by Starla Kaye
The sound of flesh connecting harshly with flesh echoed around the room. She started squirming right away, hissing.
“What were you thinking anyway?” He couldn’t figure out why she would have even gotten near a horse after her reaction all those weeks ago. He held his hand against her warm bottom and waited to see if she’d answer him.
She sniffled. “I didn’t want you to think of me as a foolish woman who can’t conquer a childhood fear.” She hazarded a glance back at him.
“You’re a city girl. You don’t need to learn how to ride a horse.” And he didn’t need to see her thrown from a horse, hurt. Although with Jezebel that would have been a stretch. Still it could happen.
She looked as if he’d slapped her. Hurt in a way more painful than from the spanking she was receiving. He didn’t understand the reaction.
“Just a city girl? Never more than that,” she whispered sorrowfully.
He still didn’t understand why she was upset with what he’d said. “You disobeyed me.” He was done with talking and went back to making sure she wouldn’t disobey him about riding again.
* * * * *
A week had passed since the unpleasant riding incident. They hadn’t talked about it since then. In truth, they’d barely talked about anything. Of course, Mandie had been busy with her new group of clients until today when the three couples had each gone off for separate area day trips with the intention of trying out some of what they’d been learning in private. And Cole had been busy helping move herds of cows from one range to another and determining which ones would be sold off soon. Their nights, as always, were filled with intense lovemaking, almost desperate loving. But neither of them had touched on the subject of a future between them. This morning when he’d left to join his men, he’d barely kissed her good-bye. She’d made a decision right then, granted a spontaneous one she probably should have taken more time to think about. But she suddenly couldn’t take any more of this limbo state her life seemed to be in lately.
“You know he loves you,” Victoria stated, irritation ringing in her tone. “It’s just that… well, Cole can be something of an idiot. Slow at times.”
“Amen to that,” Bessie added from where she stood by the stove, stirring a pot of beef stew. The smells of cooking beef, onions and peppers drifted through the oversized kitchen.
Mandie sat at the table across from her friend, sipping a glass of iced tea. She was going to miss Bessie, the ranch, and especially Cole. Tears threatened to fall and she rapidly blinked them away. Victoria had come for another short visit and had hoped for news of something permanent between Mandie and her brother. Instead Mandie had just told them both that this was her last group of clients for her couples’ retreat of the summer. She’d decided to cancel the camps for the month of August and return to Phoenix the end of July. She’d be gone soon.
“I’ve seen how good you are together. I’ve seen the way he looks at you, and the way you look at him. Talk about hot.” Victoria sat her glass of tea on the table and scowled.
“Hot looks and great sex,” Mandie whispered, “aren’t everything, Tori.” They were a lot, but not enough.
“Sure helps, though,” Bessie inserted, having one of her extra good hearing days. “The boy respects you, too. Even tolerates that work you do with teaching romance, which surprised the heck out of me.”
Mandie thought back to the handful of times he’d helped with some of her sessions. Always reluctantly, but she never had to outright beg him either. At first all it took to get his cooperation was the mere mention of Rusty. But it hadn’t taken long until she just had to smile sweetly and promise him something special that night when they went to bed together to get his cooperation. It had turned into an extra special treat for them both. Yet he’d stopped cooperating at all with the last group of clients. He’d started distancing himself. That’s when she knew they were in trouble.
“Yes, he’s quit cringing at the thought of what I do.” She looked at Victoria and turned serious. “But I came here underhandedly, with your help. We tricked him into letting me do these camps here. Because you love your brother, I know. Because you wanted me to help him out of his blue funk about women who’ve done him wrong, like the Country Western songs go on and on about.”
She sighed and felt sad, never sadder in her life. Her heart ached. This decision was killing her. “I did him wrong, too, and I hate knowing that.” She loved him so much she hurt from it at times, like now, but she didn’t think she could ever get past the way she’d maneuvered herself into his life.
