by K A Young
Once more Phoebe moved to sign but I held her back. "We'd like our attorney to read these over if you don't mind, Gary." Oh… I just called him by his first name. It felt odd.
"There is nothing to read over. I assure you we are only looking out for you girls’ best interest. Just sign the darn things." That short reply sent alarm bells ringing. I didn't need to tell Phoebe; she heard them too. "Ladies, ladies, time's a wasting, I need to get these back."
"I'm sure they can wait a little longer, sir." Phoebe leaned in, scooped the documents off his desk, and put them in her bag before he had time to protest again. We both stood at the same time and turned for the door.
"Ladies, let’s have lunch. You can test drive your new Audi.” He was desperate. Wow.
"I'm sorry, Gary, we have plans." I smiled back at him as we left the office. Once outside we both let out a breath and leaned against the wall when we heard him shout Sue at the top of his lungs. She came racing around the corner and stopped right in front of us.
"I knew you wouldn't fall for a flashy new car. Good for you, girls. They can offer more than he’s letting on. I'd better see what damage this has done to our mighty leader." She laughed as she entered his office.
"He seems on edge—did we do that?" Phoebe asked.
"Looks that way, or someone else has pissed on his chips. Let's get some lunch and call Mark. Hopefully he can enlighten us."
"Great idea, I'm starved."
As we sat at the bar in Applebee’s devouring our smothered mushroom burgers I glanced over at Phoebe, who was taking a large sip of her Diet Cherry Coke with extra cherries. “I can’t believe you. Were you really about to sign that paperwork without waiting to hear back from Mark?” After placing my burger back on my plate I wiped my hands on my napkin.
She shook her head. “It was a reflex. He said car and I had us driving home in the shiny little beauty. I would have come to my senses before actually inking the document.” That was good to hear. Phoebe’s phone buzzed in her bag. She cleaned her hands with on one of the wet naps the bartender had provided then answered her mobile. “Speak of the devil!” Phoebe smiled and showed me the contact on her phone. Oh good, it was Mark. “Yeah. Really? Wow, that’s great, Mark. The bossman tried to get us to sign a couple more documents this morning that included the keys to a new car upon signing.” She popped a fry into her mouth. “Yeah,” she laughed, “he did everything but go all Godfather on us. Either your name or your brains are going to be on this piece of paper.” She sipped her Coke. “Right you are. It was not an offer we couldn’t refuse.”
“What is he saying? How long are we obligated to Anderson Media?” I mouthed to Phoebe. She waved me off. Ugh, I hated waiting.
“Thank you, Mark. Yes, we’ll be in touch.” She disconnected the call.
“Well?”
She popped another chip in her mouth, which meant I had to wait another few seconds for her to finish chewing. “It’s all good news. He said that we aren’t obligated to Anderson Media for any length of time.”
“How can that be?” I was shocked by this news.
She shook her head, her dark hair falling over her shoulders in the process. “Something about the legal language in the document. Apparently the docs were drawn up for the other American and Brit and changes were never made to correct the error before you and I signed the paperwork.”
Excitement filled me, giving me a major case of butterflies. Shoving my plate off to the side my brain began working overtime. “That means we are pretty much free agents. We can go wherever we want.” Phoebe nodded in confirmation. “Although it might look bad if we just up and quit from Anderson’s. I think we should stay around and give some sort of lengthy notice. We don’t want to get a reputation as company jumpers.”
“Oh, and we are going to need to come up with that retainer money now. There is so much regarding the offers from the other companies that we could majorly screw up by signing.”
“Like?” Wasn’t there always something that could jeopardize Phoebe’s and my success?
She swallowed the bite she was chewing. “Like non-compete clauses and confidentiality B.S., and did you know that all of these offers are negotiable?” I shook my head. How would I know any of this?
As I drummed my nails on the bar I began thinking about everything. The bartender came by, “You finished with this, Miss?”
“Yes, it was great, thanks.” He took my plate away and I grabbed my purse. After I retrieved my wallet I began calling in to each of my three credit cards to see what the balance was. “What’s the retainer cost?”
