Table of Contents
Copyright
Prologue
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-one
Chapter Twenty-two
Chapter Twenty-three
Chapter Twenty-four
Chapter Twenty-five
Acknowledgments
Reading Group Guide
About the Author
Copyright © 2003, 2010 by Jackie Lee Miles
Cover and internal design © 2010 by Sourcebooks, Inc. Cover design by Jessie Sayward Bright
Cover images © Colin Gray/Getty Images; Scott Higdon/Veer
Sourcebooks and the colophon are registered trademarks of Sourcebooks, Inc.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems—except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews—without permission in writing from its publisher, Sourcebooks, Inc.
The characters and events portrayed in this book are fictitious or are used fictitiously. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.
Published by Cumberland House, an imprint of Sourcebooks, Inc.
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Miles, Jackie Lee.
Roseflower Creek / by Jackie Lee Miles.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references and index.
1. Problem families—Fiction. 2. Rural conditions—Fiction. 3. Georgia— Fiction. 4. Domestic fiction. I. Title.
PS3613.I53R6 2010 813'.6—dc22
2009050312
Also by Jackie Lee Miles
Cold Rock River
All That's True
To my husband, R. W. M., who made it possible, who built the fort and keeps me safe. And to my parents, Cliff and Lois Lee, who were
always there, even when I thought they weren't.
To my favorite sisters: Sandi, Barbara, Vicki, and Lori. And to my children, Brett and Shannon, my treasures—and James and Kelly,
equally cherished, who've not made it home.
Most of all, to all of you out there who break bones and bruise hearts—
with love, hope, and prayers…that you'll stop.
The river has my body, but heaven has my heart.
—Author Unknown
Prologue
The morning I died it rained. Poured down so hard it washed the blood off my face. I took off running and kept going 'til my legs give out and I dropped down in the tall grass by the creek. The ground was real soggy; my shoulders and feet sunk right in. I curled up on my side and rocked my tummy and sucked in that Georgia red clay 'til it clung like perfume that wouldn't let go. Mud cakes and dirt cookies, some I'd baked in the sun just yesterday, filled my nose. They danced all blurry above me, inviting me back to their world a' make-believe. That one mixed with laughter and pretend, sugared all nice with wishes and dreams. I reached out to grab 'em, to get back to that place where they was, but the pain held me tight in a blanket of barbed wire. And them cookies, they plumb disappeared.
My arm was busted. My spleen was teared. My 'testines was split and my windpipe—it was pretty much broken up, too. I didn't know most of those words, not then. I saw 'em in the paper the very next day. I stood over my mama and watched her cry on the newspaper the sheriff man brought to her cell. All I knew was it hurt, that day in the grass. It hurt so bad, it like ta' killed me. I prayed for it to end—I did. I sure enough did.
He come looking for me then, my stepdaddy, Ray. Called out to me, his voice filled with liquor.
"Lori Jean! You git back here! Ya' hear me?" he said. I heared him, but I didn't answer. It made him crazy in the head.
"Ya' hear me, girl? You ain't had a beatin' like I'm gonna give ya'," he said. 'Course, he was wrong. He just give me one.
He found me then; stumbled over me in the grass. He yanked me up by my hair, but I didn't move. Then he grabbed my arm, that broken one. It was twisted like a bent stick. He must not of seen it though, 'cause he didn't pay it no mind. But, not to worry. It didn't hurt no more. Nothing hurt—it was mighty peculiar. Truth be known, I felt pretty good right about then. Kind of floating on a cloud, I was.
"Why do ya' do this to me, huh?" he said. He was so mad. He tried to drag me back to the trailer where we lived. That's when he seen—I couldn't walk. I couldn't breathe. He sure changed his tune. He started crying and carrying on, shaking me all about.
"Lori Jean, honey, wake up! Wake up, honey!" he yelled.
Then he dropped on down to his knees; he was holding me so nice. He had his arms wrapped all around me and he was hugging me to his chest, just like a regular daddy, just like I always wanted him to. He was crying real tears. He was! And he was praying, too, right out loud.
"Oh Jesus!" he said, and he cried even harder. It was so sad.
"Oh my girl, my sweet baby girl," he said over and over. He was carrying on and hugging me so nice. I wanted to hug him right back, but my arms and legs—they wouldn't move nohow.
"What have I done to you, girl?" he asked, maybe thinking I could answer. And then he started praying again and that was really something 'cause he never been one to pray much, even though my mama tried to get him to and drug him off ta' church ever' chance she got.
"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, what have I done?" he said, and he picked me up.
I watched him carry me on down to Roseflower Creek and dump me in the water. So here I am, floating on a cloud, floating in the river, right in the middle of the creek! It's real pretty here. A body might could grow to like this even. Real peaceful like, it is. If 'n my meemaw was here, she'd say, "This is plain out, plumb nice." And she'd be dead right. 'Cause that it is. That it sure enough is.