Bessie faced her and shook her head, her wrinkled face wrinkling even more in disgust. “Maybe you two started out going behind his back, but you both meant well. He needed a good kick in his britches. Even more, he needed to get to know a genuine good-hearted woman. And that’s you, Mandie James.”
Now the tears did trickle down her cheeks. “I forced myself on him. Forced him to do something he wasn’t ready for. He’s been forced to do too many things already: marry Tanya, give up rodeoing, go through a bitter divorce from Danielle, taking over running this ranch, and accept the guest ranch part he never wanted.”
Bessie snorted and turned back to the stove. “That nephew of mine wasn’t forced to marry Tanya. It was his damn honorable conscience driving him. He married her to give his best friend’s baby a legitimate name. ‘Course it turned out he didn’t need to do that. Sam came to his senses and claimed his woman and his baby.”
Mandie wasn’t sure she agreed with all of that reasoning, except she knew he’d hated the idea of the young woman, a friend of his, having a baby by herself. He’d sacrificed his wants for the good of his friends. But, okay, they hadn’t forced him to get married. And, in the end, he’d been hurt. He’d lost a baby that wasn’t his, but he’d come to love.
“It was time he gave up bull riding or get killed in some arena. Injuries forced him to leave what he’d been doing for far too long. I’m glad of it. Not the injuries, but I was tired of worrying about him all of the time.” Victoria reached for a chocolate chip cookie on a plate between them. “He always would have come back to the ranch. He just came back sooner than he thought he would. And he’s finally starting to see the guest ranch part of it isn’t so bad.”
“Best decision I ever made,” Bessie said, glancing at them with a smug smile. “I knew it would help the finances eventually. And it brought you here, Mandie. Yep, best decision I ever made.”
“Cole didn’t want me here,” Mandie was back to feeling like she’d only added to his problems.
“Is this your time of the month or something?” Bessie questioned, annoyed. “You sure are moaning about something that isn’t a problem anymore.”
Now that she thought about, it was, but she knew this was more than just moodiness. No, stress was the culprit here.
Victoria studied her, narrowing her eyes. She had to stop this crazy idea right now. “I’m dealing with a lot of issues at the moment, feeling testy. I’ve got a right and you know I do. Still, I’m sorry if it sounds like I’ve been complaining lately. I don’t mean to.”
“So what are you going to do about your partnership?” Victoria finally asked.
Cole walked in from the hallway just then, frowning. “She’s going to get out of it. They’re making her a mess. She’s tossing and turning at night, even talking out loud sometimes about it.”
Mandie’s drew in a startled breath. How much of their conversation had he heard? Then she thought about what she’d told his aunt and his sister, about her leaving in less than two weeks. She hadn’t discussed this with him yet, having only made the decision this morning after he’d left. She’d sat there in the bed they’d shared and started making phone calls. She’d wanted to be alone when they got into the subject.
But Bessie had other ideas. “I can’t believe you’re going to let Mandie leave us.”
His frown deepened. “How about you let me and Mandie discuss it ourselves?”
“Yes, it’s bet
ween us,” Mandie inserted, hoping to end the discussion. Her mind whirled with ways to tell him, ways to get them both through this without some big, emotional scene.
“I’m right fond of you, sweetie. I hate the thought of you leaving us in a week.” Bessie sniffled and stirred the stew again.
“A week?” Cole’s tone lowered with irritation. “What happened to the end of next month?”
“I… uh…”
Cole snagged her arm and pulled her up. “How about you and I going somewhere private for this talk?”
Mandie thought about resisting and then thought better of it. They really did need to discuss the matter and she supposed now was as good of a time as any. She followed him out of the kitchen without a word.
