“I agree with you,” said her father trying to mollify her, conscious Kakko had had enough criticism for one afternoon. But Jalli added, “Exactly what you were meant to do there, however, is another question… and as for Tam taking some of the blame, I don’t think he feels it is quite so unfair.”
“Not at all,” admitted Tam. “I wasn’t thinking properly.”
“But you rescued me!” exclaimed Kakko. “You did it for me.”
“Yes, and I am glad I did. But whether I did it a sensible way is a different matter. At least I could have used the stuff we had.”
“Exactly,” agreed Jalli. “Why take a whole bag of stuff if you were only going to use one thing from it? And what, precisely, do you think God wanted you to do?”
“Obviously,” said Kakko, “rescue the little boy!”
“Did you ask God that?”
“There wasn’t time!” Kakko was feeling angry again.
“There is always time to pray,” replied Jalli. “You didn’t have to hold a prayer meeting. It doesn’t take ten seconds to ask God to guide you.”
“I prayed,” said Tam, “I prayed he would help me get back up that cliff safely, and after that I kept asking for his help.”
“And he did,” said Jalli.
“I felt him with me. Somehow I knew that, whatever happened, I was safe.”
“But afterward you felt you should have done things differently?”
“There were so many things. It was the stuff that got me thinking. We had a whole bag of stuff and we didn’t use it. It took two of us to carry it.”
“So, it might be that God was not asking you to go down the cliff at all,” continued Jalli. “Perhaps all he wanted you to do was take the bag and the ropes. You said there were some other people. Could they have used the equipment?”
“I don’t know,” said Tam. “I never asked.”
“And someone had already sent for the emergency services. It may be they could have needed them.”
“Maybe,” agreed Tam. “I never thought of that.”
“Or maybe you were meant to use the stuff. But not the way you did.”
“Or didn’t,” said Tam.
Kakko had been quiet throughout this exchange. And it was Jack who was first aware that she was crying again. “Kakko,” he said reaching for her hand.
“It’s all so confusing,” she spluttered. “Why are things so complicated?”
“It’s because you are young and full of life,” whispered her father, “and, thanks to God and Tam, you still are. Put this down to experience. Whatever you do, even if you get into trouble for it, the most important thing to remember is that if your motives are pure, you will be able to live with the outcome. You may have made mistakes but only because you cared for a little boy and thought God was asking you to rescue him. That makes me proud of you. I could have the most sensible daughter in the world, but unless she cared about people, she would not please me so much… and,” Jack said to Tam, “I am… we are,” as he took his wife’s arm, “going to be eternally grateful to you for your bravery young man. We are very delighted that you kept a level head even in your lack of experience.” And Jack stood and clasped the young man in his arms.
Once again the ward had gone quiet. This family was extremely entertaining!
***
The doctor came – a young woman who didn’t look a great deal older than Kakko and Tam. She asked the visitors to wait outside as she drew the curtains around Kakko. “So,” she said, “having some adventures it seems.”
“You could say that,” sighed Kakko.
After a full examination, the doctor said that all was fine but she wanted Kakko to remain on the ward for another night just to make sure there were no complications.
In the corridor, the young doctor spoke to Jalli. “I think it best you leave her to rest a bit now,” she suggested. “She will still be in a slight state of shock.”
Jalli, Jack and Tam went back in to say goodbye.
“You rest now,” said her mother.
“Forget everything but that we love you and we are proud of you!” added her father. “Come on Jalli, let’s leave these two to say goodbye in the way you saw them say hello!”
Alone, Tam held Kakko’s hand.
“That was hard,” said Tam, “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I deserve it. But I am so glad you rescued the little boy. He was OK wasn’t he? He was being taken care of by his mother. He had been unconscious a long time but was coming round.”
“I don’t think he had broken any bones.”
“Good!”
“Now, I must leave you and let you rest.”
“Thanks for coming. Let me kiss you!” She did, only this time it wasn’t on his forehead.
Outside the hospital, Jack and Jalli were waiting for him.
“We really want to thank you, Tam. We don’t want you to feel bad about anything,” said Jack. “I thought the coach was a bit strong under the circumstances. He should have let you both get over the shock, and allowed his anger to calm a bit before he said anything.”
“You alright?” asked Jalli. “You look a bit queasy!” He didn’t seem to hear anything Jack was saying.
“She kissed me! Really kissed me!” muttered Tam.
“Come on. Let us take you home,” smiled Jalli.
“Er… yes. Thanks. Kind of us… I mean you. Sorry,” replied Tam tugging himself back into the world. “I want to go and see Coach Jim. I need to really apologise.”
“I wouldn’t do that just yet, Tam … not yet,” suggested Jack. “I know, why don’t you write him a letter? I think that would be the best thing.”
“A letter?”
“Old fashioned, I know. But sometimes there are still occasions when a hand-written letter means something.”
***
“Kakko has him wrapped around her little finger,” observed Jalli after they had dropped Tam off. “He’s besotted with her.”
“I know. He’s a good lad. I know he thinks she’s special and I don’t blame him. But he may learn from this that Kakko is not perfect… and I hope Kakko reflects on the danger she led him into.”
