“He’s been asleep pretty much since they brought him in. He’s probably going to sleep through the night. His sister should be here tomorrow, and she’ll take care of him.”
That had been why I came. Charlie would be leaving, and there wasn’t a guarantee he’d come back. The thought of not seeing him every morning upset me in ways I couldn’t even describe. He’d come into my life and wedged himself in, nice and tight.
“I don’t want him to go,” I told Clay, watching Charlie as he slept. He looked so peaceful and innocent. Did I really want to drag him down with my crap?
“I know. I don’t either. But he needs someone to help him out. The doctors say he’s going to be needing help for six weeks or more, and then there will be physical therapy for his hand and maybe his leg. He’s got some things to deal with down the road.”
Charlie’s words came to me again: It takes courage to ask for help.
“I want to help him,” I said, my voice far stronger than I expected.
Clay patted my shoulder. “That’s nice, but you’re not really in a position to help out.”
I faced Clay, determined for him to see how serious I was. “I want him to stay with me. I want to be the one to help him.”
Clay stepped back and gazed intently at me. “Matt, this isn’t something you can just spring on me. You’ve never wanted anyone in your house. Do you know what help he’s going to need?”
“I’ll ask,” I replied, jutting out my jaw. “I don’t want him to go. I need him here. I need him… to stay.”
Clay shook his head. “I don’t know if this is a good idea.”
Now I was pissed. “Why not? You’re the one who said I had to get to know him. Well, I did. And I like him.”
“I like him too,” Clay stressed. “But I’m not able to take care of him. We’re not family—we’re just friends. You’re already under a lot of stress. Look at you down in the lobby. Be honest, can you take care of Charlie? Can you have him in your house for weeks on end? And with winter coming up, what happens if you get snowed in like you did two years ago? You’d be trapped in the house with another person. Do you really think you’re able to handle that?”
When he said it like that, I had to pause. I had created a fantasy in my head, one where Charlie would stay with me, in my home, and I’d take care of him. But the reality of the matter had stepped up and slapped me in the face.
“Matt? Do you understand what I’m asking you?”
And until that very moment, I thought I had.
CHAPTER SEVEN
I REFUSED to leave, hoping Charlie would wake up. Clay grudgingly said okay and that he’d look in on me. It turned out he’d been right. Charlie slept soundly for several hours. The nurses checked him routinely, and I sat in the corner of the room, out of the way. Clay had told them to leave me be, and they did, a fact I was grateful for.
When they told us that visiting hours were ending soon, Clay again offered me a ride home. When I told him I had a cab waiting, he said he’d already taken care of that. “You want a ride, you call me. I’d be more comfortable having you with me than someone you don’t know.”
I didn’t argue. If Charlie would be leaving, I wanted a chance to say goodbye, though the thought had me all twisted up inside. My brother hadn’t been wrong. I could take care of myself, despite the loneliness I now knew had been buried deep inside me for a long time. But the fact that my fears kept me away from people showed I wouldn’t be able to have Charlie in my house, no matter how much I wanted it.
Clay showed up at my place about ten the next morning to take me back to the hospital to see Charlie. It worked, because that would be the time I’d normally see him, so I talked myself into going. Like he’d done the day before, Clay had his arm around me as we walked.
“I talked to Aaron yesterday. He was the young man at the desk. Do you remember him?”
Oh yes, I most certainly did. My stomach still hadn’t completely settled. “Oh?”
“He claimed you spoke so softly, and there were so many things going on, he misheard you. He said he’s very sorry, and if you want, he’ll apologize to you if you come back to the desk today.”
The whole confrontation stood out in my mind. I had been so nervous that I hadn’t spoken up, even when he questioned what I asked for.
“No. He’s probably right,” I admitted.
“I thought as much from when I found you.”
My stomach roiled. Leave it to Clay to poke at the embarrassment.
“Do you remember me telling you how proud of you I am?” He squeezed my shoulder gently. When I looked at him, the emotion stood out clearly. He wasn’t kidding. He really was proud of me.
“Thank you,” I muttered.
“I know how hard it is for you, doing things like this. I honestly never thought you’d be able to do it.”
I looked down at the linoleum flooring as I clenched my fingers, pressing the nails into my palm to keep me in the moment. “Makes two of us.”
“I need to ask, though. Can you tell me why? I mean, for years I’ve been trying to get you to come to town so you could see me or Mom. But you never did. Yet you got into a cab and came to the hospital to visit Charlie. Why?”
“What can I say that you’ll believe? What’s the right answer?”
“There isn’t one. I’m just curious.”
Why could I come to see Charlie when I hadn’t really seen much of my family in several years? How was it that Charlie could sit on my porch and sip lemonade? Why did I accept a gift from him when I’d always been self-reliant? The answer seemed very simple, but at the same time, too complicated.
When I looked up, Clay had guided us into the chapel. There wasn’t anyone else in the room, and I breathed a sigh of relief.
“I figured this might be an easier place for you to talk.”
