*
Terry pulled my eyelids up and shone a brilliant white light in them. He said nothing, but his face had relaxed and no one was screaming anymore. My arm pinched from the needle and tube that dangled from it. I was no longer in pain, but my eyes dipped and a familiar haze settled in my head. The only thing I wanted was to sleep.
My nightmares were horrible. Mostly, they continued their theme, a dark room with floors covered in blood and men whispering in the background. A burning hell ended those. A nightmare that started the same, ended with a ringing phone, and a voice so terrifying, it squashed all hope from the world. But the new ones were the worst. Two women stood on a field, people ran around them wildly and cries broke through the air. These two women, a mother and child, stood clinging to one another with wide eyes and gaped mouths.
They stared off into the distance at a blur, something moving faster than those around it. It screamed and snarled, closing the distance with unprecedented speed. Only I could stop it. I had the means, a dark, heavy object that weighed my arms down. I aimed, but froze. I couldn’t fire. These were people, men and women who had greeted me on the street for years; that had children and lives, hopes and dreams, hearts of gold. What had happened to turn them into such monsters? What piece of myself would I give up by taking all of theirs?
It was too late though, the two women turned and blinding light erupted from their feet. The world shook and burned, the women gone, dead. All that was left was a crushing guilt, and a broken-hearted man.
*
My eyes opened arduously, but I was desperate to escape the plaguing nightmares. Not for the first time I begged the fates to make it all a dream. It wasn’t reality, it couldn’t be. No such nightmare should be in the real world. But I woke in the same room I had before, the tunnels under the town. There was a vast decrease in the amount of people this time though, and those who had survived were bloodied and staring into space.
I tried to move, but an uncomfortable feeling in my chest stopped me. I looked down to see a white bandage wrapped around it. I gasped, tried to speak and choked.
‘Lucas?’ a familiar voice whispered. Anna. ‘Hey, Terry, he’s awake.’
She came into view, and I was startled by the cut above her eye. I wanted to ask if she was okay, but a bottle of water was brought up by her hand and she told me to take a sip. It hurt and burned, but after I felt better.
‘Mr Bishop?’ Terry said as his face came into view, and his voice was hard and unwelcoming. ‘How do you feel?’
I shook my head. No words would come. This man had just lost his family. Their faces flashed through my mind and tears gathered in my eyes. I could have saved them. If I had just did something, they would have never ran, would never be gone. Terry seemed to know what I was thinking and cut me off.
‘Don’t,’ he whispered.
He changed the bandages on my chest, checked over the stitched wounds, and asked a series of questions. When he finished and was satisfied, he started explaining the damage in a stony and factual tone with a face devoid of emotion.
‘The bullets missed your vital organs and any major arteries. It also missed your spine. Both bullets entered through your back and exited at the front. Chris managed to get supplies, and hopefully the antibiotics you’ve had should stave off any infection,’ he said. ‘The blood loss however was substantial, and you’re lucky to be alive.’
He spat the last word out, and Anna gave him a stern but sympathetic look. I was told to watch my movements so I wouldn’t pull out the stitches. He left straight after with whatever had been plugged into my arm.
‘Don’t take it personally Luc-’ Anna started, but I cut her off.
‘It is personal,’ I gasped, tears falling. ‘It’s my fault.’
Anna looked conflicted for a second, but she took my hand and squeezed.
‘No,’ she whispered. ‘No it’s not. You never placed those bombs. You didn’t do this to our town, to the people here. This isn’t your fault.’
‘I could have stopped them from moving that way, I could have done something,’ I choked through clenched teeth. ‘But I just stood there like a scared little boy and watched it happen.’
I hated myself. I hated reality. I wanted to punch something, to break anything I could land my hands on. Where was this feeling when I needed it?
I am useless.
Anna could see she was fighting a losing battle and shook her head. She never let go of my hand, but she stared off into the distance.
‘How long was I out this time?’ I asked, realising I was unconscious more than not.
‘A little over a week,’ she replied.
