As Morgan eased forward, lifting her hips just enough, Jake shut his eyes, feeling himself pressed against her slick entrance. She decided how much or how little she would take him into her sweet, hot confines. His fingers dug into her hips as she sheathed him inside her. Jake groaned, lifting his hips, wanting her so damn badly. It felt good to be inside her, feeling her tightness, her body slowly accommodating him.
Jake didn’t want to rush anything. Morgan’s fingers dug into his flesh, and he knew it was pleasure, not pain, she was experiencing. Slowly, her body accommodated him and then relaxed, allowing her to draw him more deeply into her. He felt Morgan shudder as she took him all the way into her, felt her hips thrust forward, wanting all of him. Her moan of utter satisfaction combined with his growl.
The sizzling heat built rapidly, and as Jake pulled her forward, he could feel her building quickly. That was good because he was on the edge of losing it, wanting Morgan to come first, giving her the time she needed. But damn, it was difficult, and he grunted, willing himself to hold off. He sensed her so close, her hips ground down upon his, her breath coming in sobs, her fingers digging frantically against his chest. And then Jake felt her contract, felt that tightness around him, and he whispered her name, unable to control himself any longer, allowing himself to flood her.
Her keening cry mingled with his guttural snarl as the releases collided. She froze above him, and Jake took her hard and deep, prolonging the pleasure for her, feeling that tight, contracting grip around him, sucking every last bit of fluid out of him, draining him, scorching his mind, hurling him into heat and intense pleasure.
Morgan sobbed his name, collapsing against him afterward, her head against his jaw, her hands moving to his shoulders, clinging to him. Jake smiled and slid his hands from her hips up across her damp, long back, feeling her shudder in the wake of the last, powerful orgasm. Damn, they were so good together. So hot. He lay there, feeling scalded, sated and breathing in ragged gasps, holding her tightly against him, their hearts pounding in wild unison with one another.
Morgan moaned, limp in his arms. She nuzzled Jake’s shoulder, barely able to move, feeling his calloused fingers gliding lightly down her spine. “That was so good,” she managed, breathless, feeling him deep within her, feeling his strength already returning.
Groaning, Jake muttered, “I’m so damned weak I can’t move.” He felt her barely nod, and he was content to hold her in the aftermath. Jake breathed in her womanly scent, strands of her hair tickling his jaw, and he closed his eyes, absorbing every second of it with her. Absorbing the moment.
Morgan was hot, sensitive and wild. And she was wearing his engagement ring. She was going to marry him. Jake’s chest expanded with powerful emotions, his throat tightening as he realized this woman was going to consent to be his wife.
Morgan slowly lifted her head. She placed her hands on either side of his head, her eyes drowsy green fire, a look of satiation in her expression. Lifting his hands, Jake framed her face, gently drawing her down as he met her mouth.
“We’re good together,” he said, tasting her lips, feeling them pull into a soft smile beneath his.
She made a sound in her throat, agreeing with him.
“Want to get off?” he asked, concerned about her wounded leg.
“It’s not happy,” Morgan admitted, “but I don’t care. There’s other parts of me that feel wonderful…. It’s a trade-off I was willing to make.”
Jake eased Morgan off him and carefully rearranged her on the left side of his body. She lay there, smiling up at him as he leaned over her, kissing her for a long, long time.
The love shining in Jake’s expression overwhelmed Morgan. Always, when they’d come together in the past, it was two sex-starved animals clashing, selfish and hungry. They had always taken from one another, rarely given. This time was so different. And yet, as Morgan lifted her hand, ran her fingers down the side of Jake’s face, she understood they had both, for the first time, unveiled their vulnerable love for one another.
Before, they had protected themselves, never opening up to any degree with one another. It was still good sex. Great sex. But they’d shielded their emotions, never fully shared.
This morning, they had fully trusted one another, and it had left Morgan in awe. She could never give it words, but she saw the same realizations mirrored in Jake’s clear gray eyes. She saw happiness glinting in them, saw it in the rueful curve of his incredibly male mouth. What they had was something so deep, so powerful and healing, that Morgan knew it would last them the rest of their lives. It shook her. It gave her a sense of trust in Jake she’d never had with him before.
