“Finish up. It’s getting late,” I tell her, once she seems to have settled some.
My eyes travel down her body, not at all in a sexual way. She’s beautiful, but she’s not well. She’s thin and the light shines off of several small scars on her body. One is noticeably larger though, and looks like a bite mark on her shoulder. There are more small scratches on her hips and shoulders, and some look like they were left by fingernails--from digging in and piercing her skin while holding her down.
I have to close my eyes and look back to the floor. I can’t imagine everything she’s gone through. I can’t imagine what she expects from me. But I’ll do everything I can to make this easy for her. I want to protect her from that shit and take away the pain she’s in. I don’t know if I can, but I’ll at least try.
There’s no doubt in my mind. If I could save her, I would.
Ava
I look at the cuff on my hand and then back to Kane. He locked one cuff around my wrist, and the other around the bedpost before going into the bathroom to shower. He takes another step into the bedroom, drying off his hair with a towel. Boxers hang low on his hips and my eyes stare at the deep “V” carved from his rock hard abs that taunts me. His muscles are still faintly covered with droplets of water and my fingers itch to feel his body. To run my hands along the smooth lines. If there’s no other truth in this world, Kane is the epitome of man candy. My cheeks flare with a blush and I have to look back down at the bed, then to the cuff.
I’m not sure why I have these feelings toward him. I shouldn’t. I haven’t had them before with the others. But the thought of being his--the idea that he can protect me? It has my body aching for his touch. The need to please him is stronger than I’ve ever felt before.
But he can’t save me.
My eyes close as I hear him walk to the dresser.
No one can save me.
But for now, I’m his. And the thought sends a warmth through my body. First from a sense of security, but then I feel something else entirely deeper in my body. Lower. Heating my core. I feel so ashamed. I must really be broken, to feel this desire for someone I should loathe. I should fear him. I do, in a way. But not like the others. There were three. First him. And then Felipe finished my “training,” as they called it. And then there were three.
And now Kane.
But Kane isn’t like them. He’s not like any of them. I believe everything he said earlier. Maybe I shouldn’t. Perhaps it’s all lies. But something inside of me craves him in a way I’ve never felt before. Something is telling me to trust him. A soft voice buried deep in my chest whispers that he will save me. I need only be his.
There’s no doubt in my mind that I’m a fool to believe it. But the very thought that it could be true makes me want to give him all of me.
My eyes widen, and fear quickly drowns out all the other feelings. That’s not what I’m supposed to be thinking. That’s not what my focus should be.
Revenge is my purpose. I can’t forget. I won’t let the past lay in silence. I will make them all pay. And this man, whoever the fuck he is, he’s only a temporary stay. I can’t lose sight of where I’m going.
My eyes snap up at him as he walks closer. He has a stern look on his face that’s been there ever since our conversation ended. I never should have asked questions. He said he wants me to, but I shouldn’t have. It didn’t do me any favors. Instead my focus is distant and my mind is fogged with thoughts I shouldn’t be having.
I asked him if he was going to save me. A shudder runs through my body as I close my eyes and try to keep myself composed. As if this man could be my savior. Shame and disgust run through me.
No one is going to help me. I thought I’d come to terms with that, back when I decided I’d fight to live solely for the chance to kill them. Him first. He needs to die. So long as I watch the life leave him, I’ll die with contentment in my heart.
My body stiffens as Kane walks over to me. I’m clothed at least. I don’t think he’s going to want to fuck me. He doesn’t look at me like the others do. He hasn’t taken from me. But I’m still on high alert. I don’t know if I believe him. I shouldn’t. I shouldn’t trust anyone that works for him.
I hate that I did for a moment. It was a mistake. I won’t do it again.
He stands over me as I sit on my heels on the bed.
He leans over and unlocks the cuff with a tiny key, and then places both of them on the nightstand. It’s so quiet. The only sound is the clinking and loud clunk of the metal handcuffs. I swallow thickly and look up at him. Waiting for his orders. Waiting for him to use me. I have to work hard to keep my eyes open and stay still.
