The Truth About Love

by Nerys Leigh

  There were times when he barely felt able to take care of himself, but a wife and baby? Was he ready for that much responsibility?

  An image of Jo came into his mind, her nutmeg coloured hair tumbling around her shoulders and her beautiful smile lighting up her face, and he knew he’d be ready. He’d be anything, for her.

  Giving Misty a final rub, he carried on across the field and climbed the far fence to join his father on the other side.

  “Any day now,” George said, nodding at the grey mare.

  “Yeah.” Zach picked up a wooden rail and held it in place against the new fence posts the two of them had erected the previous Saturday.

  “Not that I’m complaining,” George said, hammering in a nail, “but to what do I owe the pleasure of your visit?”

  Zach was silent for a few seconds, gathering his thoughts. “How did you know that you wanted to marry Ma? I mean, when was that moment when you knew you wanted to spend your life with her?”

  George glanced at him before driving in another nail. “Not sure there was just one moment. From the first time I saw her, I think I knew.” He lowered the hammer and straightened, his gaze drifting to the horses. “But there was this one time, after we’d been riding, when she was sitting on her horse looking at something, I don’t know what, and her hair was down and the sun was shining in it. And all of a sudden I couldn’t breathe past the love I felt. And I asked her to marry me, right then. I hadn’t planned it, it just came out, like the question had a mind of its own. No one could have been more surprised than me when she said yes, believe me. Your ma could have had any man she wanted, with that red hair of hers. I’m still stumped that she picked me.” He bent to take two more nails from the bag near his feet and walked to the next post along, where the other end of the rail Zach held rested. “Any particular reason you’re asking me about her now?”

  Zach suspected he knew exactly why he was asking. “I think I’m in love with Jo.”

  His father snorted a laugh. “You’re only now realising that? I’ve known it for a good week or more.”

  “How could you know when I didn’t even know it?”

  “Because I’m your pa and it’s my job to know.” He hammered in the final nail and gestured for another rail.

  “There’s a problem though,” Zach said, going to fetch the next one from the pile.

  “What’s that?”

  He crouched to hold the rail in place below the first one. “She’s not a Christian. I’m pretty sure she doesn’t even believe in God.”

  “Hmm.”

  Zach glanced up at his father. “What do you mean, hmm?”

  “Just hmm.” He hammered in a nail.

  “You think it’s wrong that I should be spending time with a woman who doesn’t love the Lord, don’t you? You’re thinking of that verse about being yoked with unbelievers.”

  George moved to the other end of the rail. “All I said was ‘hmm’. Sounds like those are the things you’re thinking about, yourself.”

  Zach released the secured rail and straightened. “I hate it when you’re right.”

  George hammered the final nail into place. “You should be used to that by now.”

  “There’s something else too.” Zach pushed his hands into his pockets.

  “Oh?”

  He looked across the field towards the livery. “You can’t tell anyone this. I don’t think anyone else knows but me and Doc Wilson, and Jo doesn’t even know that I know.”

  George leaned his elbow on the new fence and waited in the way he’d done all of Zach’s life. He knew his son would always tell him whatever was on his mind in the end. One day, Zach would surprise him and not tell him something. That day, however, wasn’t going to be today.

  He drew in a breath and let it out slowly. “Jo’s pregnant.”

  George threw his hands into the air. “Zach! We had this talk when you were twelve. What were you thinking?”

  He stared at his father in confusion. “What are you...?” Realisation struck. “What? No! It’s not mine.”

  “Oh.” George blew out a breath. “Good. So what does Gabe Silversmith have to say about it? Did he know when he threw her out?”

  “It’s not his either. That’s why he threw her out.”

  Understanding dawned on his father’s face. “Oh, I see. What about the father?”

  “I have no idea who he is. I’m assuming he’s in New York.”

  George’s forehead wrinkled. “So what you’re saying is, you’re thinking of marrying a woman who doesn’t know the Lord and is carrying another man’s baby, which she doesn’t know you know about, and which the father may or may not know about.”

  “That’s pretty much it, yes.”

  “Anything else?”

  “I hope not.” Those two things already seemed huge by themselves.

  George nodded slowly. Zach waited while he considered.

  “Well,” he said eventually, “as far as being a Christian is concerned, that’s something you’re going to have to pray long and hard on. I’ve seen husbands and wives who are divided by what they believe, and it can be hard on both of them. There’ll be a spiritual battle in your home, and you’ll be the one who feels it.”

  Zach nodded. It wasn’t anything he hadn’t thought of himself.

  “As far as her expecting another man’s child goes,” his father went on, “does that bother you?”

  He shrugged. “I don’t know. I mean, I figure it’s her child as much as his, more even, since she’s the one carrying it and she’ll be the one who gives birth to it and who looks after it.”

  “What about being a father? I speak from experience, it’s not easy. Are you ready for that?”

  It was a question he felt not at all able to answer. “I don’t know. Were you?”

  George chuckled. “Not in the least. Considering how ignorant I was, it’s a wonder you survived some of the things I did. But from the moment I held you for the first time, wild horses couldn’t have dragged me from you.”