“I do hope so. I do hope so,” breathed Jalli. “If she learns from this, it will be such a good thing.”
“I agree,” said Jack. “And she could go a long way to find another as good as Tam. He kept his head.”
“I’m glad they’ve found each other. Love is a wonderful thing!” laughed Jalli. “And I should know.”
“I would never have come down a cliff for you. You know how much I hated heights.”
“What would you have done, then?”
“Got the stuff and found somebody else to use it, I suppose. Some ‘intrepid hero’.”
“Someone good looking, tall, debonair… and strong,” added Jalli, tweaking Jack’s thin biceps.
“But I would have hit him if he had kissed you when he had got you all alone on a ledge.”
“And then I would have seen just how ungallant a man you were, and I would have disappeared with the ‘intrepid hero’!”
“No you wouldn’t, you love me too much!”
“Don’t be so sure!”
“You would never have got into that situation in the first place, though! Your kind of adventures – our kind of adventures – are different. The Creator asks each of us to do different things.”
“Exactly. So you can still be my hero.” She cuddled up to him. How she loved her Jack! They were silent for a few minutes and then Jack said:
“But I still wish I had been a match for… for that… you know, that idiot by the hives.”
Jalli raised herself up and took her husband’s face in her hands.
“Jack, you were wonderful. What you did took guts… and love! You gave your sight for me… and, by the way, I thought we had got over the regrets. ”
“I didn’t think about it. I just rushed in. You didn’t deserve what he did to you.”
“We said th
at before, when Grandma died. A lot of things in the universe are not fair. You loved me. That poor man, evil though he may have been, probably never knew love. He was doomed from the start. When it comes to justice we still have everything compared to him. He had nothing… I hope and pray that he has had a chance to choose life in the next world. If God is just, he should give him that… and, you never know, there might be a cure for your blindness one day.”
“I don’t think about that. I have got used to not seeing. As long as you point me in the right direction, I can manage everything else. The brain compensates. I can hear and smell how people feel. I never used to smell people’s feelings, but I do now. Like, I knew Kakko was crying. I smelt it. I felt her stillness, heard her silence.”
“That is a gift.”
“A gift I have only gained through being blind. And, in the end, I have you. And through you I have got to know God. You can’t get better than that.”
16
Kakko’s enforced stay in the hospital was brief. She was assured that things seemed to be going on well and all she needed to do was recover. Easier said than done for a girl determined to do things without a lot of patience. After a week she was complaining that she was still sore.
“Of course!” said an exasperated Jalli. “What did you think? It takes months to mend broken bones.”
“Months?”
“Yes, months. You heard what the doctor said. There is no rushing this, Kakko. I think you are doing remarkably well at getting around, all things considered.”
“Not months, weeks! The doctor said six weeks.”
“Six weeks till the pot comes off. But that is only the beginning.”
“Six weeks for the pot! My skin will have rotted away in that time! It itches so much. There must be a better way than putting a broken arm in plaster.”
“Kakko. There is no way of hurrying the healing process. It takes time because that’s the way nature works. I’m afraid you will just have to be patient. You are fortunate that you can do so much with your left hand. Most people are not so ambidextrous.”
“Be patient. Be patient! That’s all that I hear!”
“So if you hear it so many times, it might just be the right advice.”
“But what am I going to do with myself? I can’t do most of the practical things at college, which is pretty difficult if you’re on a ‘hands on’ course. I have to stand and watch and make notes while other people are getting in and doing it. How can I learn that way?”
“You’re a lot brighter than you give yourself credit for. Don’t be afraid to use your brain. Concentrate and you will still learn… why don’t you do something extra just using your brain? Take your mind off things.”
“Like what?”
“Like… like finding out about something you’ve always wanted to know the answer to.”
“Research! That’s, like, sooo boring!”
“Kakko!”
“OK. But all I really want to know is why things are so unfair? That’s all I can think about. I mean Tam got into so much bother. His mum and dad have said that if he had been younger they would have grounded him for a month! And Coach Jim has sacked him for good. I mean, all he did was rescue me. That – what happened – was definitely all my fault.”
“But his parents don’t mind him seeing or contacting you?”
“No.”
“I wonder why not. I mean if it was all your fault, I guess his parents would definitely tell him you were bad news.”
“They wouldn’t. They couldn’t! He’s twenty.”
“And you are eighteen. So stop complaining like a child to your mum.”
“I’m not!”
“No? You stop behaving like a hard-done-by-kid and I’ll try and stop behaving like a bossy mum. Let’s be adult to adult… deal?” Jalli raised her left hand, palm up in a high-five, and Kakko ever so slowly softened.
“OK deal,” she said, exhaling noisily. She patted her mum’s hand and sighed again. “You’re right. But what would an adult with more experience than this one,” she pointed to herself, “suggest I do with my time?”
“If you’re really keen on finding out why things are unjust, why don’t you take up Pastor Ruk’s suggestion and join the church study on ‘God’s revelation to the worlds’. You know the one he suggested but you couldn’t do because it was going to conflict with Coach Jim’s club.”
