Dorothy released her breath in a big sigh. She put a hand to her chest. “For a moment you scared me. Little, innocent Mary Elizabeth—my mother told me it was fine to find a young man attractive, but we can’t allow our minds to”—her voice lowered and she looked around—“lust after them.”
Mary Elizabeth’s heart beat a little faster. While she hadn’t allowed her thoughts to go past her admiration of William, she wished her mother were still alive. These were the kinds of things she should be talking of with her. Mary Elizabeth sat on one of the wet steps. “Did your parents speak to you about marriage?”
“Why yes, of course.”
“Did they talk to you about arranging a marriage?”
Dorothy nodded.
“But have they ever spoken of love?”
“No.” Her friend shook her head. “My parents’ marriage was arranged, and they seem very happy.”
How could she explain what she was pondering? She sighed. Dorothy had been her dearest friend and confidante. Maybe she’d have some sort of advice. “Before my mother died, she told me that things have been a certain way with marriage for a long time. Marriages were arranged for good matches and for procreation—the continuation of family lines. The world has tainted that by so many husbands and wives being unfaithful—all in the name of love.” She bit her lip. “The way mother explained it is that marriage became a duty, and they sought their affection…elsewhere.”
Dorothy raised her brows.
“I know. I was a little shocked too. But my mother and father were different. She told me that even though their marriage was arranged, she’d asked her parents to arrange it because she was in love with Father. She told me she wanted the same for me, but that I was to seek God first. Marriage was His design in the first place.”
“And so, you wish for love in a marriage from the very beginning.” A smile lifted Dorothy’s lips. She reached over and grabbed Mary Elizabeth’s hand. “I’ve had the same desire. Perhaps every young woman seeks that deep down in her heart.”
“I know. But that is why I’m conflicted.”
“I’m not sure I understand.”
“I find William fascinating. Not to mention, very appealing.” She sucked in a breath. “But to honor God in marriage, I need to honor my father and our faith and what we stand for …” She let the words drop off. What was she trying to say? Her thoughts were like a tangled ball of yarn.
“It sounds to me like you’re afraid.”
Once again, her friend was right. But she hadn’t wanted to admit it. “Yes, I’m afraid. The future is so uncertain. And I want to be a Godly young woman.”
“I understand, Mary Elizabeth, I do. You spent a lot of time caring for him while he was sick. Your heart is already attached to him, and you’re worried. But have you seen William lately? He’s been studying with Elder Brewster. Isn’t that encouraging?” She tilted her head. “Don’t run away from this because you’re frightened. You need to give him a chance.”
CHAPTER 14
Tuesday, 24 October 1620
The seas hadn’t given up their fight, and William wondered if they would ever see land again. It seemed each day a new storm appeared to torment them. The crew was worn out. The passengers were worn out.
Their ship was worn out.
While the posts they’d installed against the main mast beam held, the ship had hardly been able to use its sails for days on end.
People sat or lay in misery in the damp, rocking vessel.
The only bright spots to his day were seeing Mary Elizabeth and studying with Mr. Brewster. Mary Elizabeth had been busy taking care of people and feeding them, so he’d only seen her a few times a day in passing. They’d exchange a brief word or a smile—and once he’d been able to hold her hand and assist her down the stairs to the cargo hold below. The warmth that spread up his arm and into his chest again confirmed that what he felt for Mary Elizabeth Chapman was true. But how could he ever deserve her? And would her father ever approve?
Before meeting her, he’d thought all his dreams were to start a new life in Virginia Colony. To be a successful carpenter—a well-respected member of society.
But now it had all changed. He’d begun to seek God.
And he hoped for love.
As he found his way to the Brewsters’ quarters, William wondered what it would be like to have a wife and family.
“Ah, William…I’m glad you could join us again.” The Elder’s kind smile welcomed him.
“Thank you, Mr. Brewster.”
The older man opened his Bible and looked to the two other men who were strong enough to sit up and join them. “We’ve been studying in the book of Matthew, chapter five. I’d like to start where we left off, verse eleven.”
William moved closer so he could read over the man’s shoulder.
“‘Blessed shall ye be when men revile you, & persecute you, & say all manner of evil against you for my sake, falsely. Rejoice and be glad, for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the Prophets which were before you.’” Brewster read and then looked up at the men. “We’ve had to deal with some of this on the voyage, haven’t we? Being reviled and persecuted for our faith.”
The others nodded.
William thought of the nasty sailor who had said such awful things to the group of Saints. “Elder Brewster, might I ask a question before you continue?”
“Of course.”
“When it says, ‘revile you, & persecute you,’ did you find it hard to rejoice when the sailor came down here and harassed everyone?”
Brewster’s brow furrowed. “That’s a good question, young man. It’s difficult to be persecuted for our faith—especially when people say horrible things, like he looked forward to throwing us all overboard—but Jesus is saying here that yes, we need to rejoice in that. Because we are storing up treasure in heaven, not on earth.”
William nodded as another man asked a question. The words hit the depths of his heart. He’d spent the majority of his life being reviled by others. Taunted and teased and ridiculed for being an orphan. This passage of scripture confused him.
