by Debbie White
The three of them walked to the parking garage in silence. So many things were going through her mind. Like how would she tell Ashton, or how would Jack do once he was home. It was all a bit too surreal to sort it all out.
“Call us when you get home. The traffic is going to be awful with all the commuters,” Robert said.
“I’ll take my time. I’ll be fine.”
Milly kissed her cheek. “Stay strong,” she said, stepping back.
Annie nodded.
Robert slid his hand up her forearm and then held it in place. “She’s right. Stay strong for Jack and for the little guy at home. He’s going to have a lot of questions.”
“I’ve been tossing around how to tell him.” She lowered her gaze.
“You tell him Daddy had an accident with a powerful tool. He hurt his hand pretty badly, and they had to do surgery. I’m sure Jack will have the bandage on for quite a while. As time goes on, Jack will find a way to explain it all to him. Right now, you go home, hug those grandchildren for us, and try to get some rest. Would you like us to meet you here tomorrow?” Milly asked.
“Sure. That would be great.”
Once inside her car, Annie took several deep breathes. Closing her eyes, she counted to ten and then ran through the alphabet, trying to ward off any emotional outburst that may come with having time to take it in. Grieving for Jack. No tears came, just the sounds of her heavy breathing. She set the radio for some soothing music and took to the roads, which would lead her to home sweet home.
“Mommy,” Ashton said, running into her arms.
“Hey, baby,” Annie said, hugging him close, kissing the top of his head.
She peered over his little head and saw Mary and Danny standing together, a look of sadness in their eyes.
“I let him stay up when you called and said you were on the way home. He’s been asking a lot of questions,” Mary said, tipping her head.
“Sure, that’s fine. How’s Carolina?”
“Sleeping. She took a bottle and went down without a fuss.”
“I’m exhausted. I think I’ll get this guy to bed and hop in the shower.”
“Can we talk to you for a moment?” Danny asked.
The three of them walked into the other room.
“So, spell it out. How bad is it ?” Danny locked eyes with her.
“Anytime you have a trauma to a limb where surgery is required, it’s serious. He’s lost his hand. His left hand, but still…”
“How is he doing? Is he depressed, sad, what are his emotions right now?” Mary said.
“Mary, it just happened. How in the world would I know this? He seems like Jack. He didn’t even mention it to me. It didn’t even come up in our conversation. I told him we love him and will support him. But I don’t know the total ramifications of this.”
“He’s being released tomorrow, though?” Danny asked.
“Tentatively. It will depend on a few things. I’m hopeful.”
Mary opened up her arms. “Come here, Sis.”
Her legs felt like stone pillars. Putting one foot in front of the other, she shuffled forward, taking more effort than she’d expected. Finally reaching her, Annie rested her head on Mary’s shoulder, then proceeded to weep like a baby.
Mary patted her back, trying to console her. “Now, now, Annie. Everything is going to be all right.”
Chapter 11
No one said it would be easy, just that he’d learn to live with his new disability. Anytime there is a bump in the road, it causes a little stress. Annie convinced herself of that, but more importantly, she tried to convince Jack. So when he’d try to reach for something with that hand, or pick something up and it became awkward, Annie reassured Jack this was just a learning curve. When four-letter words flew out of his mouth, though, Annie pretended the frustration she heard wasn’t for real. It was a coping mechanism she used for a lot of things in her life.
“Here, let me help you with that, Jack.”
He whirled away and then stomped off, leaving her standing, her jaw dropping.
“Jack, come back. I was—”
“I know what you were doing. You were babying me…again!” He waved her off and kept walking.
She picked up the broken pieces of the plate and tossed them into the garbage pail. Suddenly, Carolina began to cry in the other room, sending Annie in another direction, almost forgetting about the spat she and Jack just had.