After showering, Jake sat with Morgan eating a breakfast she’d made for them. She wore a pink silk robe over her naked body. Her red hair was deliciously mussed, and he wondered for the hundredth time why he hadn’t married her a hell of a long time ago. He watched her pick up a white ceramic mug with those long, tapered fingers of hers. The satiation in her eyes made him feel good because he always wanted to please Morgan when they made love.
“Remember Afghanistan? Two years ago?” Jake asked, setting his empty plate aside. “We’d been making love off and on all night. I found some water. You managed to get a spit bath afterward?” He smiled in memory. It had been damn cold water, but it had been clean. He’d washed Morgan’s back with a washcloth and the bar of soap he always carried in his ruck. Just the small moments, the touching, the intimacy that existed between them, had been so damned healing for him.
“Yes,” she whispered. “I’ll never forget those days with you, Jake.” Morgan saw remnants of pain in his gray gaze. “Why?”
He took a deep breath. “What you didn’t know at that time was I’d lost Amanda and Joshua a few years earlier. I was so consumed with grief, I couldn’t let it go. And then you showed up.” Jake reached over, picking up her slender hand. “Those three days were amazing for me, Morgan. You were so damn tender toward me. Everything you did when we loved one another just kept tearing open that wound of grief I had inside me. I swore you somehow knew because the sex we shared was mind-blowing for me. You helped heal me, and you didn’t even realize it. You gave me back my life, my reason to start to live again.”
Morgan set the cup aside, her fingers tangled in his. She felt his pain, his loss. “Is that why we argued so damn much when we had to leave each other and go our separate ways with our teams, then?”
He grimaced. “Yeah. It was my fault. I was such a jerk to you, Morgan. And it will make you happy to know I’ve been kicking myself ever since because of the way I behaved toward you.”
“I’d wanted a relationship with you, Jake. I wanted to try one more time. And when I brought it up, you flew into a rage. And I thought at the time, it was like a replay of Annapolis. I couldn’t understand your angry reaction.”
“Because I didn’t tell you about the loss of my family.”
“Yeah.” Morgan shook her head, regret in her tone. “And there I was, a bull in a china shop, accusing you of never being able to settle down, be responsible, never wanting to get married or wanting a family.” Her voice broke. “I’m so sorry, Jake. I wish…I wish you’d told me…. I’d never have asked if I’d known.”
“It wasn’t your fault, Morgan. Those three nights with you made me vulnerable. I was raw with grief, but I didn’t know it. Every time I loved you, I could feel the grief stalking me more and more. The first time we made love, I cried. I was embarrassed as hell because it came out of nowhere, but you held me. You made it okay.” Jake shrugged. “The second night, I felt more of the grief coming to get me. I didn’t want to cry in your arms again. Eventually, in the middle of that goddamn blizzard, I went outside, walked down to that stinking goat barn and cried for their loss. I was hurting so damn bad, I felt like raw meat, no skin, just wide open.”
Morgan rubbed her face, tears in her eyes. “Damn, Jake, you should have told me. I had no way of knowing.” And she hadn’t. Those three nights had been heave
n for her, opening her heart to Jake once again, dreaming once more of maybe having a relationship with him.
The morning after the blizzard had moved on and the two teams were about to leave, she’d triggered their hellacious, screaming argument that could be heard around the entire village.
“I didn’t handle it very well,” Jake admitted quietly. He reached out, enclosing her hand with both of his. “I guess I can use the old excuse that men don’t know how to communicate or get their emotions the hell out of themselves and into the open. I was wrong in not telling you, and I’ll be forever sorry for that, Morgan. I promise, in the future, if there’s something bothering me, you’re going to know about it. No more hiding. It didn’t serve either of us, and it drove us apart again.” God, he hoped she wouldn’t cry right now. Tears were one thing Jake just could not handle. But of course, moistness came to her eyes.
