by Wu Cheng-En
“Don't try any nonsense, monk,” said the princess. “My husband Yellow Robe is no ordinary man. If you've frightened those children, you'd better clam them down.”
“Princess,” said Monkey with a smile, “do you know what the worst crime on earth you can commit is?”
“Yes,” she replied.
“You're a mere woman, so you don't understand anything,” said Monkey.
“I was educated by my parents in the palace ever since I was a child,” she said, “and I remember what the ancient book said: 'There are three thousand crimes, and the greatest is unfilial behavior.'”
“But you're unfilial,” replied Monkey. '“My father begot me, my mother raised me. Alas for my parents. What an effort it was to bring me up.' Filial piety is the basis of all conduct and the root of all goodness, so why did you marry an evil spirit and forget your parents? Surely this is the crime of unfilial behavior.” At this the princess' face went red as she was overcome with shame.
“What you say, sir, is so right,” she said. “Of course I haven't forgotten my parents. But the monster forced me to come here, and he is so strict that I can hardly move a step. Besides, it's a long journey and nobody could deliver a message. I was going to kill myself until I thought that my parents would never discover that I hadn't run away deliberately. So I had nothing for it but to drag out my wretched life. I must be the wickedest person on earth.” As she spoke the tears gushed out like the waters of a spring.
“Don't take on so, princess,” said Monkey. “Pig has told me how you saved my master's life and wrote a letter, which showed you hadn't forgotten your parents. I promise that I'll catch the monster, take you back to see your father, and find you a good husband. Then you can look after your parents for the rest of their lives. What do you say to that?”
“Please don't get yourself killed, monk,” she said. “Your two fine brothers couldn't beat Yellow Robe, so how can you talk about such a thing, you skinny little wretch, all gristle and no bone? You're like a crab, the way your bones all stick out. You don't have any magic powers, so don't talk about capturing ogres.”
“What a poor judge of people you are,” laughed Monkey. “As the saying goes, 'A bubble of piss is big but light, and a steelyard weight can counterbalance a ton.' Those two are big but useless. Their bulk slows them down in the wind as they walk, they cost the earth to clothe, they are hollow inside, like fire in a stove, they are weak and they give no return for all that they eat. I may be small, but I'm very good value.”
“Have you really got magic powers?” the princess asked.
“You've never seen such magic as I have,” he replied. “I have no rival when it comes to subduing monsters and demons.”
“Are you sure you won't let me down?” said the princess.
“Yes,” said Monkey.
“As you're so good at putting down demons, how are you going to catch this one?”
“Hide yourself away and keep out of my sight,” said Monkey. “Otherwise I may not be able to deal with him properly when he comes back. I'm afraid you may feel more friendly towards him and want to keep him.”
“Of course I won't want to keep him,” she protested. “I've only stayed here under duress.”
“You've been his wife for thirteen years,” said Monkey, “so you must have some affection for him. When I meet him it won't be for a child's game. I shall have to kill him with my cudgel and my fists before you can be taken back to court.”
The princess did as she had been told and went off to hide in a quiet place. As her marriage was fated to end she had met the Great Sage. Now that the princess was out of the way the Monkey King turned himself with a shake of his body into the very image of the princess and went back into the cave to wait for the ogre.
Pig and Friar Sand took the children to the city of Elephantia and hurled them down on the palace steps, where the wretched boys were smashed to mincemeat; their blood splashed out and their bones were pulverized. The panic-stricken courtiers announced that a terrible thing had happened-two people had been thrown down from the sky. “The children are the sons of the Yellow-robed Monster,” shouted Pig at the top of his voice, “and they were brought here by Pig and Friar Sand.”
The monster, who was still asleep in the Hall of Silvery Peace, heard someone calling his name as he was dreaming, turned over, and looked up to see Pig and Friar Sand shouting from the clouds. “I'm not bothered about Pig,” he thought, “but Friar Sand was tied up at home. However did he escape? Could my wife have let him go? How did he get to catch my sons? Perhaps this is a trick Pig is using to catch me because I won't come out and fight with him. If I'm taken in by this I'll have to fight him, and I'm still the worse for wear after all that wine. One blow from his rake would finish off my prestige. I can see through that plan. I'll go home and see whether they are my sons before arguing with them.”
