by Wu Cheng-En
“Do whatever you decide, master,” said the boy, “as long as we win. If we lose to him again our reputation will be ruined and the king will have no more respect for us.”
“You are right,” said Monkey. “Come here, my boy, and if we win I'll reward you richly.” He then turned his gold-banded cudgel into a razor, put his arms firmly round the boy, and said, “Put up with the pain, there's a good boy, and don't make a sound while I shave your head.” In an instant he had shaved off the boy's hair, which he stuffed into a ball and hid in a corner of the chest. Then he put the razor away and stroked the boy's shaven pate saying, “Your head looks like a Buddhist monk's now, my boy, but your clothes are wrong. Take them off and I'll transform them for you.”
The boy took off his greenish-white cloud-patterned crane cloak with embroidered brocade hems. Monkey blew on it with a magic breath, called “Change!” and turned it into a brown Buddhist monk's habit for the boy to put on. Monkey pulled out two more hairs and turned them into a wooden fish that he gave to the boy saying, “Listen carefully, disciple. Whatever happens don't come out when you hear a call of 'Taoist boy'. But when you hear someone say 'Buddhist monk,' lift the lid of the chest with your head, strike the wooden fish, and come out reciting a Buddhist surra. Do that and we will win.”
“But I can only recite the Classic of the Three Officials, the Classic of the Dipper, and the Classic of Elimination of Disaster,” said the boy, “I don't know any Buddhist scriptures.”
“Can you recite the name of a Buddha?” asked Monkey. “Anyone can recite 'Amitabha Buddha,'“ the boy replied.
“That'll have to do then,” said Monkey. “Recite the Buddha's name and save me the trouble of having to teach you a sutra. Remember what I've told you as I'm going now.” Monkey then turned back into the tiniest of insects, squeezed out, flew back to beside the Tang Priest's ear, and said, “Master, say that there's a Buddhist monk inside.”
“This time we are certain to win,” replied Sanzang.
“How can you be so sure?” Monkey asked.
“The sutras teach us that there are three treasures,” said Sanzang, “the Buddha, the Dharma and the Clergy; so a monk must count as a treasure.”
As Sanzang was saying this the Great Immortal Tiger Power said, “Your Majesty, this third time there is a Taoist boy inside.” Tiger Power called and called but the boy would not come out. Sanzang then put his hands together and said, “There is a monk inside.”
“There's a monk inside the chest,” shouted Pig at the top of his voice, at which the boy raised the lid of the chest with his head and stepped out, beating his wooden fish and repeating the name of the Buddha. The civil and military officials were so delighted that they all cheered; while the terrified Taoists were at a loss for words.
“This monk is being helped by gods and demons,” said the king. “How else could he have got into the chest as a Taoist boy and stepped out as a Buddhist monk? Even if a barber had got in with him he could only have shaved his head; but he's wearing a well-fitting habit and repeating the Buddha's name too. Teachers of the Nation, you must let those monks go.”
To this the Great Immortal Tiger Power replied, “Your Majesty, this is a case of a chess-player meeting his match, or a general coming up against a master strategist. We would like to try the martial arts we learned as boys in the Zhongnan Mountains against him.”
“What martial arts?” the king asked.
“We three brothers all have some divine powers,” Tiger Power replied. “We can put our head back on when they have been cut off; open up our chests, cut out our hearts, and make ourselves whole again; and take a bath in boiling oil.”
“But those are all certain death,” exclaimed the king in horror. “We have these powers,” said Tiger Power, “which is why I can give you a clear undertaking that we will not give up until we have been allowed a tournament with him.”
Monkey had just turned himself back into the tiniest of insects and gone over to investigate when he heard all this. Reverting to his real form he roared with laughter and said, “What luck, what marvellous luck. Business has brought itself to my front door.”
“But those are all ways of getting yourself killed,” said Pig. “How can you talk about business coming to your front door?”
“You still don't know my powers,” said Monkey.