“I wasn’t exactly an angel in that argument, either,” Morgan admitted, feeling the warmth of his hands enclosing hers. Hands that loved her so well, so completely. Working hands. Warrior’s hands. “I was still working through Mark’s death, too,” she admitted, her voice strained. “Loving you helped release me, helped me to move on, and I’ll always be grateful to you for that.”
“We’d been mortally wounded,” Jake said, shaking his head. “And neither of us had told the other. We were both wrapped up in our grief. Neither of us had the ability to see beyond ourselves or our suffering. Just chalk it up to being human.”
“I didn’t want to confide in you after what I went through,” Morgan said. “It could have happened to anyone. We were both human in how we reacted. But I stopped trusting you and felt so alone.”
Jake grimaced. “I owe you the whole explanation on my side of what happened that night back in Annapolis, Morgan. I’d just received word from the Navy that my father had died in combat at noon that day. They wouldn’t tell me where or how he died because he was a SEAL operator. I was blown apart, Morgan. I felt like my whole world imploded on me, and I was in shock. I was at the admin office all afternoon and that evening trying to get information because in his will, I was the POA, power of attorney. I had to think through my own grief and loss to figure out where he’d wanted to be buried. Hell, I saw him so little, I had no idea what he wanted. It was a bad day for me….”
Morgan ached for him. “Why didn’t you tell me this before?” And tears began to fall down her cheeks. All these years she’d accused him of running. Oh, God, she had been so wrong! So damned wrong.
Jake moved uncomfortably in the chair, not looking at her for a moment. “I was young. I was in shock, and I couldn’t handle both crises, Morgan. I chose my father over you and that’s the truth. I know it hurts you, but I was just too damned young to cope with all this hitting me all at once. In one day I lose my father and I get told by my roommate that I was almost a father myself.”
Jake opened his hands, giving her a pleading look. “Looking back on it, and believe me, I’ve been so sorry for the way I behaved on that day, I’d have gone to you, Morgan. I should have gone to the hospital to be with you, too. My father was dead. He wasn’t going anywhere. But I wasn’t thinking clearly. I’m sorry. Sorry to my soul for what I did to you, Morgan. None of this was your fault. And the gossip that started around the Academy after you miscarried was that you lied to me about being protected. That ended up hurting both of us.”
“It was hard on us that year,” Morgan admitted in a raw voice. “I had to live down the gossip that I tried to get pregnant in order to force you to marry me.” She almost laughed because it was so absurd. Anyone who knew her knew she was at Annapolis to become an officer. “And I know, months after my miscarriage, you tried to approach me, but I was too angry at you. I just didn’t want you in my life. I didn’t want to hear what you had to say.”
“Tell me about it.” Jake’s mouth quirked. “It took me three months to get out of my grief, Morgan. I’d buried my mother at eighteen. At twenty, it was my father. I was reeling. It’s not an excuse, babe. It was life hitting me broadside. My grades fell, and I was struggling to even pass that third year. I was so damn close to failing.” And he’d already failed her, as well.
“I know. I saw and I felt bad for you even though I thought you’d abandoned me. I knew you were hurting, but I never knew why. I could see it, but I was too angry. I didn’t want to ever talk to you again, Jake.”
“When we came back for the fourth year, I’d decided to stop trying to apologize to you,” Jake admitted. “I felt guilty as hell, but you wanted nothing to do with me, so I gave up and let it go.” He smiled sadly. “I never forgot it, and I’m glad we’re getting clear on it now because I don’t ever want to carry something like that in me again, Morgan. It damn near destroyed me. And look what it did to you….”
She wiped her eyes with trembling fingers. “It wasn’t your fault your father died, Jake. And knowing it now, I do understand. I can’t even imagine if it had been my father who died suddenly and I had to handle it at Annapolis.” Morgan sniffed. “I’m not sure at all I could have gone on like you did. I’d probably have failed and quit.”
“Well,” Jake groused, running his fingers through his short hair, “you love your father. I never loved mine and that’s the truth. He was never around. He didn’t want to take care of my mother, who was sick. He ran, Morgan, and I knew it even when I was ten years old. I owed him a responsibility because he was my father. I didn’t owe him anything beyond that. He wasn’t ever a father to me. He wasn’t ever a husband to my mother, either. His real family was the SEALs, and he made it a priority over us. We were always second in his life.”