“He said it was normally five grand.” I nearly shit myself at that number. “But he said he could get by with half that.”
Oh God! “Okay, I have twelve hundred on this card. Do you have anything?”
She nodded. “I have a few thousand in a savings account my Nana set up for me when I was a kid. Normally I don’t touch it, it’s for emergencies—but I do believe this qualifies as an emergency situation.” She was right. I let out a sigh of relief. “We’ll take that little account and multiply it with our new contracts and their giant signing bonuses.”
My eyes widened. “We get bonuses?”
She giggled with excitement. “Apparently two of the companies offered pretty hefty sums for us to sign a two-year contract.” She clapped her hands.
“On second thought let’s not stay too long at Anderson’s.” I’m sure at this very moment I looked like one of those Saturday morning cartoon characters with giant dollar signs in my eyes.
“Oh, new email.” Phoebe said and went to check it just as mine went off as well. “Holy shit!” Phoebe squealed as I was reading it. Congratulations Lizbeth Bates, The American and the Brit has been nominated for the Up and Coming Column Award. Your presence is requested at The Fabulous Fox Theater on June 20th at seven p.m. My eyes barely scanned the rest of email with all the specifics and legalities of the award. Feeling a bit choked up, I glanced at Phoebe who had tears shining in her dark eyes. This was all actually happening to us—two young women from opposite sides of the pond, who met at a British bar of all places! We’d been living our lives with a fake-it-till-we-make-it mentality, and oh my effing God we were actually making it. How I did not have a clue.
Phoebe
Never Trust a Buy One Get One Deal When It Comes To Your Vagina
It was the day before the awards ceremony and Lizbeth and I were on the hunt for two amazing dresses at bargain basement prices. You would think that after all this darn publicity and with how popular the two of us had become we’d be swimming in dough. Nope, not the case. We’d just received our first paycheck from Anderson Media, and after paying our bills we were slap broke again and still driving Wilf. But thankfully I had a plan.
“You actually expect me to believe that this place is going to let us borrow gowns for tomorrow night’s event?” Lizbeth asked me as we found a parking space for Wilf.
“Not borrow, rent. That’s why it’s called Rent the Runway. They just opened a store here in Atlanta. Luckily they had a cancelation and could squeeze us in for a fitting.” The shiny new Audi parked near Wilf made me think of the car she and I would have been driving if we’d signed those papers. I let out a sigh. We needed to make some decisions soon about whether or not we were going to stay with Anderson Media.
“We made the right decision, Phoebs, you’ve got to know that.” Liz gazed longingly at the woman sitting inside her cool air-conditioned automobile. She looked fresh as a daisy while Liz and I were wilted and smelly. Life could be so cruel at times. Liz’s left eye was beginning to twitch; it was getting to her too and I saw it plain as day.
I slammed the door after Liz emerged from Wilf. The woman glared at us with a horrified expression upon her face. “Just ignore her, Liz. She’s nothing to us.”
Liz took a deep breath, then turned around. “I’m okay.” She took another deep breath and I could see she was trying her count-to-ten method to remain calm. The next thi
ng I knew, Liz reared back and kicked Wilf hard. “Dammit, I hate this car!” I shared her sentiment and nodded in agreement before I patted her on the shoulder. Secretly I loved that her method had failed her; it was nice not being the only one that flew off the handle at times like this.
“Come on, we’ll buy a new car once we decide on a company. Hell, we’ll buy two so we don’t always have to share.” As we walked toward the storefront I had to slip this in. “Listen with an open mind Liz, okay? I know you really liked the offer from the midtown company but—”
“Phoebe, I’m going to have to stop you right there. We are set up here in Atlanta—we have an apartment and friends. Why in the world would you want to move us to Florida? The media company there offered a similar package. Besides, I’m not sure we should even leave Anderson Media.”
“Because it’s Florida!” I threw my hands in the air and whined. Liz just didn’t get it. “The Sunshine State! If we take the job in Miami we’ll be minutes from several fabulous beaches. We can rent a gorgeous condo with a view and be near loads of nightlife. Let’s face it, our social life here sucks.” It didn’t actually suck, but being offered a gig in Miami thrilled me to my toes.
