What was wrong with him?
She’d admitted that she was not in love with his father, nor was she physically attracted to him. And Marcus truly believed they would never marry. But until Vanessa’s relationship with his father was completely over, he had no right to lay a finger on her. Even then a relationship with her could potentially come between him and his father.
Not that he even wanted a relationship. After Carmela, he had vowed to practice the single life for a while. Like his father he was probably just rebounding, and this strange fascination was probably fleeting. He would be wise to remember that.
Like father, like son, right?
“Marcus—”
“No, you’re right,” he interrupted. “This was a mistake. I promise it won’t happen again.”
“Okay,” she said, but he couldn’t tell if she was relieved, or disappointed. Or if she even believed him. He wasn’t sure if he believed himself.
They walked in silence up to her room, and she must have sobered up, because she was steadier now. When they reached her door she turned to him.
“I had a really good time tonight. I enjoyed our talk.”
“So did I.”
“And…well, thank you.”
He wasn’t quite sure what she was thanking him for, but he nodded anyway.
Without a backward glance, she stepped into her room and closed the door, and for a full minute Marcus just stood there, plagued with the sensation that nothing had been resolved, feeling the overpowering urge to knock on her door. The only problem was, he had no idea what he wanted to say to her.
That should have been the end of it, but something wasn’t right. He just couldn’t put his finger on what.
You’re losing your mind, he thought with a bitter laugh, then he turned and walked down the hall. He pulled out the cell phone from his pocket, with the private number that not even Cleo knew about, and tapped on the outgoing calls icon. Vanessa’s number popped up. Though he wasn’t sure why he did it, he programmed the number into his address book, then stuck the phone back in his pocket.
Tomorrow would be better, he assured himself. Considering how stressful the past few months had been, and the fact that he’d been sleeping—on a good night—four or five restless hours, it was no wonder he wasn’t thinking clearly. His physician had offered a prescription for sleeping pills, but Marcus was against taking medication unless absolutely necessary. The meditation that Cleo had suggested hadn’t helped much either. There were times, especially in the evening, when he felt a bit as if he were walking around in a fog.
Tonight I’ll sleep, he told himself, then things would be clearer in the morning. Instead, he laid in bed, tossing and turning, unable to keep his mind off Vanessa and the kiss that never should have happened. He drifted in and out of sleep, his dreams filled with hazy images that made no sense, but left him feeling edgy and restless.
Marcus dragged himself out of bed at 6 a.m. with thoughts and feelings just as jumbled as the day before. He showered, dressed and had breakfast, then he tried to concentrate on work for a while, but his mind kept wandering back to Vanessa and Mia. George had informed him that they went down to use the pool around eleven, and though he found himself wanting to join them, he knew it was a bad idea. Thinking that it might help to get away for the afternoon, he called a few acquaintances to see if anyone was free for lunch, but everyone was either busy or didn’t answer their phone. Instead he ate his lunch from a tray in his suite while he read the newspaper, but after he was finished he went right back to feeling restless.
“Laps,” he said to himself. Swimming laps always relieved stress. He didn’t even know for sure that Vanessa was still down there. It was past one-thirty, so wouldn’t Mia be due for a nap? Besides, maybe it was best to confront these feelings head-on, prove to himself that he was strong enough to resist this.
He dressed in his swimsuit, pulled on a shirt and headed down to the pool. He stepped out into the blistering afternoon heat to find that Vanessa was still there, in the water, her hair pulled back in a ponytail, not a stitch of makeup on her face. In that instant the emptiness melted away, replaced by a longing, a desire to be close to her that made it difficult to breathe. And all he could think was, Marcus, you are in big trouble.
* * *
Vanessa carried Mia around the shallow end of the pool, swishing her back and forth while Mia plunged her little fists into the water, giggling and squealing, delighting in the fact that she was splashing them both in the face. After what had turned out to be a long and restless night, all Vanessa really wanted to do was collapse in a lounge chair and doze the afternoon away. Thinking, of course, about anything but last night’s kiss. Which she could do if she called Karin, but Mia was having so much fun, Vanessa hated to take her out of the water.
Deep down she knew it was a good thing that Marcus had decided not to join them today. Still, she couldn’t deny the jerk of disappointment every time she looked over at the door and he didn’t come through it. Maybe, like her, he just needed a day or two to cool down. Or maybe it had nothing to do with that, and he just had more important things to do. Either way, by lunchtime she had resigned herself to the fact that he wasn’t going to show. Of course that still hadn’t stopped her from looking over at the door every five minutes, just in case.
“I guess today we’re on our own,” she told Mia.
“You two look like you’re having fun.”
Vanessa nearly jumped out of her skin at the unexpected voice, and whipped around to see Marcus walking toward the pool, wearing nothing but a shirt and a little black Speedo.
Holy cow.
Her heart plunged to her knees, then shot back up into her throat, and she snapped her mouth shut before her jaw had a chance to drop open. Did the man not own a pair of swim trunks? The baggy variety that hung to the knee?