“But all the transformations you can do are more than enough,” said Pig. “You can't have powers like that too.”
To this Monkey said,
“Cut off my head and I'll still go on talking,
Lop off my arms and I'll sock you another.
Chop off my legs and I'll carry on walking,
Carve up my guts and I'll put them together.
“When anyone makes a meat dumpling
I take it and down it in one.
To bath in hot oil is really quite nice,
A warm tub that makes all the dirt gone.”
When Pig and Friar Sand heard this they roared with laughter. Monkey then stepped forward and said, “Your Majesty, this humble monk can be beheaded.”
“What do you mean, you can be beheaded?” the king asked.
“When I was cultivating my conduct in the monastery many years ago,” Monkey replied, “a dhyana monk who came there taught me a method of being beheaded. I don't know if it's any good, and I'd like to try it out today.”
“That monk is too young to have any sense,” said the king with a smile. “Having your head cut off isn't something that you can try out for I fun. Your head is the chief of the Six Positives, and when it's cut off you're dead.”
“Your Majesty,” said the Great Immortal Tiger Power, “this is just the way I want him to act so that we can get our revenge on him.” Believing him, the foolish monarch ordered that a place for public execution be prepared.
As soon as the order was given, three thousand men of the royal guard were drawn up outside the palace gates. “The monk shall be beheaded first,” said the king. Monkey cheerfully agreed: “I'll go first, I'll go first.”
Then he put his hands together and shouted, “Teacher of the Nation, I hope you'll forgive my effrontery in going first.” Monkey then turned round and went outside.
“Be careful, disciple,” said Sanzang, catching hold of him as he passed, “this is no place for fooling about.”
“What's there to be afraid of?” said Monkey. “Stop holding me; let me go.”
The Great Sage went straight to the execution ground, where the executioners grabbed him and tied him up so that he was like a ball. When he was placed high on the earthen mound a shout of “Behead him!” was heard, and his head was cut off as the sword whistled down. The executioners then kicked it and sent it rolling thirty or forty paces away like a ripe watermelon. No blood came from Monkey's throat as a shout of “Come here, head” rose from his stomach.
The Great Immortal Tiger Power was so appalled by this display of magical skill that he said a spell and ordered the local deity, “Hold on to that head. When I've beaten this monk I shall request His Majesty to rebuild your little shrine as a big temple and replace your clay statue with a gold one.” Now the local deity was under Tiger Power's control because Tiger Power had the five-thunder magic, so he held Monkey's head down.
“Come here, head,” Monkey called again, but his head was no more able to move than if it had taken root there. Monkey was now feeling anxious, so he made a spell with his hands, burst out of the ropes that were binding him, and shouted, “Grow!” In a flash another head grew on his neck, so terrifying the executioners and the soldiers of the guard army that they all shivered and shook.
The officer supervising the executions rushed into the palace to report, “Your Majesty, when the little monk's head was cut off he grew another one.”
“So that's another trick our brother can do,” said Pig to Friar Sand with a mocking laugh.
“As he can do seventy-two transformations,” said Friar Sand, “he has seventy-two heads.”
&nbs
p; Before he had finished saying this Monkey came back and called, “Master!”
“Was it painful, disciple?” asked a greatly relieved Sanzang.
“No, it wasn't painful,” said Monkey, “it was fun.”
“Brother,” asked Pig, “do you need sword-wound ointment?”
“Feel if there is a scar,” said Monkey.
The idiot put out his hand and said with a smile of wide-eyed astonishment, “Fantastic. It's completely whole-there's not even a scar.”
While the brother-disciples were congratulating each other they heard the king calling on them to take their passport and saying, “We grant you a full pardon. Go at once.”
“We accept the passport, but we insist that the Teacher of the Nation must be beheaded too to see what happens,” said Monkey.