Cole strode through the house, tugging Mandie with him, but he wasn’t up to talking yet. Learning she planned to leave in a week had been like a punch to the gut. He should have been prepared for this. He knew she had a business and a life to get back to, but he’d thought… he’d hoped… Hell! He didn’t know what he’d been thinking or hoping for. Relationships didn’t work out for him for one reason or another. And, damn, if this wasn’t the first one he’d really wanted to work out. They were good together. She made him laugh, she sure made him go wild in bed. Sex aside, though, he liked spending time with her.
He grabbed his hat from the halltree by the front door and planted it on his head. “We’re going for a drive.”
“Cole, I….” She was running to keep up with him.
Chapter Twelve
They drove for almost an hour and neither of them said a word. Tension fairly sparked in the truck cab. Cole hadn’t paid much attention to the road, only now realizing they were headed on the highway toward Topeka. He hadn’t known where he wanted to go, just that he needed to get away from his aunt and his sister. The whole situation between he and Mandie was complicated enough without them interfering. He knew they meant well, but this was between the two of them only. It was long past time they discussed more than what sex position they wanted to try. Past time when he manned up and faced whatever it was he felt for her. Found out what, if anything, she felt for him. All he had to do was get the damn words out.
His stomach churned with nerves, worse than when he first climbed onto a bull for a life-threatening ride. He couldn’t look at her, but he had to ask about the plans he’d overheard her talking about. “When were you going to tell me? About you leaving next week?”
“Tonight. When we were alone.” She sounded wary and didn’t look at him.
He tightened his hands on the steering wheel. “Just when did you decide this? The last we talked about your camps, you had two more booked for August.” He still felt blind-sided, wounded by the news. What the hell had happened? Had he done something wrong?
She didn’t answer right away and finally said, “This morning.”
“This morning? Out of the blue?” He glanced briefly at her and noted how stiffly she sat. She seemed determined not to look in his direction and she fidgeted her hands in her lap.
“Did you get another call from your partners?” He’d been almost ready to call them himself and give them a piece of his mind.
“No. I didn’t talk to my partners today. But I’ve got to go back to Phoenix and deal with that problem.”
Okay, what then? He hesitated, not sure he wanted to ask this question. “Did I do something?”
She didn’t answer. Another glance and he saw her nervously fidgeting with her watch band. It was dangerous driving when he couldn’t concentrate on the road and traffic. He pulled off to the side of the highway.
“Is something wrong with the truck?” She looked at him in concern.
“The truck’s fine. I’m not.”
He turned off the engine and sucked in a breath before facing her. “So it was something I did that had you changing your plans?”
She took a second and then turned toward him. Her eyes were glassy with unshed tears, her lower lip wobbled. “Yes. No. I don’t really know. I just suddenly knew I can’t go on the way we’ve been.”
Pride made him stiffen and pull into himself. He’d been rejected twice before by women who’d meant a lot to him. Okay, both instances had been with women who really hadn’t cared much for him, at least not romantically. Tanya had been a friend in need. Danielle had only wanted his reputation and his money, not his heart. Nobody had ever wanted his heart. He’d thought maybe this time… maybe Mandie….
“You’re a good man, Cole Whitlock, but….” She swallowed hard and turned away, blinking rapidly.
But not good enough for her to love. Bitterness curled through him. Rejected, again. So what the hell else was new? Two different worlds. The main thing they had in common was sex, which was damn good. But not enough.
He cranked the engine on once more. “No problem, Dr. James. This isn’t where you belong anyway.”
Cole swung the truck back onto the road, planning on turning around the first chance he got.
She straightened in the seat next to him. “City girl, I know. You told me that the other day and you’re right. I love everything a city has to offer, I can’t deny that.” She sounded angry and determined. “Apparently you have no more to say, so I guess it’s good you’ve decided to accept my decision.”
He spotted a place to turn around and went for it. Dammit! This wasn’t what he wanted. He did have more to say, but he needed to think first. He was afraid if he said anything right now, he might really screw things up. “I need some time.”
She stared straight ahead. “Whatever.” Her defeated tone tore at him.