Chapter One
My real daddy left in August when I was five on a day so hot they was giving out free fans. Drove away in our old pickup truck the color of money, which was God-ronic my meemaw said, since he ne'er had any. I don't remember much about my pa, but I remember that truck. He let me ride in the back whenever we drove to town. Like to throwed me out a couple a' times, but I loved it, being too little to realize a body could get killed that way. It was my favorite thing to do and the funnest, us not having much money for regular fun things.
"Headed to Atlanta," Daddy said that day. "Had enough a' yer' ma's bellyaching for sure."
She run after him, my ma did, her belly jiggling with a baby inside. Didn't do her no good. Daddy kept on going 'til he was a speck the size of the fleas that drove Digger nuts. Mama throwed herself off a ladder that night, from the hayloft in old man Hawkins's barn. She lived. Sprung her ankles is all. Both of 'em. But that baby, it died. It come out in the tub. That's when I seen it was a baby brother she had growing in there, 'cause I peeked.
Mama cried a long time, but not for the baby I don't think. It was my daddy she wanted. She didn't mention that baby again, even when I growed older. Didn't name him or visit him
like me and MeeMaw did. MeeMaw called him Paul after that guy in the Bible the preacher liked to talk about most Sundays. I called him Paulie. Seemed only right, him being so little. Truth be known, I'da rather had a sister. But a brother'd been okay.
The ladies at church said my daddy was no good; on a "slow train to hell," they said. I don't know; he was going real fast when he left. They said he had a girl over in Athens. 'Course that was a lie. I was his only girl. He told me so.
"You're my girl, Lori Jean," he said. "My only girl. And don't you forget it, okay?" he told me every time I sat in his lap.
'Course I never did understand him running off and leaving me with Mama. She didn't seem to want me much, either. 'Least she didn't throw me off no ladder. Poor Paulie. MeeMaw put him in a shoebox and tied it with the piece of blue satin ribbon she was saving for something special and this was something pretty special—a little dead baby boy never did no harm to no one and him being put in a shoebox and a mama that didn't cry over him or nothing.
The church folks let us bury him in a grave spot we didn't have no money for, which was real nice of them, so I forgive 'em right then for saying that stuff about my pa and that girl. We buried Paulie in the back, over by the kudzu. MeeMaw, that's what I call my grandma, and me would visit him on holidays and sometimes after Sunday service if the message moved her and her arthritis didn't hurt her too much to walk the extra steps.
Anyway, that was a long time ago. I'm ten now. I live with my mama and Ray. He's my stepdad. MeeMaw died two years back. That's when Ray moved in. MeeMaw didn't like for him to come round much when she was alive. Called him trailer trash. I wondered how that made him different; folks in town called me that when they didn't think I heard—but I did.
MeeMaw was right. Ray was trash. He was also the doggonist, meanest, orneriest, God-awful man I ever knowed in my whole ten years, the devil included. I dreamed him in a nightmare once, and he weren't nothing next to Ray. How my mama stood him, much less loved him, is beyond me.
MeeMaw told me she worshiped the ground Grandpa walked on. He died right after I was born. I figured Mama musta worshiped Ray like that, her bowing down to him. It was only later I seen it was fear. Fear that held her down, fear that paralyzed her, fear that let her let him kill me. Fear. Mz. Pence, my favoritist schoolhouse teacher, told me a famous president—Roozevelt, I think—said all we gotta fear is fear itself. He sure was right. I wonder how he knew. Maybe he had a mama had that kind a' fear.
After Daddy left, nothing much happened 'til I was seven. He come back that summer for a spell. That was before Ray. They signed some papers, he and my mama. Then he left. He didn't mention me being his girl no more and I cried. MeeMaw told me not to mind. Said I had a daddy in heaven who'd watch over me always and not to worry, he'd never leave me; that he was holding me in his arms, keeping me safe that very moment. I asked him to please, if 'n he could, to hold me a bit tighter—I couldn't feel a thing.
That summer Digger run off. He done that once before we knowed of. He run off from wherever he used to live. That's how we ended up having him as our dog. MeeMaw said Digger was like some kind of men.
"What kind is that?" I asked.
"The kind you can't count on," she said.
That was the summer Melvin and Lexie come ta' stay with us for a spell. I see now that was the beginning of the end. Yep, sure enough. That's what it was, all right—the beginning of the end.
Chapter Two
Looking back, I 'spect things woulda been a whole lot different if Lexie had never married Melvin and brought him around that summer. I probably might still be alive even. Lexie was my ma's best friend when they was growing up, like Carolee is mine.
