and I need them.”
“I didn’t have a father figure, and I turned out okay.”
Dan managed to stifle a bitter laugh, but maybe not soon enough. “If you’d turned out okay, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”
She drew herself to her full height, which wasn’t saying much. “You’re finally telling me what you really think of me.”
There was no reasoning with her when she got this way. Everything he said would be used against him. Except this. “I’ll tell you what I think of you.”
Dixie’s eyebrows rose as she stared back. “I can take it.”
He gentled his voice as he searched her eyes. “I love you, Dixie Dawn.”
“You can’t.” She stiffened.
Dan wouldn’t have thought it possible. “You can’t stop me from loving you.”
“I bet I can.”
The nauseous waves swelled into tsunami-strength breakers. Dan closed his eyes, waiting for the billows to calm, but that was going to take a while. Why had he challenged her? He knew better.
The heavy glass door rumbled on its rollers once, then again.
God! Where are You? I don’t even know what to pray, what to ask. Please, please, please send healing. Cover Dixie with Your love. Cover me, too. I feel so empty.
In the distance, he heard her car start. That figured. If she was good at anything, it was running when she didn’t get her way.
6
“Where are we going, Mama?” Mandy asked from her booster in the back. “I’m hungry, and Grandma’s dinner smelled so yummy.”
“She’s not your grandmother.” Dixie yanked the steering wheel and turned east on Riverside. Dan’s parents’ house couldn’t disappear out of her rearview mirror quickly enough. “We’ll hit a drive-through in a few minutes.”
Dancing at Daybreak Page 4