I felt my heart sink as my dreams of a summer with JJ faded, but I told myself not to be selfish. This wasn’t the time to be thinking about my feelings. ‘When are you leaving? Tonight, you said?’
He nodded. ‘Mum’s packing now.’
‘I wish there was something I could do,’ I said.
‘I wish there was something anybody could do,’ said JJ. ‘He’s got the best possible care, best doctors in the world but even they can’t always work miracles.’
I glanced over at Alisha. I had never seen her so quiet. I went and put my arm around her. ‘I guess this means all your plans are out of the window too.’
She nodded. Just as I’d had plans to hang out with JJ, Alisha had plans to spend time with her boyfriend Prasad. She’d met him in India in the Easter holidays and they’d got on immediately. Luckily, he went to school here in England so they’d managed to see each other some weekends, but not for long and rarely without a minder being present. I knew Alisha was looking forward to some time alone with Prasad before he flew back to his parents’ hotel in Rajastan. ‘Does Prasad know?’
‘I told him this morning, straight after we’d got the news,’ Alisha replied. ‘He understood that we have to put Gramps first.’
I nodded. I knew only too well from my own experiences with my mum how it felt to see a loved one suffer and feel utterly helpless. Suddenly Keira and her nastiness was the last of my concerns. One of my best mates and my boyfriend were going through a hellish time.
After they’d gone back up to their apartment, I stared out of my window and realised that my summer hopes and dreams were changing fast. No five-star luxury in the Caribbean or white-beached island for me, not even hanging about in London with JJ. The boys were all going away to Europe, Pia would be off to Denmark, Flo was going up to Scotland and Meg to Cornwall. It suddenly dawned on me that I was going to be all by myself. Not that it matters, I thought as I remembered Alisha’s sad face and wished there was something I could do to make her feel better.
I picked up Dave to have a cuddle. ‘At least I have you,’ I said as I stroked his furry head. ‘You haven’t abandoned me.’
He wasn’t in the mood though, and jumped down from my lap. Like all cats, cuddles happen when they want it, not when their human does. He put his nose in the air and left the room. ‘Huh. Fickle cat,’ I called after him. ‘I’m always your friend when you want feeding.’
I sighed, opened my notebook and wrote.
July. Random thoughts on happiness:
Knowing that loved ones are well and happy.
Sinking your teeth into a freshly baked cookie.
Spending time with best of friends.
Cuddling my cat (when he’s in the mood).
3
Goodbye and Hello
‘I promise I’ll Skype every day,’ said JJ. ‘And text and email.’
I put my arms around his neck and leant up to kiss him. He kissed me back and we stayed for a few moments with our arms around each other. We were in the sitting room of the Lewises’ apartment, a couple of hours after he’d told me about his grandfather. Over his shoulder, I could see a stunning pink and gold dusk sky through the floor-to-ceiling windows that looked out over Hyde Park. Like all the windows in the apartment block, we could see out but no-one could see in. The glass was also bullet-proof. The security at the block had been designed by the SAS so that the apartments were super safe with all the latest technology. The sky was so beautiful and being in JJ’s arms felt so good, it would have been the perfect romantic moment if I hadn’t known that he and his family would be leaving within the hour.
We held on to each other and I knew he was feeling the same sadness that I was. As we stood there, I remembered the first time I’d seen JJ in the spa area, and later how shy I’d been when we finally got to talk at Alisha’s fifteenth birthday party, never imagining for a moment that a boy like him would be interested in someone like me – especially as I was dressed up as a monster at the time!
I’d worried that we wouldn’t last as a couple because I wasn’t from his world, but it had never been a problem between us and we had become very close, particularly in the last few weeks when I’d been finishing off exams. He’d been really supportive and understanding if I’d needed to study and couldn’t see him. Even though we’d only been together a short while, we still had many special memories. We often seemed to be laughing together, like the day we escaped from his minder and took shelter from the rain under two huge umbrellas in Hyde Park, just so we could be alone. And we’d tried hard to show each other our lives – me going away with him on a private plane to India and staying in a seven-star hotel when we got there, and him hanging out in the chill-out shed at the bottom of our garden where Charlie and I liked to go with mates after school.
