The voices rose and fell, and the mood changed again. It was hard to stay focused on death in the midst of such vibrant life. Males and females, none of them married and yet bursting with energy, encouraged each other. The excitement of life accented the night air and the hearty work their hands engaged in.
Ella pushed her dark thoughts away and looked around for Daniel. She still had not seen him all night. Perhaps he hadn’t come. The possibility was easy to imagine, but this would only delay her. She would speak with Daniel whenever next she had the opportunity.
“Did you hear the news?” one of her cousins whispered in her ear.
Ella smiled, drawn out of her mood with the usual buzz of gossip. Wedding gossip, she expected. The time spent in speculation and guesswork around a dating couple who both passed the twenty-one-year-old mark could be immense.
“Yost and Linda are gettin’ published on Sunday, I think,” Mary Ellen said. “My brother saw them at the bishop’s house last night right after dark. They were sneakin’ in, I suppose.”
“That’s one nice thing about livin’ round the bishop’s house like you do,” Ella said, laughing. “You get to see stuff like that.”
“Not always,” her cousin was quick to say. “They get smarter all the time. Last year Amos and Mary actually came in the middle of the day a half an hour apart. They quite pulled the wool over everyone’s eyes.”
“I guess Yost and Linda should have tried that.”
“I know.” Her cousin joined in the laughter. “Everyone knows, I guess, what you’re up to after dark, especially if you’re young and at the bishop’s house.”
“Yah,” Ella allowed as her spirits sank, “though I’d have given a lot for the chance to go anytime of the day with Aden.”
Her cousin glanced at her quickly. “Ach, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have brought up the subject. It hasn’t been that long at all.”
Ella wanted to tell her cousin that it had been long enough for a serious proposal of marriage from a very insistent suitor, but she bit her tongue. Not only would this have been improper but disrespectful to Bishop Miller.
Her cousin grabbed her arm. “Ach, Ella. I’m just terrible. I’m worse than that. I’m a beast, a cow from the barn. Please forgive me and my klutzy, clumsy tongue.”
Ella shook her head and whispered, “Nee, it wasn’t you. I was just thinking of somethin’ else.”
“Of course, it was me,” her cousin said, insisting. “You are, as always, too kind.”
“It’s really okay,” Ella said, smiling weakly. “This will happen for a while yet, I suppose.”
“I would imagine.”
“It’s also my first youth gathering.”
“Then I’m really sorry,” her cousin said, on the verge of tears herself ‘What must it be like, I can’t image. Losing Harold? Ach, we’ve dated for three years already. Why, it would be like half my heart was gone.”
“Something like that,” Ella agreed, “but like they told me, life goes on, and Da Hah does give grace.”
“You always were the brave one.”
Behind them, Esther came out into the yard and waved her hand. “I have the food ready. Well, almost,” she proclaimed as high as her voice would go. Ella smiled at the joy it contained. It did make you feel good when you made other people happy.
“I have rolls and apple juice. Just the ice cream is yet to be made. If two of you boys will go to the basement and bring up the ice, we can start makin’ it now.”
The volunteers ran for the basement. Homemade ice cream was loved by all. Moments later, an ice block was brought up, still covered with sawdust. The block was broken up in a burlap bag and dumped around the freezers. A line of boys soon stood behind each ice cream freezer, taking turns at the handles. Most settled down to a steady pace after the first few energetic hand spins. Salt was applied as needed till the ice cream thickened, and the paddles froze in place.
“We’re done plantin’,” Monroe, who happened to be the one in line at the moment, hollered. “And the first freezer is finished.”
A cry of, “We’re done too,” came immediately from the other line.
An old table was carried out from the shed while plates and spoons were brought out from the house. A line formed quickly. Ella finally spotted Daniel as she took a small dip of strawberry ice cream, an even smaller piece of a roll, and a glass of apple cider. Her appetite, even after the garden work, wasn’t that great, and it left her completely now that she had seen Daniel.
She tried not to be conspicuous as she worked her way over to where Daniel stood. He still had not gone through the line, but it might be better to let him know she wanted to talk.
“Good evening,” he said with a smile.
“Good evening,” she replied.
The boy beside Daniel moved away, apparently drawn by his hunger to the table, or perhaps as Ella suspected, he knew she wanted a private conversation. Ella was self-conscious and sure she had the look of someone who wanted privacy. She suddenly shuddered to think of what Daniel or anyone else would say if they knew of her real reason. Daniel must never know—or anyone else for that matter.
“I see you have your plate already,” he smiled.
“Yah. I’ve been looking for you all evening,” she said, trying to keep the tremble out of her voice. What she wanted wasn’t wrong, she tried to assure herself, but the tremble remained.
Thirty-five
“Oh,” Daniel said, lifting his eyebrows, “you wish to talk with me?”
Ella nodded. “What you came for the other day—about the house—I’m ready to accept. That is if you still can do it.”
“So you have made up your mind? I’m glad to hear that. I feared I might have offended you.”
“Have you spoken with your parents? Do they approve of this gift from that money Aden left behind?”
“No.” He shook his head. “I haven’t talked to them, but they won’t object. I’m sure about that, but I will speak with them. I should also explain this to your parents, don’t you think?”
