by J. R. Bonham
Jan and Geoff and the children made the journey on a Friday afternoon.
“Oh, this is lovely,” Jan said, prompting Geoff to say something positive also. “What a super garden, not too big.” Jan was thinking of her own garden which was on the side of a hill and very difficult to work. She had to do it all on her own because Geoff said he didn’t know what to do. Not that Jan knew either, although she was determined to learn about how to keep it nice. She learnt about what plants would do well in the type of soil that they had and started to enjoy gardening.
“Wow, the kids are growing up so fast,” John said to Geoff, trying to include him.
“It’s what they do!” Geoff said sarcastically, really not happy being there.
“Oh, cheer up will you,” Jan told him off. This only served to make Geoff feel even more alienated.
“Are you two getting on OK?” John asked Jan when Geoff had gone to the loo.
“We’re fine, thanks,” Jan tried to allay John’s fears.
The rest of the weekend was a little strained, but John tried everything he could to put Geoff at ease and include him.
“We’ll have a barbecue tonight early and then the kids can join in too before they go to bed,” John wasn’t used to children, but he was trying hard. “Can you cook?” John asked Geoff.
“I could have a go, I’ve never done a barbecue before,” Geoff started to think that was something he could try.
“Great,” Jan muttered to herself although Vera heard her.
“Are you OK?” Vera asked Jan.
“I’m fine, it’s just a bit trying at times, you know.” Jan exhaled rather too loudly. To change the subject she asked Vera. “How is married life suiting you?”
“I love John and I like living here in Bristol but I don’t like being so far away from my parents. Actually, they’ve been talking about moving south because my sisters have decided to settle in London and they’ve both found partners there after going to college there. My parents have moved around a lot because my father was in the army, and so there is absolutely no draw to the north for them.”
“Oh, that sounds great if they move closer to all their daughters.”
“Yes, I guess they might settle for somewhere in between London and Bristol, or maybe Surrey or Hampshire. They loved it there the last time they lived there, near Aldershot. Can I confide in you quietly?” Vera lowered her voice so no one else would hear.
“Of course,” Jan said conspiratorially and checking over her shoulder that the children were being entertained by their uncle who was showing them magic tricks and while Geoff was busy with the barbecue.
“I think I might be pregnant!”
“Wow, already!” Jan mouthed that piece of news by whispering to Vera and smiling all at the same time.
“Well, I think you know I had a miscarriage last year. The doctors said I should try again as soon as I can. So we did! And hey presto, I missed my period last month!”
“Does John know?” asked Jan.
“I think he might suspect and we have an appointment to go to the doctor’s next week; they will do the test and then we will know for sure. Don’t say anything more about it this weekend. Mum’s the word!”
“It sure is! May I be the first to congratulate you if it is positive. We won’t mention it again, but be sure to let me know as soon as you know next week.” Jan was very excited. A cousin for her two to look forward to albeit with living so far away, she wasn’t sure how often they would be able to meet.
“The sausages are done – I think!” Geoff called out in a haze of smoke.
They all sat down to burnt sausages, pork chops and some fish fingers.
“At least the salad and potatoes are eatable!” John said and Vera laughed.
They had a lovely weekend. John and Vera, when prompted by Jan, told them all about their honeymoon in Greece. Jan was very envious but pleased they had such a lovely time. They had had two weeks of wall-to-wall sunshine.
“It’s such a pity we live so far apart, I love catching up with you guys,” Jan said meaningfully.
“Well, you can come anytime you want, now you know we have space here,” Vera was very genuine. Jan thought how lucky her brother was to have found such a lovely wife. She had reservations though about how fortunate Vera was to have married her brother. She used to really hate him when they were younger. He teased her so much and made her cry a lot. However, that was then and this is now. Jan thought, ‘We must behave like adults now and learn to get on.’ She tried very hard to be nice to John even when he wound her up lately. But at least he was a lot nicer to her since he had met Vera.
“And you must come down and see us too,” Jan looked at Geoff for confirmation. Geoff smiled and nodded in agreement but she knew he did not really mean it.
Jan managed to get away for a couple of hours to go and see Paula whom she hadn’t seen since she left Bristol. She took Louise and Steven with her and left Geoff with John, catching up on times spent in their flat before they both became married men.
Jan had only met Stuart once and he seemed a nice man and a good father to their daughter. He took all the children out for a short walk while the women could have a catch-up.
“Your two are growing up so fast! The photos you sent me don’t do them justice. And they’re so well behaved,” Paula said after they had all gone out and left her and Jan to talk.
“Your Susan is a little darling,” Jan confirmed to Paula.
“Thank you. Yes, she really is such a good girl.”
The conversation soon changed after the niceties.
“How are things with you and Geoff now?” Paula asked. “In that department, I mean?” She winked and nodded. Jan knew exactly what she meant. They knew each other so well.
“No different I’m afraid!” Jan explained. “I can’t bear it. He expects it, not only every day, but several times a day! It’s wearing me out! Not that I give in every time. I’ve heard some women feign a headache, maybe I should try that.”