I’d listened to JJ talk about his plans for his future at university and I’d spoken to him about my indecision about what I wanted to do when I left school; he was so sure of his plans and wanted to put something back into the world, I still had no idea of where I was going to fit. Whatever we talked about and wherever we were, I loved hanging out with him and was going to miss him a lot.
Finally JJ let me go. ‘Seeing you on Skype just won’t be the same as this. You can’t do cyber kisses or smell someone’s perfume or the apple scent from their shampoo.’
I smiled. ‘We should get an IT man onto it immediately,’ I said. I was trying to be as cheerful as I could be, even though inside I felt like crying. Neither of us knew when we’d be together again and I didn’t want him to remember me being sad.
‘JJ honey,’ called Mrs Lewis from the hall. ‘You almost done?’
‘All packed, Mom,’ JJ called back. ‘They can take my bags down.’
Alisha came in and straight over to us. She put her arms around us both. ‘Group hug,’ she said. ‘I’m going to miss you so much, Jess.’
‘Me too,’ I said. ‘We can Skype.’
‘Seriously, we must,’ said Alisha. ‘As often as we can.’
‘OK, car’s here, guys,’ called Mrs Lewis.
‘I’m going to go,’ I said. I gave them a last squeeze each. I wasn’t going to go down to the car with them in case I blubbed. JJ nodded. He understood. I glanced at Alisha. Her eyes were full of tears.
‘Hey, it isn’t forever,’ I said. ‘I’ll see you again.’
‘I know, I just don’t know when,’ she said, then gave me another hug. ‘God, I hate goodbyes. Like, total emotion overload.’
I laughed. ‘Yeah and crying can ruin your make-up.’
That made Alisha laugh. With a last look at JJ, I made myself leave.
Once I was in the lift, a sob rose from deep in my chest and at last, I let the tears I’d been holding back come to the surface. The hard thing about having a boyfriend you really like, I thought, is when you have to be separated. I sniffed back the tears. I knew that there were cameras in every part of Porchester Park, lifts included. I didn’t want any of the security men to see me crying and ask why. I took a deep breath. I would save my tears until I was alone in my bedroom and I could cry without worrying who was watching.
In the meantime, I need cheering up, I told myself. I decided to go straight to Dad and ask him where he’d organised for me to go on my break. I needed a change of scenery, away from Porchester Park and the empty space that JJ would leave here. Hearing about my surprise holiday and having something to look forward to, I thought, that should help.
As the lift doors opened on the ground floor to let me out, I saw that a lady was waiting to get in. I recognised her immediately this time. It was Stephanie Harper.
She looked at me for a moment. ‘Say, haven’t we met?’
I nodded. ‘This morning in Harrods. I handed your case back to you.’
‘Oh, right. Of course. You live here?’
I pointed upstairs. ‘Just visiting friends. Saying goodbye, actually. They’re going back to the States.’
‘Not the Lewis family?’
&n
bsp; I nodded.
‘No kidding? What a coincidence. I’m staying in their apartment while they’re away.’
‘You’re Mrs Lewis’s friend?’
Ms Harper nodded.
‘JJ told me that someone was staying there while they’re away,’ I said.
‘Yep. It’s me. So if you’re visiting here, where do you actually live?’
I pointed to the staff area. ‘My dad’s the general manager. We have a house back there.’
‘Mr Hall?’ She smiled. ‘He’s a Capricorn, right?’
‘Yes. His birthday is at the beginning of January.’
‘A workaholic?’
I nodded. Ms Harper looked at me closely, like she was looking right into me. ‘And you’re Sagittarian, yes?’
I nodded. ‘How did you know?’
