"And you believed him?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"Lori Jean, don't believe the half a' what you hear from them kind a' folks."
"But Mz. Hawkins," I said. "Them's right nice Christian folks. Go to church and everything. They's jist black, is all."
"Church indeed! You call that clapboard shack they do their jive jumpin' in a church?" I didn't answer. I didn't mean to get Mz. Hawkins all in a tizzy over white folks and colored folks. Seems people in Georgia was always having themselves a hissy fit over what color a body's skin was. I only come by to use the phone to call the paper on account of the pennies I collected. I reckoned people collecting money didn't much care what color a body's hand was that passed it to them. So why in thunder did it matter so much the rest of the time?
I decided the thing to do was put them pennies in a separate jar and keep 'em next to the dimes, case them March of Dimers would take those pennies and pass 'em on. So that's what I did. I put them in a jar of their own and left 'em by the door.
Weeks went by and Irl never got better. We finally got some of that polio vaccine at our school. They lined us up in a row to get our shot. Some of the kids cried and carried on when they stuck the needle in their arm. Made me lightheaded when my turn come. I gritted my teeth and shut my eyes so tight, I seen them star things like when ya' bump yer' head. It was over 'fore I knew it. Shucks, it weren't near as bad as the bee sting I got down at the creek last summer. Even so, I was glad it was over. The next day I felt a bit feverish and Mama kept me home from school. The nurse who give the shot said some of us might feel a bit poorly and she was right. I didn't even want to eat anything the next day, and here Mama made biscuits dripping in honey. She weren't too worried about it, 'til Melvin come home from Mr. Jenkins's with the evening paper. Then she got near hysterical.
One a' them batches of polio medicine they mixed on up was a bad one, and that one give two hundred fifty little children polio when it was supposed to protect 'em from it. And it killed eleven of them dead already! Fancy that. Here it was supposed to help 'em not get it and it give 'em the polio for sure. It was terrible; in all the papers day after day. Made me plumb afraid Georgia got a bad batch, too, and I was probably getting that polio any day. I went to school and pretended I was fine so's not to scare Mama, but I knew my days was numbered for sure. I wrote up a list and left most of my stuff to Alice, since she was a girl and all I had was two school dresses with patches and the party dress Lexie got me, which didn't fit no more 'cause I growed too tall. And I had me a doll MeeMaw made me, stayed on my bed, that didn't look like a doll no more 'cause it was a rag doll and lived up to isself through the years 'cause I dragged it everywhere I went when I was a little kid. I had three marbles; one was a cat's eye, real pretty, so I left them to Irl, 'case he lived and I prayed he'd make it even if I didn't. I left Mama the quilt MeeMaw made for my bed and I left a note for Melvin and Lexie telling them why I didn't leave them nothing; there weren't nothing left to leave, but I put a P.S. on the end of the note to tell them what I would of left them if I could of bought something to leave 'em. For Melvin, I said I'd leave him some of the white gravel stones from our trailer lot if we had us a trailer, so's his lot would look better, and for Lexie, I said I'd leave some seeds from our flower beds if we had a flower bed round the trailer, if we had a trailer, so she'd have pretty flowers round her trailer. And for Mama I left another P.S. giving her all the money in the jars, 'case the March of Dimers and Penniers never come. Then I was ready, even though I didn't want to go.
Two more weeks come and gone. When I didn't die I tore up that list and figured the batch they sent us musta been all right after all, which was a relief 'cause my birthday was coming and I didn't want to miss it. I'd be ten. Mz. Pence said all birthdays is special, but ten was extra special, so I sure didn't want to miss that one. Carolee missed hers by only one year and that always made me feel bad, so I was planning to share mine with her at her grave spot. John Benjamin and me was making up the birthday plans already. We was fixin' to surprise her with a really nice party. I even saved two pennies out of the March of Pennies jar to get balloons; one for Carolee and one for me. I sure hoped they wouldn't mind me holding out two pennies to pay for them. I put a note in the jar explaining how Carolee died so sad like, and how she missed out on her tenth birthday and all, so's they'd know why them two pennies I first 'tended to give 'em was missing.