“We just met Norman and Andrew.” I rolled my eyes at her. “Okay, that’s dumb I know, but it’s so hot in Florida—you know I’d melt in the heat there.” She shook her head. “I don’t know, Phoebe.”
“Okay, so yes, it’s hot there, but that means all those hot guys will be walking around mostly naked.” She listened more intently now. “We’ll be celebrities in the hottest clubs. I bet they’ll treat us like the Kardashians, only better.”
“Okay, okay, we’ll think about it and do a pros-and-cons list.” I grinned with satisfaction that I’d made her agree to expand our horizons. Even if we didn’t actually take the job it was nice for us to be willing to discuss all offers.
After I opened the door to the shop Liz moaned, “Oh God, glorious air conditioning. If we move, and that’s a big if, we need to explore all this city has to offer first. I mean, don’t you love it here?” I shrugged. Yes, I did. “We are close to so much, and we can spend some vacation time in Florida after we get everything settled work-wise. Think about it, won’t you, Phoebs?”
“Yeah, I will. Oh look, Liz.” I pointed to a stunning gown in the corner.
Liz grabbed my arm and gave me her serious look. “Promise me that you will not try to squeeze into a size smaller. I don’t think I can take it today.”
“What? Lizbeth, that skirt was an irregular and you swore that you’d never mention that incident again.” I couldn’t believe she was bringing up my weight issues here.
“Ladies, we’re so glad you decided to shop with us today.” The sales person greeted us. “Can I get your names please?”
“Fine. I promise, I grumbled right before Liz announced us along with our appointment time.
~ ~ ~
An hour later I walked out of the store carrying my lovely gown. “Liz, can you believe how to die for my coral Helenium Gown by Reem Acra is on me?” Hugging my dress, I did a little twirl. Okay, so it wasn’t actually my dress. It wasn’t as if I could afford a dress that retailed for six thousand five hundred dollars.
Liz grinned and went with it. “It is to die for, Phoebs. Truly.” She raised her voice as two snooty women walked toward us. “I know it’s a little outrageous to drop six thousand on an Athene Gown by Vionette but I just couldn’t resist it.” She smiled pleasantly at the women as we walked past them. She and I were ecstatic; neither one of us had ever dreamed of being able to wear designer gowns like these. We were having such a good time with feeling like one of the elite today. “It was a must buy.” I gave her a serious head nod to keep up appearances.
The second we reached Wilf Liz blurted, “Seriously Phoebe, did you see how amazing my dress is?” I laughed and nodded. “And do you know what I thought was the best part?” She didn’t wait for my reply. “They did all the work for us. No spending hours going through sale racks.”
“It was nice to have someone bring us what they thought might work, but my bargaining hunting is a passion that I will never give up, no matter how successful we become, Liz. So learn to love it!” She rolled her eyes and laughed as I popped the trunk. “It is fabulous. And so is mine, if I do say so myself. It will complement my skin tone better if I have a little more color. With some bronzer and Jergens skin lotion I think I can pull it off.” We carefully laid our rented wrapped dresses in the trunk.
“You better be extra careful with that lotion—it stains, you know.” Liz reminded me before she crawled into Wilf. She had a point; perhaps I’d skip the lotion and just go with the bronzer.
“We have an hour and a half before we have to be at the spa. Wanna grab some lunch?”
“Do you even have to ask?”
~ ~ ~
“Phoebe, this doesn’t look like a spa to me.” Liz’s eyes were wide when we pulled in front of the run-down business complex. It was in the same row of buildings as a discount grocery store. So no, the clientele wasn’t posh, but right now we couldn’t afford one of those places. And even if we could there was no way we could get an appointment at this short notice.
“It is!” I presented the fluorescent flyer that I’d gotten off Wilf’s windshield the other day. She made a face. Her concern was unpalatable to me at the moment; she should be thanking me for finding us this deal. “You worry too much. It probably looks much better on the inside.” Before she could protest further I opened the car door and started for the spa entrance. We had a buy-one-get-one coupon for the works. With the upcoming awards we needed the works.