“Don’t make me regret uncuffing you,” he says with a low, threatening tone to his voice.
“I won’t.” I’m quick to respond.
“You’re going to have to lie with me though.” He walks to the other side of the bed and lifts the covers. “I’m a light sleeper. Just know that.” He stares at me as he gets in and lies down. “Lie down, Ava. It’s alright; I’m not going to hurt you.”
I release a breath I didn’t know I was holding. My heart swells and shatters in my chest and tears prick at the back of my eyes. But they don’t surface. They never do. Even though this is the first time in a long time that the tears are from a man’s kindness and not his cruelty.
“Thank you,” I whisper. My body stiffens as I realize I haven’t spoken clearly. I clear my throat and look him in the eyes, as he told me to. “Thank you.” I repeat the words with confidence and slowly slide under the sheets. I lie on my back, staring at the ceiling, although I can feel his eyes on me.
I lie still and close my eyes, focusing on my breathing. It’s coming in ragged breaths as I try to calm myself. How odd that my breath is failing me when I believe I may be safe from harm. At least for the moment. The other times, when they rape me, beat me, humiliate me or leave me to starve or lay in filth--those times my breathing is just fine. It’s as it should be. But right now, I don’t know what to think. I’m frightened of the unknown.
My body jolts as a heavy arm settles across my lower belly. Kane drags my body across the bed and into his arms. I struggle to move, to speak, to breathe. I thought he said he wouldn’t hurt me. My body trembles as he kisses my jaw. I keep my eyes closed, although I shouldn’t.
“Sleep well, Ava. I’m here. I won’t let anyone hurt you.” He speaks quietly into my ear, his lips close enough that they just barely touch my skin. His hot breath sends a warmth through my body. As he settles along my side, my entire body relaxes.
An overwhelming urge to sleep suddenly makes everything heavy. For a long while, I listen to Kane’s breathing. It’s steady. The grip his fingers have on my waist loosens. I think he’s fallen asleep.
My eyes slowly open. I don’t dare turn my head. Instead I look at the ceiling, at every imperfection. Time ticks by. I can’t sleep. The bed is heaven on my sore and aching back; the sheets are warm and welcoming. It’s the first time I’ve been allowed to sleep in relative comfort.
But I can’t.
I’ve been given an opportunity. I could run, although I probably wouldn’t get far. Kane could wake up and come find me. But I could kill him. He’s asleep. I’d do it quick. It’d be relatively painless.
Once that’s over I’d have to cut the tracker out of my arm. I thought about doing it before. But they’d know. They’ll know the instant the temperature changes, and then they’ll come for me. I’d have a little time to get a head start, but that might be all I’d need. I could run and hide. My body lifts slowly off the bed without my consent. Kane’s arm drops onto the bed beside me and my eyes dart to his.
He’s still asleep; his breathing is steady and his eyes are closed.
I scoot slowly to the end of the bed and gently lift my body up. I shouldn’t be doing this. This is bad. It’s wrong. I close my eyes as anxiety and fear weigh down my limbs. But I move against them. I hear my feet pad across the wooden floor.
I ope
n my eyes and find myself at the dresser. Staring at his gun. I saw him leave it here earlier. I don’t know why I’ve walked here. I didn’t want to. But maybe I did? I’m so confused. So terrified. But I slowly raise my hand and let my fingers wrap around the metal. My head whips around as I hear Kane move against the sheets. I wait a long while, watching him, anticipating that he’ll wake. He moves to lie on his back, but other than that, he’s still. I watch his chest as I lift the gun, bracing the butt of it and holding it steady as I walk back to the bed.
I look back at Kane with the cold gun in my hand and my finger on the trigger. His broad chest rises and falls in a steady rhythm. He’s at peace. I study his face. His hard jaw is covered in stubble. His plump lips are slightly parted. My heart pangs in my chest. I feel a pull to him, a desire to be at his side. I must be fucked up from everything that’s happened. It’s not right to feel this way, to want to be with someone whose purpose is to torment me. Someone who's only going to ship me off to someone new. Or worse, give me back to them.
