by C. M. Kane
‘Not so much,’ she said as the feeling flooded through her. ‘You overwhelm me. Just a little at a time, okay?’ The feelings backed off again and the pounding in her head that she had woken up with began to recede.
‘Better,’ she said with relief.
‘I’ll be up soon, okay, but for now I really need a little music.’ Tae had an idea. ‘Your selection, something you like.’
She smiled as music started playing from the companel; she leant back and listened to the song, one of her alltime personal favorites, ‘Shut Up and Dance.’ She closed her eyes and drifted, letting herself become lost in the beat of the music.
‘That’s certainly a catchy little song.’ Tae opened her eyes. Adam had entered the room quietly without her knowing.
‘How are you?’ he asked, looking at her with concern. ‘You had us worried there for a while.’
She smiled at him. ‘Trust me when I tell you, it wasn’t a picnic in here either.’ She tapped her head. ‘But apart from a migraine that’s slowly going, I’m fine. I’m really sorry about Cassandra; I was with her when she left.’
Tae didn’t know how to articulate her feelings to the man who had so obviously loved and admired the oracle.
‘Are you okay?’She asked hesitantly.
‘I will be alright eventually,’ Adam said. ‘I do wish to know when you want to proceed with the bonding though, and how you want it to happen.’
Tae nodded. ‘How long do you think it will take?’ she asked.
‘Truthfully, Tae, I have absolutely no idea. A week, a year, a decade? This is something that has never been tried before, so your guess is as good as mine. Having said that, I would imagine you would have to learn from the ship itself about its major operating systems, so even the very basics could take several weeks I should think, and that’s not counting the Ouranos herself. She has your life to look through, as well as her own to show you, if she wants. Theoretically that could take years.’
Tae stared at Adam, her mouth hanging open as he continued.
‘I had already considered having to hook you up to nutrients like Cassandra had me do to her, but somehow I don’t think that will be necessary.’
‘Why not?’ Tae asked.
Adam cocked his head to the side, looking at her quizzically.
‘I took a few scans of your body while you were unconscious, particularly your nanites. You now have far more coursing through your system than I initially injected. It seems they cannibalized all of your health nanites and replicated themselves before moving to differing areas. I think the Ouranos has, for all intents and purposes, made you like the gods themselves.’
Tae was dumbstruck. ‘You mean I won’t age and die because my health nanites are gone?’ she asked.
Adam shook his head. ‘I believe you will age until your body reaches its physical peak. For a woman it’s generally between the ages of twentytwo and twentyeight, and then you will simply stop ageing, exactly like the gods have done. Remember, the Ouranos’ nanites are far more sophisticated than any you may have encountered before, even those that the gods themselves use.’
‘You mean I won’t grow old and die?’ she asked.
‘No, I don’t believe so. If you think about it, the Ouranos took thousands of years to rebuild herself from the battered hulk she once was, and that’s in the time bubble. How long she was out of it we will never know. Do you honestly think that she would risk the short lifespan of a terran for her ability to function as a contented living entity in her own right?’
‘No. I think she would have taken precautions to ensure your health and longevity- for her own sake. Well, as much as she could, anyway. Don’t forget, the Ouranos is now a truer immortal than even the gods. She doesn’t have to rely on nanites to stop her from ageing because, unless she commits suicide by flying into a sun or some such thing, she can basically heal herself from any injury, given enough time and resources. Like the gods you will still have to eat or you will lose weight of course, but under the right circumstances you should be able to manage extended times without food or water.’
Tae was horrified at what Adam was telling her, it was something she had never given a moment’s thought to, but now that she had, she realized she didn’t want to be immortal. She didn’t want to outlive all her friends and family.
What happened if she had children? Would she be doomed to watch them die while she lingered on eternally? She had never wanted kids, but could she even have them now if she decided she might want them? Was she going to be forever cursed to watch everyone and everything she ever cared about wither to dust? Tears flowed freely again as new, unexpected questions assaulted her. She was just so tired of all of this.
‘I don’t want to be immortal,’ she cried. ‘I just want to be normal like everyone else. What happens if I fall in love? Why does all this shit keep happening to me? It isn’t fair. I don’t want this. I want to go home, please.’
She hit the comdesk with her clenched fist. Adam sat down beside her and took her in his arms, holding her while she wept into his shoulder. All the fear and pain she had felt over the last few weeks now came to the surface in a rush.
‘Life isn’t fair, Tae, it is simply the hand we are each dealt. Some people’s paths are easier than others, but for every moment of pain and suffering we feel, it only goes to make the end result of our endeavors that much more satisfying when we finally reach them. You of all people should know this.’ Adam said as she continued to weep. He held her close, rubbing her back as if trying to soothe her pain away.
‘For some reason the universe, karma, whatever you wish to call it, has singled you out. You are a nexus; things occur around you, whether they be good or bad. It might help to think of this as an opportunity, for all you must sacrifice, you also gain so much. You have the opportunity to influence the histories of all the races in the realms. You can make the universe a kinder, nobler place. It will never be the perfection some people pray for, but that is as it should be.’ Tae looked up in surprise as his words.