Little Irl was still in that iron lung machine that breathed for him. Sounded like a terrible thing, a machine that breathed your lungs. I hoped it didn't hurt him none. He was only two years and a handful of months old. But that was only the half of it. That polio crippled children. It shaped their bodies like it wanted to, instead of how God intended to. Made it so they couldn't walk, maybe never again even. Some had metal braces on their legs to help 'em walk. And some got put in wheelchairs. It was real sorrowful. People all over was getting it. Trudy Anne's little brother Edgar died 'fore they knew he even had it, and a boy at school, Gordon Paddy, got crippled by it. He come back to school with braces on both his legs. He had to have this therapy every day to stretch his legs, and he said he screamed something awful 'cause it hurt so bad.
"Gettin' crippled must have made you stupid," Darla Faye said. "I'd never let them do that to me."
"I got no choice, Darla Faye," he said. "My legs will stiffin up
'n I don't stretch 'em out every day," Gordon told her. He dragged hisself across the playground. Them crutches he used looked like they might hurt a body's underarm parts to me.
"I think he's real brave, Darla Faye," I said.
"Oh, what do you know anyway, Lori Jean?" she said.
"My uncle Melvin said it takes a whole lot of courage to git through polio."
"What's he know?"
"Well, his little boy Irl done got polio and they got him over in Grady Hospital in one a' them iron lungs. He said Irl's the bravest little fella he knows. That's what he said."
"Well, my daddy said your uncle Melvin and your stepdaddy come from bad stock. He said they'll never 'mount to nothin'."
"Well, I don't think your daddy rightly knows for sure somebody's future," I said.
"He's a good judge a' people, Lori Jean," she said. "That's why he's the boss man." Darla Faye smiled her make-believe smile and smoothed the ruffles on her dress. It was the one I liked the best; the blue one with white dots. She wore a different one every day of the week. I watched her run on over to play tetherball with Trudy Anne. I sure hoped she was wrong about what she said. Nothing against her daddy; Noble Brewster was the boss man, but that didn't give him the right to judge people. MeeMaw said that was the Lord's job. Noble Brewster's was to mind the mill.
Ray was still at Grady Hospital in the burn place. He was getting a bit better every day. Uncle Melvin, he made a deal with Mr. Jenkins and got us one of his old trailers! Worked at night fixing it up and we moved in. Mama and me helped a bunch. Things was looking up. We was praying at church and in between times, too, that God made the fire to make a new man out of Ray. We was praying for Little Irl, too.
"Please, God," I said, "let Little Irl get outa that iron breathin' machine. He's a real nice little kid, he is, no trouble a'tall. And Alice, she's real sorrowful without him. And please, Lord, don't let his legs get stuck in them braces. He's a little fella likes to jump and climb more than any little fella I knowed." I was hoping he'd answer. I reminded him they was twins and didn't like being without the other much, which were the truth. Alice was looking all over for Irl and fretting herself something terrible. Not even a cookie helped. Mostly she just dragged her blanket round the trailer looking behind doors and under the bed like Irl was playing hide-and-seek on her and forgot to tell her. It broke off another piece of my heart just watching Alice. Her little legs toddled all over that trailer searching for Irl. And him not even there. He was still in that iron lung, not getting any better a'tall. Melvin come home from the hospital that night with even worse news. I heard his truck pull up
on them gravel stones right next to our gravel stones keeped us from getting stuck in the mud when it rained. Melvin's stepladder was in the back. He and Lexie used it to climb up and see Irl from outside his window, 'cause he was quarantined and nobody could touch him, 'cepting the nurses and they had to wear themselves these special clothes to do it. They looked mighty peculiar, dressed in them long white covers. They even wore masks and they had gloves on their hands like that Dracula fella Chester Britt had a picture of, he showed me once. Them nurses was right nice, but still, they probably scared Little Irl real good first time he seen them. Imagine being in a strange place without your mama, with them critters roaming the halls, got masks and gloves and pointed caps on their heads; had me worried plenty Little Irl wouldn't sleep good, 'cause he didn't like scary things. And in particular he didn't like ghosts. And for sure Alice didn't. They run for cover when Ray pretended he was one on Halloween and stuck an old sheet over his head and cut eyeball holes so's he could see.
