by Wu Cheng-En
“I expect you see ghosts because you're so exhausted,” said Monkey.
“No,” said the Buddhist monk. “They're the Six Dings, the Six Jias, and the Guardians of the Faith. But they can only protect us at night, except when they come to save the life of any of us who is on the point of death.”
“That's very wrong of the spirits,” said Brother Monkey. “They shouldn't be protecting you like that. They should let you die and be reborn in the Western Heaven as soon as possible.”
“They come to us in our dreams,” said the monk, “and give us advice like, 'Don't try to die. Hole out till a holy priest comes from the East, and arhat who will go to the Western Heaven to fetch the scriptures. He has a disciple of immense magical powers, the Great Sage Equaling Heaven. He has a good and loyal heart, he rights wrongs, he saves those in distress and he helps widows and orphans. Wait till he shows his divine powers, wipes out the Taoist priests, and restores our Dhyana faith to its proper respect.'”
This pleased Monkey, though he did not show it as he thought,
“Whoever said that Monkey had no powers to his name?
Before I even got here gods and spirits spread my fame.”
He then hurried off, taking his leave of the monks and beating his bamboo drum as he headed for the city gates to see the Taoist priests again. “Which of them is your respected uncle?” they asked.
“All five hundred of them are my relations,” Monkey replied.
“How can you possibly have so many?” they asked again.
“A hundred were my neighbors who lived to the left of us,” Monkey replied, “and another hundred lived to the right. A hundred are my father's kin, and a hundred are related to my mother. The last hundred are my own friends and acquaintances. If you are willing to release them all, I'll go into the city with you; but if you won't, I won't.”
“You must be off your head, talking such nonsense,” the Taoist priests replied. “All those Buddhist monks were presented to us by His Majesty. Even if we released just one or two of them we'd have to cover up by handing in sick notes for them to our masters then filling out death certificates. We couldn't possibly release the whole lot of them. It would be outrageous, quite outrageous. We'd have no servants and the king would be very angry with us. The ward head is always sending officials to check up, and sometimes the king even comes to count them himself. We couldn't possibly let them go.”
“You couldn't?” said Monkey.
“No,” the priests replied. By the time he had asked this and been given the same answer three times he was in a terrible rage. He produced his iron cudgel from his ear, created a spell with his hands, made it as thick as a rice bowl, swung it, and brought it down on the Taoists' faces. The poor Taoists
Fell to the ground with their blood gushing out and their heads split open,
Wounds that were gaping wide, brains scattered everywhere, both necks broken.
When the Buddhist monks faraway on the strand saw Monkey kill the two Taoists they abandoned their cart and came running over saying, “This is awful, this is awful. You've killed the king's relations.”
“Who are the king's relations?” Monkey asked.
The monks fenced him in with their earth-moving baskets and said, “Their masters don't have to greet the king when they enter the throne hall or take leave of him when they go. The king addresses them as 'Elder Brother Teacher'. Why did you have to come here to get us into this terrible trouble. It was nothing to do with you that their disciples came to supervise the work. What's to become of us now that they've been killed? We'll have to take you into town to report their deaths.”
“Do stop that yelling, gentlemen,” said Monkey with a smile. “I'm not really a wandering Quanzhen Taoist. I'm here to rescue you.”
“But by killing them you've only made things worse for us,” they said. “How can you say you're here to rescue us?”
“I'm Sun Wukong the Novice,” Monkey replied, “the disciple of the holy priest from the Great Tang, and I've come here specially to save you.”
“No, you're not,” the monk said. “We know what that great lord looks like.”
“But how could you?” Monkey asked. “You've never met him.”
“We've seen an old man in a dream who told us he was the Great White Planet. He told us what Sun the Novice, or Monkey, looks like so that we wouldn't confuse him with anyone else.”
“How did the Planet describe him to you?” Monkey asked him.