He glanced at her again and pain snaked through him as he saw the woman he loved concentrating on not looking at him. He almost blurted out that he wanted her to stay with him. Almost. But what did he have to offer a special, loving woman like her? He had a battered ego that didn’t trust a woman to want him. He guarded his heart because he was afraid of getting hurt again. He didn’t even have enough courage to go after the woman he wanted. No, she was better off without a pitiful cowboy like him.
He curled his fingers tight around the steering wheel until his knuckles hurt. He didn’t like the man he’d become. Until he could fix his problem, though, he wasn’t going to pursue whatever they might have any further. He had to let her leave. For now. God, he hoped this wasn’t the worst decision he’d ever made in his life.
“I’m moving back to the cottage until I leave next week,” she said quietly. “I think it’s for the best.”
One punch in the gut after another. “Your choice.” Stupid-ass response. He should have said no.
She flinched but didn’t say anymore, and neither did he for the return drive to the ranch.
* * * * *
Mandie had been back in Phoenix for a week but hadn’t worked up the courage to face her partners until this morning. From the moment she’d left the CW Ranch she’d been caught in a mood swing to end all mood swings. More like from the moment she’d left Cole. Furious one minute at herself, at everyone trying to control her life, and at Cole. Heartsick the next minute for being stupid enough to walk away from the man she loved, the man she knew needed her. And confused about everything, too. She owed her partners a lot for taking a chance on her and helping her grow in her profession. But she owed herself as well. She deserved a chance to branch off permanently into the field she was good at and enjoyed. They deserved to cut ties with her so they could finally get a partner who fit them.
She pulled into the parking lot of the office building in Scottsdale for what she knew would be the last time. It felt odd to think that way, but this was for everyone’s best interest. Remember that. Stick with your plan. Be strong. It was tough because she really did like Harrison and Parker.
Determined again, she climbed out of her pink Jeep. Closing the door, she smiled at how ridiculous it looked parked between her partners’ nearly identical black Lexuses. And she wore another of the gauzy long skirts and casual blouses she favored. They would be
dressed in suits, complete with ties and stylish handkerchiefs in the breast pockets. All of these things were more reminders of their different tastes.
As she walked around the back end and glanced at the I Brake for Frogs bumper sticker, she thought warmly of Cole. Her frog that she still hoped to turn into her prince one day. She wasn’t done with him, even if all she could ever be in his life was his lover. But first she needed to deal with her partners. Then she would deal with Cole.
Head high, smile planted on her face, Mandie stepped into the reception area a few minutes later. The receptionist who’d always been friendly toward Mandie gave her an odd look. She started to whisper something when Mandie recognized her mother’s voice coming from around the corner in the hallway. She tensed as Marilyn James said, “I can’t believe she hasn’t been in yet. Mandie has been in town for a week. I’ll go have a talk with her. It’s time for this nonsense to stop.”
“She hasn’t returned any of our calls,” Harrison said, sounding more worried than angry.
“That’s unprofessional behavior. She’s acting like a child,” Marilyn snapped.
Mandie had heard enough. She rounded the corner and drew their attention. “This is between Harrison, Parker, and me, Mother. Only between us. I’d thank you to leave. Now.”
“You can’t speak to me that way.” Her mother’s face was rigid in fury.
Harrison glanced nervously down the hall. “Maybe we should take this discussion into my office.”
Mandie nodded agreement, but she would have preferred for her mother to have left. Of course she didn’t get her wish. Harrison led the way to his corner office and Mandie followed, with her mother right behind her.
Her mother snagged Mandie’s arm before they went in and said in a low hiss, “What has gotten into you lately?”
Mandie jerked her arm free. She nudged her mother back into the hallway and glared at her. Her tone was equally low and equally angry. “I’m more than tired of you interfering in my life. I’ve made some decisions for my life and I won’t be swayed by you or my partners. If you ever want to see me again, you’re going to have to accept my decisions.”