‘What?’ I gasped.
‘Don’t worry. Nothing’s changed. Well. We’re all a lot more sweaty and disgusting, but other than that, there’s nothing new.’
After a while Chris returned from a supply run, and Anna left to grab some food. I looked at Chris and couldn’t hold back the jealousy that sprung up. He was strong and could even leave the tunnels himself, but then again, the man was surrounded in mystery and one person could slip quietly through the streets compared to a group. He came over and eyed me critically, his eyes full of disappointment. It made me angry, but also guiltier. He asked how I was and left.
Anna came back over with her gaze trained on Chris like a hawk. I couldn’t help but share her suspicions, but Chris had saved this group more than should have been necessary, and I couldn’t help but feel equally grateful. My eyes returned to Anna, and a feeling of admiration washed over me. Here was a young woman, likely no older than me, and her strength was inspiring. Her face was composed and focused.
‘Thank you,’ I told her, she smiled and asked what for. ‘You’re so strong. How do you do it?’
She laughed, ‘Maybe you’re still full of drugs.’
‘Or maybe I’m just pointing out the obvious,’ I said.
She gave me a lingering look, and smiled.
I must have slept a while, because raised voices shook me awake. Anna was gone and I turned my head to look for the source of commotion. Four people stood in one of the corners a few feet from where I lay on the floor. They tried to keep their voices down, but Terry was beginning to get agitated, and Paul looked furious. Anna was confused and Chris looked troubled. Almost in unison their eyes turned to me, and Chris motioned for them to follow him over.
‘We shouldn’t tell him anything, the little coward, he might be-’ Paul stated in a rush, but Anna interrupted.
‘Keep your mouth shut or I’ll shut it for you,’ she said, and Paul bristled but she continued. ‘If what you’re saying is true, why shoot one of their own at all?’
Chris agreed, and they all fell silent once they stood beside me. Anna crouched and took my hand. It was becoming a soothing habit. No one seemed willing to start, and I’d had enough confusion to last a lifetime.
‘What is it?’ I asked.
Terry and Paul looked murderous with eyes wider than should be possible, and I began to fear them more than the things that roamed the streets above. Anna squeezed my hand.
‘Tell him,’ Chris urged Terry. ‘He needs to know. It raises more questions, but now is not the time to keep secrets and spread rumours.’
‘They have this theory,’ Anna said, but before she could elaborate, Terry started.
‘More than a theory, Miss Gordon,’ he spat, his words just as cold to her as they were to me; maybe they were to everyone now. ‘Let’s just say I figured something interesting.’
‘Very interesting actually,’ Paul chimed.
‘Lucas, do you know what’s happening?’ Chris asked.
What?
‘I thought that was why you came over,’ I whispered, ‘to tell me.’
‘He doesn’t mean this, idiot,’ Paul said, and indicated the four of them. ‘What did you and your group do, huh? What did you do to this town, huh!?’
‘Paul!’ Anna said.
‘Aw, shut up, Anna,’ Paul turned on her. ‘Look at the
facts goddammit.’
‘Two bullet wounds is not a fact for anything other than pain, you stupid-’
‘Enough!’ Chris bellowed. ‘Terry!’
‘Your bullet wounds, Mr Bishop,’ Terry said, he had become very formal. ‘I found myself wondering something. If you will, Mr Ritchie, tell me, how easy is it from the sort of distance those snipers were at would it be, to not only miss vital organs and arteries, but also miss the spine, all of which without messing up and hitting another part of the body?’
‘Practically impossible,’ Chris sighed. ‘Someone would have to have major training and skill to do it.’
‘So, it probably wasn’t one of those monsters in town,’ Terry continued. ‘It had to be an extremely talented and calm individual?’
‘Yes,’ Chris replied.
‘So in essence, if this talented and careful individual had aimed to kill Mr Bishop, he would be dead right now.’
Chris nodded even though it wasn’t a question. Terry and Paul looked satisfied, but I still didn’t understand.
