I bent down, wrapped an arm around him, and helped him to his feet. Once I had him steady, the next trick was getting him up the stairs. Now I understood why Teresa had been straining, because he wasn’t light. After I wrangled him into a spot where he’d be out of the sun, I leaned against the pole, wanting a moment to catch my breath. But when Charlie called my name, I looked over and was lost in his gaze.
“Matt?” he said softly, his eyes warm and gentle.
“Y-yes?” I stuttered.
He gave me a lopsided grin. “My lemonade?”
I HELPED him onto the porch and put him into the seat of the swing. He snuggled in, being careful because of his ribs. I grabbed the wheelchair and pulled it onto the porch where he could reach it. Afterward, he made himself at home while I poured him a glass of lemonade and brought it back outside.
“I suppose I should call Teresa and let her know.” He chuckled, and I couldn’t help but grin. “I can imagine what her reaction will be.”
As he dialed, I went into the house to make sure the sheets on the bed were clean. Fortunately the sofa in the living room was relatively lump-free. As I gazed around the room, a jolt of panic struck me. The dark wood bookcases, the small medium-brown stands that held my most prize possessions, my desk, which sat empty, and the painting I’d done in art when I was a freshman of an orange-and-red sunrise as it crested over the crystal blue waters that hung on the wall—this was my world, the one I’d cobbled together. Could I let Charlie stay here? He would be touching my things, making a mess. How the hell could I deal with that?
“I said I’d buy you a ticket home. You can stay in my place for a few weeks and call it a vacation. You’ll love the town.” Charlie sighed. “Teresa, listen to me.” A pause. “No, that’s not it at all! I just—”
Another longer pause, then an even deeper sigh. This time I went to the window where I could see him. He glanced up, noticed me, and made a blah-blah-blah gesture with his hand.
“Yes, I know you’re upset, but I told you, Matt—Oh my God, woman! Will you shut up and let me talk?” He chuckled. “Thank you. I know it’s not in your nature to let someone get a word in edgewise.” He laughed. “Yes, and the horse I rode in on, I know, I know.”
He listened intently for a bit, his eyes displaying deep laugh lines as he listened to whatever Teresa was saying. Everything about Charlie was beautiful. He glanced up and noticed I hadn’t moved. He smiled and gave me a wink. That simple gesture had my heart fluttering.
“The hospital shouldn’t have called you,” he insisted. “I appreciate you coming all this way, but you really didn’t need to.” He paused. “I should have updated that information a long time ago.” He dropped his head back, then shook it from side to side. “I would have been fine, really. They didn’t need to get in touch with you. This is where I want to be. I have friends here, and they would have helped me. And before you ask, no, it’s got nothing to do with Mitch. If he’s happy, then I’ll be glad for him, but it’s been over for years.”
He laughed, and I realized I’d been eavesdropping. Everything in me rebelled against the idea of him staying with me, but this time I pushed back. Charlie could stay here; we could work it out. I had no doubt about that. I stepped out onto the porch and waited while he continued talking to Teresa. It was obvious he loved her, but also that she was able to get under his skin.
“No, you can’t come up here for lemonade. Matt and I have a lot to discuss. If you could go back to my place and pack me some clothes, laptop, and other essentials, I would be eternally grateful.” He paused. “Matt? Is it okay if Teresa drops a bag off for me? She can leave it on the porch.”
“Yes, but she doesn’t have to—”
“It’s fine, honest.” He went back to talking with Teresa. “I’ll give you a call in a few days if anything changes. Uh-huh. Yeah, love you too.”
He hung up and turned his head in my direction. “Be glad you only have a brother. Sisters are… a challenge at times. Or maybe it’s just mine.” He laughed. “Either way, if you still want me here, I’d like to stay. If you think it would cause too many problems, I’ll have Teresa come get me.”
“After that call, she’s probably halfway back to New York by now.”
“That would be great,” he admitted. His smile faded a little. “After the accident, the hospital called her as my emergency contact. She’s the one who decided to jump on a plane to come and get me. It’s her feeling that I was much happier in New York, and that if I came back, me and my ex could work out our problems. I told her before I didn’t want to work it out. The more time I spent away from him, the more I realized we weren’t meant for each other. I was in love with love, nothing more.”
He held out his hand to me, and without questioning it, I went to him and took it. What surprised me was how natural it seemed that I let him touch me. Until I met Charlie, I never, ever allowed anyone to put their hands on me. Now I found comfort in allowing Clay to hold me when the pressures got to be too much, and Charlie’s hands on me felt right.
“Okay, last chance. If you’d rather I not stay here, it’s perfectly okay. I know you value your privacy, and I don’t want to intrude on that. If you want me to go, I’ll stay in town. Teresa will stay and take care of me, I’m sure. There will be a lot of complaining, though. You’ll probably be able to hear it way up here. But I want to stay, if you want me to.”
There could be no doubt that he was offering me a chance to say no, to say I had made a mistake. The urge to accept it could have easily overwhelmed me, but I swallowed it down. If I ever wanted to have a chance at a normal life, or at least some semblance of one, I had to work hard to show that I could be normal.