To this the Buddhist monk replied, “He told us that the Great Sage has
A brow that seems split open, two flashing of eyes of gold,
A head that's round, a hairy face, and sunken cheeks, we're told.
Out of a pointed muzzle sharp little teeth protrude;
He looks much like a thunder god, and his Conduct's very crude.
He wields a cudgel of iron with ends banded in gold
With which he smashed the Heavenly gates as a rebel in times of old.
Now he has seen the light of the faith he's escorting his master,
And saves whoever he can from death and disaster.”
Monkey was both angry and pleased to hear this. He was pleased that his fame had been spread, but thought angrily, “That old rascal, telling these ordinary mortals what I really look like.”
Then he found himself speaking aloud and saying, “Gentlemen, you're quite right that I'm not Sun the Novice. I'm only a servant of his who's come here to fool around and practice making trouble. But Sun the Novice is coming-look over there!” He pointed East, tricking all the monks into turning away while he resumed his true appearance.
Only then did they realize who he really was, and fell to the ground to kowtow and say, “My lord, because we have only mortal eyes we failed to recognize you in your disguise. We beg you to go into the city, subdue evil, and save and avenge us.”
“Come with me then,” said Monkey, and the monks followed him closely.
The Great Sage went straight to the sandbank and used magic to make the cart go through the two gates and along the ridge then lift itself right up and smash itself to smithereens. The bricks, tiles and timber all went tumbling down the slope. “Scatter,” he told the monks, “and keep away from me until I've seen the king and wiped out those Taoists tomorrow.”
“But, my lord,” the Buddhist monk said, “we dare not go far. We're frightened of being arrested by officials and brought back here to be flogged and punished in other ways. It would only make things worse for us.”
“In that case I'll give you some magical protection,” said Monkey. The splendid Great Sage then pulled out a handful of hairs and chewed them into little pieces, one of which he gave to each of the monks. “Keep it inside the nail of your third finger, bunch you fingers together, and just keep walking,” he told them. “Nothing will happen unless somebody tries to arrest you. If anyone does, clench your fist and shout, 'Great Sage Equaling Heaven.' Then I'll come and protect you.”
“But, my lord,” the monk said, “what if you're far away and out of sight? What if you don't come when we call? Whatever shall we do?”
“Don't worry yourselves,” said Monkey. “I'll keep you completely safe even if I'm thousands of miles away.”
One of the bolder spirits among the monks clenched his fist and said “Great Sage Equaling Heaven” under his breath. A figure like a thunder god holding an iron cudgel appeared before him, so terrifying that not even a huge army would not have dared to approach him. Then over a hundred of the monks called out, and over a hundred Great Sages appeared to protect them.
“Truly a miracle, my lord,” the monks all said, kowtowing.
Monkey then told them to say “Quiet” for their protectors to disappear again. They then all said “Quiet,” and the pieces of hair were once more tucked behind their fingernails. Only then were the monks all happy to disperse and make their escapes.
“Don't go too far,” said Brother Monkey, “and keep your ears open for news of me. If a notice
is issued recalling Buddhist monks, come to the city and return my hair.” The five hundred monks then scattered in all directions; some went away and some stayed where they were.
The story switches back to Sanzang, who gave up waiting beside the track for Monkey to report back and told Pig to lead the horse Westward. They met monks hurrying away, and when they were close to the city wall they found Monkey with a dozen or so monks who had not yet gone. “Wukong,” said Sanzang, reining in his horse, “why did it take you so long to get back from investigating that noise?” Monkey led the dozen or so monks in performing obeisances before Sanzang's horse and then told him everything that happened. Sanzang was horrified: “What are we to do if that's the way it is?”
“Please don't worry, my lord,” said the dozen or so monks. “His Honour the Great Sage Monkey is a god down from Heaven whose divine powers are tremendous. He will most certainly be able to protect you. We are monks from the Deep Wisdom Monastery, a royal foundation in the city. Because our monastery was founded by the great-grandfather of the present king and there is a statue of him there, the monastery has not been demolished, although all the others in the city, big and small alike, have been torn down. We would like to invite you to come straight into town to stay in our humble monastery. The Great Sage Monkey is bound to find some way of coping at court tomorrow morning.”