"Booooooooo," Ray yelled in a voice so deep made me jump. He come right out of the bushes at us, right when I was fixing to take Little Irl and Alice trick-or-treating for their very first time. They went toddling back up the steps and into the house as fast as their chubby little legs could carry them, howling for Lexie. Mama come out and seen Ray was laughing like one a' them hyena dogs so ugly.
"What's goin' on?" When I told her, she laid into Ray good.
"That's not funny, Ray, and you know it!" she said. "You want to scar them childrens for life? Take that silly sheet off and behave yourself." Sometimes my mama sure was brave, but usually not. She hardly never crossed Ray. Maybe once in a blue moon if he was hurting some young'uns or something. Mostly she knew better. Ray's likely to kill you soon's look at you if he's in the mood to and you cross him. I never got to take Irl and Alice trickor-treating that night after all. They wouldn't come out of the house and wouldn't even come to the door when Lexie give out candy to all the other kids. They hid behind the curtain, they's so scared. It was right before the next Halloween that Irl got sick, so there he was in an iron lung machine, and he hadn't even been trick-or-treating. That weren't right a'tall. I planned on making sure the next one coming up would be different for them. Seems the least I could do, seeing as it was my stepdaddy ruined it for them the year before.
If Irl was afraid of them nurses at first, he got over it. Uncle Melvin said he was a favorite of theirs, and they spoiled him best they could, all things considered. That night Melvin pulled his truck up on the gravel, I looked out the window and when I seen Lexie wasn't with him I went running to the door.
"Uncle Melvin," I yelled, "where's Lexie? Is she all right?" Mama come out on the step. Melvin got out of his truck and headed for our door. His face was the color of meat sat too long and spoiled.
"What's goin' on, Melvin?" Mama said. "You don't look too good. Where's Lexie?" My stomach decided it was a yo-yo and tried to make me sick. It flopped up and down inside me, and a bad taste come up in my throat. I swallowed hard to wash it back down, but it ended up tasting even worse.
"Uncle Melvin…Uncle Melvin…" I said, half crying. "What's wrong? Where's Lexie?"
"Lexie's fine. Mz. Hawkins is bringing her home, but the doctors don't think Irl's gonna make it." Melvin's shoulders slumped forward. For a minute I thought he was gonna fall. Mama grabbed a hold of his arm.
"Oh, Melvin, I'm so sorry," she said. "Come on in. You don't need to be alone with this." Mama held the door open and Melvin went in. Me and Mama followed.
"I don't want Lexie to know. She might have the baby too soon," he said. Melvin gathered Mama under one arm and me under the other.
"Uncle Melvin," I said, "are you sure? Ain't there nothin' them doctors kin do?"
"They're doin' everything they can, Lori Jean, everything they…" Uncle Melvin couldn't talk no more. He buried his face into my mama's long hair. His shoulders started heaving and his arms was squeezing us so hard together in a circle we was like one person.
I didn't want to think about Little Irl dying. I didn't want to think about our going on without him, but with all the crying and carrying on there was no getting around it. I remembered what MeeMaw always said about birthing and dying.
"When you were born, Lori Jean," she said, "you were cryin' and everyone round you was smilin'. Live your life, honey," MeeMaw said, "so when you die, you'll be smilin' and everyone round you will be cryin'."
Here Little Irl wasn't quite three years old and already he lived his life so everyone around him was crying.
"Uncle Melvin?" I said. "When you seen Little Irl tonight, was he smilin'? Was he?"
"Yep, he sure enough was, Lori Jean," he said. "Lexie read him that storybook you bought for him." I thought about Lexie climbing up that ladder with her belly sticking out, her face all pressed against the window screen, trying to get a look-see at Little Irl.
