Paul
• • •
I think I see what my issue is. The final six scenes should be rearranged, so Clay’s death immediately follows Adam’s detonation. Then we can have Shanna and Jenny react to that.
Then I can break up Jenny’s last scene. Half before Shanna goes into the interrogation room, then Shanna, then Jenny realizing it’s a bomb, then back to Shanna to see the explosion, then Mort.
Then we can include the bomb explanation, still get the emotional impact of Jenny realizing her own demise, and avoid the confusion of which explosion is which.
Make sense?
Joe
• • •
Go for it.
Paul
• • •
Almost done. This works much better for me re-arranged.
Do you think it’s better to have Dr. Mortenson ask Shanna her name, or would it be a bit more fun for him to know her name and assume some familiarity with her? It would give her, and the reader, a chance to maybe recognize him before his reveal, even though no one will.
Also, I’ve got an epilogue idea that I’m going to write. We can omit it from DRACULAS, but it’s where I want to go when the sequel rolls around…
Joe
• • •
I think we can give our readers more credit. “Dr. Mortenson” is a pretty fair clue. And if not, twice she thinks she’s met him before. Pairing those with your previous transformation scene pretty much gives it away, no? I don’t think we need to hit them over the head. I’d rather have them make the leap on their own - that way they go from passive to participant. Those who don’t glom on their own will get smacked in the head with it when the guy in the scrubs starts feeding the baby his blood.
Paul
• • •
It wouldn’t be hitting them over the head. It would be subtle.
But I do think we need to spell it out in the last scene. I can see some folks going, “Huh? How did the doctor become a dracula?”
I’m going to tweak it to try it. We can always axe it if it doesn’t work.
Joe
• • •
Okay, 4.3 is done, and the book is done.
Let’s all read the last twenty pages and discuss if it works for everyone. I’m sure we’ll change some stuff. And we might cut my prologue, but I wanted to hint that a follow-up book will have werewolves in it.
Also, we still need a book excerpt from Paul and an interview question answered from Jeff.
Excellent job, everyone!
Joe
• • •
Woo-hoo! Can’t wait to read.
Blake
• • •
Guys, I think we have an important decision to make for which cover we go out with on October 19th.
Check it out:
http://www.amazon.com/DRACULAS-Chapters-Upcoming-Release-ebook/dp/B0042ANZBU/ref=sr_1_1?s=gateway&ie=UTF8&qid=1285261706&sr=8-1
I happen to think the cover without our names on it is much more striking, Intriguing, and buzz worthy. It’s just plain bad ass. Joe - perhaps we could ask your readers on your blog, continue the involvement of marketing on all levels with the fans?
Blake
• • •
And another point…not having four names on the cover points to the underlying which is to create one, seamless novel. Subconsciously, I think readers will favorably make that connection and be more apt to buy.
Blake
• • •
I’m for the names. I want my name on my books.
But the title by itself looks sweet on a t-shirt.
Joe
• • •
Read the end, fantastic…made some small changes…
1. took this out: “in a mini-reenactment of the trade towers’ collapse” - that’s going to pull everyone out of the moment.
2. changed what Zeke the dog is eating to a rat per Adam’s earlier scene…makes sense a rat and not a dracula would have escaped the hospital.
3. changed Dr. Mortenson to Dr. Cook…not quite as on the nose.
4. Put Clayton’s death (just the last paragraph) after the 2nd to last Shanna scene.
Paul - can you drop a choice chapter excerpt into your folder? I’ll add it to the manuscript
Jeff - please finish the interview.
I think Joe and I are good with this draft to begin proofing if you guys are.
Blake
• • •
My wife finished reading it, and loved it. But she had a few concerns.
1. She still holds out hope that Clay somehow survived.
2. She guessed Mortenson was Moorecook the moment he picked up the kid.
3. She didn’t like it saying “the end.” because Driscoll and the Zeke scene were unresolved, she felt it should end with “To be continued…”
4. She’s pissed we killed everyone.
I explained to her that the building was incinerated, and that Clay was 100% dead, but if it wasn’t clear to her, it won’t be clear to others. So we should consider making it either more final, or more ambiguous about the possibility of him surviving.
But keep in mind that the more threads we have hanging, the likelier we are to annoy a certain percentage of readers.
Blake changing Moretenson to Cook is better, and maybe we should go with Paul’s original line and have him ask Shanna’s name to throw the reader off a bit. I thought it was too much misdirection, but I was apparently wrong.