“You are right,” said Monkey. “Very well then, let us go into the city without further delay.”
The venerable elder then dismounted and went on foot to the city gate. The sun was setting in the West as they crossed the drawbridge and went in through the triple gates. People in the streets turned away when they saw the monks of the Deep Wisdom Monastery leading a horse and carrying luggage. When they reached the monastery gates the travelers saw a large sign over them reading DEEP WISDOM MONASTERY: FOUNDED BY ROYAL COMMAND.
The monks pushed the gates open and led them through the Hall of the Vajrapanis before opening the doors of the main hall of the monastery. Sanzang covered himself with his cassock and worshipped the Buddha before entering.
“Steward!” the monks called, and an old monk came out who kowtowed to Monkey the moment he saw him.
“My lord, are you really here?” he said.
“Do you know which lord I am, bowing like that?” Monkey asked.
“I can see that you are Lord Sun, the Great Sage Equaling Heaven,” the old monk replied. “We see you in our dreams every night; the Great White Planet is always coming in them to tell us that we will only be saved when you arrive. Now that I have beheld your distinguished countenance I know that it is the same as in our dreams. I am glad you are here so soon, my lord. Had you been a day or two later we would all have become ghosts by then.”
“Please get up,” said Monkey. “Things will be sorted out tomorrow.” The monks then laid on a vegetarian meal for the master and his disciples and tidied up the abbot's lodgings for them to stay in. They settled down for the night.
A little before midnight Monkey, who had too much on his mind to go to sleep, heard music outside, got up quietly, dressed, and sprang into the air to look around. To the South he saw lamps and candles burning bright, and when he brought his cloud lower for a close look he saw that in the Temple of the Three Pure Ones the Taoists were performing a star ritual. What he saw was
The high hall of the sanctum,
The true holy shrine.
The high hall of the sanctum
Was as majestic as Penghu's magic isle;
The true holy shrine
Was mysteriously pure like the Huale Temple.
On either side the Taoist priests played pan-pipes
While the celebrant in the center held a tablet of jade.
They explained The Elimination of Disaster
And preached on The Way and its Power.
When the dust-raising dance was over the talismans were issued;
After making divine petition all lay down in respect.
When the water had been blessed and the spirits summoned,
The fluttering flames of the candles rose up to the sky.
When the Pole Star was located and the Dipper paced out,
Clouds of fragrant incense filled the void.
Fresh food was offered on the votive tables,
And a rich repast of meatless food laid out.
In front of the hall hung a pair of yellow brocade vertical scrolls on which were embroidered these words:
May winds and rains come as they should;
We pray for the boundless power of the Heavenly Honoured Ones.
May rivers and seas be pure and peaceful;
We beg for many a year of life for His Majesty.
Monkey saw three old Taoists wearing their religious robes; he took them to be the Great Immortals Tiger Power, Deer Power and Antelope Power. Standing below them to either side were a crowd of seven or eight hundred Taoists holding drums, bells, incense and divine petitions. Monkey was delighted.
“I had meant to go down and fool around with them by myself,” he thought, “but one strand of silk can't make a thread, and one hand can't clap. I think I'll go back and do Friar Sand and Pig a good turn by letting them join in the game with me.”
Monkey then landed his auspicious cloud and went straight into the abbot's lodgings, where he found Pig and Friar Sand sleeping top to toe. Monkey first called Friar Sand, who woke up and said, “Aren't you asleep yet, brother?”
“Get up,” said Monkey. “We're going to have a good feed.”
“Whatever sort of good feed can I have in the middle of the night when my throat's dried out and my eyes are all bleary?” Friar Sand asked.