Hearing the door slam and right after, Ashton, who’d been content on the sofa watching television, let out a loud, “Daddy, where are you going,” prompted Annie to quickly draw Carolina up into her arms and rush out to the living room. Jack was gone. She picked up the pace and opened the front door. She watched his frame sway as he raced out of her view. He was headed down to the dock. The sky was gray, and the trees, mostly bare now except for the stately Magnolia tree where they’d buried their time capsule at the trunk, showed all signs winter was upon them. The bleakness of the landscape dived into her soul and muddied her spirit. Give her a day of sunshine, and no matter what, her mood radiated like feet dipped into warm sand.
She turned and went back inside, defeated. She had to give him space.
Ashton sat on his new booster seat up at the big people’s table, nibbling on small pieces of vegetables as Annie finished getting dinner ready. She peered at the clock on the stove. Jack had been gone for three hours. Dusk was about to arrive, and Annie knew that even though Lady Powell was equipped with lights, it wasn’t safe for him to be out on the waters at night, alone. Annie wondered if she’d feel differently had he not been injured.
She’d placed the bowl of macaroni and cheese in front of Ashton, then turned to Carolina, who now was using Ashton’s highchair.
“Sister is in my chair,” he said in between bites.
“Yes, she is. Thank you for sharing it with her.” Annie slid the spoon into the jar and whirled it around. They’d kept him in a highchair way too long. Or maybe they wanted to baby Carolina longer. Either way, Annie was feeling a bit blue about all the changes going on. Annie’s own tummy began to growl, but she didn’t have time to eat. She was worried sick about Jack while trying to conceal her angst to the children. She’d read somewhere they could sense stress and turmoil. She was so good at covering things up.
All heads turned or looked up when Jack came through the front door. Ashton yelled out, Carolina made some noise, and Annie held her breath a moment too long before letting it escape. She wanted to give him space. Not baby him.
“There’s macaroni and cheese on the stove if you’re hungry,” Annie said, turning her attention back to Carolina.
“I’m not hungry. I’m going to take a shower and then hit the hay.”
“It’s a little early to go to bed, isn’t it? I mean, the kids would like to see you.” She searched for words of confidence and comfort, but nothing came.
“Now you’re going to tell me when I’m sleepy or not? Please, Annie. Get over yourself.”
Annie’s lids slowly closed, but a few tears leaked out before she could hide them.
“Mommy’s crying,” Ashton said, puckering out his lower lip.
“Mommy is fine. Finish your dinner,” she whispered.
Annie couldn’t ward off the hunger pangs any longer and finally broke down and warmed up a bowl of the mac and cheese. Ashton and Carolina were playing nicely in the living room. He was showing her his cars and trucks. Everything was okay until she put one in her mouth.
“Mommy, Carolina is slobbering all over my toys!”
“Ashton, she’s a baby. That’s what they do. Let me remind you, you were a baby once too. You put all sorts of things in your mouth. Dirt, rocks, even dog poop. Well, not really. Daddy got the dog poop out of your hand before you ate it.” She crossed her arms and smirked.
“Yuck! Buffy or Isla?”
“It doesn’t matter. It was dog poop!”
With the mention of their names, both dogs raised up. When they realized it was nothing,
they snuggled back down into the giant-sized bed they shared.
Annie checked her watch. It was bath time. She made a mad dash to the bathroom and began to fill the tub. She stepped out into the hall and looked down at their bedroom door. It was closed. She gazed toward the living room, both kids were still playing nice. She turned off the water and grabbed pajamas for Ashton.
“Bath time, Ashton.” She leaned over and picked up Carolina.
While Ashton played in the tub, she sat on the closed toilet seat and bounced Carolina on her knee. Jack normally helped her with the whole nighttime routine, but he went to bed. She supposed Ashton could have skipped his bath, but Annie was trying to make everything as normal as she could.
After she got both kids in bed, she read Ashton a story. He didn’t like the fact that Jack wasn’t reading it to him, but finally, he gave in. Annie closed the book when she’d read the last word. “You know, Ashton, Daddy is still recovering from his hurt hand. We need to be patient with him as it heals.”
“Yes, Mommy. But will he be my daddy still?”