Without taking leave of the king, the monster went back across the forested mountains to his cave to find out what had happened. By now the palace knew he was an evil spirit. The seventeen other women who had fled for their lives when he ate the Palace Beauty had told the king all about it early the next morning, and his unannounced departure made it even clearer that he was an ogre. The king told the officials to look after the false tiger.
When Monkey saw the monster coming back to the cave he thought of a way to trick him. He blinked till the tears came down like rain, started to wail for the children, and jumped and beat his breast as if in grief, filling the cave with the sound of his sobbing. The monster failed to recognize who Monkey really was and put his arms round him. “What makes you so miserable, wife?” he asked.
“Husband,” said Monkey, weeping as he concocted his devilish lies, “How true it is that 'A man without a wife has no one to look after his property; a woman who loses her husband is bound to fall'. Why didn't you come back yesterday after going to the city to meet your father-in-law? Pig came and seized Friar Sand this morning, and then they grabbed our sons and refused to spare them despite all my pleas. They said they were taking them to the palace to meet their grandfather, but I haven't seen them all day. I don't know what's become of them, and you were away. I've been so miserable at losing them that I can't stop crying.” The monster was furious.
“My sons?” he asked.
“Yes,” Monkey replied, “Pig carried them off.”
The monster, now jumping with rage, said, “Right, that's it. He's killed my sons. He'll die for this. I'll make that monk pay for it with his life. Don't cry, wife. How are you feeling now? Let me make you better.”
“There's nothing wrong with me,” said Monkey, “except that I've cried so much my heart aches.”
“Never mind,” the monster replied. “Come over here. I've got a treasure here that you just have to rub on your pain to stop it hurting. But be very careful with it and don't flick it with your thumb, because if you do you'll be able to see my real body.”
Monkey was secretly delighted. “What a well-behaved fiend,” he thought, “giving that away without even being tortured. When he gives me the treasure I'll flick it to see what kind of monster he really is.” The ogre then led him to a remote and secluded part of the cave and spat out a treasure about the size of a hen's egg. It was magic pill skillfully fashioned from a piece of a conglomeration of internal secretion. “What a splendid thing,” Monkey thought. “Goodness knows how many times it had to be worked, refined and mated before becoming such a magic relic. Today it was fated to meet me.”
The ape took it, rubbed it over his pretended pain, and was just going to flick it with his thumb when the monster took fright and tried to grab it from him. The crafty Monkey popped it into his mouth and swallowed it. The monster clenched his fist and hit at him, but Monkey parried the blow, rubbed his face, and reverted to his real form with a shout of, “Behave yourself, ogre. Take a look and see who I am.”
“Wife,” said the shocked monster, “however did you get that terrible face?”
“I'll get you, you damned fiend,” said Monkey. “I'm not your wife. Can't you even recognize your own grandfather?” The monster, now beginning to see the light, said, “You do look a bit familiar.”
“Take another look,” said Monkey, “I won't hit you.”
“I know you by sight,” the monster said, “but I can't remember your name. Who are you? Where are you from? Where have you hidden my wife? Why did you swindle me out of my treasure? This is a disgusting way to behave.”
“As you don't know who I am,” said Monkey, “let me tell you that I am Sun Wukong, Brother Monkey, the Tang Priest's senior disciple. I'm your ancestor by a clear five hundred years.”
“Nonsense,” the ogre replied, “nonsense. I know that the Tang Priest only had two disciples when I captured him. They were called Pig and Friar Sand. Nobody mentioned anyone by the name of Monkey. You must be a fiend from somewhere or other who has come to trick me.”
“I didn't come here with the other two,” said Monkey, “because my master is a kind and merciful man who sent me back home for killing too many evil spirits. You ought to know your ancestor's name.”
“What sort of man are you?” asked the monster, “how can you have the face to come back after your master has sent you away?”