"Yep, he was smilin' real good when I left," Melvin said.
"Seems only right," I said, "him being such a fine little fellow and all."
"Smiling?" Mama said. "What in the dickens are you talking about, Lori Jean? Little fella's dying!" So I told them what MeeMaw told me about birthing and dying. We hugged each other good and cried 'til we couldn't no more 'cause Lexie was gonna be back any minute. Mama said to dry our eyes and pretend everything was fine. And that was a real hard thing to pretend. When Lexie come through the door, Mama and Melvin fooled her good. When I looked in both their eyes, I couldn't even tell nothin' was wrong, and here I knew there was. But I wasn't sure mine could fool Lexie none, so I rubbed my eyes to cover them good.
"I sure am tired, Mama," I said. "Kin I git on your bed and rest myself for a spell whilst y'all visit?"
"Sure, honey," Mama said. They each give me a hug, but I didn't hug 'em back too good. I just keeped rubbing at my eyes, pretending I was too tired to see straight. I done a good job, too. I walked right into the wall. Got me another goose egg; showed up come morning.
Chapter Sixteen
"Now don't be starin' at his face when he gets here, Lori Jean," Mama said.
"I'll just look good when he ain't lookin' back," I said.
"Lori Jean!"
"Well, I ain't never seen a body scarred up from no burns a'fore," I said. "I reckon it'll be all right, long as he don't see me."
Uncle Melvin was bringing Ray home from the burn place at Grady Hospital. I sure hoped he didn't look like a patchwork quilt 'cause he weren't none too pretty to start with, what with his daddy beating his face all in when he was a boy. And I sure hoped he wouldn't pester me about that sack full of money 'cause then I'd have to lie about it again. MeeMaw always said she could spot a liar from twenty feet with one eye closed. Maybe Ray could, too, now that he was pretty much all better.
I didn't like telling no lie, even if it was to make things right. I just prayed he'd forgotten all about it. Ray only asked me about that money sack one time in the hospital when he was coming round from all them drugs they give him. It was the only time they let me in to see him. First Mama and Lexie went to see about getting in to see Irl down on the children's floor. We didn't have no ladder with us and Mama wanted to ask if there was any way Lexie could poke her head in, talk to Little Irl while we sat with Ray.
"You keep Ray company, Lori Jean. We'll be back 'fore long," Mama said.
"Can't I come poke my head in, too?"
"They don't let children on that floor 'less you're there yourself, Lori Jean," she said. "You're right lucky they're letting you in to see your stepdaddy, honey, don't ya' think?"
"Pretty lucky," I said. I stayed with Ray while they went on down to the little children's ward. Ray was laying in a metal bed had a crank at the bottom.
"How are ya' feeling, Ray?" I asked. "Are they taking good care of ya'?" I went and stood next to him at the side of the bed. His face was bandaged up where only one eye stuck out. He looked like one a' them mummies Mz. Pence showed us, except Ray was alive and the ones she showed us was dead.
"How the hell do you think I feel?" he said.
"I was hopin' you might be feelin' a bit better."
"Well, I ain't."
"Little Irl, he's real sick," I said. "Mama and me's prayin'…"
"Where's that sack I had in my hand?"
"Want me to crank your bed up some…?"
"That sack I had in my hand, day a' the fire, where is it?"
"Don't you remember, Ray?" I said. "That bag got burned up in the fire. It was right there on the kitchen floor. Burned clean up, 'member?"
"The whole damn thing burned?" he said.
"Uh-huh…" I said. I couldn't tell if he were relieved it was gone and he was safe from being put in the jailhouse or if he were just real sorrowful he couldn't somehow go git it. Them bandages all over his head kept me from reading his face like I used to could.
"Yep, it sure enough burned," I lied that day. "But it was a nasty old bag, Ray," I said. "Burned clean up." He didn't ask me no more questions about it that day, so I sure hoped that he wouldn't now he was home.
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