“Senior Teacher of the Nation,” said the king, “that monk's not going to let you off. You promised to beat him, and don't give me another fright this time.” Tiger Power then had to take his turn to go to be tied up like a ball by the executioners and have his head cut off with a flash of the blade and sent rolling over thirty paces when it was kicked away.
No blood came from his throat either, and he too called out, “Come here, head.”
Monkey instantly pulled out a hair, blew a magic breath on it, said, “Change!” and turned it into a brown dog that ran across the execution ground, picking the Taoist's head up with its teeth and dropping it into the palace moat.
The Taoist shouted three times but did not get his head to come back. As he did not have Monkey's art of growing a new one the red blood started to gush noisily from his neck.
No use were his powers to call up wind and rain;
He could not compete with the true immortal again.
A moment later his body collapsed into the dust, and everyone could see that he was really a headless yellow-haired tiger
The officer supervising the executions then came to report, “Your Majesty, the Senior Teacher of the Nation has had his head cut off and cannot grow a new one. He is lying dead in the dust and is now a headless yellow-haired tiger.” This announcement made the king turn pale with shock. He stared at the other two Taoist masters, his eyes not moving.
Deer Power then rose to his feet and said, “My elder brother's life is now over, but he was no tiger. That monk in his wickedness must have used some deception magic to turn my elder brother into a beast. I will never forgive him for this, and am resolved to compete with him in opening the stomach and cutting out the heart.”
When the king heard this he pulled himself together and said, “Little monk, the Second Teacher of the Nation wants another competition with you.”
“I hadn't had a cooked meal for ages,” said Monkey, “until the other day I was given a meal at a vegetarian's house on our journey West. I ate rather a lot of steamed bread, and my stomach has been aching recently. I think I must have worms, so I'd be glad to borrow Your Majesty's sword, cut my stomach open, take out my innards, and give my spleen and my stomach a good clean-out before going to the Western Heaven.”
When the king heard this he said, “Take him to the place of execution.” A whole crowd of people fell upon Monkey, took hold of him, and began dragging him there. Monkey pulled his hands free and said, “No need to grab hold of me. I can walk there myself. There's just one condition: my hands mustn't be tied up as I will need them to wash my innards.” The king then ordered that his hands be left free.
Monkey walked with a swagger straight to the execution ground, where he leant against the stake, undid his clothes, and exposed his stomach. The executioners tied ropes round his neck and his legs, then made a quick cut in his stomach with a knife shaped like a cow's ear. This made a hole into which Monkey thrust both his hands to open it further as he brought out his entrails. He spent a long time checking them over carefully before putting them all back inside. Then he bent over again, pinched the skin of his stomach together, breathed a magic breath on it, called out, “Grow!” and made it join up again.
The king was so shocked that he gave Monkey the passport with his own hands, saying, “Here is your passport. Please don't let me delay you holy monks on your journey West any longer.”
“Never mind the passport,” said Monkey, “but what about asking the Second Teacher of the Nation to be cut open?”
“This is nothing to do with me,” the king said to Deer Power.
“You wanted a match with him, and now you must go ahead.”
“Don't worry,” said Deer Power. “I cannot possibly lose to him.”
Watch him as he swaggers like the Great Sage Monkey to the execution ground to be tied up by the executioners and have his stomach cut open with a whistle of the cow's-ear knife. He too took out his entrails and sorted them out with his own hands. Monkey meanwhile pulled out one of his hairs, blew on it with a magic breath, shouted, “Change!” and turned it into a hungry eagle that spread its wings, stretched out its claws, swooped down, grabbed the Taoist's internal organs, heart, liver and all, and flew off nobody knew where to devour them. The Taoist was
Left as an empty, eviscerated ghost,
With no entrails or stomach as he wanders around lost.
The executioners kicked the wooden stake down and dragged the body over to look at it. To their surprise they found it was that of a white-haired deer.
The officer supervising the executions came to make another shocked report: “The Second Teacher of the Nation has met with disaster. He died when his stomach was cut open and a hungry eagle carried off all his entrails and internal organs in its claws. He turns out to have been a white-haired deer.”
