by Nerys Leigh
~ ~ ~
It took all the strength Jo could muster to knock on the door. Three times she turned around, intending to walk away, before she finally forced her fist to cooperate.
“Do I really have to do this now, Lord?” she whispered, staring at the wooden surface.
But she knew she did. Having forgiven everyone who’d wronged her, she couldn’t go on deceiving the one man who never had.
And so here she was, about to do the hardest thing she’d ever done. She was about to break her own heart.
Zach’s smile when he opened the door made her want to turn around and run away.
“Hi.” He stepped aside to let her in and closed the door. “I thought I was going to meet you at the hotel for breakfast later. Not that I’m complaining. I know I’m irresistible. It’s understandable that the strain on you to keep away would prove too much on occasion...”
She flew into his arms, backing him against the door, her lips searching out his. He responded to her fervent kiss with his own, holding her tight, so close she wasn’t sure where she ended and he began. It was an age before they parted, and even then it wasn’t enough. She could barely bring herself to end what would be their final kiss.
He rested his forehead against hers, breathing hard. “I don’t know what I did to warrant that, but please tell me so I can do it again.” His smile faded and he drew back, studying her face. “What’s wrong?”
Pressing her lips together, she stepped away from him.
He reached out to touch her shoulder. “Have I done something?”
She dropped her gaze to the floor and shook her head. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?” He took a step towards her, stopping when she backed away. “You’re scaring me.”
“I haven’t been honest with you.” Even that small confession crushed her heart.
“About what?”
“The last thing I wanted was to hurt you, but I was weak. You make me feel so cared for and I’ve never felt that before. I should never have let it get this far.”
Daring to raise her eyes, she found him watching her, his expression unreadable. She wrapped her arms around herself and looked at the floor again. She couldn’t do this while looking into those eyes that seemed to see into her soul.
“Two years ago, I met a man who ran confidence games, like me. He was charming and seductive and I fell in love. We did everything together. I thought we’d spend our lives together. And then, three months ago, I found out... I found out...” She swallowed and forced out the words she’d never wanted to say to him. “I found out I was expecting his child. We were about to swindle a very rich man out of a lot of money and I thought that would mean we could leave New York and start a new life together, become a family. But two days after I told him, he left in the middle of the night and took almost all the money with him.”
Part of her wanted to look up and see Zach’s reaction, but the rest of her was too afraid. So she kept her eyes on the floor and went on before she lost what little nerve she had left.
“I was desperate. I knew that once the baby was born, I wouldn’t be able to provide for us. So I answered Gabriel’s advertisement for a wife. I planned to convince him the baby was his, but once I got here, I couldn’t go through with... being intimate with him. For two weeks I made excuses, but he worked out I was pregnant for himself. That was why he threw me out that night you found me.”
Her confession over, she turned away, not wanting to see the hurt and disappointment she knew he must be feeling. “So now you know. I’m not the woman you want. You should never have cared for me. You deserve so much better.”
She reached for the door handle, desperate to get away so she could fall apart.
He stepped in front of her, blocking her way. “You’re exactly the woman I want.”
She finally raised her eyes to his face. “Don’t joke with me. Did you not hear what I just told you?”
“I heard every word. And I already knew. Not the details, but I knew you were pregnant.”
Her mouth fell open. “Wh... I... How? Did Gabriel say something?”
He shook his head, a small smile curving his lips. “You talk in your sleep.”
She did? “You mean the night after Dunbar?” He shook his head again and she frowned, trying to work out when else he would have seen her sleeping. And then realisation struck. “The first night at the hotel.”
“After you fainted you kept talking about your baby being safe. I guess you were worried about him.”
Her mind was spinning. “So you’ve known all this time?”
He nodded.
“And you still want me?”
He nodded again.
She stared up at him in disbelief. All this time she’d been in torment, for nothing.
Clenching her hand into a fist, she punched him.
“Ouch!” He clutched the front of his shoulder, his eyes wide. “That hurt!”
She spun away, waving her arms as she paced across the room. “All this time you let me think you’d hate me if you knew the truth!”
“I didn’t do it on purpose. You know, you hit really hard. I think you might have broken something.”
Her eyes rolled so hard it hurt her eye sockets. “I barely touched you. And you deserve it for what you’ve put me through.”
“In my defence, I had no idea that’s what you thought. You’re strange.”
She whirled back to him. “I’m strange? Why didn’t you just tell me straight off?”
He lifted his palms in surrender. “I wanted you to trust me enough to tell me, not feel like you’d been forced into it. I wanted it to be your choice. I wanted you to choose me.”
She huffed out a breath, planting her hands on her hips. “You are the most infuriating, frustrating, idiotic, wonderful man I’ve ever met!”
His smile returned. “You think I’m wonderful?”
Trust him to hear that word above all the others. “I said infuriating, frustrating and idiotic first.”
His smile grew. “But you said wonderful too.”
Exasperating as he was, she still had to press her lips together to keep from smiling back at him.