“Hi there!” she said, hoping she came across as friendly, without sounding too enthusiastic. Mia, on the other hand, heard his voice and practically dislocated her neck trying to turn and see him, and when she got a glimpse of him she let out a screech and batted at the water excitedly.
Marcus sat on the edge of the pool, dipping his feet in the water, putting his crotch exactly at eye level, and with his knees slightly spread, it was difficult not to stare.
“It’s a hot one,” he said, shading his eyes to look up at the clear blue sky.
It certainly was, and she wasn’t referring to the weather. Maybe wishing he were in the pool with them had been a bad idea. Her gaze wandered to his mouth, which of course made her think about that kiss last night, and what they might have done if they kept kissing. If she invited him into her room.
Disaster, that’s what would have happened. As it stood, the damage they had done wasn’t irreparable. She could write it off as a serious lapse in judgment. Another kiss, and that may have been no longer the case.
Mia on the other hand had no shame. She practically jumped out of Vanessa’s arms trying to reach him.
Vanessa laughed. “I think she wants you to come in.”
He pushed off the edge and slid into the water, looking even better wet. But on the bright side, she didn’t have to look at as much of him.
Mia reached for him and Marcus asked, “May I?”
“Of course,” she said, handing Mia over.
He held her tightly to his bare chest, as if he were afraid he might drop her, and all Vanessa could think was, you lucky kid. But Mia wiggled in Marcus’s arms, trying to get closer to the water.
“If you turn her around and hook your arm across her belly she can play in the water,” Vanessa told Marcus, and the second he turned her, she began to splash and squeal.
“It’s okay if the water gets in her eyes?” he asked, looking concerned.
“Are you kidding, she loves it. She does the same thing in the bathtub. You wouldn’t believe the mess she makes. When she’s all soapy it’s a lot like trying to bathe a squid.”
“She’s pretty slippery w
ithout the soap too,” Marcus said, but he was grinning.
“If you want to put her in her floating ring she likes to be pulled around the pool. The faster the better.” Vanessa grabbed the ring from the side and Mia shrieked.
Marcus laughed. “Let’s give it a try.”
Vanessa held the ring still while Marcus maneuvered her inside, which, with all of her squirming, was a bit like wrestling a baby octopus. When she was securely seated, he tugged her across the pool, swimming backward into the deeper water, then he spun her in circles and Mia giggled and swung her arms, beside herself with joy. It warmed her heart, but also broke it a little, to see Mia so attached to him.
She backed up against the edge of the pool and just watched them.
“She really does like this,” Marcus said, looking as if he was having just as much fun.
“She loves being in the water. I wish I had more time to take her swimming, but our complex back home doesn’t have a pool. I could take her to the hotel, but if I dare show my face on my day off, I inevitably get wrangled into working.”
“Maybe she’ll be a champion swimmer someday,” Marcus said.
“Gabriel told me you used to compete.”
“I was working toward a spot on the Olympic team, which meant intense training. I swam at least fifteen to twenty thousand meters a day, plus weight training and jogging.”
“Wow, that is intense.”
“Yeah, and it began to interfere with my royal duties, so I had to give it up. Now it’s just a good way to stay in shape.”
It certainly was, she thought, admiring all the lean muscle in his arms and shoulders. “It’s sad that you weren’t able to follow your dream.”
“I was disappointed, but not devastated. My life was just meant for different things.”
“It must have been really amazing growing up with all this,” she said, looking up at the palace.
“Well, it didn’t suck,” Marcus said with a grin, all dimples and white teeth.
Vanessa laughed. Sometimes it was easy to forget that he was a future king. He just seemed so…ordinary. Gabriel, though just as approachable, had a more serious and formal manner. His confidence, his sense of self-worth, had been intoxicating, and a little thrilling. Even if he had doubts about his abilities as king he would never admit them. And though Marcus possessed that same air of conviction, he wasn’t afraid or ashamed to show vulnerability, and there was something unbelievably sexy about that. Especially for a woman like her, who was constantly second-guessing herself.
“The truth is, I was away at boarding school for the better part of my childhood,” Marcus said. “But I did come home for school breaks and summer vacations.”
“I’m not sure if I could do that,” Vanessa said.
“Go to boarding school?”
“Send my child away to be raised by someone else. It would break my heart.”
“In my family it’s just what was expected, I guess. It was the same for my father, and his father before him.”
“But not your mother, right? She didn’t mind letting you go?”
“I know she missed me, but as I said, that’s just the way things were. She had her duties as queen, and I had mine.”
Vanessa had a sudden heart-wrenching thought. “If I marry your father, would I have to send Mia away to boarding school?”
For several seconds he looked as if he wasn’t sure how to answer, or if she could handle the truth.
“I can only assume that’s what he would want,” he finally said.
“And if I refused?”
“She’s your child, Vanessa. You should raise her the way you see fit.”
But if Gabriel were to adopt her, then Mia would be both of theirs. Which he had already said would be an eventuality. Until just this moment, she had only imagined that as a good thing. Now she wasn’t so sure. What if they had contrasting views about raising children? And suppose they had a baby together? Would she have even less control then?