“Yes, I want you to stay with me. I have the bed made up for you, and….”
Charlie waited patiently while I got my thoughts together. Now that this had become real, I didn’t know where to start.
“Is there anything you don’t eat?”
He patted his flat stomach. “My mom likes to say I could be a human garbage disposal. Anything and everything.”
That would make my life a lot easier. Having limited supplies on hand, I’d have to improvise some meals until the store could make a delivery. Of course, that would mean getting an order in and having Charlie see my routine. Was I really ready for that?
“Charlie?”
“Hmm?”
Not able to look at him, I turned away and began to pace. I couldn’t decide if I should sit down or run away. My cheeks were already red-hot. “There won’t be a good time to discuss this, and it probably should be said before you decide this is the place you want to be.”
He turned and leveled his gaze at me. “Okay. Tell me what’s on your mind.”
I figured this would be easier if I was sitting, so I took a seat and looked out at the copse of trees that had been almost stripped bare. Funny how this conversation made me feel the same way. “Thirteen years ago….” I paused and tried to come up with a better way to say it, but nothing came to me beyond the bald truth. “Thirteen years ago,” I repeated, “a teacher tried to… to….” My throat seized up, and the words wouldn’t come.
“Matt? Are you okay?” Charlie reached over and put his hand atop mine. “Tried to what?”
I swallowed hard, and it hurt all the way down. A quick breath, followed by my confession. “He tried to rape me,” I whispered.
CHAPTER NINE
THE SILENCE became oppressive. I prayed he heard me, because if he hadn’t, there would be no way to repeat what I’d said. He just sat there, but neither of us said anything. Eventually it got to be too much, and I stood, the need to get away riding me hard.
“Where are you going, Matt?” he asked, his voice husky. “Look at me, okay?”
“I have to… I need… I don’t know,” I cried, scrubbing my hands over my face.
“Look at me,” he insisted.
At that moment the truth had become even harder to face, because someone I cared for, a person I wante
d to care for me, had heard what happened. Would he understand? Would he reject me? I turned my head slowly, expecting to see disgust or censure in his expression. Instead, what I found was a man with tears in his eyes.
“The only thing keeping me from holding you right now is my leg,” he said, a strange tone in his voice that I hadn’t heard before. “Can you maybe sit next to me?”
He held a hand out and looked beseechingly at me.
“Please, Matt?”
I took a few tentative steps toward him.
He reached for my hand and pulled me closer. “Why are you telling me now?”
“Because you might decide you don’t want to be here,” I replied softly, squeezing his fingers.
“No, that’s not going to do it,” he assured me. “I knew there was something, but it’s your story, so you had to talk about it in your own time. I’d never press you to tell me something until you were ready.”
His understanding threw me for a loop. Part of the reason I hid out was because I’d already seen the looks of pity on my mother’s face and couldn’t handle it. If Charlie’s expression had been similar, I probably would have fallen apart again. But it wasn’t there. Only concern.
Taking a seat next to him, I exhaled slowly. “I was sixteen when it happened. He asked me to give him a ride home, and I didn’t think anything of it. He creeped me out, but he was a teacher, right? Trustworthy, supposed to have your best interests at heart. He directed me to drive to a spot outside of town. When we got there, he pawed me, tried to force me to suck him.”
As I remembered the incident, my heart thudded so loud Charlie must have been able to hear it. My stomach threatened to revolt at the memories. I swallowed down the bile and continued.
“I threw up on him. He yanked me out of the car and pushed me onto the ground, then kicked me for good measure before he stole my car and drove away. I dragged myself over to a tree and leaned against it, crying over the incident and also wondering what I’d done to cause it. My mom found me hours later after she saw him driving my car through town. They made him tell them where he left me. After that, I kinda fell apart.”
Insistent fingers slid through my hair, kneading my scalp. “You’re so damn strong,” he said.
The laugh that burst from me had nothing to do with humor and everything to do with relief at finally telling my story.
“If you don’t want to stay here, I’ll understand.”
He grunted as he shifted his weight next to me. When his arm went around my shoulder and he pulled me closer, I tensed. “It’s okay,” he murmured. “I won’t hurt you. If this bothers you, tell me and I’ll stop.”
I didn’t say anything, and he urged me to put my head on his shoulder.
“If anyone should expect to be uncomfortable, you’d be the one,” he said. “Sharing something like this has to dredge up all kinds of uncomfortable feelings.”
Now came the time to bare my soul. “You don’t understand. The incident left me with… issues.”
He gave a half snort, half chuckle. “If you had said you were fine, I would know you were lying. No one, no matter how strong, would be unaffected by something like that. The physical assault left you open to emotional pain too. Anyone would have, as you say, issues.”
He didn’t even ask to hear what my problems were, but it honestly sounded like he believed in me. My mother—and to an extent, Clay—had always pitied me or expected me to just “get over it.” Charlie didn’t. It made me feel closer to Charlie than to my own family.
“My therapist says the assault might have opened the door for me to develop OCD and some PTSD.”
“What do you think?”
I thought about it for a few moments. The terrors. The need to touch everything to ensure my world was right. The fear of being among people I don’t know. “He’s not wrong,” I admitted. “As long as I’m here, I’m safe. I can’t function outside the house.”