Annie put the book on the table. “Of course, he’ll be your daddy still.”
“He’s not playing with me anymore.”
Annie rolled in her lips and bit down.
“I miss him,” he said, crying crocodile tears.
Even though they were fake tears, she believed he was sad. He just didn’t know how to express it. “I know you do. Just give it some more time.” She dropped a kiss on his forehead. “Good night.”
“Good night, Mommy. I love you.”
“I love you more.”
She poured herself a glass of wine and sipped on it in the dark. How much longer would they be able to live like this? Granted, it’d only been a month, but she was hoping he’d be stronger than this. He’d never let anything defeat him as long as she had known him. Jack Powell was one tough cookie. So why did she feel so exposed and alone?
Chapter 12
Creeping into the bedroom so as not to wake him, Annie moved to the bathroom to get ready for bed. She tried to make as little noise as possible. But no doubt the noise from her toothbrush as it swept over her teeth and the gargling noise following resonated to the other room. She switched off the light and tiptoed to her side of the bed. Lying there, snoring, Jack hadn’t moved a muscle since she first came into the room. Pulling the covers back on her side, she slid under. Lying on her back, she listened to the rhythm of his breathing while looking up to a dark ceiling, a soft glow of the moon peeping in through the blinds the only light, and wondered if this was the new them, or just a temporary roadblock. Suddenly he snorted, rolled over on his side, mumbled something, and continued snoring.
The next morning, she awoke to an empty bed. Her heart raced. Jack. Where was he? Stumbling out of her sleeping stupor, she didn’t even take the time to wash the sleep from her eyes but moved quickly down the hall. About halfway, she heard giggles and the low, deep voice of her husband. A cheery ring to his tone made her smile. A new day, a new Jack.
“Good morning,” she said, pulling her straggly hair back away from her face.
“Good morning, Mommy. Daddy made pancakes.”
She whiffed in the aroma of warm maple syrup. “I see that. Daddy makes yummy pancakes.”
“Coffee?” Jack asked as he moved toward the Keurig.
“In a bit. I just woke up. You were gone, and I got concerned.”
“Concerned? Because I wasn’t in the bed?” His cheery tone suddenly turned condescending.
“Jack. Don’t,” she pleaded, nodding toward Ashton.
He harrumphed then made a second cup for himself. “I’m taking the boat out today, and Ashton is going with me,” he announced.
Annie had checked on the forecast the night before and knew that they were expecting cold, wind, and possibly rain. Not exactly the best boating weather. She wondered what he was trying to prove. She gulped, pausing before answering.
“Not today, Jack. The weatherman says the weather is going to be bad.”
“And the weatherman knows best for me and my son?”
Annie’s gaze settled on Ashton. His little eyes were bouncing back and forth from his dad to her, waiting to see who was going to win this battle.
“Can I see you for a moment. In the bedroom.” She turned and walked away.
She peeked in on Carolina as she made her way back to the bedroom. She was awake, but content. She knew she’d only have a few minutes before her contentment turned sour.
“Jack, what are you trying to prove?
“That we Powell men are strong, and nothing can stop us from doing something if we want it badly enough,” he said, his tone traveling an octave or two.
“Why don’t you start by showing him how to respect his mom. You trying to talk over me, make decisions without me will not bode well for you. I can promise you that.” She peered at him through half-closed lids, seething mad inside he’d push her to say these things.
“Oh, now I don’t respect women. Please.” He waved her off.
“Jack. What’s happening to us? You’re not the same man I married. I want Jack Powell back. The guy who walked into my bakery six years ago and swept me off my feet. The guy with the dimples that made me burn up with desire every time you flashed your smile. I want Ashton’s playful daddy back, and Carolina’s favorite teddy bear. I want you back just as before.” A tear tumbled down her cheek.
He bowed his head. “I can never be that same guy to you or to them.”
She lifted his chin with her finger and stared into his eyes. “Why?”
“I’m not one hundred percent anymore.” He held up his wrapped stump.