Years before, I’d gone to church with my family. It had become a tradition from the time when my father was alive. After the incident, I couldn’t go anymore. For a long time, I railed against everyone who didn’t keep me safe—my mother, the sheriff, our school board, and even God. Eventually I ended up realizing my mother had nothing to do with it and forgave her. Everyone else, not so much.
Walking into the rectory wasn’t as uncomfortable as I thought it might be. A small statue of Jesus stood in the middle of the room. Clay walked up and knelt before it, crossing himself as he did. I didn’t feel like it was right for me to do it when I couldn’t even be sure I still believed. Wanting to show the respect I’d been taught since I was a kid, I did incline my head.
Clay took a seat in one of the short wooden pews and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “So talk to me.”
“What do you want me to say? You know what happened. When we were kids, you saw how it affected me. Charlie is the first person to not make me feel awkward. I don’t mean I’m completely comfortable with him, but after all those months of seeing him every day—”
“And calling me to complain about it, of course.”
I ignored him. “He became a part of my world. Like my books, or like the animals on my property. He fit there.”
He got up and moved over to me. He sat beside me and sighed. “That doesn’t make any sense,” he told me, the frown on his face punctuating his point.
“But it does to me. Sort of.” I tapped my temple. “In here, it makes perfect sense. My world has to be all laid out for me. It’s got to have symmetry. When Charlie started running by the house, he stripped that away. It made me edgy and irritable—” Clay raised a hand, and I glared at him until he dropped it again. “But as time went by, and he came every day, same time, same route, I began to accept him there.”
“But you kept calling.”
For what I had to say, I couldn’t look at him. I turned my gaze away and sat in a pew the next row over. “The reason for that is because….” I sighed. “I felt an attraction to him.”
For a moment everything was quiet. Though I knew Clay was still bes
ide me, I turned to look at him.
His eyes were wide and his mouth opened and closed a few times. “But you haven’t—”
“Not since that day, no. After what Jackson did to me, I couldn’t….” I should have been embarrassed saying this to him, but Clay knew me better than pretty much anyone. He nodded knowingly. “I even stopped getting wood in the morning.”
“But you got… aroused by Charlie?”
“Just one time,” I admitted. “But it happened. And not only that, I also like looking at him. He’s big, but I don’t feel at all threatened when he’s near. In fact, that day you guys came out to the house to fix my door, I realized how safe I felt around both of you. I thought I wouldn’t, but when you sat on the swing with me, you seemed to be holding the world at bay.”
Clay smiled at me, got up, and moved closer. The nervousness I’d always thought would be there wasn’t. At least not like I expected it to be. “I’ll always be there for you, Matt. You’re not just my brother—you’re my best friend. You have been forever. I can’t tell you how much it hurt to see you falling apart and not be able to do anything about it.”
“I’m sorry,” I said, my voice cracking. “I never even thought—”
“No!” he ground out as he pointed his finger at me. “Don’t you ever apologize. You were a kid, Matt. You never should have had to be concerned with whether a teacher, someone you should have been able to trust, was going to take you out and try to….” He clasped his hands and looked up at the statue of Jesus. His face had gone bright red, and I could see his eyes shine. “It’s not fair,” he said. “The biggest concern you should have had was a zit or whether Marty Hendricks would find his balls and ask you to go to the school dance.”
My gaze snapped up. “How did you—”
He frowned at me and waved his hand. “Please. You mooned over him for more than a year. Mom and I both saw it. For the record, he finally did come out. He moved to California, got married, and he and his husband have a four-year-old daughter.”
I chuckled. “Is there anything you don’t know?”
Clay sat quietly for a moment. “I don’t know how to make it better for you. I never did. You were the reason I went into law enforcement. I wanted to try to help someone the way I wished I could have done for you. I wasn’t kidding when I said I wanted my brother back.”
He stood and held his arms open. The twinges of anxiety were still there, but I reminded myself that Clay’s arms meant safety. I rushed to him and allowed him to hug me.
“I’m trying.”
He stepped back, holding my arms, and stared into my eyes. “I can’t believe I’m going to say this…. I think you should ask Charlie to stay with you.”
He must have seen my shock, because he got a wide grin.
“Yeah, I’m feeling the same way,” he said. “But after what you said, maybe Charlie’s good for you. You’re so much different than you were a few months ago. I know you’re still nervous, and it’s written all over your face, but you’re not manic anymore. You conquered your fears and came here. For him. I have no idea how he feels about you, but maybe it’s not a bad idea to find out.” He looked down at his wrist. “His sister should be here in about an hour. You have to make up your mind what you want. Then decide if you’re willing to go for it.”
And that uncertainty had always been my problem.
“I’M SORRY I crashed on you,” Charlie said, giving me a small grin. “Didn’t know I could be that tired.”
He still looked exhausted. The burns on his face had been dotted with a white cream. They didn’t seem as bad as they had, which I found myself grateful for. I winced when I saw the hand with the cast. His fingertips had turned black and blue and were still swollen.
“Are you in a lot of pain?”
He smiled at me. “I’ve got some medication for pain relief. The doctor said I’ll need it because of the ribs. When he told me they were broken, I had visions of bone chips floating through my body. He said they’re cracked, which is bad enough. Taking a deep breath sucks, but I need to do it on occasion to make sure I don’t get pneumonia or something. It could have been a lot worse than it was, so he says. If I had a newer truck, I might not even have gotten burned when the airbag deployed. Of course, that point is moot. Now I’m going to have to get a new one.”