“I don’t know what to suggest, sorry. Just tell him you don’t want to do it so often. Stuart is very caring and always makes sure that I’m happy before he sees to his own needs if you know what I mean.”
“I’m not sure that I do,” said Jan puzzled.
“I’m talking about an orgasm. Stuart makes sure that I get an orgasm before he does.”
“I’ve never had one of those!”
“Oh dear, poor you. That’s not good, maybe you should discuss it with Geoff. What about life generally?”
“Oh, not good but I try and make the best of it. What choice do I have? He wants it all his own way. He tries to stop me doing everything, I think he just wants a drudge for a wife. I should have seen the signs before we were even married.”
“What do you mean?” Paula had never heard Jan speaking like this before and was intrigued as to what she was about to impart.
“We used to go out, you know, as boyfriend and girlfriend. But he only ever wanted us to go out together. Never with other people, just the two of us alone. It was pretty boring really. I would have liked to have seen friends and socialised a bit more. Like we used to when you and I had that flat in Bristol.”
“That was great fun, wasn’t it? Over all too quickly, I’m sorry to say.”
“Yes, quite. Once, we went to a little village hall outside Bristol where there was a band playing. I seem to remember there was a sort of meal and afterwards we danced. Not very often because he wasn’t that keen on dancing but I probably persuaded him to dance more than he would have done normally. Well, later on in the evening after the band had had a break they came back on and started playing so we danced some more, just the Twist as that was all he knew. Suddenly the music stopped and they announced the winner of the evening who would go on to be the carnival queen for the village’s next carnival which would be in
the summer. You’ll never guess?”
“What?”
“Well, they chose me!”
“No! Really?”
“Yes, really! You could have knocked me over with a feather. I was gobsmacked when they called me up to collect my prize. I had to go in a back room to get it and then they told me they expected me to dress up as carnival queen on a float in about six weeks from then. So I went back and told Geoff and he was furious. He said no girlfriend of his was going to parade herself on a float. No way. So I had to go back and tell them that my boyfriend wouldn’t agree to it and then we scarpered.”
“I never knew any of that. Didn’t you ever tell anyone?”
“No, I was too embarrassed. Flattered yes but also embarrassed. Geoff never asked me if it was something that I wanted to do. He just made the decision for me. I would probably have given it a go. Always up for a challenge. At least I used to be. Geoff knocked all that out of me. So that was the beginning and end of my carnival queen career!”
Stuart came in pushing Steven in his pushchair while Louise and Susan rushed in with sticks that they had picked up on their walk. Jan made to move but Stuart stopped her.
“Don’t leave on my account,” he said kindly.
“It’s been really lovely to catch up but we must go. Geoff will wonder where we’ve got to. But we’ll do it again soon. You could always come down to see us in Devon.”
“We will,” Paula promised and Stuart nodded his agreement.
Jan and the children stayed for a little while longer before taking their leave, Jan still puzzling over her discussion with Paula regarding an orgasm. It was something she had never heard of but she was going to take it up with Geoff.
Vera cooked a wonderful Sunday lunch with beef and all the trimmings. After the washing up was completed Jan put the kids into the car ready for the journey home.
“Thank you for a lovely weekend.” Jan smiled at her brother and Vera before nudging Geoff to say something.
“Yes, it was great, thanks.” Geoff formally shook John’s hand and gave a peck on the cheek to Vera. “Now I know I can barbecue maybe we should get one,” he said to Jan.
“Then you’ll be able to practise on us before we let you loose on anyone else!”
Jan gave Vera a knowing look and Vera smiled back and winked as they drove off down the drive.
“That turned out to be a really enjoyable weekend, don’t you think?” Jan said to Geoff on the way home.
“I agree, it was very good. I must admit I wasn’t looking forward to it. The kids are worn out. That’ll give John and Vera some practise for when they start producing.”
“Yes, it certainly will.” Jan smiled to herself as she remembered her conversation with Vera.
Vera rang Jan a few days later and confirmed the pregnancy to her. She stipulated no one else must know, for the time being at least. She wanted to keep it quiet for a few weeks. They weren’t going to tell their parents in case they worried. In Vera’s last pregnancy which ended in a miscarriage, they told just about everybody because they were so excited. This time they would wait.
“I can keep a secret you know!” Jan confided in Vera. “Does John know you’re telling me?”
“I told him we had had our little chat when you came up so he suggested I told you now. He knows you well enough and knows you won’t say anything.”
“I won’t even tell Geoff. Mum’s the word!” Jan enjoyed keeping secrets. “I shall only tell him when you say it’s OK to do so. I’m so excited. At least our kids will be similar ages, it’s just a pity they will be living so far apart. Do try and come down and stay with us soon. Geoff will want to try again with a barbecue I’m sure.”
“We would really love to, thank you for asking,” Vera confirmed. “I don’t know anything about Devon so you can show us around, that would be great.”