“Jack, that doesn’t matter to us. It could have been so much worse. Yes, I understand it’s been awkward for you to learn to do things with one hand, but I have to tell you, you’ve done brilliantly. The kids and I love you just as you are, and when we made our vows, I said in sickness and health. You said it too. And you’ve been there for me when I went through postpartum depression after Ashton’s birth, and you’ve been by my side while I battle the do’s and don’ts of being a small businesswoman. Don’t you think I’d stand by you in your time of need?”
She wasn’t expecting what happened next. He balled up his hands, tossed his head back in anger and yelled. Then, he crumbled to the floor into a fetal position, sobbing. She fell to her knees and cradled his head in her arms and wept with him too. She prayed this was the turning point for them. He’d see she was there for him and let her in. She rocked him while saying over and over, “I love you, Jack, and we’ll get through this.”
She was so emotionally connected with Jack and what was happening she didn’t hear the patter of little feet come in.
“Mommy, is everything okay with Daddy?”
Annie held her hand out to him. “Yes, baby. Come here.”
Jack rolled up to a sitting position, quickly wiping away his tears. “Hey, champ. I’m okay.” He winked at Annie.
Carolina began to fuss, getting all their attention.
“You get Carolina, Ashton and I will make some fresh pancakes. Come on, buddy.” He jumped up, taking Ashton by the hand and leading him down to the kitchen.
Annie couldn’t move despite Carolina wailing in the other room. It was all too surreal, this moment, and how sudden the crisis began, it was as suddenly over. She held on to the edge of the bed as she pulled herself up, her legs wobbly, her heart still racing from seeing Jack collapse. Drawing in a deep breath, she counted to ten and then ran through the alphabet, a calming exercise she happened upon that seemed to work for her. Steading her body, she put one foot in front of the other and made it to Carolina’s room. In the other part of the house, she could hear her two favorite guys banging pans and laughing. Maybe, just maybe, Jack Powell had his moment. The one when he realized they’d all be there for him, even in his gloomiest moments, and now, seeing the positive side of their love and support, the light at the end of the tunnel shone bright, leading the
way out of the darkness.
Clearly still unsure of how to proceed, Annie and Carolina entered the kitchen to find Jack flipping pancakes, and little Ashton, setting the table. He was tall for his age, so he could see over the table, and with his tongue secured between his teeth, Annie witnessed him painstakingly making sure everything was just so.
“You’re doing such a great job, buddy,” Jack said.
“He sure is,” Annie said, announcing they’d arrived.
“Just in time for some hot pancakes,” he said, whirling around, making eye contact and smiling. “How’s my baby girl?” He moved toward Carolina and tickled her.
Annie secured Carolina in her highchair, moving toward the cabinet where the cups were stored. Their routine was eerily normal, and she didn’t know what to say or do. Would it just be a matter of minutes or hours when Jack would have another meltdown?
Jack busily stacked the pancakes and walked over to the table. “I was wondering about our annual Christmas get-together. I realized I messed up Thanksgiving, but there’s no reason to postpone Christmas.”
It was true. Halloween and Thanksgiving were both blurs. They’d normally celebrate Jack’s birthday with a big costume party. Thanksgiving was always a blast whenever you got the entire family together. And now Christmas was just three weeks away. She knew the family would come, but they usually had a big open house and invited friends they hadn’t seen all year too. Just because everyone was so busy.
“I think it’s important we have some sort of celebration. You never know when Grandmother and Auntie won’t be here.”
“True. Let me make some phone calls. I’d love to have Scott and Vicky come, bring the children. I’ve only seen little Jackson once since they brought him home from Korea,” she said, feeling the joy of the holidays already.
“I’ll start gathering wood and get it all chopped so we can have a huge bon—”
Annie held her breath and paused. Jack had that deer in the headlights look, and she didn’t know how to maneuver around it. The room became so quiet you could hear a pin drop, and except for the thumping of her heart, the silence was deafening.