“Phoebe, wait a minute.” Liz grabbed my arm before I could mount the four steps that led to the front door. “Seriously, Bambi’s Beauty Spot?” She pointed to the bright pink sign over the establishment.
“Okay, so the name needs work.” Just then two women came out of the spa chatting and laughing. I pounced. “See, they are perfectly fine. We can’t go to awards night looking like Hairy Mary.”
Liz made another face as she watched the two women walk away, and I could tell she was considering it. “You’ve got a point. What the hell, let’s go check out Bambi’s Beauty Spot!” We both laughed while we climbed the steps to the salon.
The door clanged as we entered and I let out a sigh of relief when I observed that the small waiting area was full. “Can I help you?” the overly tanned blonde at the desk asked.
I placed my flyer on the counter and stated, “We have an appointment at three for the buy-one-get-one special.” She nodded and smacked on her gum as she took the flyer off the counter and tossed it in the trash while she clicked the mouse to wake her computer up. “Name?”
“Phoebe Hawkins and Lizbeth Bates.”
“Have a seat and Elvira and Leslie will be with you shortly.” Liz grabbed my arm as we went to take a seat.
“Elvira,” she whispered and I tried not to laugh as the image of Elvira the Mistress of the Dark came to mind.
We flipped through a couple of magazines before our names were called.
“Hi, I’m Leslie.” A large woman in a white coat smiled and opened the door to a little room for me. I watched as Liz disappeared into the room opposite me with Elvira before I entered. “Please remove everything from the waist down and I’ll be back with you in a moment.” She closed the door and left me inside. As I did as she instructed it dawned on me that I’d never had a Brazilian wax before. Now that I was here I felt a tad nervous.
After a quick knock at the door Leslie entered and went to work applying talcum powder to my body. “Is this your first wax?” Nodding in response, I tucked an arm behind my head. “A general rule of thumb is that hair needs to be a fourth of an inch, but I think I can work with this.” I could feel my face reddening and thankfully she didn’t comment. “Are we going full Brazilian or a landing strip?”
Oh hell, I didn’t think I could go completely bald. “Landing strip, I guess. Um, I don’t want to
come across like a diva or anything but I have really sensitive skin. This stuff is hypoallergenic, right?”
“Oh yeah, sure.” Then she began. The first pull of the cloth strip I nearly screamed. My only salvation from making a complete and utter fool of myself was that I bit my bottom lip. I can do this, I can do this. Don’t jump from the table and run, Phoebs.
~ ~ ~
“Holy Mother of God!” I wailed the moment I saw Liz after I left the room of torture that I’d occupied for the last half hour.
Liz was furious. “You booked us for Brazilian bikini waxes?” Believe me, I was feeling her pain. “I’m completely bald down there!” she whispered hoarsely. “And it hurt like a bitch, Phoebs. You said that we were going to be pampered. This is not pampering. This is abuse.”
“Didn’t you get the landing strip?” I asked, wondering why anyone would want to go completely bald.
“What landing strip?” She looked like a crazy woman. “There were options?”
Seeing she was about to explode I replied calmly. “No, it’s nothing. Never mind.”
She leaned in and whispered, “Did they…um, you know?”
“What?”
“You know, remove hair from between your arse cheeks?” Liz looked around, all secretive.
“Oh, thank God,” I sighed in relief. “I thought I was some sort of freak growing hair there.” Liz laughed then smacked me on the arm, still angry about the torture.
“Hey, I didn’t exactly know what the works entailed, but at least we’re ready for bikini season,” I argued as we hobbled awkwardly in our robes to phase two of our treatment.
The ambient music was lovely and quite relaxing, I thought as I placed the cucumber slices they left on a plate next to me on my eyes. The coolness was sublime. “See, this is getting better, Liz. We should do this more often.”
“Uh huh,” Liz responded as she chomped on something. “I like that they provide snacks.”
Snacks? I didn’t get any snacks! Snatching the cucumbers off my eyes I burst out laughing when I saw Liz eating the cucumber slices. Liz shrugged, “I never saw the point of putting cucumbers on my eyes. Stupid, if you ask me.”