I swallow the lump growing my throat and lift the gun. My finger barely reaches the trigger. I have to steady the cold metal with both of my hands. I look past it at Kane’s sleeping form and breathe in and out. Time passes as I stand there, trying to pull the trigger. Trying to set myself free.
I can’t. I can’t do it. I won’t hurt him when he hasn’t hurt me. I can’t bring myself to run from him either. I need to stay. My resolve hardens. I can’t run now. I need to stay and face him. Otherwise I’ll never be able to stop running. I’ll never be able to rest until I watch him die. I drop the gun and breathe in deep.
I won’t leave Kane. Even if he’s one of them. Even if he can’t save me. I’ll save myself. But I won’t be able to do that by running.
I return the gun to the dresser, then I walk back silently to the bed and carefully lie just as I was. The bed dips slightly and I make my movements slower. I ease my way back down, right where I was earlier and breathe a little easier once my body has settled back onto the bed.
My breath stops short with panic when Kane moves next to me.
“You made the right decision, Ava.” My body stiffens and my eyes pop open. My breath stills in my lungs. “I thought you’d be alright without the cuffs at night.” The bed dips as he leans over my body. The intensity of his large frame hovering over my small body makes a knot form in my throat.
“I’m sorry, Kane.” I’m barely able to speak. Fear paralyzes my body. I’m not okay. I wasn’t good. I’m not okay. He takes my wrist in his hand and I let him. My body is weakened and I know I need to obey. I need to be a good girl. I shouldn’t have done that.
“I understand.” He clicks a cuff shut around the bedpost and then the other around my wrist and runs his hand along my arm and down my body. “But you must know that I have to do this now.” His breath tickles my ear and sends a chill down my body as he speaks. “I didn’t want to.”
I nod my head slowly, hating what I’ve done. I’ve caused myself pain. I ruined it. I’ve upset him. I’ve disobeyed him. My body trembles knowing what’s coming. I swallow the lump growing in my throat and say, “I’m sorry, sir.” I choke out the words. He was going to let me sleep, and I destroyed that.
My body jumps at his hard response. “Don’t call me that.” He’s angry, and I need to make this right.
“I--” I try to speak, but my throat closes and I struggle to respond.
“Shh. Shh. I’m sorry.” He strokes my hair and pulls me close to his body, gentle enough that he doesn’t pull the cuff against my wrist too much. “It’s alright, Ava.”
“I’m sorry.” I heave a deep breath and push out my apology. “I’m so sorry, Kane.”
“It’s alright, Ava. I would have done it, too. It’s okay.” I shake my head, but he pushes me into his chest. My left arm twists slightly, nearly to the point of pain and makes me wince.
“Fuck,” he curses under his breath. “God damn it!” he yells, as he gets up and leans across my body. I hear him pick up the key and struggle with the lock.
He pulls the cuff apart and I slowly rest my arm down by my waist. I lie on my side, curled inward. I'm frightened and unsure of what he wants.
“I don’t know what to do with you, Ava.”
“I’m sorry, Kane.” I speak with my eyes closed and my chin tucked to my chest.
“I know why you’re fighting me, but please,” he holds me tighter to him, “please be a good girl for me. I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t like this.”
“I’m sorry, Kane.”
“I don’t want you to be sorry.” He kisses my neck and sighs. “I’m sorry too, Ava.”
I cuddle into his chest. His arms wrap tighter around me. I’m so confused, but for the first time since all this happened, since I lost everyone I loved...for the first time I don’t feel alone. I close my eyes and lean into him as he kisses my forehead. I’ll be good for him. I can do that.
As my body calms and he continues to shush me, all I can think is that this isn’t going to last. I’ve behaved badly. Very badly. Yet he’s holding me and consoling me. I could’ve tried to kill him, but he’s not punishing me in the least. I nestle deeper into his chest and clench my fists into tight balls to keep from gripping onto him. I’m afraid to hope that he can hold me forever. But it’s too late.
I wish he would keep me. Maybe if I’m good for him, he will.
I take a ragged breath in as my body heats with anxiety.