Maria feels it ended too abruptly, which is a clear sign she wanted more. That’s fine, but I don’t want that dissatisfaction to result in bunch of one star Amazon reviews. Perhaps that could be nullified if we have the first chapter of DRACULAS 2 as a bonus feature.
As for killing folks, she cried at the death scenes, so I think they worked. But I don’t want people finishing this book confused and angry.
Blake, gimme a call and I’ll put you on the phone with my wife.
Joe
• • •
Also, we need to keep an eye on a few consistencies.
Some internal monologue is in italics. Some isn’t. We should unify it one way or the other.
Also, Clay calls them “draculas.” According to Blake, that’s what they’re called in The Passage, which I haven’t read, but which came out after we had the idea for Draculas.
Might want to not call them “draculas” so we don’t sound derivative, even though we came first. We might want to stick with the full length “draculas.”
Incidentally, the title “Draculas” came from a Twitter joke I did on March 27, 2010.
“There’s nothing to fear, but fear itself. And Draculas. There’s probably one in your closet right now.”
I liked it enough to repeat the joke in CUB SCOUT GORE FEAST that I wrote with Strand, and then had a eureka moment when I realized it would make a good title for a horror book.
Joe
• • •
When I put it up on FB, one comment was, “Oh, I thought it was 2 new authors - Crouch Kilborn and Strand Wilson.” Of course, he was being facetious.
Paul
• • •
That Crouch Kilborn guy is a dick.
Joe
• • •
Done - a sequence from MIDNIGHT MASS.
Paul
• • •
1. She still holds out hope that Clay somehow survived.
Nothing wrong with hope. But he and Alice are together in that Great Shooting Range in the Sky.
2. She guessed Mortenson was Moorecook the moment he picked up the kid.
That’s because she’s smart (choice of spouse notwithstanding.)
3. She didn’t like it saying “the end.” because Driscoll and the Zeke scene were unresolved, she felt it should end with “To be continued…”
No reason we can’t put “(Not)” or “(Not really…)” beneath it. We’ve been having fun with the readers all along. Why stop now?
4. She’s pissed we killed everyone.
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Not Shanna and not Moorecook. But this IS horror fiction, not romance, so a happy ending is not guaranteed.
That said, I’m not a fan of epilogues in general and this one is no exception. Ending with the baby nursing on Moorecook’s blood hints that the story is going to ramp up to another level. The epilogue puts us back to square one: the start of another epidemic. I’ll go with what the majority decides, but that’s my $0.02.
Paul
• • •
“Blake, gimme a call and I’ll put you on the phone with my wife.”
Oh hell.
Blake
• • •
I see what Paul’s saying to this extent…end with current epilogue (which can become a deleted scene) it ends with oh, the thing continues. End with Mort saying I have plans, we get a sense that it’s escalating into maybe a world-wide thing, which is very cool. I’m still on the fence…
Blake
• • •
I’m fine with using the epilogue as an alternate ending or extra scene, and omitting it from the main manuscript. Or using at as Chapter 1 of DRACULAS 2. I’m not nearly as interested in a government dracula testing lab as I am a werewolf outbreak. New genre, new toys, new monsters.
My son just finished reading the book. Liked it. Was pissed Clay died.
I’m also pissed Clay died. That’s 3 for 3 in the Konrath house for at least making it more ambiguous.
Stacie and Randall had poetic death scenes that were emotional.
Adam’s was heroic. Jenny’s was the end of Night of the Living Dead, which had been my intention when thinking up this scenario.
Clay’s death is like a bad joke, without the laughter. He’s hands down the favorite character. While the other deaths make sense, this one seems cruel. Even in a horror book.
He’s your creation, Paul. If you want him to die, we won’t fight you on it.
But I’m directing the hate mail I get to you. And in talking to my wife and son, I’m gonna get hate mail.
I think we could head off that hate mail if he grabs Alice, the building explodes, and his last thought is, “Oh, shit.” Then there’s always the possibility he comes back.
Joe
• • •
By the way, Paul, it’s your own damn fault for writing a great, likable character.
Joe
• • •
I think he’s gotta die. It brings a certain closure.
In DEEP AS THE MARROW I had a character named Poppy who I had to kill because her arc demanded it. I got tons of angry mail. But you know what? People remember that book because Poppy died. If I’d found a way to let her live, it might have been, Meh.