Lexie was the most beautiful woman I ever seen, not counting picture magazines. Looked just like a movie star even; exceptin' her hair. It weren't any color I ever seen on a movie star 'less you count Howdy Doody. But that was before she went to the Cut 'n' Style and had it done right. Then it looked a whole lot better; sort of a cross between Howdy Doody and Rhonda Fleming. Wanda Puckett—she owns the beauty shop—she fixed it up for her. Wanda's real good with hair, but MeeMaw said she smacked her gum too loud, like ta' drove her nuts and she quit going.
"It's the best I can do, sweetie," Wanda told Lexie. She didn't use her scissors much that day. Even so, Lexie's hair got shorter. Some of the ends just broke off in Wanda's hands. Lexie cried and cried, which hurt my heart 'cause I loved her already and wished she was my ma and sometimes pretended she was.
"Lexie Ann, stop that sniffling," Wanda said. "After what you dumped on your head, girl, you best be thankful for what hair you got left."
"I ain't gonna be thankful for that, Wanda!" Lexie said. "That's like bein' glad your house burned down and only took out half your kids."
"Well ain't you the dramatic one now," Wanda said. "And ungrateful, too. You best bite your tongue, Lexie, 'fore the good Lord puts it in mind to befall sorrow on the rest a' this here mess." Wanda run her styling comb through Lexie's hair and sure enough, plenty more strands fell out.
"See?" she said.
Lexie started crying again and dabbed at her eyes. I hugged her lap and told her she looked better'n anyone I ever seen with their hair half gone, even though Homer Bailey, the goat man, was the only one I knowed like that. From then on, Lexie always let Wanda do her hair real regular. And she'd take me with her, too. I remember one time we was just talking and laughing, having us a fine old time doing nothing.
"Lori Jean, honey," she said, "I do believe it's time we head to the beauty shop. What'cha think, baby girl?" she asked and waited for my answer just like I was a grownup and counted.
She was putting on lipstick and fussing in the mirror at the dressing table Melvin fixed for her. It was the mirror her mama give her 'fore she died, so it was real special, for sure. It was the kind of mirror you don't even have to hang on to. It stood up in place all by itself. It sat on a long, pretty scarf Lexie draped over a board resting on two peach crates Melvin hauled in for her. MeeMaw sewed a right pretty skirt for it even. Real nice, just like the kind the ladies in the movies have. Lexie was a whole lot like the ladies in the movies. She even walked like that Marilyn one the men all whistle at, only Lexie did it better. She didn't act stupid or nothing when she did it. She just talked normal like and smiled and walked along with her sides moving that way all on their own. I tried it myself and it didn't work, so I knowed it just come natural to her. Me and Marilyn had to work at ours and it showed.
I practiced walking like Lexie every night 'fore prayers, before MeeMaw come to tuck me down. I figured I had a lot of time to get it right, which was good 'cause mine resembled Myrtle Soseby's, the church lady. She had one leg shorter than the other and walked with a wiggle, too—only no men whistled.
"Melvin, honey," Lexie said that day, "give me some money, sugar. We girls need to git ourselves all gussied up for the weekend." She walked that wiggly walk on over to Melvin and sat right down in his lap. He sniffed her hair real good and smacked his lips and said he was gonna gobble her up. He's so funny. He was always saying things like that. Lexie loved Melvin and I did, too. He was a big old teddy bear, he was, with a Santa belly. It hung over his belt buckle whenever he stood up and jiggled when he walked.
It was hard for me to understand my stepdaddy Ray being his brother, same ma and pa even. Didn't make no sense a'tall. They was nothing alike. Didn't even look alike. Carolee told me where babies come from and how they was made after Connie Dee, her older sister, told her. So I figured Melvin and Ray's ma had a different daddy helping her make one of them and their pa just never knew, 'cause how'd he know 'less she told him and that didn't sound like something a ma'd tell a pa, 'less she weren't right in the head or wanted a good whupping.
One time Ray punched my mama's eyes and her nose real good for just looking back at a fella that looked at her first. They swelled all up and turned black and she stayed in the house 'til they turned yellow and purple. Then she come out again. Lexie helpe
d her put makeup on 'em and we all went to church that Sunday, even Ray. Her eyes stayed funny for a while, then they got better, but her nose never did look like mine again.
Ray said she had a big mouth and he'd redesign her lips, too, if she didn't learn to shut it. But she didn't and her mouth got cut up bad a couple of times. It wan't 'til she got it all stitched up that she stopped talking back to him. By then she didn't much look like the same mama no more. Her nose had a hump in it and when she smiled, which weren't often, her front tooth was missing. Ray said we didn't have no money to git her a new one, but I saved any money I got, mostly pennies, just in case I could get enough put up for Christmas. How much could one little old tooth cost anyway?
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