He suddenly strode across the room and, to her utter shock, dropped to one knee in front of her. “Marry me?”
How could he possibly want to marry her after what she’d done? “You’re insane.”
He gazed up at her, breathing hard as if asking her had taken all his strength. “No, I’m in love.”
So much for being done with men. Love was a kind of insanity, wasn’t that what she’d told Gabriel? And if it was, then she’d already lost her mind. Maybe she’d lost it the first time she saw that flaming red hair and those sky blue eyes smiling up at her in the buggy outside the church.
But it couldn’t be that simple.
She pressed one hand to her abdomen. “What about this?”
He lowered his eyes and placed his hand over hers, his warmth radiating into her skin. “This baby is part of you, and if you become my wife, he or she will be mine too.” He raised his gaze to hers again. “I don’t have much to offer you, you know that. I can’t give you clothes or diamonds or a fancy house to live in. But I’ll give you my heart, if you’ll have it.”
For a few moments she simply stared down at him, unable to move, or even breathe.
And then she burst into tears.
He gaped up at her. “What’s wrong?”
She shook her head, unable to form a single word as the sobs tore from her chest. Covering her face with her hands, she willed herself to stop. It didn’t work.
His arms wrapped around her and she leaned forward, pressing her face into his chest and bawling even harder.
His hold on her tightened. “Please don’t cry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
She shook her head. It took three tries to gasp in enough air between sobs to speak. “Not... upset.” Why on earth couldn’t she stop crying?
“Then why are you crying?”
“Be
cause of... you.” What was wrong with her?
“Me?”
She had to gulp in breaths between words. “No one... ever... loved me... like that.”
He was silent for a few seconds, holding her while her uncontrollable weeping continued unabated. “Me loving you makes you want to cry?”
She thumped her fist into his chest in frustration. “Noooo!” Now she was wailing. This was becoming ridiculous. She lifted her face to look up at him. “Yes!”
He looked completely bemused. “I have no idea what’s going on.”
“You, you, you...” She punctuated her words by tapping him with one finger. At least the tears appeared to be easing off. “You love me?”
“Yes.”
“And you care about me?”
“Yes.”
“And you’d do anything for me?”
“Yes.”
She clamped her lips together but couldn’t keep the tears from returning. “You’re the first one ever!” She slumped against him again.
“Wait, you’re crying because I’m the first person to care about you and love you?”
She nodded wordlessly against his chest.
“Isn’t it a good thing that I do?”
She nodded again, harder.
“So... does that mean you’ll marry me?”
She nodded a third time. This was ludicrous.
Raising her head, she wiped at her eyes, drew in a trembling breath, and said, “Yes.”
There, at least she’d managed to say the word.
And then she hiccupped.
It was probably the least dignified acceptance in the whole history of marriage proposals.
He stared at her as if he couldn’t quite believe his ears. And then he grinned, picked her up, and spun her in a circle. “She said yes!”
Despite the tears still rolling down her cheeks, she burst into laughter. She couldn’t remember ever feeling so happy. She hadn’t even known such joy was possible, until Zach.
The smile dropped suddenly from his face and he put her down and stepped back, his eyes going to her stomach. “Should I be doing that? Could I hurt the baby?”
She smiled at his horrified expression. “Don’t you dare start treating me like I can break. The baby’s just fine.” She touched her fingers to his cheek. “I love you.” Oh, how she loved him.
Wonder crept onto his face. “You do?”
Her heart felt like it could explode in a shower of adoration. What was happening to her? “I do, a lot. Really a lot. A stupid amount.”
His smile returned. “I love you a stupid amount too, so I guess that makes us even.”
She stepped closer and slid her arms around his neck. “That’s all right then.”
A knock at the door interrupted the kiss before it could even get started.
Zach’s chin dropped to his chest. “Why would I not be surprised if that’s Mrs. Sanchez?”
Jo wiped the tears from her face as he headed for the door. She almost expected him to be right, so she was somewhat surprised when it turned out to be Amy outside.
“George sent me to fetch you...” Seeing Jo, she stopped. “Hi, Jo.” Her eyes flicked between the two of them and she began to smile. “Am I interrupting something?”
“Yes,” he said, “so make it good.”
Jo could feel her cheeks heating. When did she become such a blusher?
Amy’s smile grew. “What’s going on?”
The news suddenly became too much for her to contain. “He knows about the baby and he doesn’t mind and we’re going to be married.”
Amy squealed and rushed past him to throw her arms around her.
“Hold on,” he said as they hugged and laughed, “Amy knows? Why is it you told her before you told me?”
Amy looked back at him. “Because she was afraid if she told you, you’d reject her. And she was in love with you. Although she didn’t think she was, but she was. We all knew it.”
“All?” He looked between the two of them. “Who is all?”
“Me, Lizzy, Sara, and Louisa.”
“So I’m actually the fifth person to know?”
“Counting Gabriel Silversmith, you’re the sixth.” Amy smiled sweetly.
He glared at her. “Well now I feel so much better.”