“There's the Temple of the Three Pure Ones in this city where the Taoist priests are holding a service,” Brother Monkey replied. “The Hall of the Three Pure Ones is full of offerings: steamed buns as big as a bucket, cakes that must weight fifty or sixty pounds apiece, any amount of rice, and fresh fruit too. Let's go and have some.”
The talk of all this good food was enough to wake Pig up. “Won't you take me too, brother?” he asked.
“If you want a feed,” said Monkey, “keep your voice down and don't wake the master. Come with me.”
The two of them dressed, slipped outside, and leapt up by cloud with Monkey. As soon as the idiot saw the lights he wanted to attack, but Monkey held him back and said, “Steady on. We'll go down when they've all gone.”
“But their recitations are only just warming up,” said Pig. “They won't want to go.”
“I'll do some magic that will send them packing,” said Monkey.
The splendid Great Sage said the words and made the hand movements of a spell, drew in a breath from the quarter of the wind, and blew a gale so terrible that as it tore into the Hall of the Three Pure Ones it knocked down all the vases, candlesticks, and offerings on the walls and put out all the lamps. The Taoists all shook with terror.
“You had better go, disciples,” said the Great Immortal Tiger Power. “This divine wind has blown out all the lamps and the incense, so you should all go back to bed. Get up early tomorrow morning and recite some more scriptures to make the numbers up.” The Taoists then did indeed all withdraw.
Monkey then led Pig and Friar Sand to land their clouds, and they charged straight into the Hall of the Three Pure Ones. The idiot grabbed some food, not caring whether it was cooked or raw, and was just about to eat it when Monkey raised his iron cudgel to hit him. Pig pulled back his hand and said, “You're going to hit me before I've even tasted anything.”
“Don't act so low,” said Monkey. “You must pay your respects and sit down before eating.”
“You're shameless,” said Pig. “You steal food and expect me to pay my respects too. What would I have had to do if we'd been properly invited?”
“Do you know who the three Bodhisattvas sitting up there are?” Monkey asked. “Can't you recognize the Three Pure Ones themselves?” asked Pig. “How could you possibly think they are Bodhisattvas?”
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“What about those Three Pure Ones?” Monkey asked. “Oh well,” said Pig, “the one in the middle is the Original Celestial Pure One, the one on the left is the Precious Pure One, and the one on the right is the Supreme Lord Lao Zi.”
“We've got to make ourselves look like them before we can eat in safety,” said Monkey. The delicious smells of the offerings were making the idiot desperate with hunger, so he climbed on the pedestal of the statue and knocked Lord Lao Zi off it with one shove of his snout.
“You've sat here for long enough, old man,” he said. “It's my turn now.”
Pig turned himself into the Supreme Lord Lao Zi, Monkey turned himself into the Original Celestial Pure One, and Friar Sand into the Precious Pure One. When the statues had all been pushed over and the three of them were sitting up there Pig grabbed a big steamed bun.
“Not so fast,” said Monkey.
“But brother,” protested Pig, “we've already made ourselves look like them. What are we waiting for?”
“Brother,” said Monkey, “eating is much less important than not giving ourselves away. If one of the Taoists got up early to hit the bell or sweep the floor and tripped over a piece of one of the statues we've knocked over the news would be out. You'd better hide them.”
“But where?” asked Pig. “I'm a stranger here and I don't know my way around.”
“When we came in,” said Monkey, “there was a little pair of double doors to the right with an awful stench coming out of them. It must be the place where the five kinds of grain prepare for reincarnation. Put them in there.”
The idiot really did have some brute strength. When he leapt down he put the three statues over his shoulders and carried them out. On kicking those doors open he found that it was in fact a big lavatory.
“That Protector of the Horses certainly knows how to talk,” he said with a laugh. “He even made up a fancy Taoist name for the shithouse-'the place where the five kinds of grain prepare for reincarnation.'“ Before tipping in the three statues he was carrying he mumbled a prayer: