be out of Los Angeles County to avoid being seen
by one of your spies. Anyway, I really like this
Beverly.”
“I heard that she got a thumbs down from
Suzi. Didn’t that tell you anything?”
“Yes, it told me that the kid doesn’t want me
to be with anyone but you. That only means she’s
not right all the time. Besides, she’s only a kid.
What can she possible know about adult
relationships? I like this Beverly. Not only is she
great to look at, but she’s smart, classy,
successful, and when she settles with the
insurance company, that three million will make
her almost as rich as you. By the way, are you
sure I’m not entitled to some of that money you
inherited from your grandfather?”
“Oh please, give me a break. You don’t care
about her money. Wendy described her to me,
and it’s her ass you’re after. I know you. You’re a
dog. Anyway, it doesn’t matter what I think about
her, because you shouldn’t be involved with her
now. It’s a bad idea. Period.”
“Why not? She likes me, I like her, we’re
compatible on a bunch of levels, so why shouldn’t
I get involved with her.”
“Because she’s a suspect, dummy.” “What? A suspect? What are you talking
about? You mean in the death of her husband?
She had nothing to do with that. What about the
fact that his killers stole my Hummer? Does that
mean I’m a suspect too? It was my car used in the
murder.”
“No, stupid, you’re not a suspect. We know
she didn’t pull the trigger on her husband, but I
really wish that for once you’d start thinking with
some part of your body that’s above your waist.
She’s the wife. She stands to collect millions of
dollars in insurance. We don’t know if she put out
a contract on the guy, so until we get more
evidence in this case, we can’t rule her out. You
know the way it works: everyone involved is a
possible suspect until we rule them out. And we
always look at the surviving spouse first. It’s
standard procedure.”
She has a point, but there seems to be a
pattern emerging in her opinions. According to
her, my first interest was an alleged lesbian, and
then my next one a murder suspect. Myra is
obviously still in love with me, but can’t even
admit it to herself. I think I’ll stop hinting that I
want part of her inheritance. Maybe that’ll put
her in a more receptive state of mind. Or better
yet, I’ll let the kid know that I’m still interested,
and then let her do the job for me. Myra and Suzi are like a sister act now, talking every day on the
phone at least once or twice.
This is a great fantasy. I’m smitten with
three beautiful women, and they all want me.
Unfortunately one of them may be a murderer,
another a lesbian, and the third always seems to
be looking for some reason to have me arrested,
but nobody’s perfect.
Since I’m a total failure in putting a
successful relationship together for myself, I
might as well call Stuart and tell him my ideas
about how to put successful relationships
together for other people. I’m reminded of the old
saying, ‘those that can, do: those that can’t,
teach.’ I guess I’m the relationship teacher now. I call Stuart and wait to see how his phone
gets answered. He’s got so many businesses
going, it would take several minutes if they were
all mentioned in a phone greeting. I learn that
he’s consolidated things.
“Hello, this is StuartCorp. Can I help you?” “Hi, Olive, it’s Peter Sharp. Is the ‘Corp’
around?”
“Oh, hello Mister Sharp. Yes, just a minute,
I’ll tell him you’re on the line.”
“Hello Peter, to what do I owe the honor of
this call?”
“Stuart, you’re not going to believe this, but
for once it’s me calling you with a business idea.
It has to do with the fine plan you’ve put together
to check out prospective clients for your marriage
brokerage service. I think you should package that service and offer it to local women who want to know more about the guys they’re engaged to, here in the States. Lady lawyers, doctors and other professionals would form a line around the
block to have you do that work for them.” Stuart’s not saying anything, but I can hear
the wheels spinning in his head.
“Peter, by George, you may have an idea
there. How would you suggest we market that
service?”
“Gee, I don’t know, Stu, I’m not the
marketing maven, you are. I suppose you could
get the word out…”
I can tell he’s not listening to me, because
there’s a lot of noise suddenly coming from
somewhere in his office. In the distance, I can
hear Olive shouting at Stuart. He puts the phone
down and tries to calm her down.
“Pete, I’m sorry, but I’ve gotta go. We’ve had
a little emergency come up.”
“Yeah, I heard Olive in the background. Is
everyone okay?”
“I don’t know, Pete, but I think that Vinnie’s
life is in danger.”
“What’s going on, Stu? Who wants to kill
Vinnie?”
“Olive does. Vinnie just called from jail. He’s
been arrested on suspicion of solicitation for
prostitution.”
11
When it comes to Vinnie, there’s never a dull moment. He always manages to get arrested for one thing or another, and I get called on to straighten it out. I only hope this matter can be taken of before Olive gets her hands on him. I’ve seen her in a temper tantrum before, and it’s not a pretty sight. If she thinks that her fiancée has been trying to get a little ‘fresh’ on the side, he’s a lot safer in jail than anywhere near Olive.
Solicitation is only a misdemeanor, and that means there is a scheduled bail amount, so after Stuart gets him sprung we can get to work on the police report and whatever else they may think they have to base their prosecution on.
To make sure that I don’t miss out on anything, I take a leisurely drive out to Stuart’s warehouse, because I know that’s where they’ll all wind up after they pick up Vinnie from the Van Nuys jail.
Sure enough, after sitting in my Hummer and doing a crossword puzzle for a while, Stuart’s Lincoln Town Car pulls into the parking lot. Olive is sitting in the front seat with Stuart. Vinnie is in the back seat. He doesn’t look happy. There’s no need for air conditioning in that car today.
They all march into Stuart’s office and I can tell by the look on Olive’s face that if there were bullets in gun that she wears while driving one of Stuart’s armored cars, Vinnie would already be suffering from a severe case of lead poisoning.
I think the best thing for me to do is the same thing the cops do. Divide and interrogate. As politely as possible I explain to both Stuart and Olive that I’d like to have some time alone with Vinnie. Olive doesn’t say a word. The expression on her face does all the talking. Stuart has no objection, and is probably glad that I’m taking Vinnie out of Olive’s sight for a little whil
e. We go out to the parking lot and get in my Hummer. Both of us are a little dry, so we decide to find some fast food place where we can get a couple of milk shakes. Vinnie starts his explanation.
“Honest, Mister Sharp, I didn’t solicit that girl. She solicited me.”
“Vinnie, relax. I’m not here to judge you. I just want you to take your time and tell me what happened. Start out about thirty minutes before your encounter with the girl, and let me know every place you were, who you talked to, and to the best of your memory, what was said.”
“Okay. I did an early funeral run with the armored truck and they cut me loose from the cemetery about one thirty this afternoon. We were out in Inglewood, so I wanted to take the freeway back to Stuart’s garage in the Valley. I took the 405 up to Venice Boulevard, but after that I could see the freeway was a parking lot, so I went off on the Venice exit and then turned left to go north on Sepulveda.
“I took Sepulveda all the way through the pass, because I could see that it was still packed on the freeway. I went up over Mulholland and then down the winding road to Ventura Boulevard. I crossed Ventura and decided to stay on Sepulveda all the way to Saticoy. No sense in getting back on the freeway, just to get off another couple of exits ahead.
“I passed Victory Boulevard, you know, that’s where the Lido Pizza place is, and then kept going. Just before Sherman Way, there’s a traffic light at Vose Street, so I had to stop for a red. It was a nice day, so I had the windows open. The air conditioning makes me sneeze, so I try to avoid using it whenever it’s not too hot out.
“Anyway, I’m sitting there at the red light in the lane closest to the curb, and this young lady with all the makeup on is standing on the corner by the bus stop, and she smiles at me.”
I can see that Vinnie is getting flustered. He must be getting to the embarrassing part of his story. I try to assure him. “Vinnie, anything you tell me now is protected by the lawyer-client privilege, so I’m honor-bound to keep it confidential. All I ask is that you be one hundred percent truthful here, because if I don’t know the facts exactly as they happened, I can’t help you. Okay, she smiled at you. What happened next?”
“She said something like, ‘I’ve never been in an armored car before, can I please see the inside?’ She wanted to look at the truck, and she asked if I could please drop her off at Saticoy, because that would save her the bus fare.”
“Did you let her get in the truck, Vinnie?”
“Well, yeah. I mean, like it’s not like I really had money in the truck, it’s not a real armored car, I mean it’s a real armored car, but, well, you know what I mean.”
“Yes, Vinnie, I know what you mean. It’s no longer being used to transport large sums of money.”
“Yeah, Mister Sharp, that’s what I mean. Anyway, she gets in the truck and sits up front with me, and she asks me if there’s a lot of money in the truck. I tell her that I’m not carrying any money today. I mean, I never carry any money, but I just tell her that I’m not carrying any money today. You know what I mean?”
“Yes, Vinnie, please go on.”
“Then she tells me that it’s too bad I don’t have any money in the truck, because if I did, she would really show me a good time. And then she asks me if I like to have a good time. I said ‘yeah, I guess having a good time is nice.’ And then she tells me to pull over and drop her off.”
“That’s it? That’s all that happened? Did you pull over? Did she get out of the truck?”
“No. When I pulled over, a couple of cops rushed over to the truck. The girl pulls out a badge and tells me I’m under arrest, and the cops grab me and take me to the station.”
From what Vinnie tells me there’s no case here. I have one important question for him. “Vinnie, exactly how much money did you have on you at the time of your arrest?”
“Only about a dollar and fifty cents. Olive needed some money for groceries, so she took it out of my wallet this morning. I only had that buck and a half in change, and my cell phone. I figured that if anything came up, I could always call her and she’d bring me money for whatever I need. Stuart has us carry one of his gas credit cards whenever we take the truck on a job, so I wasn’t worried about money for fuel or anything, and Stuart says it’s also okay to use the gas credit card at a station’s mini mart if we need some refreshments, like a Coke or a Twinkie or something.”
“Vinnie, did the police take your money when they brought you into the police station?”