  “You think it would be like that for me? Even though the baby isn’t mine?” Zach frowned. “And what did you do to me?”

  “I don’t rightly know if you’ll feel that bond right away. That’s something you’ll have to find out for yourself, if you decide to go through with it. And nothing really bad. I didn’t drop you or anything. Well, there was that one time, but it wasn’t very far.”

  Zach’s jaw fell open. “Wait, you dropped me?”

  George waved him away. “You were fine. Made a right fuss about it though. It wasn’t like you landed on your head. How does Jo feel about all this, by the way?”

  Zach looked away. “I don’t know. I know she likes me.” He thought about the previous night’s kiss. “A lot, probably. But I don’t know how she’d feel about marrying me.”

  George shook his head, chuckling. “Well, maybe you should find out her opinion on it before you start worrying about all the rest. It may not be an issue.”

  “Thanks for the vote of confidence, Pa.”

  George reached over and squeezed his shoulder. “You’re my son and I have no doubts that you would make the finest husband anyone could ask for. However, Jo is a woman, and in all my years, I’ve never been able to guess at how their minds work.” He bent to pick up the bag of nails and headed for the next post. “Come on, I want to get this side finished before lunch.”

  “I came here for advice,” Zach protested, “not to help you put up a fence. I have to work later.”

  “Then you have time now. I’ll give you more of my sage advice as we work.”

  Heaving a loud sigh, Zach trudged over to fetch another rail. “Pretty sure you don’t have enough sage advice to fill the next couple of hours.”

  “That’s where you’d be wrong, and why you need my advice in the first place.”

  Zach set the rail against the posts. “I can’t believe you dropped me.”

  Chapter 29

  Jo was even happier than usual to
see Zach when he turned up at the hotel to have lunch with her. They’d only been apart for a few hours, but she’d missed him. She felt safer when he was around.

  After they’d finished eating, they wandered into the corridor outside the kitchen.

  “Would you like to go for a walk?”

  Jo had just been trying to think of an excuse to get him to stay. “I’d love to. Although I have to be at work in a couple of hours.”

  A shadow darkened his usually cheerful face. “You’re going back to that place after what happened last night?”

  She didn’t want him to worry, so she didn’t tell him how nervous she was about it. “It didn’t happen in the saloon. I need to work. I need the money.”

  Pressing his lips together, he shook his head and looked away.

  She slipped her hand into his. “Don’t be angry with me.”

  He released a long breath and turned back to her. “I’m not angry, I’m scared.”

  Sliding her arms around his waist, she laid her head against his shoulder. When his arms wrapped around her, she wished she could stay there for the rest of her life.

  “Don’t be scared,” she said softly. “I have you to walk me there and back, and Solomon and Hiram to keep me safe while I’m there.”

  “Hiram? Hiram Henry?”

  She looked up at him. “He has a bit of a crush on me.”

  “Oh, so now I have competition from Hiram Henry?”

  Resting her chin on his chest, she smiled. “He’s really very sweet.”

  “Oh, he is, is he?” He slid one hand up to the back of her neck. “Well, can he do this?”

  He caught her lips in a deep, lingering kiss that left her knees slightly shaky.

  “I don’t know,” she said, when she could speak again. “Should I ask him later?”

  She laughed as he walked her backwards until her back touched the wall.

  Flattening his hands either side of her, he leaned in for another kiss. “Don’t you dare.”

  “Zachary.”

  Mrs. Sanchez must have had the feet of a cat. Jo could have sworn they were alone.

  Zach closed his eyes for a moment before turning to face her. “Afternoon, Mrs. S. Lunch was delicious. Did you use parsley in the sauce?”

  She raised one eyebrow. “Do you even know what parsley tastes like?”

  Jo could practically hear his memory scrambling.

  “It’s slightly bitter and it’s good at making other ingredients taste better.”

  She covered her smile with one hand, trying not to giggle.

  Mrs. Sanchez narrowed her eyes at him. “You are un pícaro, Zachary Parsons.”

  “But you love me anyway.” He grasped Jo’s hand and tugged her towards the door. “We were just heading out for a walk. See you later!”

  “Thank you for lunch, Mrs. Sanchez,” Jo called as he pulled her out the back door. Her giggle broke free when they were outside. “What’s a pícaro?”

  “I’m not exactly sure, but since she always uses it when me or Javier have done something wrong, I don’t think it’s good.”

  She entwined her arm with his and they strolled across the yard behind the hotel.

  “Is that really what parsley is like?” she said.

  “Oh yes. Jesse told me once, when he tried to teach me to cook when I first moved out of my pa’s house. Jesse knows all that stuff.”

  “So you can cook?” Maybe he could teach her.

  “Ha! No. You’ll notice I said he tried to teach me. It didn’t stick. I can prepare a grand total of two very simple meals. If it wasn’t for Mrs. Sanchez, that’s all I’d ever eat.”

  They skirted around the hotel stables and headed into the wooded area beyond, emerging through a gate into a grassy meadow. She drew in a deep breath of the warm spring air, ripe with the scent of wildflowers. She’d have to come out here to paint one day. The lush green grass, dotted with a myriad of colours, fairly glowed in the sun.