Jo moved to his side and wound her arm around his. “I’m sorry. What can I do to make it up to you?”
A slow smile spread across his face. “Now that’s an interesting question. I’ll have to put some thought into that.” He tilted his head down towards her, his gaze going to her mouth.
Amy cleared her throat. “I’m still here.”
“Is there a reason for that?” he said, brushing his nose against Jo’s.
“Actually, I came to tell you Misty is about to foal, but if you’re not interested...”
His head snapped up. “Misty’s having her foal? Why didn’t you say so?”
Letting go of Jo, he dashed to the door and out into the street, turning back briefly to call, “Come on!” before running off.
“You sure you want to marry him?” Amy said as they watched him go.
“Oh yes,” Jo replied, a smile stretching her cheeks. “I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life.”
~ ~ ~
When Jo and Amy reached the livery, Zach and George were standing outside one of the stalls.
Jo went to Zach’s side and slipped her hand into his.
“How’s she doing?” Amy said, walking up beside George and looking over the door into the stall.
“About as well as any female in labour would be.” He indicated the mare’s back end. “One hoof’s out. Shouldn’t be long now.”
The stall was larger than the others in the building, Jo guessed specifically for this purpose. She watched the horse roam restlessly around the space, tail lifted above the one hoof sticking out from beneath it. After half a minute or so, Misty lay down onto her side in the straw and strained, grunting softly. Another few seconds later she was up and pacing again. She looked very, very uncomfortable.
“It’s all right, girl,” Zach murmured, reaching out to rub her neck when she came within reach. “You’re doing so well. It’ll all be over soon.”
Jo tightened her fingers around his. She couldn’t help feeling an affinity for the horse. In round about six months, she’d be in the same situation. It wasn’t a reassuring thought as she watched the mare’s discomfort.
Zach glanced at her. “You okay?”
She flinched as Misty released another strained groan. “It looks painful.”
He slid his arm around her shoulders. “You don’t have to stay.”
“I want to be here, for you.”
It swept over her that she was going to be his wife. Everything was good because she was going to be Zach’s wife. Her happiness must have shown on her face because his concern turned to a smile.
She noticed George watching them and nerves suddenly danced in her stomach. She would be marrying his only son. Would he mind?
“I hear you’re going to become part of our family, Jo,” he said, returning his attention to the horse.
She glanced up at Zach. “Yes, sir. Uh, George.”
He nodded. “I’m of a mind that you’re going to make my son a fine wife.”
She breathed out. “Thank you.”
“I’m also of a mind that you’re going to give me a fine grandson or daughter in a few months.”
Her eyes widened and she looked up at Zach again.
He winced. “I wanted his advice. He hasn’t told anyone, I swear.”
“And you were talking about me telling Amy and the others!”
He glanced at Amy and she held up her hands. “Don’t bring me into this.”
He looked back at Jo. “Sooo, um, can we call it even?”
She pressed her lips together against her smile. “I’ll think about it.”
“I think this is it,” George said as Misty lowered to the stall floor again.
&nbs
p; They all moved closer and over the next few minutes watched the new foal make its way into the world in the miracle of birth. The miracle of birth involved a lot of mucus.
Jo stepped back from the stall. “Is there somewhere I can be sick?”
“It wasn’t that bad...” Zach began.
“You aren’t expecting.”
He frowned in confusion.
“Pregnancy sickness,” George said. “Your ma had it with you.”
She probably should have felt awkward at the discussion of her condition with a man she barely knew, future father-in-law or no, but the matter-of-fact way in which he said it put her at ease. He wasn’t embarrassed, so neither was she. She was beginning to understand why Amy liked him so much. He was refreshingly straightforward.
“Oh.” Zach nodded in understanding. “Is there anything I can do to help?”
Things were becoming pressing. “Privy? Bucket? Anything?”
“Oh,” he repeated, catching her urgency. “Yes.”
He hurried towards the doors at the back of the livery which opened onto the corral behind the building. When she followed him out, he was jogging towards her with a bucket. She didn’t even have time to thank him before she had to grab it.
She expected him to leave as her stomach emptied itself, but instead he stood beside her, gently rubbing her back with one hand while supporting the bucket with the other. And when she’d finished, he brought her a cup of water, took the bucket from her, despite her protestations, and carried it away to empty.
When he returned, he wrapped his arms around her.
She leaned into him, closing her eyes. “I never knew men like you existed.”
“I hope that’s a good thing.”
She smiled. “Very good.”
He kissed the top of her head. “You’re carrying my child. What else would I do but help you in any way I can?”
Her tears threatened to return at his words. She knew he meant them. Her baby had a father, and he was going to be the best father she could wish for.
In a flash of clarity, she saw how God had taken all her mistakes and sins and worked them out to bring her to this moment, standing in the arms of the most wonderful man in the world, surrounded by the love of her heavenly Father, saved by His Son, and filled by His Spirit. This was exactly where she was meant to be, and she was certain it wasn’t possible to be any happier.