‘It’s my business to. I’m an astrologer so I can usually guess what signs people are.’ She was still looking at me and I got the feeling that she knew I’d been crying. ‘It’s going to be a rough few days for Sagittarians. Rough for a lot of signs, actually. Plans going out the window. It’s due to the influence of Uranus, that’s the planet of the unexpected. It’s in a difficult position right now. Square to Pluto. Try and ride the changes, hon. What you resist, persists.’ She looked at her watch. ‘Hey, I’d better get up there if I’m going to catch them before they leave. I’m sure I’ll see you around and we’ll talk some more, OK?’ She stepped into the lift, the doors shut and she was gone.
‘Love to,’ I said.
4
A Trip Away
‘Bournemouth,’ said Dad, after I’d found him in his office.
‘Bournemouth?’ I gasped. I knew I sounded disappointed but I couldn’t help it. I was disappointed.
‘Yes, to stay with your aunt and uncle for a couple of weeks. What were you expecting?’
I slumped down in the chair opposite his desk. ‘I don’t know. Er . . . maybe somewhere a bit more special.’
Dad sighed.
‘What’s the matter, Dad?’
Dad hesitated for a moment, then sighed again. ‘This is, Jess,’ he finally said. ‘A year or so ago, you’d have been jumping up and down about a week in Bournemouth and the chance to be at the coast in July but . . . your reaction, see, that’s exactly why I want you to go.’
‘What do you mean?’
Dad indicated upstairs. ‘I wonder whether mixing with the residents since you moved here, with the Lewises, Tanisha, Alexei, I wonder if it hasn’t spoilt you a little – raised your expectations to the point that you’re disappointed to be going to spend time with my brother and his family and not flying off to some exotic luxury resort with A-listers. You’ve begun to want a lifestyle that I can’t afford and, frankly, neither will you when you’re older, unless you win the Eurolottery.’
‘So let’s go and buy a ticket,’ I said.
Dad didn’t laugh and I could see that he was upset. ‘I want the best for you, Jess, you know I do, but you have to learn that the best of life and true happiness doesn’t always come with a five-star rating, a designer label or price tag.’
‘I know that, Dad, I’m not totally stupid. But . . . Charlie’s going to stay with Alexei so he’ll be staying in all the best places, and in Bournemouth, Uncle John and Aunt Cissie don’t even have a proper room for me. I’ll have to sleep on the sofabed in the sitting room.’
Dad nodded. ‘Nothing wrong with that. And you know it was Charlie’s turn for a treat after your Indian trip.’
‘I do and I’m glad he’ll be going.’
Dad stared out of the window. He looked tired, as he often did these days, and I noticed that there was more silver appearing in his dark hair. His job as general manager meant he was on call twenty-four hours a day. I can’t remember the last time he had a weekend or even a whole day off. If he tried to take a few hours, there was always someone calling his iPhone, some crisis to sort out. He’d probably have loved a few days in Bournemouth with his brother. He was also right – hanging out with the Lewises had shown me another side of life, a side I’d come to like.
‘I don’t know, Jess,’ Dad said. ‘I wonder if I did the wrong thing bringing you and Charlie to live in this place, to put the lifestyle of the residents right under your noses. I don’t want you to ever feel that you’ve missed out but . . . you know these people are the exception.’
‘Dad, I’m fine. I’m not feeling bitter or envious or anything like that. Honestly. I’m glad I’ve been able to have a taste of how the other half live, a glimpse of that world.’ I suddenly thought of Alisha’s stricken face and JJ’s sad eyes before they left for the States. ‘Believe me, I know that although it’s all very nice, there are still some things money can’t buy – like good health and good mates.’
‘That’s certainly true.’ Dad turned back to look at me and smiled. ‘When did you get so wise?’
I shrugged. ‘Not wise. I just see what’s going on around me. JJ and Alisha are so sad about their grandfather.’
‘I know. I heard their news this afternoon and I’m aware that you’ll miss them, Jess. I know you’ve had it tough in many respects, moving here, so much change at such a young age . . .’ I knew he was referring to Mum’s death. He rarely spoke about her any more. I’d learnt that his way of dealing with anything painful was to keep busy and not give in to being emotional. ‘I really do want what’s best for you, you know.’
