by DB Ignites
“But…but…”
“No fucking buts. Get out. I may or may not speak to you later. This is not a request. I asked you nicely to respect my privacy. Seeing you here, I now know that my fucking wishes are not being respected. Now, you can either go, or I will make a scene that won't end well for you.”
Not sure how serious she was, they decide to leave, worried looks on their faces. Once out of the building, Shawn started storming around. “What the fuck was that? We get condemned for giving a shit if she is okay, while fucknuts just gets to sit there? I am telling you, this doesn't feel right at all.”
“Dude, just calm the fuck down. Did you even consider for a minute that maybe, just maybe, she is so upset by what he just told her she took it out on us? If that isn't the case, we may both lose her, so I choose to believe she was upset before we got here.”
“Fine. Let’s go sit in the car and see what happens. It is better than freezing my dick off.” Ryan sat there, staring at Skylar. He had never seen her so upset.
She pointed at him. “Before you say a word, mister, you are on my shit list, too. I am trying to understand why you did things the way you did. I’m not even sure I can ever forgive you. Yes, I believe you didn't know until later in our relationship. What I am having trouble with is the lying about your job and keeping this from me. Do you know what you put me through emotionally? It wasn't pretty.”
“Sorry I put you through hell. That wasn't my intention. Just try and understand where I was coming from. Seriously, you are acting like you are the only one hurt by this. Besides, you look like you recovered well.” He nodded to the front door. “Aren't you sleeping with the two idiots who just left? Really shows how much you loved me. So, you can have your pity party. But when you are done, we really need to talk about how we are, uh, family.” He grimaced, looking away. “God, that leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.” He looked back at Skylar, narrowing his eyes. “Call me when you are ready for that conversation.” With that, Ryan got up and left.
What the fuck was that? Skylar sat there, stunned. I mean, he did not just get insulted, did he? He acted like he was the one who was lied to. What a jackass. The more she thought about it, the madder she got. Fucking asswipe. First, he lies, then he gets mad? Fuck him. Those other two are shits, too, for following me here, for thinking I can't take care of myself. Why are all the men in my life such fucking douchebags right now? Okay, maybe they aren't so bad, but the overprotectiveness has to stop. To top it all off, now I have no ride. Better go check and see if asshole one and asshole two are still here. Paying the bill, she headed outside. Looking around, she saw the guys sitting in Dylan’s car. She walked over and got into the back seat. Stunned, they turned and looked at her. She held a hand up. “Do not say a fucking word. Just drive. Stop at the first bar you see. I need a fucking drink.”
Deciding not to argue, Dylan pulled onto the street. A few minutes later, he parked in the bar's parking lot. Before he could even turn off the car, Skylar was out the door. Both Dylan and Shawn hurrying to catch up with her.
Walking in and sitting at the bar, Skylar ordered a double Jack and coke. It didn’t take her long to finish and order another, then another. The whole time, nobody said a word. She was well on her way to getting shitfaced. Sitting there, looking straight ahead, she sighed. “You know, it is so fucked up. I have a fucking stepbrother I knew nothing about, then I have you two asses following me, acting like you are my big, bad protectors. I don't need fucking protection. I need…well, at this point, I’m not sure what I need. Why is life so fucking complicated?” Tossing back the rest of her drink, she slammed the glass on the bartop. “Take me home.” Once the guys got her back to the B&B, they made sure she was tucked in. As they started to leave, they both hear her mumble, “Fucking in love with…how am I…”
They looked at each other, smirks on their faces, as if each knew she was talking about him. At the same time, though, they both thought, What if it’s him?
Chapter Fourteen
With a groan, Skylar rolled over, holding her head. What the fuck did I do last night? My head feels like there are a hundred hammers in it. My mouth feels like it’s made of sandpaper. Last thing I remember is telling Dylan to stop at the bar. Oh shit. Did I tell them anything? I need some aspirin, coffee, and to find the guys. I’m never drinking like that again, even if it was needed. Jeez, Ryan is my stepbrother…oh, good God. Just thinking it makes me sick. Well, that could just be the alcohol, but still. No wonder he took off the way he did. I would have, too, but that doesn't excuse lying about his job. Ugh, I need a shower. Slowly, every step more painful than the last, Skylar headed for the bathroom.
Shawn grabbed some coffee, then sat, seeing dickwad come in. I really have to stop thinking of him like that. He really isn't that bad a guy. He motioned him over. “Hey. I slept like shit last night. How about you?”
“I didn't sleep too well, either. That was some shocker she revealed. Who would have thought they were siblings? Can't imagine what she is going through right now.”
“I hear you. It had to be a jarring moment for sure. The question is where do we all go from here?”
“That is a good question.” They both jumped, neither having seen Skylar walking up, looking a little worse for wear. Shawn jumped up to get her some coffee as she sat.
“Well, what is the answer?” Dylan asked.
“First, I need to know how much I said last night. It’s a little fuzzy.”
“You said something about a brother and being in love. Not sure of who and what you were talking about,” Dylan replied, smiling.