‘As my Lady Cassandra said to me once, there must be a balance of both good and evil. If there isn’t, how can we ever learn to choose the right path? We are all given choices over our lifetimes. Do we fight to be strong, honest and noble, or do we give in to our own weaknesses or the machinations of others, choosing the easier, usually crueler path? Perhaps you have been placed here to be the scales, to redress the balance a little, to give those on the side of harmony and honor a fighting chance against the chaos.’
Tae looked up sniffing.
‘You’re good at this you know.’ Adam looked down at her, puzzled.
‘You’re very good with this talking stuff.’ She gave him a watery smile. ‘Thanks, I’m sorry for blubbering all over you.’
She sat up straight again and unceremoniously wiped her nose on her sleeve. Adam frowned a little, and fetched her a small paper towel. Tae took it grinning sheepishly at him.
‘I know, I know, ladies don’t wipe their noses on their sleeves, but warriors do.’ She smiled up at him.
Adam laughed. ‘I believe they do at that,’ he said.
Xirra entered the room with a plate of what looked like some kind of quiche. ‘Eat up then rest a little,’ Adam said. ‘Once your headache has gone and you’re feeling up to it, then I think it will be time to begin the bonding. What do you think?’
‘I agree,’ she said. ‘I’ll go to the bridge by myself. If you haven’t already trained a bridge crew then you should begin immediately. If by some miracle this works I’m going to have a few concerns to address as soon as Ouranos comes online. We’ll also need people for the weapons centers, communication and force field controls.’
Adam nodded. ‘All have trained for different sectors, I will begin final selections immediately.’ He left the room.
Tae ate her lunch, trying to gather her thoughts. Being immortal was not something she had even remotely considered, but if she was? Well, it would just be something she would learn
to deal with.
One problem at a time, just like on the Island. She thought.
It seemed her little saying was now her motto for her life. She placed the bowl down and went to the bathroom. After using the facilities and having a quick chem shower she dressed in her clean leather pants and top again. Her headache was almost completely gone. Xirra was still sitting quietly on a chair waiting for her when Tae came back out.
‘Well there’s no time like the present. I guess it’s time for me to go to work my friend.’ She smiled at the young woman. ‘Hopefully I’ll see you and Adam soon.’
Xirra nodded, excitement shining in her eyes as the feathers on the top of her head seemed to shift and flow in a strange ruffling movement.
‘Good luck, Tae. I know you will do it.’
Tae smiled and nodded than walked confidently out the door to the nearest turbo lift.
‘Bridge,’ she said after a deep breath.
The lift ascended immediately. When it stopped the door opened with a whoosh, and Tae was staring onto the bridge once again. The star chair glittered invitingly at its centre. She walked slowly over to it, her heart was pounding so hard it felt like it was about to break out of her chest. Reaching down she ran her hand over it the chair once more, the red pinpricks now followed her touch.
‘I’m back,’ she whispered, ‘just like I promised you.’
She stood looking at the chair in fascination, unable to move, as all her hidden doubts suddenly seemed to assail her in one gigantic rush. Any confidence she had managed to build up left her in a flash as the enormity of what she was about to attempt sunk in.
What will happen if I can’t control the ship? What will happen if the ship just uses me to do what it pleases? What will happen if everyone is wrong and I am simply too weak? People will die. Everyone who loves and believes in me will die because I haven’t the strength to fight.
No, she thought as a new feeling of resolve flooded her. That’s the old me talking. I won’t allow that to happen. I am stronger than that. The Ouranos needs me to function, I don’t need it. I can, and have survived by myself. I have proven that, time and time again.
‘I AM TAE RAMES!’ she shouted aloud in defiance.
Without further thought she hopped into the star chair and leant back, closing her eyes and awaiting the bonding with renewed determination.
Chapter 25
Total and utter silence encompassed her mind as an abject darkness overtook her. The world as she knew it receded as she slowly became absorbed by something much greater, infinitely vaster. She lay in the darkness feeling no fear, she felt as if she was enveloped in a safe, comfortable cocoon. Soon she felt her mind seem to go through a feeling of shifting, snippets of her childhood and random pieces of music she had listened to over the years suddenly started to dance through her head, breaking the feeling of nothingness. The memories were there and gone almost too quick for her to register each individual one.
Some thoughts, her favorites, lingered as if being studied. She swam again in the small local river at home in Jaxburg, she walked once more in the summer rains, her face turned to the skies, delighting in the feel of the raindrops on her heated skin. She laughed once more with Jason and Soola over old movies as they ate from platters of fruit and ribbed each other mercilessly. Her life, from her earliest memories to those more recent, began to form into a cohesive story and unwind in her mind. It seemed as if everything she had ever thought, everything she had ever experienced, was now laid bare, including all her hidden emotions.
Once again she felt the sharp sting of rejection from her father; this was soon followed by her most recent physical wants as she again watched Vesh climb from his jumper for the first time. Feelings exploded from her in a cataclysm of need and attraction. After Vesh came Loki and his smoldering black eyes, Vulcan with his scars and muscles, even Ares and those damn leather pants. The Ouranos studied them all with an unquenchable curiosity; it studied everything that made Tae who she was. As the ship went over certain highly emotional events, or fights where she was physically hurt, she realized that not only was the Ouranos studying her life, somehow it was physically reliving her feelings, laughter, and pain; through their connection.