Look, I can take out the fusing with Alice scene and leave it a little ambiguous, leave a little hope. If we do a sequel, and we want to bring him back, we can find a way.
Paul
• • •
I vote for leaving it ambiguous.
Joe
• • •
I vote strongly against making it ambiguous. If Clay is on the roof when the hospital explodes, he’s dead. We’ve gotta play fair. Suggesting that we might offer some sort of implausible explanation in the sequel for how he survived isn’t going to placate readers.
I also vote to get rid of the epilogue, which makes the book feel like we’re trying to set up two different sequels.
Jeff
• • •
Clay isn’t on the roof. He’s down a few floors.
Here’s the thing, guys. We’re releasing this as an ebook, and before it goes live 200 people are going to review it.
I love nihilistic endings. I thought the end to The Mist was one of the greatest endings in modern horror films.
Word of mouth killed The Mist in its first week, and it tanked at the box office.
Do we want to have a big ebook launch with an average two and a half star rating?
This isn’t like a paperback, where the majority of customers won’t see the reviews. Every potential customer will see the reviews and the star rating on the same Amazon page they download the ebook. Bad reviews will kill sales.
Am I saying compromise artistic integrity and pander to the audience? No.
Am I saying allow a character that readers have grown fond of a chance to survive? Yes.
We’re not making some sort of social commentary or statement with this ebook. It’s just supposed to be gory fun. But it loses some of the fun factor if we annihilate 90% of the cast.
Lanz, dead.
Benny, dead.
Randall, dead.
Oasis, dead.
Jenny, dead.
Adam, dead,
Stacie, dead.
Clay, dead.
Then secondary characters like Winslow, Brittany, Grammy Ann, and Herrick, all dead.
Mort and Shanna are the only POV characters that survive, and one is the main villain.
This isn’t nearly are serious as my other horror novels, but more of the heroes survive in those.
I think we should at least allow for the possibility that Clay lives. This is a classic case of Pascal’s Wager. We have a lot to lose, but everything to gain. What does it hurt to give Clay an ambiguous fate?
And with that, I rest my case. But let the record show that the readers—angry at the ending—will read through our emails and see that Paul and Jeff were the ones who pushed for Clay’s death.
Joe
• • •
“What does it hurt to give Clay an ambiguous fate?”
Ask Brian Keene how much hate mail he got over the ending of THE RISING!
I’m not necessarily voting in favor of Clay dying…if there’s a believable way he can survive the hospital blowing up, I’m all for it. I’m voting against the idea of leaving it up in the air. I’d feel much more cheated as a reader not knowing for sure what happened to him than having him die in the explosion.
Jeff
• • •
Then in the last scene, I vote for Clay crawling out of the rubble.
We need a scene where readers can cheer. Instead we bring in a government conspiracy completely out of left field that isn’t explained or resolved, several depressing deaths, and an open-ended “villain wins” finale.
The more I think about it, the more I think the last fifteen pages kill the fun we had build up for the previous 250 pages.
Maybe it’s my insecurity showing, but now I’m thinking we eliminate Driscoll and her team, and have Shanna find Clay still alive.
I’ve got a wild idea that I’m going to throw out there, for you guys to consider. You know how Hollywood has test screenings? What if I did a happy ending for Clay and Shanna, we gave both endings to the reviewers, and let them pick their favorite? Then we use that one for the book, make the other one an alternate ending, and I don’t have a nervous breakdown.
I like the outcome where I don’t have a nervous breakdown. I’ve written SEVEN novels this year. I’m so close to burning out that I need to mainline caffeine.
Before you tell me no, I think we all need to read the book straight through, and do our final edits. We mention Aliens and so many other cool action movies in this book, and they all had endings where the audience smiles big and pumps their hands in the air. We’re ending Draculas with a nihilistic whimper, and I really think it’s gonna hurt us. This book was too much fun to end with such a downer…
Joe
• • •
Okay, I feel better now. I did a different ending which I think still offers a lot of sequel potential, but will make readers say “Hell yeah!” when they finish. As Mickey Spillane said, “A good beginning makes them buy the book. A good ending makes them buy the next book.”
It’s labeled Alternate Ending in the Dropbox. We can debate whether we use it, or a variation of it, for the final manuscript. If we don’t use it, at least it exists, and we can stick it in the extras.
DRACULAS (A Novel of Terror) Page 56