I decided to put away my disappointment. Dad didn’t need it on top of everything else he had to deal with. His job was full time, like now, still working on a Saturday night when most people are at home relaxing or off out somewhere. ‘I know, Dad,’ I said. ‘And Bournemouth will be fine, fab in fact. Wasn’t Mum always saying life is what you make it? The choices you make. I choose to have a good time there. I’ll make the best of it, sofabed and all. OK?’
‘OK,’ said Dad. ‘And while we’re having this chat, there’s another thing. When you get back, I’d like you to look for some holiday work. I’ll even see if I can find you something to do around Porchester Park.’
‘Work?’
Dad nodded. ‘Yes, work. I want you to learn that money doesn’t always come so easily as it does for some of the residents of Porchester Park.’
‘I do know that. I really know that. And actually, the Lewis family weren’t always rich and now Mr Lewis works very hard for his wealth. JJ told me that his dad often says that fame is fickle and one day he might be at the top, but the next, he could be yesterday’s news. So I do know money doesn’t grow on trees and all that.’
‘Do you, Jess? I wonder if you’ve lost sight a bit.’
‘Well, I can tell you I haven’t,’ I snapped. I felt cross that he could say such a thing. Lose sight that money didn’t come easily? Hah. I’d never been more aware of it. Dad had no idea how hard it was sometimes, like going shopping with Alisha and seeing her spend in five minutes more than I’d get in pocket money in twenty years. Letting her always pick up the bill because she knew that I couldn’t afford to. Not feeling I could pay my own way when we were out. I didn’t say anything though because I didn’t want Dad to see that it upset me in case he forbade me to go out with the Lewises in the future. ‘OK, a job. Fine. But what will I do?’
‘We’ll work something out. Actually, I’ve been talking to Pia’s mum about it. She agrees that Pia ought to do some work during the holidays too. In the meantime, your Uncle John has some jobs for you down in Bournemouth.’
‘Jobs? In Bournemouth? You mean it’s not even a break?’
‘Only babysitting and I’m sure he’ll give you some time off. He and Cissie want to repaint the house but can’t do it with the two boys around. He asked if you might be free to look after them, take them out the way so that they can get on.’
The news was getting worse and worse. Any mental images I’d had of sitting on a sun lounger in Tuscany, being waited on by some gorgeous Italian boy, or sitting on a beach in St Ives licking a Cornish ice cream were disappearing fast
. Babysitting in Bournemouth? I don’t believe it! I was about to object when Dad’s phone rang.
‘One day, we’ll go somewhere truly fab. Just the three of us. You, me and Charlie,’ he said before he took the call.
‘Sure,’ I said. And pigs might fly, I thought. With Dad’s commitments here, that’s not going to happen until I’m an old lady with a zimmer frame.
As Dad left the room with his phone glued to his ear, I went home to call Gran. I was sure she would sympathise and put Dad straight about the fact that I needed a holiday. Her and Aunt Maddie were brilliant at Easter when the Lewises invited me to India and, at first, Dad wouldn’t let me go because he knew I had a lot of studying to do. They were round in a flash telling him it was a fantastic experience and I shouldn’t miss out. He couldn’t argue against the dynamic duo. I just needed them to do the same this time.
‘I think that’s wonderful, darling,’ said Gran, after I’d got through and blurted out the latest to her. ‘I think your dad’s right. It’s a wonderful lesson to learn the value of earning your own money.’
‘Wh . . . whaaaat?’ I stuttered. Her response was not what I expected . . . She so didn’t understand. I got the value of earning your own money, I just didn’t want to do it yet. Shall I speak to Aunt Maddie? I asked myself when I finished my call with Gran. No point. I knew in my gut exactly what her view would be – same as Dad’s and Gran’s, in fact she’d probably have a list of jobs for me to try.
What would Mum have had to say? I wondered. I often tried to imagine her opinion on something or what her answer to a question would be. I made myself still so I could tune in. As I settled, I could almost hear her voice . . . ‘All good experience.’ Bummer. She was with the others. ‘OK, Mum,’ I said. ‘I hear you.’
I called Pia.
‘I’ve heard,’ she said as soon as she answered the phone.
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