“Mr. Lytton.” Elder Brewster’s voice brought him back to the moment. “If we go back to the beginning of the passage, we see Jesus say, ‘Blessed are the poore in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.’ ” William looked down to the page where Brewster pointed. He nodded. He’d always been poor until recent years. That was something he understood all too well. But what did it mean to be poor in spirit?
“I can see you are puzzled.” The man didn’t mock him or make him feel uncomfortable. He reminded William of Paul. “Let me try to explain. To be ‘poor in spirit’ means to know the depth of our lacking—to know we are broken and unusable as we are. That we are sinners in need of a Savior and can’t possibly attain anything on our own. When we come to that place of understanding and are truly ‘poor in spirit,’ then we acknowledge Jesus as our Savior—that it is only through His sacrifice that we can be saved—and then we can be cleansed and transformed. Then—oh what a beautiful thought—then the kingdom of heaven is ours. To live eternally with our heavenly Father.”
William looked down to his hands. He understood the depth of lacking that Brewster spoke about. His whole life he’d felt empty—like something important was missing. When Paul took him in, that was the first time he’d ever felt any kind of love or belonging. It took a long time for that frightened and hurt boy to love back, but he had. Did Paul know before he died how much William cared? How thankful he was?
His eyes burned with the thoughts. Prayerfully, his friend and mentor knew.
The fact remained that William knew he needed God. The undeniable truth was in front of him, but the process seemed illusive. Was it really so simple as faith?
Monday, 30 October 1620
The small space was getting tiresome. David had done everything he could to help take care of people, but they were all tired of being stuck in a storm on a ship.
Father was sick.
Mary Elizabeth was busy.
She’d been short with him that morning when he asked her to play bowls with him. He’d kept his toys packed up in the trunk all this time. After he’d begged her to play, she scolded him about how she didn’t have time and the balls rolling around could make someone trip and hurt themselves. He would never want someone to get hurt.
But he was bored.
It was hard growing up. Trying to be a man. Think like a man. Act like a man. Some days he just wanted to be able to play and be a child.
There was nowhere to run and play on a ship. Not when they had a hundred people crammed into a space smaller than their house in Leyden.
Guilt began to fill his gut. These thoughts weren’t fitting for a God-fearing young man. He shouldn’t be complaining. Father said that lots of children would love to have the chance that he had. He wasn’t old enough to have a share in the Adventurers’ and Planters’ agreement, but Father said the children under ten years of age would have fifty acres in their name once the debts were paid and the company liquidated.
Land was worth more than anything else in David’s mind. He needed to be grateful.
Especially that he wasn’t sick like the majority of the people. Although, every time he had to empty a chamber pot, he thought he might get sick.
David decided to go check on each of the other children. There were about thirty of them aboard, but most of them were really sick.
As he made his way through the gun deck, he visited each family and said hello, asked if they needed anything. Not knowing what else to do, he wandered around the deck and looked for things he could help with.
Mary Elizabeth stopped him under the companionway. “I’m sorry, David. I shouldn’t have responded to you this morning in such a harsh manner.”
Peering down at his shoes, David shrugged. “It’s all right, Mary Elizabeth. I knew you were busy.”
She took his shoulders in her hands. “I know. But even though the journey has taken its toll on all of us, I shouldn’t have spoken to you that way. Papa is still very ill, and this morning I was feeling guilty for leaving him…failing him.”
“You haven’t failed him, Mary Elizabeth. Almost everyone is sick, and you’ve been needed. Papa sleeps all the time anyway. I know he appreciates all you’ve done.” He reached up and kissed her cheek.
A small smile lifted her lips. She laid a hand on his shoulder. “You’ve grown into such a sweet young man, David. I’m very proud of you. Would you like to help me bring food to people?”
“Yes, very much.” Finally, another job. Something to keep his mind off the confining quarters.
Handing him a small cloth, she tucked some dried meat and dried vegetables inside. “This is for Mr. Fuller and his servant—young William Butten. Will you be able to help them sit up?”
“Yes, Mary Elizabeth. I can do it.” He took off to see Mr. Fuller. The man had been a doctor back in Leyden but hadn’t been able to help anyone on the ship because he’d suffered from seasickness since they set out to sea.
“Mr. Fuller?” David found the man sitting on his bed, his face pale.
“Aye.”
“I’ve brought you some food. For young William too.”
“Thank you, son.” He leaned forward. “But I’m worried about the youth. He hasn’t moved much the past couple days.”
David looked down at the young man. Several years his senior, the boy appeared very ill. “Is there anything else I can do for you, sir?”
“No, thank you.” The man sighed. “I wish there was something I could do to help all these people.” He wiped a hand down his face.
“I’m sure we will be very appreciative of your assistance once we’re in the new settlement, sir.”
“If we make it there alive …” Mr. Fuller’s face fell. “I’m sorry, son.” Lying back on his bed, he closed his eyes.
All David’s earlier thoughts rushed to his mind. Now he was ashamed. So many of the people were fighting to stay alive, and he’d been complaining that there was nowhere to play. He could change that.