  “If the hotel ever had any guests with horses, they would be out here,” Zach said. “That doesn’t happen often though. Mostly it’s people travelling on the railroad who stay here. Anyone who rides in tends to go for the boarding house, it being cheaper and closer to the saloon.”

  He frowned as he looked at the ground ahead of them and she braced herself for what she knew was coming.

  “Do you really have to go back there?”

  “You know I do. It’s the only way to get the money I need. It won’t be forever.” Just until whenever she couldn’t hide her pregnancy anymore.

  He moved his gaze to the distant mountains. “I can’t remember ever being so scared as I was last night, when I heard you scream and saw him grab you.”

  She wrapped her free hand around his arm, leaning her head against his shoulder. “I love that you care about me, but I don’t want you to worry. He’s probably halfway to San Francisco by now.” It was what she needed to believe.

  “He’s not the only bad man in the saloon.”

  “I know, but I’ll be more careful from now on.”

  He was quiet for a while as they meandered through the grass and sent clouds of insects spiralling into the air around them. “You have a place to stay. I can get you anything else you need.”

  She sighed. “We’ve been through this. I know you mean well, but I need more than you have to give, and I wouldn’t take your money anyway. It’s yours.”

  There was another half a minute of silence before he spoke again. “I have some money saved up. You want to know what I’m saving it for?”

  She waited for him to continue, not sure what he would say.

  “I’m saving it to buy a train ticket so that one day I can bring a bride here, like my friends have.”

  At the thought of another woman coming to be Zach’s wife, a thick feeling in the base of her throat threatened to choke her. Why couldn’t she have been that woman?

  He drew in a long breath. “You could marr...”

  “Don’t,” she said, before he could say the words. “I can’t, and I can’t explain to you why.”

  His shoulders slumped, his head lowering. “I’m not asking you to love me, and I know I don’t have a lot to offer. I just thought, since you’re already here, and we seem to get along pretty well...”

  She stopped, tugging him around to face her, and touched her hand to his cheek. “It’s not you. You have plenty to offer any woman.” More than he knew. And so much more than she deserved.

  Sadness filled his eyes. “I wish you could trust me.”

  “I do trust you.” She was pretty sure she trusted him more than anyone else in her life.

  He held her gaze, his eyes searching hers until she felt as if he might see into her soul, through every secret she kept. Feeling exposed, she looked down.

  After a few moments, he kissed her forehead. “I’m sorry. I won’t pressure you.” When she raised her eyes again, he smiled. “I just have one request.”

  “Oh?”

  “Can we keep on like this, like we are now? Because I can’t tell you how much I don’t want to stop.”

  She should say no. She should stop this right now, before they got in any deeper. If she’d been a better person, she would.

  Smiling, she slid her arms around his neck and pushed her fingers into his soft hair. “That would be very acceptable.”

  Chapter 30

  “I wish you weren’t going back in there,” Zach said again two hours later, glaring at the saloon as if he could raze it to the ground through sheer force of will.

  “I have to,” Jo replied. “I have a job to do.”

  “Then I wish you’d let me come in with you.”

  She wished she could hug him in public. Despite the brave front she was putting on, she could have used the feeling of safety being in his arms gave her.

  “Pretty sure I won’t earn nearly as much if you’re in there glaring at any man who comes near me.”

  He hooked his thumbs into his pockets. “I wouldn’t glare.”<
br />
  “Yes you would. I’d be very disappointed if you didn’t.”

  He snorted a laugh. It was good to see his smile.

  “I could sit outside.”

  “You have a job to do too,” she pointed out.

  He sighed, looking up at the building. “Don’t go anywhere alone.”

  “I won’t.”

  “And if I’m not here when you finish work, wait for me inside. Although I’ll be here, even if I have to fight my way through a pack of wolves.”

  “I will.”

  He sighed again. “I wish I could hug you.”

  “Me too.”

  He lifted his hand as if he wanted to touch her, holding it in the space between them before dropping it again. “I’ll be praying for you all day.”

  “Thank you. I appreciate that.” And she did. Very much.

  He nodded. “Well, I’ll see you later.”

  She had to force herself to walk away from him, turning as she reached the saloon doors to see him one final time before going inside. Her heart began to speed up the moment she stepped across the threshold. She told herself she had nothing to fear, that there were people here who cared about her, but it didn’t help.

  “Afternoon, Miss Carter,” Solomon rumbled in his deep voice.

  “Afternoon, Solomon.”

  He stepped close to her. “Are you all right?”

  She drew in a deep breath. “I will be.”

  “Just so you know, you’re safe here. I’m watching out for you, and I’m not the only one.” He nodded across the room to where Hiram sat at one of the poker tables.

  Hiram’s face erupted into a grin and he nudged John, who sat next to him. John looked up, saw her, and also smiled. One by one, all the regulars in the saloon smiled and nodded to her.

  “We’re all looking out for you,” Solomon said. “We had a discussion about it. You don’t have anything to fear here. None of the women do. If Dunbar comes back, we’ll take care of him.”

  All the women in the room were also smiling at her. It seemed what had happened to her would help them be safer too. That could only be a good thing.