“Yah,” Ella nodded, liking the idea, “you’d better because I don’t know if I can say it so they’ll understand. And I need to show you the house anyway—the one on the quilt. That’s the one that has to be built. The one Clara drew.”
“So you won’t use the plans Aden drew up? That was what he planned for.”
Ella whispered softly, “Please, don’t even—perhaps ever—show them to me. It hurts too much. I don’t think I could stand it, and it’s much better this way. If we use what Clara drew, it will be my house. I don’t think I could live in what would have been our house. I hope you understand.”
“I think I do. How about tomorrow night, then?” Daniel asked. “Is that too soon?”
“You can speak with your parents that quickly?”
He nodded. “Tonight perhaps. If not then, I’ll speak to them in the morning at breakfast time. This is kind of sudden, I know, but we really need to get started before my other construction works starts. It’ll be ready to begin soon, since I’m startin’ with a fresh crew. I’m tryin’ to go on where Aden left off, not that I really can because Aden was much better than me.”
“You’ll do fine,” Ella said. She wished he wouldn’t be so insecure. “After supper tomorrow, then,” she said and moved away. Already some of the girls had noticed the lengthy conversation. Slowly Ella lowered herself down on the grass beside her cousin, who glanced up, obviously curious.
“Talkin’ about Aden’s things,” Ella said to satisfy her. What else could she possibly say?
How did one say that a house was being built by people who were supposed to have been your in-laws but now wouldn’t be? If she added the bishop’s proposal, which she had no intention of doing, eyebrows would really be raised. It all left her with a strange feeling of excitement.
Ella picked up her spoon and scooped the last of the melted ice cream from the bowl. In her mouth, the sweet coolness was delightful. Ella felt a twinge of gu
ilt at the pleasure and at her excitement. So quickly she had moved on.
Above her the sky had darkened, and the first stars twinkled with vigor. Ella focused on a bright one just above the horizon. The answer to her guilt came suddenly and with great clarity, as if from the heavens themselves. She drew her breath in sharply and was startled, surprised, and filled with joy. Her bowl dropped from her hand as she thought that somehow surely Aden had seen this evening and had smiled. He had. With an absolute certainty, he had.
At the dropping of her bowl, her cousin put an arm around Ella and said, “I’m so sorry. Perhaps you’ve ventured out again too soon.”
Several of the other girls also gathered closer.
“It’s her first youth gathering since…” The cousin needed to say no more as murmurs of sympathy were offered.
Ella managed a quick smile of sorts. “Sorry,” she whispered, wishing she could share that she was feeling a sense of joy, not sorrow, at the hope of Aden’s approval of her plans.
No one said anything, but Ella could feel the heavy mood. She had only succeeded in reminding them that death could find any of them tonight, tomorrow, or the next day.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered.
“It’ll be okay,” her cousin said softly, giving her another hug. Ella smiled her thanks and got to her feet. Several of the boys had already gone to the barn to get their horses. They silently drove their buggies out and collected the girls. It was almost as if they willed death to stay away and held it back by their own careful action.
Monroe brought his buggy up, and Ella climbed in after Dora. As they rode in silence, Dora finally burst out, “This has got to stop! This thing hangs over all of us.”
“It’s just superstition,” Monroe said, slapping the reins sharply. “We shouldn’t let it bother us.”
“For once I hope you’re right,” Dora said, “but I’ve got to say this scares me.”
They rattled onward into the night, silence again settling over them. Monroe drove recklessly, considering the circumstances, Ella thought but didn’t mention it.
Dora sighed in relief when they pulled into the driveway. Monroe glanced at her but didn’t say anything. Ella jumped down first and started to unhitch her side. Dora held the horse’s bridle until Monroe had the other side done. Ella watched until Monroe and the horse vanished into the darkness toward the barn. Dora was already at the front door but waited for her to catch up. Together they walked inside. Mamm and Daett were still up, the gas lantern hissing quietly in the living room, the house silent with no sign of Clara or the younger girls.
“So you made it through your first youth gathering, Ella. I’m so glad you went,” Mamm said, getting up. “Was it too bad?”
“So-so.” Ella tried to smile. What she wanted to say couldn’t be uttered.
“She had a hard evening,” Dora spoke up, “as all of us did. I tell you, this death thing hangs over our heads, and I’m tired of it. I so wish it would just be over and soon.”
Mamm shook her head. “You must not speak so, Dora. Death is in the hands of Da Hah, and we must abide by His will when it comes.”
“He gives much grace,” Daett said from the hickory rocker. “I don’t want to hear anymore complaining about what happens in our lives. We must submit as obedient children.” He rocked slowly to the squeak of the wooden rocker as silence settled on the house again.
“Daniel’s comin’ over tomorrow night,” Ella said, daring to speak up. There had been enough talk of death tonight. “I spoke with him tonight, and he wants to explain some things about Aden’s plans before he died. He said he’d come after supper if that’s okay.”
“It must be important?” Mamm said, a puzzled look on her face.
“It is,” Ella said. “He wants to speak with all of us, and it’s kind of important to me.”