“How could he have been a deer?” asked the king in terror. To this the Great Immortal Antelope Power submitted the following reply: “How could my elder brother possibly look like an animal after his death? This is all the result of that monk using magic to ruin us. Let me avenge my elder brother.”
“What magic arts do you have at which you might beat him?” the king asked. “I will compete with him at bathing in boiling oil,” Antelope Power replied. The king then ordered that a great cauldron be brought out and filled with sesame oil for the two of them to have their competition.
“I'm most grateful for your consideration,” said Monkey. “I haven't had a bath for a very long time, and these last couple of days my skin has begun to itch. I need a good, hot soak.”
The officials in attendance on the king then set the cauldron of oil in position, built up a pile of dry firewood, set it burning fiercely, and heated the oil till it boiled and bubbled. Monkey was told to go in first. He put his hands together in front of his chest and said, “Is it to be a gentle bath or a rough one?” When the king asked him what they were, Monkey replied, “For a gentle bath you keep your clothes on, stretch your hands wide out, do a roll and come up again without getting your clothes at all dirty. If there is even a spot of oil on them you have lost. For a rough bath you need a clothes rack and a wash towel. You take your clothes off, jump in and somersault or do dragonfly-stands as you play around and wash yourself.”
“Do you want to compete with him at gentle baths or rough ones?” the king asked Antelope Power. “If it is gentle baths,” said Antelope Power, “he might have treated his clothes with some drug that will keep the oil off. Let it be rough baths then.” Monkey then stepped forward and said, “Excuse my impertinence in always going first.” Watch him while he takes off his tunic and tigerskin kilt, jumps into the cauldron, and dives through the waves, enjoying himself as much as if he were swimming in water.
At the sight of this Pig bit his finger and said to Friar Sand, “We've underestimated that Monkey. I usually say nasty things about him as if he just liked fooling about. I never realized he had powers like this.”
When Monkey saw the two of them whispering his praises to each other, he thought suspiciously, “The idiot's mocking me again. How true it is that the clever have to do all the work and the clumsy stay idle. Here's me leaping around like this whi
le he's standing there at his ease. Right, then. I'll get him tied up in knots and give him a real scare.” In the middle of washing himself he made a great splash and plunged down to the bottom of the cauldron where he turned himself into a jujube stone. He did not come up again.
The officer supervising the executions went up to the king and reported, “Your Majesty, the little monk has been fried to death in the boiling oil.” The king in his delight ordered that the bones be fished out for him to see. The executioners fetched an iron strainer on a long handle with which they fished around in the cauldron, but its mesh was so coarse that Monkey, who was now as small as a nail, kept slipping through the holes in it and they could not fish him out. They then reported that the monk was so small and his bones so soft that they had been fried right away.
“Arrest the three monks,” the king ordered. The guard officers in attendance grabbed Pig first as he looked dangerous, pushed him down, and tied him up with his hands behind his back. Sanzang was so terrified that he shouted, “Your Majesty, grand this poor monk a couple of hours' reprieve. My disciple achieved countless good deeds after he was converted. Today he has died in the cauldron of boiling oil because he offended Your Majesty. Those who die first become gods, and I am not greedy to stay alive. Indeed, those in authority in the world look after the world's people. If Your Majesty tell me to die, your subject will not dare disobey. I only ask you in your mercy to grant me a bowl of cold gruel and three paper horses that I can place in front of the cauldron. I would like to burn the paper as a mark of my feeling for my disciple, and I will then be ready to go to my execution.”
“Very well,” said the King. “What a fine sense of honour these Chinese have.” He then ordered that some gruel and yellow paper be given to the Tang Priest, which was done.
Sanzang told Friar Sand to come with him as the two of them went to the foot of the steps while several guard officers dragged Pig by his ears to the cauldron. Sanzang said this invocation before the cauldron: “Disciple Sun Wukong,