“You wouldn't understand, you damned monster,” said Monkey, “that when a man has been your teacher for a single day, you should treat him as your father for the rest of his life, and that father and son should never let the sun set on a quarrel. You've harmed my master, so of course I've come to rescue him. Even if I could ignore that, it's quite outrageous that you insulted me behind my back.”
“I never insulted you,” said the monster.
“Pig told me you did,” replied Monkey.
“You shouldn't believe that sharp-tongued old gossip,” said the monster.
“Let's stop beating about the bush,” said Monkey. “You've treated me very shabbily for a guest from far away. You may not have any wine or fine delicacies to feed me but you do have a head, so stretch it out and let me hit it with my cudgel-that'll do instead of tea.”
The mention of hitting made the monster bellow with laughter. “You've got it all wrong this time, Monkey,” he said. “You shouldn't have come in if you wanted to fight me. I have a thousand devils of all sizes in here. Even if you were covered with arms you'd never be able to fight your way out.”
“Nonsense,” replied Monkey. “Never mind one thousand-if you had thousands or tens of thousands of them I'd only need to see them clearly for my every blow to strike home. I'll wipe the lot of you out.”
The monster at once ordered all the fiends and ogres in and around the cave to muster with their weapons and put a close blockade on all the doors. Monkey was delighted to see them, and wielding his cudgel with both hands he shouted “Change!” and suddenly had six arms and three heads. Then he shook his gold-banded cudgel and turned it into three gold-banded cudgels. He went into action with his six arms and three cudgels. He was a tiger in a sheepfold, a hawk in a chicken run. The poor little demons had their heads smashed to pulp, while their blood flowed like water. He rushed to and fro as if there was nobody else there until only the old ogre was left.
He followed Monkey outside and said “Insolent ape. How dare you come here and bully us?”
Monkey turned, beckoned to him and said, “Come here, come here. Let me win the credit for killing you.”
The monster struck at the head with his sword, and Monkey riposted to the face with his cudgel. They fought it out amid the mists on the mountain top.
Mighty was the magic of the Great Sage,
Awful the monster's power.
One of them wielded an iron cudgel;
The other, a sword of tempered steel.
When the sword was raised it shone with a bright aura;
The parrying cudgel was wreathed in cloud.
They leapt to and fro protecting their heads,
Turning and somersaulting over and over.
One of them changed his face with every breeze,
The other stood still and shook his body.
One glared with fiery eyes as he stretched out his simian arm,
The other's golden pupils flashed as he twisted his tigerish waist.
They were locked in mortal combat
As sword and cudgel struck without mercy.
The Monkey King wielded his iron club according to the martial classic,
And the monster's swordplay followed the ancient manuals.
One was a demon king experienced in the black arts,
The other used magical powers to protect the Tang Priest.
The ferocious Monkey King became fiercer than ever,
The heroic monster grew an even greater hero.
They fought in space, ignoring death,
All because the Tang Priest went to see the Buddha.
They had fought fifty or sixty rounds without issue when Monkey thought, “That bloody monster's sword is as good as my cudgel. I'll pretend to give him an opening and see if he can tell it's a trick.” The Monkey King raised his cudgel and did a “Reaching Up to a Tall Horse” movement. The monster, not realizing that this was a trick, and imagining that he saw a real opening, took a tremendous swipe at Monkey with his sword. Monkey at once did a high swing to avoid the blow, then struck at the monster's head with a “Stealing a Peach from under the Leaves” movement and knocked him so hard he vanished without a trace. Monkey put his cudgel away and looked for him but without success.
“Wow,” exclaimed Monkey in astonishment, “I didn't just hit him-I knocked him out of existence. But if I really killed him there ought at least to be some blood and pus, and there's no sign of any. Perhaps he got away.” He leapt up on a cloud to look around, but nothing was moving. “My eyes can see anything at a glance,” he thought, “so how can he have got away so mysteriously? Now I see. He said he seemed to recognize me, so he can't be an ordinary monster. He must be some spirit from Heaven.”
This was too much for Monkey, who lost his temper and somersaulted up to the Southern Gate of Heaven with his cudgel in his hands. The startled Heavenly Generals Pang, Liu, Gou, Bi, Zhang, Tao, Deng, and Xin bowed low on either side of the gateway, not daring to block his way. They let him fight his way through the gates and straight on to the Hall of Universal Brightness, where the four great Heavenly Teachers Zhang, Ge, Xu and Qiu asked, “What have you come for, Great Sage?”
“As I was escorting the Tang Priest to Elephantia an evil monster abducted a princess and harmed the master. I had to fight him, and in the middle of our battle he disappeared. I thought that he couldn't be an ordinary monster and was probably a spirit from Heaven, so I've come to check up if any wicked deities have left their posts.” On hearing this the Heavenly Teachers went and reported it to the Jade Emperor in the Hall of Miraculous Mist. He ordered an investigation. They found that nobody was missing among the Nine Bright Shiners, the Gods of the Twelve Branches, the five Dippers of North, South, East, West and Centre, the hosts of the Milky Way, the Five Peaks, the Four Rivers, and all the other gods of Heaven. Then they investigated outside the Palace of the Dipper and the Bull, and found that one of the Twenty-eight Constellations, the Strider, was missing.
“Strider, the Wooden Wolf, has gone down to Earth,” they reported to the throne.
“How long has he been away from Heaven?” the Jade Emperor asked.
“He has missed four roll-calls,” they replied, “and with one roll-call every three days that makes thirteen days.”
“Thirteen days in Heaven would be thirteen years down on Earth,” said the Emperor, and he ordered the Strider's fellow stars to go down and bring him back to Heaven.
On receiving this edict the twenty-seven other constellations went out through the gates of Heaven and startled the Strider as each chanted his own spell. Do you know where he had been hiding? He had been one of the heavenly generals who was beaten when Monkey had sacked the Heavenly Palace, and he had lain low in a
mountain stream that masked his demonic cloud and kept him out of sight. Only when he heard the other constellations shouting their spells did he dare to emerge from the water and go back to Heaven with them. The Great Sage was blocking the gates of Heaven and would have killed him but for the pleas of the other constellations, who saved him and escorted him to see the Jade Emperor. The monster now produced his golden tablet of office from his belt and kowtowed on the floor of the palace, admitting his guilt.
“Strider the Wooden Wolf,” said the Jade Emperor, “why did you go off by yourself instead of being content with the infinite beauty of Heaven?”
“I deserve to die, Your Majesty,” the Strider replied. “That daughter of the king of Elephantia was no ordinary mortal. She was a Jade Maiden in the Hall of Incense who wanted to have an affair with me. As we did not want to defile the Heavenly Palace she decided to become a mortal first and was reborn in a king's palace. Then I became an evil monster and occupied a mountain in order not to let her down. I carried her off to my cave, and we were man and wife for thirteen years. 'Every bite and every sip is preordained,' as the saying goes, and now the Great Sage has succeeded in bringing me here.” The Jade Emperor withdrew his tablet of office and degraded him to be a menial helping Lord Lao Zi stoke his fires in the Tushita Palace. If he did well he would be restored to his previous post; if not, his sentence would be made heavier. Monkey was delighted to see how the Jade Emperor dealt with him, and chanting a “na-a-aw” of respect he said to the assembled gods, “Gentlemen, I'm off.”
“That monkey is as ill-mannered as ever,” chuckled the Heavenly Teachers, “just chanting a 'na-a-aw' and going without thanking Your Majesty for your celestial kindness in catching the monster for him.”
“We can consider ourselves fortunate,” said the Jade Emperor, “if he leaves without disturbing the peace of Heaven.”
The Great Sage brought his shining cloud straight down to the Moon Waters Cave on Bowl Mountain, found the princess, and told her off for becoming a mortal and marrying a fiend. As he was doing this he heard Pig and Friar Sand shouting in mid-air, “Leave us a few demons to polish off, brother.”