“It’s alright. I’m not going to hurt you.” He kisses the top of my head. I believe him. I trust him. My lungs fill with the hot air between us.
It’s a mistake, but I can’t help but hope that he’ll save me. Even though he said he won’t. Some dark part of me wants me to believe that he will. So I close my eyes and I let that part consume me. It may be the last wish I ever have. But with everything in me, I pray that he’ll keep me.
Kane
I didn’t sleep. Not for one fucking minute. I couldn’t cuff her back to the bed, not with the way she is. But I sure as fuck wasn’t going to let my guard down. Even if the gun wasn't loaded, she had it pointed at me for a long fucking time. Part of me wanted her to run. I don’t know if Abram’s going to let me live when I reject his offer. If she had run, at least one of us would have gotten away.
But she didn’t try to run. Instead she decided she’d try to kill me. I’m not sure why she didn’t pull the trigger. But I’m sure as fuck happy that she didn’t. Not because I want to live. I was never in any real danger. Some twisted part of me wants her to want me. The fact that she thought about killing me is like a bullet to my chest.
I understand it. I’d do it too if I were in her position, but that doesn’t ease the pain. I take a look at her from the corner of my eye as we pull up to the red light.
She was surprised when I told her to sit in the front seat. I wish she’d fucking act normal. Her hands won’t stop shaking and I fucking hate it.
If I keep pretending that everything’s alright, maybe she’ll settle down. I hope she will. She’s so fucking broken. She’s so scared that I’m going to hurt her.
I had to bring her with me. I didn’t trust leaving her alone. Not after I came back yesterday and saw what a shitty job I did tying her up. She’s staying with me. Every waking moment, I want her right next to me. But I don’t want her to be the shell of a human she was when I first saw her. I know I can bring her out and help her heal.
My hands grip the steering wheel tighter, making my knuckles turn white. I fucking hate how she tries to fade into the background or trembles with fear. I loosen my grip and ease up off the gas as we make our way closer to the docks.
I gently lay a hand on the console, getting a bit closer to her, but not touching her.
“Just relax, and everything will be fine.” I repeat the words I told her when we left and she acknowledges me with a nod.
“I will. Thank you, Kane.” I don’t know why the fuck she’s thanking me, but I shove my annoyance down. I
don’t want to yell at her, not like I did last night. She doesn’t deserve that. I need to go easy on her. After everything she’s been through, it’s a miracle that she’s as functional as she is.
I move my hand down to her thigh, just below her jean shorts and give her thigh a gentle squeeze. Her skin is so soft. “Everything’s going to be fine, Ava.” I turn my head to meet her eyes. “No one’s going to hurt you.” I’ll fucking kill anyone who tries to fuck with her. I’m not playing around. Right now she’s mine. It may not be the smartest thing for me to be handling her like this, though. The thought makes me grind my teeth and I turn to look out of the window. I don’t want her to sense my anger at all. She’s mine, and I want her relaxed and able to blend in. Not some trembling slave, chained away and devoid of life.
I know I can get her there. I will get her there.
So long as everyone stays out of my fucking way.
They better not fucking hurt her. I got a call from Vince this morning with the address for the meet-up. I’ve never liked the docks. That’s where we dumped the bodies. I’ve seen plenty of men led to the docks, only to be shot on-site and discarded. But that’s where the shipping containers are, so it makes sense that we’d meet there.
I take another look at Ava. She’s nervous still, but at least she’s looking around a little. A small smile plays at my lips. I wonder if she knows she’s not staring straight ahead, looking at nothing. I fucking hate that, so if I’ve broken that habit I’ll be happy with that little bit of progress.
“You ever hear of the Valettis?” I ask her, as I follow the directions from the GPS and turn into a gravel driveway right off the bay and drive to the far end. There’s a large building and then a smaller one that looks like it’s obviously comprised of offices. Undoubtedly that's where Vince told me to meet him. My eyes travel to Ava and I question bringing her along. It’s an impossible situation, leaving her alone versus bringing her with me.
Good Girl: Valetti Crime Family (A Bad Boy Mafia Romance) Page 5