“I talked to the paramedics,” Clay said. “You have no idea how lucky you were. It took them almost an hour to get to you because where you went down was mostly shale. They had to go very carefully to avoid breaking off chunks that could have done more damage to you and the vehicle. And that tree? You’ll be happy to know that it kept you from falling a lot farther down. All in all, you should be grateful, because a few more feet one way or the other and we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”
Clay had always been blunt, but telling a person they’re lucky they didn’t die seemed out of character for him. Then I looked in his eyes and saw fear there. He got snappy when he was afraid. I’d been on the receiving end of that often enough. I reached out and touched his arm. He faced me and stepped back.
“I need to get some air,” he snarled, then turned and walked away.
“What’s wrong with him?”
I shrugged. “You probably scared him.”
“Oh, I’m sure I scared myself a lot more. Wouldn’t be surprised if I crapped myself on the way down.”
“It’s not funny,” I shouted, then remembered where we were and lowered my voice. “It’s not something you should joke about.”
“No, it’s not,” he agreed, holding out his good hand. “But I’m safe, so I have to laugh about it.”
I took his hand, and he wrapped his fingers around mine. The same safety I’d felt before blanketed me once more.
“You know, I didn’t mean to scare you.”
I snorted. “You claimed that yesterday, but that doesn’t change the fact that you did.”
“Well, then, I’m sorry I worried you. How’s that?”
“Better.”
His fingers squeezed mine, and warmth rushed through me. I stood looking at our joined hands, marveling at the fact I didn’t pull away. In fact, I never wanted him to let go.
“Matt, I—”
“Well,” said a voice from behind me, “look who’s being lazy.”
I tried to draw away, but Charlie held me in place. A woman strolled in, all smiles and attitude. I could tell from the way she favored his good looks that this had to be his sister.
“Teresa!” he said happily. “When did you get here?”
“About fifteen minutes ago. The doctor said you can get out today.”
Charlie glanced up at me. “Yeah, that’s what I hear.”
“So I figure we’ll stay overnight at your place while I get you all packed up. Tomorrow we’ll get a ride to the airport—though if you have any pull, I really don’t want to pay a cab eighty bucks to take us back—and by eight tomorrow night, we’ll be home in New York.”
“That’s… great,” he murmured, finally letting my hand slide free of his. “Teresa, this is Matt. Matt, my sister Teresa.”
Why I expected her to descend on me, I don’t know, but she stood there and graced me with a pearly-white smile. “It’s a pleasure to meet you. Charlie’s told me about you.”
He had? “You did?”
“I did,” he confirmed. “Told her what wonderful people lived in Fall Harbor, and how grateful I am that I got to meet so many of them.”
Teresa pursed her lips. “Yep. From the waitress at the diner who gives him crappy lemonade, to the man who’d never read one of his books but serves the best lemonade he’d ever had, I constantly get to hear about this town and its colorful residents. I know he’s going to miss it here.”
I took a small step away from the bed. “But he’s coming back. Aren’t you?”
He gave me a sad expression and shook his head. “I had a great time here,” he said. “But in New York, I can be closer to my publisher, and it’ll be easier to g
o on book tours. Being several hours away from a major airport causes all kinds of problems. I do love the town, but writing is my livelihood.”
“Oh, okay,” I replied, not knowing what else to say.
He reached for my hand again, and I took another step away, just out of his reach.
“Matt? Can you come back here, please?”
My mouth had gone dry, and with his sister at the door, I felt trapped. “No, I—I should go.”
As I edged toward the door, Teresa moved toward me. “Matt? Are you okay?”
I nodded sharply. “Yes, but… I really need to leave.”
“Matt, don’t—”
In a burst of energy born of desperation to get out of the situation, I darted for the door. When I got into the hall, Charlie called my name, but going back wouldn’t do any good. There were too many people, too much noise. I needed my home, where it was safe, where no one would bother me. Where I could once again start building my walls to keep other people out. If nothing else, this had taught me a valuable lesson: Don’t pin your hopes on anyone else, because ultimately they’ll disappoint you.
ONE GOOD thing about having lived in a small town was knowing there weren’t a lot of people on the streets in the afternoon. I’d turned my phone off because Charlie had called four times by the time I hit Main Street—yes, it was really called that. So much had changed in the years since the incident. Many of the shops that had been there almost fifteen years ago were gone, replaced by other things. Mr. Duncan had owned the Creamery, an ice cream parlor that only opened in the summer, but it wasn’t there anymore. Instead there was a Dollar Mega Store. Mr. and Mrs. Kwan had owned the dry cleaner shop, but they’d moved out and that building stood vacant, with the windows boarded up. It saddened me to see how much had changed.
I’d just reached the edge of town when the squad car pulled up beside me.
“Get in,” Clay ordered.
I did as he said, sliding into the passenger seat and buckling my seat belt.
“Why didn’t you wait for me?”
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