“Speak to the whole family?” Dora asked. “What kind of trouble could that mean?”
“There is no trouble,” Ella said.
“We’ll see, then,” Mamm said, dismissing them upstairs with a wave of her hand. “It can’t be too serious, not with Daniel involved. Now go and get your sleep, and…tell Eli goodnight. He’s upset he couldn’t go with you tonight.”
Dora and Ella put their heads in the bedroom together, smiling fake smiles, and hollering “Hi.” Eli glared at them, and they laughed.
“Whoa, whoa,” he said as they turned to go. “I have to have some news at least. You can’t just go and leave me without anything.”
“You tell him,” Dora said, turning on her heels. “I can only think dark thoughts anyway.”
“Don’t mind her,” Eli said. “So how was the evening?”
“Okay, I guess, for my first time out,” Ella said. “We did the garden work, and then the boys made ice cream. I got a little teary-eyed at the end, but I’m not going to tell you why. It concerned Aden.”
“I understand,” Eli said, nodding. “You loved the boy.”
“Yah,” Ella said, “but there’s more. Daniel is coming tomorrow night for a family meeting. He has something to say about the plans Aden had. It might involve you, Eli.”
“Mysterious,” Eli said. “I would be glad to be involved in anything to do with you and Aden. You are the best sister around.”
“I’m not,” Ella said but appreciated the compliment. How could such a stubborn boy who flirted with the dangers of the Englisha world be so sweet? It was one of life’s mysteries. “But thanks anyway.”
“Goodnight,” Eli said and settled down on his pillow. “I think I can sleep now, but may the day come quickly when I can get out of this bed.”
“It will come.” Ella shut the door behind her and took the steps slowly, each squeak a comfort to her heart. At least there were some things in life that didn’t change. In her room she prepared for bed but knew she couldn’t sleep yet. With the kerosene lamp turned up high, she grabbed her tablet out of the drawer and wrote furiously.
It’s late spring now. In some ways it seems Aden’s been gone for years now, and my worst fears have come to pass. Even Dora, with her wild imagination, couldn’t have seen this one coming. Mamm and Daett say this is all a sign of Da Hah’s doings, but I tremble with disagreement. I simply cannot believe what has happened.
Bishop Wayne Miller has showed up and almost outright requested my hand in marriage. He had more manners than to ask point-blank. I think my resistance to his talk slowed him down a bit because if I hadn’t showed my rejection of his obviously upcoming question, I have no doubt he would have asked me right then and there to be his promised.
The thought sends chills up and down my spine. No man other than Aden has ever had my love nor ever could. I cannot give my heart to another even if I wanted to. It seems the most serious breach of loyalty my heart could ever make. To allow another to touch it, place his arms around me, or draw me into his embrace is just not possible.
My heart cries tonight again with a great longing for Aden and an even greater longing to have been his wife. If I could have been his wife for even a night or a week! To have him taken from me before we could ever be truly one seems the cruelest thing of all. It seems to me that if we had been together, I could bear this so much better.
I suppose Mamm and Daett have little sympathy for my sentiments. Love comes again, they say. The heart heals and, besides, they say marriage is more than just emotions. It’s about living together, trusting each other, being loyal to one another, and bearing chidren. They have a point that the Bishop would supply these as well as any man could—except Aden, and Aden is gone.
The way Mamm and Daett act does have an effect on me. Still, I will not give the bishop any favorable answer either now or in the future. If I ever allow another man into my heart, it won’t be like this. I’m really afraid of what Mamm and Daett will say when they find out I must turn the bishop down, not to mention what the bishop will say.
Surely, he won’t harm them. They aren’t in his church district and don’t disobey the Ordnu
ng anyway. Yet one never knows. The bishop looks to me like someone who’s used to getting his way, especially with girls. I doubt he has ever had one reject his advances. He’s got an awful lot of power from what I could tell. I wonder what he will do when it is challenged, as I surely will.
That’s why the answer is so clearly in Daniel’s solution with the house. It will solve so many problems. And if Eli persists in this foolish pursuit of the Englisha girl, I could even give him temporary shelter. That would get me in trouble, but better me than Mamm and Daett. I have less to lose, and this might even cool the bishop’s desire for me.
Wouldn’t that be a good test for him? Does he love me—Ella Yoder who sheltered her brother who ran around with the Englisha girl? Yah, if Daniel doesn’t let me down, we will build the house. I will help build it myself, if necessary, so urgent is the matter. Six months will come around much sooner than one imagines.
Then the sweetest thing happened tonight. Now it seems like it was likely all in my head, but it did so comfort me. Tonight at the youth gathering, I was all torn up after speaking with Daniel and the decision to meet here tomorrow night. I’ve never done things sort of behind Mamm and Daett’s back.
Anyway, I looked at the stars like I used to do with Aden. A really bright one had just come out and twinkled away. And then it happened. It seemed like Aden smiled one of his smiles at me just like he used to—only this time it came out of the sky, from faraway. Yet it felt exactly the same, as if he sat right beside me like always before, perhaps even a little warmer, if that is possible. I couldn’t do anything but cry for a while.
A Wedding Quilt for Ella (Little Valley 1) Page 22