“But you came to the hospital to see me,” Charlie reminded me. He continued to tousle my hair, and his touch grounded me in the moment.
“You don’t know what that took,” I replied. “There were so many people, and then, when the guy at the desk told me you were in the ICU, I fell apart in the lobby.”
He sat back and stared into my eyes. “He told you I was in intensive care?”
I nodded. “Clay said the receptionist misheard me when I asked for your room. He probably did too. I could barely get the words out, and he was busy.”
“Aw, Matt. I’m sorry. If my phone hadn’t gotten broken, I swear I would have called. Teresa picked up a replacement for me on her way to town. Otherwise I still wouldn’t have one.”
We sat in silence for a time, and it wasn’t at all uncomfortable. A glance at my watch told me we’d been on the porch for nearly three hours, and I didn’t want to have him stop touching me. But there were chores that needed to be done, so I pulled away. He squinted at me, then asked, “Everything okay? I didn’t do something wrong, did I?”
“No, you were amazing. I mean…. No, you didn’t do anything. I have things I have to get done, and I’m behind schedule. I know it’s weird, but—”
“It’s not. It’s part of you, and I think both of us will have to accept it.” He gave me a smile, which softened the words. “Is it okay if I stay here?”
“What? Yes, of course. I already said that. Why? Don’t you want to stay?” I asked, my voice rising in pitch.
“I meant here on the swing,” he said, relaxing into the cushion. “I’m about due for a pain pill and could use a nap. As for leaving, if you want me to go, you’re going to have to ask me. And so you know, if you do, I will go without any hesitation.”
As much as it shamed me, it settled my stomach, knowing I had options. I had no intention of exercising them, because having Charlie here calmed me. His face, his smile, even his scent settled a lot of the fear that roiled inside.
“Yes, rest.” I held up a finger when he started to speak, and then I went into the house, grabbed the blanket from the bed, took it back out, and spread it over him.
“I’m not an invalid,” he groused.
“You are for a time,” I countered, being gentle as I tucked the blanket under his legs. It felt right, and my stomach flipped at the realization that I was about to have someone in my home and I welcomed him there.
“Matt?”
I glanced up, and he smiled at me. “Yes?”
“Thank you.” He picked up his near-empty glass of lemonade and tipped it in my direction. “For everything.”
AS CHARLIE dozed, I set about canning the vegetables. Potatoes, beans, carrots, tomatoes, and corn. In a few weeks, I would also get a large delivery from the store. Unless the weather stayed mild, this would have to get me—us—through the winter months. And now that Charlie would be here, I needed to order more. I dialed the store and waited.
Six rings later a familiar voice came on the line. “Matt! I wasn’t expecting to hear from you.”
“Good afternoon, Mr. Gianetti. I wasn’t sure you’d answer.”
“I’ll always answer for you, you know that. I know you don’t like talking to other people, and you know you’re one of my favorite customers.”
Mr. Gianetti had owned a small store with his wife when I was a kid. I would go in and buy a dollar’s worth of candy and walk away with a bag big enough for me to share with Clay. Even though I rarely did. I continued going there every day until the incident. After I hit puberty, I went in so I could stare at Milo, one of Mr. Gianetti’s sons, as his muscles strained while he worked. With his dark hair and blue eyes, he was a walking wet dream. One day I must have been watching him too intently because Mr. Gianetti caught me. I was worried he’d kick me out of his store or something. Never happened. He simply patted me on the shoulder and smiled, assuring me everything was okay.
“You love who you love, Matty. There’s nothing wrong with any of it. Though I think Milo might be a little old for you.”
That was it.
He said nothing else on the subject.
Clay told me that after I’d moved away, Mr. Gianetti had grown his store into an actual grocery. When I moved into my house, I started doing my shopping over the phone with him, and when I would need something, he would always take my call, never letting anyone else talk to me. I appreciated the stability of our transactions.
“I know this is going to be a little weird, but I need to place another order.”
He didn’t say anything for a moment. “Was something wrong with what we sent you? If something didn’t come out right, you tell me, and we’ll make sure to fix it.”
“No, everything came perfectly, as always.” My stomach tightened. “I’ve got someone staying with me for a while, and I’m going to need extra things.”
“Oh, that’s good,” Mr. Gianetti said. “I worry about you, out there alone. The missus says you need someone. Is he a good man? Does he treat you right? If he doesn’t, you tell me. The boys will have a word with him.”
Mr. Gianetti always made me laugh. He always talked to me with a bad, overemphasized accent, like he was a mafia don or something. When I was a kid, he’d do it and waggle his bushy gray eyebrows.
“No, he’s a good man,” I promised. “So no need to rile the boys right now. Maybe later.”
His chuckle was warm and brought back good memories. “What do you need, Matty?”
“I think I’m going to need to reorder what I got last time.” I fretted, because I didn’t know how much Charlie ate and wasn’t sure if I’d have enough. “Maybe I should double it.”
Mr. Gianetti clucked his tongue. “You’ll never go through that much food in three months,” he told me. “Best to keep your order light and reorder if you need more.”
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