“Here is your coffee.” Shawn said, setting down her cup, then sitting. “What did I miss?”
“You didn't miss anything. Skylar just asked what she said last night.”
She held up a hand, grimacing. “First off, lower your voices some, please. Still have the hammers in my head. Not as bad as when I first got up, but they’re still there.”
“Sorry,” they said in unison.
“Thank you. Now, I am still miffed at you two for showing up last night, but truth be told, I am glad you did. Ryan was a little pissed off when he left, so I would have been stranded if it weren't for you. Now, I will try and explain it to the best of my recollection.” She explained everything she could remember, stopping every so often to take a welcome sip of coffee.
“Wow! A DEA agent? I always thought there was something off about him. Do you really believe he didn't know you two were related? Even if he didn't, it is still a shitty way to leave. Who is he to pass judgment on how you handled things? He has no fucking clue about any of it anyway,” Shawn stated, his questions more rhetorical than anything.
Dylan nodded. “All of what you are saying is true, but I can kind of understand why. I mean, look at from his point of view. Here you are, in love, having sex, thinking of marriage, but come to find out, you are somehow related. It has to blow his mind. Yes, he doesn't fully know what has happened, but you were together for almost six years. It has to fuck him up even further to see her with not only one, but two guys. I know it would blow my heart and mind if it were me.”
“You’re both right. Yes, he did leave in a shitty way. Yes, his mind is blown. But I am having the same problem myself. It is still weird for me to think about. Maybe he is right about how I handled things, but it is my life. If either of you agree with him on that, you can leave right fucking now.”
Shawn looked at Dylan, then back at Skyler. “Neither of us will leave, but you always say you know how hard it is on us. Do you really understand how hard? Speaking for myself, every time you refuse to spend the night, every time you leave, every time you mention Dylan’s or Ryan's name, I fear what we have is over, that I may never again know what it is to love you. I’m jealous as fuck because you care about him, maybe even more than me. Now that you know all the facts about Ryan's life, what happens now? Have your old feelings for him resurfaced...if they were ever really buried? If you choose me, will I have to go th
rough this bullshit over and over again? So yeah, it fucking sucks and hurts. Honestly, I’m not even sure it’s worth it anymore with all the doubt...some you caused, some I caused. I have already had my heart ripped out. I’m not sure I can go through it again.” With a sigh, Shawn got up and walked away.
“As much as it pains me, Skylar, he is absolutely fucking right. Do me a favor. Call me one way or another when you decide. It may seem harsh, but like him, I have been devastated. I don't really feel like going through it again. Yes, it would hurt like a motherfucker if you picked him, but to tell you the truth, I have held back some because of this whole situation.” Shoving back his chair, Dylan stood and left.
In less than twenty-four hours, Skylar's world had been turned upside down yet again. This time, it hurt a lot more because she was afraid she’d lost everybody. She slowly headed to her room, not sure what to do next. This was something she had never dealt with. Sure, people had walked out on her, but this was her own doing. Seeing Shawn's door slightly open, she hesitantly walked to it, seeing him packing.
Skylar pushed the door open. “What are you doing? What’s going on?” she blurted out, panicking.
Not looking up, he shrugged. “No use staying here, continuing to punish myself. I do have a business to run, you know.”
“Please, don't leave, I need you,” Skylar whispered.
Shawn's temper got the better of him and he spun around. “You need me? Not fucking lately you don't. In almost twenty years of friendship, this is the first time I feel like a jackass because of you. Never have I felt like I matter so little. Dammit, don't you get that my love for you as a friend has turned into more? I don’t like feeling like I’m second best. So yeah, I am heading home. I think you owe me at least a phone call about your decision, but if it’s not me, make it a text. I just can’t...won't do this anymore. Now, please leave so I can finish packing and get out of this fucking place.”
Knowing there was nothing she could say or do to change his mind, she walked away, tears streaming down her face. Without even trying, I fucked everything up. While being honest with myself, I was being selfish with everybody else. I assumed Shawn would always be there. I could consider Dylan a rebound of sorts. I was upset about Ryan, having strange feelings about Shawn, and I fucked Dylan within the first twenty-four hours of being here. Yes, there is a connection. I felt it immediately, but I should have waited. Ryan was right about one thing at least. I rushed everything. Had I buried my feelings for Ryan, or I did get over him that quickly?