“It sounds like hard work.”
“It might be, but it’ll give you something to think about while your bones heal.”
“OK. I’ll think about it. Do you think he might answer the question why everything’s so unfair?”
“From my experience, Paster Ruk approaches his sessions by asking what the participants would most like to talk about. He knows so many of the stories of God’s revelations of Himself to the inhabited worlds we know about. He has a wealth of knowledge, but he tries to begin with the questions people come with.”
***
A week later both Kakko and Tam took the bus into the city centre as usual but this time, instead of going to the Sports Centre, they entered the suite of rooms associated with the worship hall. After the excitement and the smell of the climbing walls this place seemed quiet and drab. Even the neat potted plant someone had tried to brighten the place up with seemed rather forlorn. But soon, despite the surroundings, a lively group of people began to gather. They were of all ages – although Kakko and Tam were definitely the youngest. Kakko recognised most of them. A number of ladies around the age of her mother came up to her and asked her how it was going with the pot and everything. They seemed genuinely concerned. One of the men, a small quiet man, whispered to Tam, “You must be the brave fellow I have heard about,” as he nodded towards Kakko.
“Not so brave,” protested Tam. “I didn’t plan to be brave.”
“Anyone want coffee, tea… or sodas?” yelled a woman leaning out of a hatch that she had just opened. Tam made his way back from the hatch with the Joh equivalent of a couple of cans of cola. Kakko took the can in her left hand and, in an effort to get into it, sat down and was about to put it between her knees when Tam passed her his open one. Kakko first reacted with a ‘how dare you’ look, but then relaxed and smiled. Tam was just naturally caring and she saw that he did it instinctively. It was his way. But Tam caught Kakko’s expression and realised he had deprived her of a bit of the independence that she was fighting for – perhaps he should have been more thoughtful and quickly apologised.
“It’s OK,” whispered Kakko, “I’ll let you.”
“Let me what?”
“Be my slave.”
“Get your drinks everybody and come and sit down and we’ll introduce ourselves,” announced Pastor Ruk.
***
There were about twenty-five people present and the pastor wanted them all sitting in a circle. He began with a prayer. After he had finished he explained, “I believe in prayer. God is always present with us. We cannot do anything as well without Him as we can when we invite Him to help us. In fact, some things we can’t do at all outside of Him, but that’ll come out in our discussions as we go along.
“OK. Let’s introduce ourselves. So I’m Ruk and I live right next door in the plot over there. I have been pastor here for ten years. My favourite food is parsnips! Who are you and what’s yours?” he asked the man to his left. And it went on round the circle. By the time it got to Kakko and Tam there was quite a feast of different foodstuffs. Kakko went for strawberries and Tam for ice-cream and that confirmed to everyone that they were an item.
Pastor Ruk then explained that the purpose of the first session was mainly to help people see where they ‘were coming from’, as he put it. “Not necessarily where you were born,” he explained, “but discovering where your heart is. What occupies your thoughts? What questions you have got. There are no forbidden questions,” he added. “There are no questions that should not be asked. The Creator, I believe, does not want anyone just to be resigned to accepting anything
without questioning. And there are no ‘pat’ answers because every tidy theory actually begs a lot more questions than it answers! So, if you have come here to feel safe and secure thinking you will get certainty about your faith, then you are in the wrong place. But if you want a spiritual adventure – exploring beyond the horizons into regions in which many fear to tread, then you have come to the right place. The one thing I can promise you is that the more you question, the more of God you will discover. The blessings of God, of course, extend far beyond words, but words can take us a lot further than most people think. Once we have set out on the path of spiritual discovery, leaving behind religious theory and doctrines that can only take us so far, there is no going back – the only thing that will bear you up is the very presence of God himself in your heart. We must not use Scriptures, including our own, as an end in themselves – they show us a way to travel, a series of stories that tell of God’s revelation, and an invitation to your own relationship with Him (or Her if you prefer). When we have come to know Him, then we can throw ourselves solely on Him. Scriptures are God’s way of leading us forward – ever deeper into the life he has for us. We have our own Scriptures here on Joh, but there are others from around the universe – each of them talking of the encounters with the Creator experienced by different cultures down the ages. They all have insights. The purpose of our little gathering here is to discover if some of these can help each of us on his or her own spiritual journey. We have not yet arrived, we are nowhere near becoming who we really are; in this universe we are only beginning. Most of us are still only packing our suitcase with the things we need for the journey. Some of us are probably carrying much more baggage than we need, and it may be that what we have to learn is to dump some of it. That’s hard because it may be stuff we have become attached to – the older we are, the harder it gets sometimes.
“If you do not think you are ready for this yet,” Ruk concluded, “then please do not feel you have to stay. No-one will think ill of you for being honest.”
There was a moment’s silence and some shifting of feet and people looking down at them. Roast beef (Kakko couldn’t remember their names only their preferred food) asked, “You’re not going to tell us that all we learned at Sunday School is wrong?”
Ultimate Justice Page 13