Tae swallowed her amazement, along with the acute embarrassment at some of the things the ship was looking at, there was apparently no such thing as privacy to the ship, if it wanted to see and experience something, it did.
Time had no meaning in the world she now occupied; there was simply her and the ship. After finishing with her memories it began studying her feelings and reactions to what it deemed important events in her life. It looked closely at her love and respect for Brohan and Valaria, along with the reasons behind those feelings. It moved to the pain she had felt when she thought she had lost Jason and her mother, followed by the terror of the Island and all she had done there. It took particular time going over each of her kills, studying her reasoning, her regret, and her revulsion at what she’d had to do in order to survive.
Tae relived each and every moment as if they were happening to her again. Some events the ship skimmed over quickly, some far more slowly. All the time it was analyzing her actions and feelings in minute detail. It was trying to understand her, to know her. Tae became sure the Ouranos was learning about life, ethics, and morals from what it looked through. This, more than anything else, frightened the life out of her.
Was she a moral person? Was this what being a parent felt like? Did parents felt this same type of responsibility for creating the moral and ethical centre of another living being? If so, she thought she might never have children, the responsibility was too daunting.
Slowly she began to sense feelings that were not her own as the ship, almost shyly at first, started to share feelings of its own with her. It allowed Tae to see its own reactions to what it was seeing in her memories. She felt the ship’s sadness join hers when she lost her beloved pet cat, Bubby, to a snake bite.
She felt its amusement at her turning everyone orange in the WLE. It spent a vast amount of time simply going through music and old television shows with her, like they were old friends sitting on her couch at home. The Ouranos had a particular fondness for Stargate for some reason; she felt its extreme interest at their modes of travel through Hyperspace.
Tae had lost all track of time; it felt like she had lived most of her life over again for the great ship already. Finally, the Ouranos stopped looking through Tae’s mind then, as if it were unsure of itself, it started to share its own memories.
Tae felt herself flinch as the first memories entered her mind. She felt the excruciating pain the Ouranos had felt when it first became fully aware, or born, as it now thought to itself. This was quickly followed by an almost suffocating fear as it realized it was alone and injured in the darkness of space. In terror it had reached out, drawing in all it could to hide and to repair itself. She shared the ship’s desperation as it searched for more ways to hide until finally, it found more nanites in the long-dead bodies still trapped within its shattered body and absorbed them. These nanites still retained theoretical ideas from their dead hosts. Finally it had something it could study and use.
Eventually it formed a time distortion field around itself. The Ouranos didn’t share how it had managed to do it, and Tae knew she wouldn’t have understood her even if she had, but she did know that this one undertaking took the ship centuries to recover from.
Tears ran down her face as she was engulfed by its loneliness as it concentrated on rebuilding and studying its surroundings. She felt it stretch out its sensors to the edges of the nebula and gaze at the brightly glowing moon orbiting Tuvarna. The ship admired the moon’s beautiful silvery glow, wishing that one day maybe it, too, would be free to shine like that distant object.
Tae was startled at the memory, this was the dream she had been having on and off since she had been injected with the Ouranos’ nanites as a child. That sense of yearning, the intense need to be able to reach something
wonderful that was forever out of her reach. She had been sharing a memory with the Dreadnaught.
And then came Cassandra, and finally it felt something new. It now felt hope, it felt wonder as it learnt from Cassandra, and later from the Tuvarnan. Tae shared its eagerness to explore and watch their daily rituals, some more embarrassing than others. The Ouranos showed her everything that had aroused its curiosity. The ship had felt needed for the first time in her long lonely life.
Tae wished she could hug her, just to ease the sting of that feeling. She pictured herself with her arms wrapped around the ship and she immediately felt intense pleasure suffuse her being. The Ouranos had interpreted what she had pictured.
The memories continued, mostly of it learning from the crew, including several graphic sex scenes that Tae was shocked the ship had watched. Apparently people’s right to privacy wasn’t high on its agenda, as it turned out, she was quite the voyeur.
Still, underneath it all, she felt another need growing unabated within the Ouranos, something it couldn’t put a name to. Then the day had come when Cassandra had come to it, showing it what it could be yearning so desperately for.
Joy. Pure, unadulterated joy spread throughout her entire being. Cassandra would help her find her captain. She would lead her to her heart.
The Ouranos sifted endlessly through downloads from different candidates, but the ship always came back to Tae. Whenever she was feeling lonely or impatient the ship would call up either some old television show, or music. Some were songs Tae had never heard before but had downloaded to her library, for a future look. Ouranos also loved the old Sci-fi series, as she’d shown her earlier. Music and television, Tae realized quickly, had been her savior.
The Ouranos loved them. It played songs or episodes to itself in private, just as she did. Tae was the one the ship had waited so patiently for. When the other candidates had come she had made their nanites kill them instantly as they passed through the distortion field that surrounded her. She had no use for them; she didn’t even see them as sentient beings, not like Tae.