Anna sensed this and said, ‘Lucas, someone took extra care when they shot you. Someone took their time, making sure not to damage anything severe. Someone made sure, Lucas, that their shots wouldn’t kill you.’
My hairs stood on end, and it all clicked into place.
‘Now,’ Paul whispered, ‘who the hell do you work for?’
The Suspicion
For a while I just stared at them all. My mouth was wide, and my mind raced with the accusation. They thought I worked with the people who had done this to everyone, Paul’s son, and Terry’s family, all of them.
It hadn’t taken a great leap to reach the conclusion that this ‘apocalypse’ was no chance event. With the strange call, bombs blocking our exit, and snipers forcing us underground, there was something bigger behind it, something human. The chill that realization invoked was painful, the thought that someone, some group, could be behind it all was overwhelming.
‘What?’ I asked for the fiftieth time.
Paul’s anger had mounted steadily each time I asked, and Terry was expressionless. Both looked on the edge of exploding despite their opposite expressions, and it was Anna who saved the day.
‘What we’re asking,’ she said as she stared down the two men, ‘is do you know who’s behind all this, are you a part of it, are you being forced into anything?’
The way she said ‘forced’ was haunting, but I shook my head and my mind spun from the speed.
‘No!’ I gasped. ‘I have nothing to do with this!’
‘But you know who, don’t you?’ Paul spat. ‘You know something! I know what’ll make you talk!’
I just carried on shaking my head, and that seemed to be enough for Paul. Anna screamed and stood in a blur. Paul’s hand raced behind his back, but Chris was faster. Before Paul reached his gun, Chris had it aimed at his head.
‘You think you know something?’ Chris asked. ‘You’ve already condemned him and all you have is a maybe this, out of a hundred possible reasons?’
Paul’s face had turned white, his breathing ragged. The previous snarl that accompanied his rage was gone, and terror had filled its place. Terry remained impassive, but his gaze was levelled on me. Anna shook, more from anger than anything, and I continued to stare.
‘We will not spark a witch hunt, we will not raise our weapons on each other,’ Chris whispered. ‘This could all be a rouse to unsettle us, like the phone call. To make us turn on each other. The next time you pull a gun on anyone here, I’ll put you down. Do you think you understand that?’
Paul nodded and Chris lowered the gun. The two anger-filled men walked away, Paul to his remaining son, and Terry over to the corner, his eyes never leaving mine.
He blames me, and for good reason.
I tried to breath. Anna sat back down, muttering curses under her breath. Chris still held the gun.
‘I hope for your sake that you’re telling the truth,’ he said.
‘Speaking of truth,’ Anna vented, ‘perhaps you could fill the gaps. Lucas isn’t the only one here with secrets, Chris. There’s too much unexplained surrounding you.’
Chris just smiled. ‘You’re still alive, sweetheart, aren’t you?’
Anna gave me some water, and urged me to get some rest. I slowly passed into sleep, with guns plastered on my eyelids.
*
I tired of waking up deep underground with the only way to tell the time being a few wristwatches. Most of the mobiles had long since died. Anna sat against the wall to my left, her eyes closed and her face smooth and emotionless. She was so innocent that it hurt to think of how we were all changing, of how much we needed to give up to survive. I spied Chris in a corner, and as quietly as I could, got to my feet. It wasn’t too bad, a dull throbbing resided in my head and chest, but otherwise I felt able to move. Terry had done a great job, despite his emotions towards me. I felt both guilty and grateful, as per usual.
It struck me again as I made my way over that Chris had saved my life more than once. I was grateful, but instead of guilt like Terry, I felt just as suspicious as Anna. This man and his scarred face had secrets; the guns, the tunnels, and his ability to act fast under extreme duress; what if he was working with the enemy?
Stop it. He has saved us all multiple times. Without him, the group would crumble.
People stared nervously at me as I passed them. They didn’t look menacing, but they moved away as I approached. I reached Chris, his hand on his chin as he leaned against the wall, deep in thought, and I felt bad pulling him from it.