Morgan’s heart broke for Jake. She saw the grief in his eyes, heard the anguish in his low voice. “I wish…I wish so much we could redo those years. So many assumptions. So many mistakes…misunderstandings….”
Jake gave her a rueful look. “Yeah, we’ve had a few potholes along the way, haven’t we?”
She gave him a grateful look. “You didn’t run. You were ready to settle down because you married Amanda.” Morgan shook her head and murmured, a catch in her voice, “I blamed you for so many things, Jake. And none of them were true.”
Worse, she’d hidden his daughter from him for over two years all because she’d thought Jake was not responsible nor could he be relied upon. Morgan felt nauseated over her stunning mistakes. What would Jake think or do once he found out Emma was his daughter? Would he leave her because she’d hidden his daughter from him? Closing her eyes, Morgan felt dumped into the fires of hell. And they were all of her own making. She’d put herself into this position. There was no one to shoulder the blame but her.
Opening her eyes, her fingers tightening as he’d relaxed his hand, Morgan said, “I need you to fly home with me, Jake. Tomorrow? I want you to come home with me to Gunnison.” Come meet Emma. Your daughter.
Jake smiled, opening his hand and holding hers. “It’s about time I met your parents. I’ve spoken to them before, and I’d really like to meet the two people who created such a beautiful daughter that I’m in love with. A nice way to celebrate our engagement. I’m sure we can toss around some dates with them. Make them feel included.”
Morgan’s heart broke a little more. “I’ll always love you, Jake.”
“Well,” he said, sitting up, holding her shaken gaze, “I intend to be a real husband to you, Morgan. I guess this is as good a time as any to tell you. I knew I was going to ask you to marry me. I wasn’t sure what your answer would be, given our track record.” Jake lifted one shoulder. “I was hoping like hell you’d say yes, forgive me for my past mistakes, and we could move on. I’ve only got six more months left on my contract with the Navy. I’ve already told the Captain of SEAL Team Three I’m getting out.” He saw Morgan’s eyes widen, her lips part in shock. He knew he’d get that reaction.
“I wanted to prove to you that I wasn’t a runner, Morgan. That I took my responsibility toward you and any children we might have seriously. I would
stay home. I’d be there for you. I’d be a father to our children. I didn’t want to be like my father, Morgan. I wasn’t going to be a shadow in your or our family’s life. I wanted to damn well be home for Christmas, celebrate Thanksgiving, give you chocolates on Valentine’s Day….”
“Are you sure about this, Jake? I know how much you love being a SEAL.” Morgan was shaken to her core. Jake lived SEALs. Breathed SEALs. It was his family. A second family that had embraced him, supported him, and he’d finally felt as if he belonged somewhere. Jake had had so much taken from him as an innocent child, and Morgan knew he’d found his family with the SEAL team.
“Yeah, I’m sure.” Jake watched her tenderly. “I finally got clear on that after you almost died in that firefight, Morgan. I realized I was looking for a family. I was looking for you. I loved you. And when you nearly died, so much of my old ways of thinking and seeing the world shattered. I realized I could have you if you’d agree.” How Jake hoped she agreed. “And I was hoping you might want one or two kids with me. But I would be fine with just you, babe. You’re my family now. The SEALs helped me so damn much. They made a man out of me. They made me responsible and matured me. But that chapter in my life is almost over. The next chapter I open up is going to be about me marrying you, and we’ll be a real family then.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
When Jake stepped into the Boland house in Gunnison, Colorado, that late afternoon, he had a shock coming. Jim and Cathy Boland greeted him warmly. Jake noticed Morgan’s father had gray eyes and black hair just like he did. The shock continued when he saw that his wife, Cathy, had red hair and green eyes, just like Morgan. As he stood shaking Jim Boland’s hand, Jake wondered, what were the chances that Morgan would meet him and they would share certain physical traits?
Down Range (Mills & Boon M&B) (Shadow Warriors - Book 2) Page 25