Vera and John had a boy and they named him Daniel, aka Danny, or Dan for short.
Jan always felt like she was missing out, being so far away in Devon. All the things that she heard from John or her parents were happening in Bristol. She knew it would be impossible for her to take a part in most things there. Geoff would never allow her to go despite what he told other people. She got upset when she realised all the things she was missing out on. And of course when Clare got back from Australia would be when Jan would really feel it. What could she do?
Absolutely nothing.
Chapter 8
“What’s an orgasm?” Jan asked Geoff naively, one day, out of the blue. She didn’t want him to associate it with the visit to Bristol and her talk with Paula, so she left it a while before asking.
“What d’you want to know that for?” Geoff felt slightly affronted that his own wife didn’t know what an orgasm was. “It’s when a man comes, you know, after making love.”
“Oh, yes. So when does a woman get them?”
“How should I know? Why are you asking me all these questions? Who have you been talking to, putting silly ideas into your head?”
Jan shrugged her shoulders. She decided she would have to ask Paula again. They conversed fairly regularly either by letter or on the telephone.
It was not long after this that Jan had a letter from Australia. But not from her sister. It was from Tasmania, from her friend, Elspeth, who went to live there with Brian, the forest ranger. The letter told Jan about all the things that they had done since they arrived. They had got married and had two boys in quick succession. All within just over three years of arriving there. Everything was as Elspeth expected and more. She absolutely loved Australia and that came out in her writing. She said she wouldn’t be coming home anytime soon, the air fares were really quite expensive and with two small boys, money was a little tight. Her parents were going out there soon to visit and meet their grandsons for the first time. If they liked it there they would be visiting quite often. They had the time and money as her father had taken early retirement.
When Louise was five, she went to the local church primary school. Jan took her on her first day and she went off without looking back once. She loved it there and really took to learning with great enthusiasm.
Steven was two when Louise went to school so Jan thought it might be time for him to try playschool. She took him along but he never really settled. She couldn’t leave him because he clung to her and cried so much it made it impossible for her. It was going to be difficult for her to go back to her old job of waitressing.
Jan bided her time and persevered with taking Steven to playschool and staying with him; it was the only way to keep him pacified. She would have to wait until he was settled before she started looking for a job; she might even have to wait until he went to school.
“I think it might be nice if we took the kids down to the beach tomorrow. They’d love it there and the weather looks really settled. We could take a picnic,” Jan suggested to Geoff one beautiful Friday in the summer. She had taken them several times on her own, in the week, when Geoff was working. But this once she thought it would be nice if he had time with the kids before Steven went to school and both children were busy with school-type things.
“Oh, I don’t know. It will be very crowded if the weather’s nice. Sand in the sandwiches isn’t my thing.” Geoff desperately tried to get out of going to the beach. “I think Mum will be expecting us as usual.”
“But we see her most weekends!” Jan started. “Surely she’ll understand we must stay home and do things here too as well as maybe going to Bristol for a weekend occasionally. I don’t think the kids always want to go over to see your mum. They’re starting to make friends here so they’ll want to do things with them, I expect. It would be nice to just stay home for once and do things around here, like go to the beach or to Dartmoor for a walk. If we went to the beach you could teach them to swim or make sandcastles or play Frisbee or beach cricket. You’ll never know if you don’
t try it.”
“I don’t know. They won’t like the crowds.” Geoff had made up his mind that he didn’t really want to go.
“They love the beach and they don’t mind the crowds. I know because we’ve been there when there’s not been an inch of space but we ‘make-do and budge up’. If we went early enough we’d be able to park nearby in the car park. If we go too late the car park will be full. If you’d prefer to go to Dartmoor, I could still pack a picnic; no sand up there to go in your sandwiches! We could go for a long walk, paddle in the cold moorland streams. It would be fun. Do you remember ‘fun’?”
“I just feel a bit tired all the time what with being at work all week. I just want to be able to relax.” Geoff desperately tried to get out of going but he felt he was being railroaded by his wife.
“Relax and watch television and do nothing, do you mean?” Jan was getting exasperated. “Please, will you just try and make the effort for once. For the sake of the kids. They’d love it if you were there with them to do things, play games or whatever. You can still relax on the beach if you want to, take your book. Just to have you there would be nice for all of us. We do so much on our own all the time in the week when you’re working. So you’re missing out as much as the kids are. And me. We all want you there with us.” Jan wondered if she’d gone too far. She mustn’t forget his condition. How could she? He reminded her nearly every day when he took his medication.
“OK, we’ll go tomorrow early, get a place in the car park, and then we can come home early, OK?” Geoff tried to placate Jan by agreeing to at least half of what she wanted and hoped that would do for the time being. There was plenty of scope for bargaining.
“What d’you mean by ‘come home early’? We would be there for the whole day wouldn’t we?” Jan was thinking that the children would want to make a day of it.
“I thought if we were there in the morning that would be enough wouldn’t it?”