“Sure. That’s the second thing they did. First the cops grabbed my gun. That was on the street where they first arrested me. At the station they took my belt, my shoelaces, and everything I had in my pockets, including the four or five quarters, and Stuart’s Shell credit card. They even gave me a receipt for the change and the credit card. It’s right here.”
He reaches in his pocket and hands me the yellow copy of his Police Property Receipt, and sure enough, it shows the buck fifty in quarters along with the Shell Gas Credit Card.
“Okay, Vin, let’s go back to the garage. Maybe I can straighten things out with Olive for you.”
“Gee, I hope so, Mister Sharp. I’d rather go to jail than have her mad at me.”
It only took us about ten minutes to get back to Stuart’s warehouse, but with the time we spent having our refreshments and discussing the case, we were gone for the better part of an hour. When we walk into Stuart’s office, Olive doesn’t look at us. We sit down in front of Stuart’s desk. Olive doesn’t join us in the office, but I would bet my boat that she’s listening to every word we say, so I make sure that Vinnie comes off in the best light when I explain to Stuart. He understands too.
“Stuart, Vinnie is completely innocent. He’s been the victim of a police sting that was poorly conducted. The police botched things up. They should never have arrested him.”
“You’re probably right, Pete, but the fact still remains that they did arrest him. What facts were they going on?”
When I first started practicing law I represented a girl who was charged with stealing five dollars worth of meat from the market. The police charged her with felony burglary. I didn’t know what they were basing that big of a charge on, but they then explained to me that she only had two dollars on her person, at the time she stole five dollars worth of meat.
They interpreted the fact that she didn’t have enough money in her purse to pay for the meat as an indication of intent to steal. Their premise being that if you only have two dollars, and take five dollars of meat, the only reason you went into that market was to steal a larger amount of meat than you could have afforded to pay for. It therefore was outside the realm of an impulse theft, and falls under the more serious charge, because she planned it before going into the store.
In some ways Vinnie’s situation is similar. I think it can be argued that if a guy only has five or six quarters in his pocket, it’s impossible for him to purchase services from a prostitute. You can’t intend to pay the going rate of from twenty to fifty dollars to a street hooker if you’ve only got quarters in your pocket at the time.
I’ve never hired a girl like that, but from what I understand, they don’t give credit or take Shell Gas cards. Even if Vinnie did proposition her, they would be in the awkward position of arguing that he was offering her pocket change for sex. I’ve heard of ‘cheap’ hookers before, but this case would be pushing the envelope.
Technically speaking, the amount doesn’t matter. The mere act of offering money for sex is enough to constitute the crime of solicitation, but you have to take all facts into consideration. Charges like this are always a he-said shesaid situation, and it would be very hard for the People to convince a jury that a guy with only quarters in his pocket would actually offer them to a prostitute and expect to receive some sexual favor in exchange.
But that’s not the only problem they have here. This is obviously an open and shut case of attempted entrapment. Not only did Vinnie not offer the girl any money, but he may have been entitled to ask h
er for some because he saved her the bus fare she was going to spend for that ride to Saticoy.
From out of nowhere, I hear a voice. “What’s entrapment?” As expected, Olive was listening to every word. Forget about the State of California. As far as Vinnie’s concerned, his fiancée Olive is the judge, jury, and executioner. She must be satisfied of his innocence beyond any reasonable doubt, or the explanation won’t count. I might as well give them the lecture.
“Entrapment is a defense that’s used quite often in cases of soliciting prostitution or purchasing drugs. What it means is that a guy who ordinarily wouldn’t commit a particular crime is pressured into doing it by the police, who then arrest him for doing what they talked him into doing.”
Olive wants to know more. “Well then, from what you said, we’ve got the cops cold. They entrapped Vinnie. That’s his defense.”
“It won’t work, Olive.”
Now she’s adamant. “Why the hell not?” “Because you can’t have it both ways. You
can’t say to the jury ‘I didn’t do it, but if I did do it, the police made me do it.’ Either you plead not guilty and deny committing the offense, or you plead that the police caused you to either involuntarily participate in a criminal act or otherwise do something that you were not disposed to do prior to being approached by the police.
“It’s a lot like the self-defense contention. You can’t say that you never shot the guy, while at the same time, saying that you shot him in self-defense. In this case there was never any offer of money. Vinnie was asked if there was money in the truck, and he told her that there wasn’t. She never asked him for money and he never offered any. She may have hinted that she would perform sexually for him, but he never asked her to. That’s it, period. No solicitation, no nothing. There’s no way that they can show that Vinnie was ready and willing to commit the crime whenever the opportunity presented itself. He’s never been busted for soliciting before, he only had some quarters on him, and she jumped in the truck under the guise of wanting to see the inside of an armored vehicle and get a free ride down the street to save bus fare.”
At this point, all three of them want to know how I’m going to handle this case and prove that the police lady lied.
“I’m going to do nothing.”
Almost in unison, they all replied “nothing?” “That’s right, nothing. And the reason I’m
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