“I guess that’s just another thing we’ll have to discuss when he gets back,” she said, then for reasons she didn’t fully understand, heard herself ask, “How would you feel about sending your children away to school?”
Why would she ask such a thing when his opinions about child-rearing had no bearing on her life in the least?
“I guess I’ve never really considered that,” Marcus said. “I suppose it would be something I would have to discuss with my wife.”
She couldn’t help but wonder if he was just giving her the PC answer, or if he really meant it. And honestly, why did it matter?
Eleven
Vanessa heard her phone ringing from the chair where she’d set her things. Thinking that it might be Gabriel, she pushed herself up out of the pool and rushed to grab it, the intense afternoon heat drying her skin in the few seconds it took to reach it. Her heart sank when she saw her father’s number on the display. She had played over in her mind about a million times what she would say to him when he finally called, yet she was still too chicken to answer. She let the call go to voice mail, waited until her alert chimed, then listened to the message.
“Hey Nessy, it’s Daddy,” he said and she cringed, in part because she was a grown woman and he still referred to himself as Daddy, and also because she absolutely hated being called Nessy. It made her sound as though she belonged in a Scottish loch. “I thought I might catch you before you left for work. I just called to tell you that my platoon reunion will be in Los Angeles next week so I’m flying in.”
Oh, crap. She closed her eyes and sighed.
“The reunion is a week from Friday night and I want time to see my grandbaby, so I’ll be taking a flight early Thursday morning.”
He wasn’t coming there to see Vanessa, just Mia. Ironic considering he’d barely acknowledged her existence until she was almost three months old. Before then he referred to her as Vanessa’s latest mistake. Knowing how disappointed he would be, she hadn’t even told him she was pregnant until it was no longer possible to hide it. And when she had, he’d responded in that same tired, disappointed tone, “Vanessa, when will you learn?”
“I’ll call with my flight information when I get it,” his message said. “You can swing by and pick me up from the airport. See you soon!”
He never asked, he only demanded. Suppose she’d had other plans? Or was it that he just didn’t care? It wasn’t unlike him to visit on a whim and expect her to drop everything and entertain him. She had to endure that same old look of disappointment when she didn’t cater to his every whim. It had always been that way, even when she was a kid. God forbid if she didn’t get the laundry washed and ironed and the dishes done, not to mention the vacuuming and the dusting and the grocery shopping. And of course she was expected to maintain straight As in school. He ran a tight ship, and she had been expected to fall in line. And he wondered why she lit out of there the day she graduated high school. Which was, of course, another mistake.
This time she wouldn’t be there to disappoint him…which in itself would be a disappointment, she supposed. The truth is, no matter what she did, in his opinion it would never be the right thing.
She sighed and dropped the phone back onto the chair, then looked up, surprised to find Marcus and Mia floating near the edge watching her.
“Everything okay?” he asked.
She forced a smile. “Sure. Fine.”
“You’re lying,” he said.
She went for an innocent look, but was pretty sure it came out looking more like a grimace. “Why would you think that?”
“Because you’re chewing on your thumbnail, and people generally do that when they’re nervous.”
She looked down to find she’d chewed off the tip of her left thumbnail. Damn. He didn’t miss a thing, did he? And the way he was looking up at her, she began to wonder if choosing her bikini over the conservative one-piece had been a bad idea. She felt so…exposed, yet at the same time, she liked that he was looking at her. She wanted him to.
Vanessa, that is just so wrong.
“It’s fine if you don’t want to talk about it,” he said.
She sat on the edge of the pool, dipping her feet in the water. “My father just left a message. He’s coming to Los Angeles to visit next week.”
“Does that mean you’ll be leaving?”
The old Vanessa may have. She would have been worried about disappointing him yet again. But she was twenty-four years old, damn it. It was time to cut the umbilical cord and live her life the way she wanted. But she was the new Vanessa now, and that Vanessa was confident and strong and no longer cared what her father thought.
She hoped so at least.
“I’m not leaving,” she told Marcus. “I’m going to call him back and tell him that I won’t be there, and we’ll have to reschedule for another time.”
“And when he asks where you are?”
That was the tricky part.
“I’ll tell him the truth.” Maybe.
You’re strong, she reminded herself. You are responsible for your own destiny and what he thinks doesn’t matter.
And if she told herself enough times, she just might start to believe it.
* * *
Marcus stood behind Vanessa while she examined an exhibit at the museum, thinking that of all the visitors he had escorted there over the years—and there had been many—she showed by far the most intense interest. She didn’t just politely browse while looking bored out of her skull. She absorbed information, reading every sign and description carefully, as if she were dedicating it to memory.
“You do realize that there’s no quiz when we get back to the palace,” he teased, as she read the fine print on a display of artifacts from the Varieo civil war of 1899.
She smiled sheepishly. “I’m taking forever, I know, but I just love history. It was my favorite subject in school.”
“I don’t mind,” he told her, and he honestly didn’t. Just like he hadn’t minded spending the afternoon at the pool with her and Mia the day before. And not because of that hot pink bikini she’d worn. Okay, not completely because of the bikini. He just…liked her.
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