She thought back to her conversation with Ryan. Why was I upset? Was it because of the lying or the news we are related? Yes, it blew my mind, but if I’m being honest with myself, I would say it was more because of the lying than anything else. When I first saw Ryan after everything, I felt nothing. Not sad, mad, or anything in between. That tells me maybe I wasn't truly in love with him to begin with. Hell, I am more upset over possibly losing Shawn. Could it be that I was settling for Ryan because I was afraid of being alone? That I had gotten comfortable with the way things were? That I ignored the little bells that went off when he said or did something? Hmm, it's a strong possibility. Hell, all I am doing right now is trying to fool myself. Yes, that is exactly what had happened between us. Poor Dylan. Without him even knowing, he was my “going to make me feel good about myself” guy. At first, that was what it was. Somewhere along the line, though, it became more. What do I really want from him? I mean, can I see him with me long-term? Yes, there is a connection, but how can we really build a relationship knowing I used him in the beginning? Now the poor man thinks he is in love with me. That may be true, but I will have to have an honest conversation with him about everything...if I can get him to talk to me. As far as Shawn is concerned…he has been my rock for years. He has always been there, no questions asked. I took advantage of that, thinking he would put up with anything I dished out. Maybe deep down, there was always that spark between us, but with me feeling inadequate, I never acted upon it. Could it be I was scared that if I did pursue him and it didn't work, I would be all alone? Hell, right now, I am alone. It isn't as bad as I thought it would be. Then again, it hasn't even been twenty-four hours yet. I think I should try this alone thing for a while and get myself straight before I try and be with anyone.
With this thought in her head, Skylar sat in her room to write a letter for the guys, explaining her thoughts.
Dear Shawn, Ryan, and Dylan,
I know none of you want to talk to me right now, so I thought I would write. I hope you will read this and not just throw it out. First, I am sorry for how I have treated you all. You were right. I wasn't being fair to any of us. I want you all to know that each one of you hold a special place in my heart. I am writing to let you know I am going to take some time to find myself. I can't be with anyone until I know that I am satisfied with who I am. Right now, I’m not. I am not asking you to put your lives on hold for me, that would be extremely demanding, but just ask that you give me time to figure some shit out. I want you to know I do love each of you in my own way, and I hope we can always at least be friends
Love,
Skylar
Chapter Fifteen
One month later
“Skylar, are you going to get in touch with any of them? I mean, don’t you think it’s time? I am tired of you not focusing on work, not to mention that faraway look you get on your face. Time for you to step up,” Harper stated.
Skylar sighed. “To be honest, Harper, I am scared. What if they don't want to hear from me or have moved on?”
“Well, the only way to find out is to get in touch with them.”
“You’re right. I will do that this weekend so I don't miss any time from work.”
“Nope. You aren’t going to put this off. Go out, get your man, and come back refreshed and ready. We do have contracts to fill, you know.”
“Fine, but no matter what happens, I will come back ready for work. I don't know what I did to deserve a friend like you. Love ya.”
“Love ya, too. Just make sure I am the maid of honor at the wedding and we can call it even.”
“If there is one, you got it.” Smiling, Skylar walked out the door. She grabbed her phone, deciding to call Ryan first. After two rings, he picked up.
“Um…hey, Ryan. How are you?”
Ryan, sounding a little startled, replied, “I'm… I’m okay, and you?”
“Better. Listen, can we grab a cup of coffee somewhere? We need to talk and I would rather do it in person.”
“Sure. I can meet you in an hour at the place by the apartment.”
“Okay, that works for me.”
Seeing Ryan's car already there, Skylar took a deep, cleansing breath, shook off her nerves, and walked in. As she approached the table, she saw Ryan on the phone. He looked up at her. “Yep, we are meeting now…just wanted to let you know. Okay. Bye.”
“Hello, Ryan, you look good.” She sat. “Who were you talking to? It sounded like you were talking about our meeting.”
“Hello, Skylar. It was Shawn. If you must know, the three of us have kept in contact with each other to see if anyone has heard from you.”
She nodded. “How are they?”
“They are doing okay. But if you want any more information, may I suggest you get in touch with them yourself?”
“I will take that suggestion under advisement. Listen, the reason I asked to meet you was so we could clear the air and try to be friends.”
“That would be nice, since we are related. Plus, I miss you. I miss the closeness we shared. Again, I want to say how sorry I am for lying and the way I handled things.”
“Apology appreciated, but not necessary. I understand why you lied. I even understand why you reacted like you did when you learned I was your stepsister. But understanding and forgiving are two different things. I haven't completely forgiven you yet. The reason for that is because you went off the deep end. I went off the deep end myself and did some selfish things. Now I am pos
sibly going to hurt someone who is important to me. It is going to take time for us to be friends again, Ryan, but I want to try. From what you said, you would like to try, too.”
“Yeah, that would be nice. I would like that. I get that my actions caused you to do what you did. If it helps, Shawn and Dylan are both in an okay place right now. Believe it or not, we have all become somewhat friendly. Now, I need to ask. What have you decided?”
“I’m not going to tell you until I talk to them. Speaking of that, I need get going. I have some others I need to see.”
“Well, good luck with that, and keep in touch. Like I said, I want my friend back.” They both got up, Skylar pulling Ryan into a hug. Then she walked out the door.
As she walked to her car, she thought, Well, that was the easy one. Now comes the harder and hardest part. I’ll be telling one I just want to be friends, then telling the other if he still wants me, I am willing. Jeez, what if it doesn't work? What if neither of them even want to be friends. Well, there is only one way to find out. Time to get it done. Arriving at her next destination, she sat in the car, reflecting on what she needed to say. Finally mustering up the courage, she got out and knocked on the door. When it opened, she was surprised to see him standing there. When he motioned, she followed him in.