‘I know you don’t like thank you, but-’ He cut me off.
‘Then don’t say it,’ he remarked. ‘I would tell you to be ready next time, but it might be lost on you.’
I winced.
‘Any idea what we do next?’ I asked, changing the subject. ‘I mean those things. They’re different aren’t they? I’ve never seen anything with speed like that, or as strong.’
Chris remained silent. The gears in his head were probably working furiously.
‘Do we try and escape again?’ I said.
‘No,’ he replied. ‘Even if we could, I wouldn’t, not yet. People here are hurt, and we’re unprepared and we know nothing.’
I doubted we all knew nothing, but I held my tongue. I wasn’t as brave as Anna.
‘So?’ I said. ‘What do we do?’
He thought for a few moments and said, ‘Seeing as we won’t be going anywhere right now, we need supplies, food and water. The works, it's more than what I can do on my own. I need help.’
‘I’ll help,’ I said, and instantly regretted.
Would I help? Or hinder? What had even made me ask, guilt?
Chris’s eyes flashed to my wound and face as he judged my sincerity.
‘Hey, Doc?’ he shouted. ‘Is Lucas here alright to move?’
‘If he doesn’t pull any stitches, or have to run. Why?’ Terry replied.
Chris shook his head. Half of me was glad I wouldn’t have to leave the relatively safe confines of the tunnels, but another was disappointed. I could see it in everyone’s eyes, apart from their suspicion and distrust. They had put their faith and safety in me when Chris had handed me that gun, and I’d failed, but he surprised me.
‘I wasn’t shaking my head at you, Lucas,’ he said. ‘The only way you’ll get over whatever’s holding you back is to see it with your own eyes.’
‘What?’ I asked.
‘The way you stood on that field,’ he replied. ‘You thought of that thing the way you thought of them as before: As people. But, Lucas, they aren’t anymore. It’s you or them, and you have to get that, or you’ll die. Got it?’
I nodded numbly, he was right, but letting go of the hope that things could return to normal, that those people, no, monsters, could be as they were was impossible. None of the past few days, the ones I’d been awake for, made any sense. Reality had its downsides but, the things that had happened couldn’t fit. Yet they did
.
‘I’ll come with you too,’ Anna chimed as she appeared at my side. ‘I still don’t trust you, and I want to see what you get up to when you’re not here.’
Chris eyed her carefully, his body tensed, and he said, ‘You won’t let this go will you?’
‘No,’ she replied, unfazed.
I hated the rivalry and suspicion. Chris had condemned secrets, but was reluctant to share his own. Paul and Terry wanted someone to blame, someone to hurt, no matter who or even if they deserved it. I had to stay calm. I stood in a nest of snakes, any sudden movements and I was toast. The rest of the group didn’t even look aware the majority of the time, and even if they were, their suddenly passive natures could swing either way.
They would help me, or kill me.
Thinking like that hurt my brain, we had enough problems. But fear was powerful, give their rage a focus and they would tear both stranger and friend apart.
Were we any different from the monsters above?
*
Around an hour later we were ready. Each of us had a black backpack Chris had picked up the last time he was out, and we stopped at the rough hole in the wall as he turned to face us. He looked at me first, hesitantly, gauging my reaction as he brought out a gun. I couldn’t explain it, but the black object sucked what dim light there was from the world and instilled panic under my skin. I could feel the air becoming harder to breathe, and faces flashed through my mind, Hannah and Amelia.
No one said anything. I wanted to scream, burst into tears and run, but part of me wanted to prove myself, to ward off their suspicions. Luckily, Anna took the gun from him, making no mention of the silence.
‘Thanks,’ she said.
‘I wasn’t giving it to you,’ he shot at her.
‘You really have a problem with girls and guns?’ she teased.
‘No,’ Chris laughed. ‘I just have a problem with you having gun. I don’t want to be accidentally shot.’
Fear of God (Trials of Strength Book 1) Page 5