He’d just have to find a way to put his plan into action.
CHAPTER 15
Monday, 6 November 1620
Mary Elizabeth’s heart thundered in her ears. She couldn’t wake Father. For hours he’d been motionless, and she couldn’t rouse him.
“Mary Elizabeth, why isn’t he waking?” David’s voice sounded so small. The poor dear had found Father this way earlier.
She closed her eyes and sent a quick prayer heavenward for wisdom. “I don’t know, David. But I need for you to see if Mr. Heale can come down and see him, all right?”
Her little brother flung the curtain aside and took off at a run, leaping over obstacles and buckets.
Lord, please help me to know what to do.
“Father, please, I need you to wake up.”
Several moments passed, and then she heard footsteps. Mary Elizabeth turned just in time to see Mr. Heale approach. “Thank you for coming.” Pulling back from Father, she gave the surgeon some space. “He’s not responding to me.”
Giles Heale put his head to Father’s chest. “His heart is very slow. How long has he been sick?”
She swallowed the tears building in her throat. “Weeks.”
He nodded. “That’s what I thought. I brought some smelling salts with me. We can only hope the intense ammonia will make him take a deep breath. Maybe then we can bring him out of this deep sleep.”
“Please. Let’s try.”
The surgeon nodded to her and put the potent concoction under Father’s nose. It took a couple seconds, but then Father inhaled sharply. His eyelids fluttered. “Talk to him, Mary Elizabeth.” He stepped back.
“Father, please, wake up.”
Her father moaned.
“Please, we need you to wake up.”
Mr. Heale stepped forward and tried again.
With a jolt, Father’s eyes opened as he took a deep breath. He blinked several times and then locked eyes with her. “Mary Elizabeth?”
Tears streamed down her face. “Oh, Father. I was so worried.”
“Miss Chapman?” Mr. Heale summoned her with a finger. “Might I speak with you for a moment?”
“Of course.” She grabbed David’s hand and pulled him close. “You talk with Father for a bit, all right? See if you can keep him awake.”
Her little brother knelt beside their father and Mary Elizabeth exited the curtained off area.
“Thank you, Mr. Heale.” She swiped at her face to dry the tears.
He shook his head. “I’m sorry, Mary Elizabeth, but I’m afraid your father is still very ill. Try to keep him awake as long as you can, but his heart is weak, and I’m certain he will fall back into that deep sleep.”
“Isn’t there anything we can do?”
“Whatever it is that has taken hold has weakened him. Unless we can get him to eat and move about, he won’t be able to gain strength—he’ll only lose it.” The surgeon nodded and bowed slightly. “I’m sorry.”
As the man walked away, Mary Elizabeth didn’t know what to think of his words. What did it mean? Was he implying that Father would die? She shook her head. No. She was worrying too much.
She stepped back into the curtained off area and saw Father give David a tiny smile. “It’s good to see you smile, Father.”
“Aye. It’s good to see your faces.” He lifted his hand a few inches. “Would you get me something to drink, David?”
“Yes, Father.” He dashed off.
“Mary Elizabeth, there’s something I need to speak with you about.” His voice was raspy and light.
“Yes, Father?”
“I may not make it through this. And I’m at peace with God about it.”
“Please, don’t talk like that.” A tear slipped down her cheek.
“No, child. I need you to listen. I’m tired already, and it takes too much energy to speak.”
Mary Elizabeth nodded.
“If something happens to me, promise me that you will look after your brother.” A horrible cough wracked her father’s frame. “You have a share in the venture…since you are over sixteen, and you will inherit my share …. David is too young to receive a share, but he will receive acreage. Mr. Bradford…and Mr. Brewster have copies of all the contracts, and I have papers in the trunk.” The cough returned, and he closed his eyes.
“No, Father. Please don’t go back to sleep. You need something to drink, remember?”
He nodded. “I know I haven’t been myself since your Mother died—God rest her soul—but if it’s my time, I will gladly go. I just regret not taking the time to …” His voice sounded so weak.
“Father, there’s nothing to regret.” She held his hands.
“No, I neglected you and David in my grief. This trip to the New World gave me something new to think about, but I didn’t realize what it did to you. For that, I am sorry.”
“Oh, Father …”
“More than anything, I hope you know how much I love you.”
She nodded as more tears collected at the corners of her eyes. “I love you too.” She needed to be strong. David would return at any moment, and she didn’t want him to see her falling apart.
“Did I tell you that young Mr. Lytton has come to see me?”
A gasp took her breath away. She leaned back. “Mr. Lytton? When?”
Her father nodded. “A day or so ago, I guess. I don’t know. It appears he is quite fascinated with you, my dear. He’s come to check on me several times while you were taking care of the others.”
She didn’t know what to say. What did her father think of the handsome Stranger?
“He’s been sharing with me what he’s learned in the scriptures. Most of the time, I’m not very good company…I tend to drift in and out …” Father’s head bobbed to the right and his eyes shut.
David entered with a cup in his hand.
Mary Elizabeth took it and lifted her father’s head. “I need you to drink, so don’t go to sleep on me yet.”
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