by K. H. Kate
If she is Grace Knight, then who is her sister?
Who is the real Gloria?
I don’t bother to know though. A lie doesn’t need to be broken. The woman in question might have lied but she still lingers in my vein like a drug. But for the first time, I don’t want to inhale that drug. I don’t want to imagine Grace’s face as I go into a war to save her.
Instead, I glance back at the same yet so different dark eyes. These ones are filled with pain. But at least they are honest. The pain is morbidly raw. They don’t lie. They don’t betray when I leave the room to do what I always do. Most of all-
They don’t slip through my body even if I’m running a thousand miles away from her.
CHAPTER 7
GWEN
The worst kind of nightmare isn’t the one you have in your sleep. It’s the one that won’t leave you alone even if you’re awake. Much like my terror of the night has been starting to morph into something my conscious state hates. Like the man in this room. Who looked at me like I am worth something.
Like he recognized my pain.
I know it’s a lie. I know my mind is playing a game with me. Now the question is, who does the man belong to? Does he belong to my dark world or is he someone I can trust?
I am trying to protect you here, Kitty.
Who was Kitty?
Who is this person he talked about so fondly? It can’t be me. Not when he snatched his hands away from my touch as if I burned him. As if I disgust him. Like the others. He was just like everyone. When I only wanted to know if he was real. If these people weren’t just a fragment of my mind. It could be though, as I wait for hours but no one comes.
Am I dreaming again?
“Oh thank God, you are alright!” The door bursts open with a force that I have to keep my body from lurching away. Not that it would do any good considering I will only end up rolling on the floor.
“Gloria?” Only when my name is being said that I look up. Red hair spills from the worn down hoodie that I have no doubt who it is. But that doesn’t make me stop from gasping loudly.
“It’s ok,” Debra assures me grimacing. “Just a little blood. Not even mine.”
How the hell is she so calm? She’s bleeding, for God’s sake!
“Hey, nobody touched you, right? I hope you didn’t see anything.” She mutters clenching her fists. I have a lot of questions concerning her, but I don’t have the energy to deliver them in words. So I do the only thing I know will let me know. I try to find a phone in the room.
“What are you looking for?” she asks furrowing her brows. It takes me a while but I end up noticing the small phone on the desk. Leaning over the bed, I have to take a few breaths only to point toward the phone.
“You want something from the desk?” I fight down the frustration building inside me. She names out some other things before her eyes light up. “You want the phone?”
I nod quickly, giving her a small smile. She jumps from the bed to fetch me the phone and when it’s in my hand, I start to type. Courtesy of Debra, now I know another type of communication. Not that she is happy with my alternative choice, but at times it helps.
“What happened?” I let her see the words and she lets out a sigh. I don’t like the hardness in her eyes when she states.
“It’s better if I let you know when Sniper is here.”
I don’t know who Sniper is or care to know. I only want answers. So I type again.
“Debra, if you think of me as your friend, please tell me.” She reads my writing with a sigh. Crack- my mind screams- please just tell me.
“This is unfair! I’m not allowed to say anything or-my life is in line too.” Her words don’t make sense. But the distant fear in her voice does.
“Why am I here?”
I at least deserve to know why I am here. Don’t I?
“Urgh! You’re going to make me spill! The facility was attacked. The people who were after you tried to harm you. But we took care of it.” The people after me…My heart throbs in pain as I remember them. They were here, in this town. Just a little step and they would’ve been near me.
Invading my mind like every time. Only this time it would be real.
“Tell me dear, what do you know about us?” The man in front of me has crooked teeth. He gives me a disgusting smile, so I try to sink my teeth into his arm instead of answering his question. I’m stupid enough to think that I’m forgiven for that. My spine tenses when the sudden slap echoes through the room. A cry leaves my lips before I can stop myself.
Please no more...
They don’t stop though. They don’t hear my plea. They only laugh. They find pleasure in my misery, so I stop crying. I stop feeling. My gaze lingers on the radio where classical music is playing. Was Grace dancing again?
One after another invades my soul.
Fight, Gwen...or just give up.
Who do I listen to though?
“You fuckin’ listen to me, bitch! You are ours, understood?” I’m knocked out of breath, when someone snarls near my ears. Did I ever have a chance?
My throat is painfully dry when Debra catches me off guard by taking my clenched fist into her hand. I’m freezing. Even if the room is warm, my body is shaking. And her comfort isn’t enough. I need Josh. I need my sister’s smile. I-I need that man to tell me everything will be alright.
“I’m sorry.”
What is she sorry for?
I don’t get the answer though, cause in a moment another person is standing near the door, waiting for me to adjust my sight. When I do, I’m surprised to see the change in his blue eyes. They are hard and cold. His jaw is clenched making me wonder what he is so angry about.
“Gwen?”
No. It isn’t the man. Beside him, I don’t even know who I see anymore. Her arms are burned, the skin looks so different with scars marking them. The longest one runs through her ear down to her cheek. Looking back at her ear, I notice it’s pruned. My mind can’t connect the dots. It can’t understand why the familiar figure looks so much like a stranger. Only when she takes a step closer to me, angry tears spilling from her eyes that I can laugh internally.
I was a fool.
All along I was a scared little fool. No wonder the man in the dark calls me Kitty. I thought she was fine. I thought she was saved from the darkness. I thought the monsters didn’t touch her. My mind keeps mocking- What a foolish girl you are Gwen. And here I thought,
I was the only one broken...
CHAPTER 8
SNIPER
Old habits die hard.
Maybe that’s the reason why I can’t resent the liar in front of me. I can’t hate her like my heart wants to. Instead, I feel her pain as she starts crying hugging her sister. Loud sobs echo through the room making me want to turn on my heel and leave these two to bond over broken promises.
But I know they need me more than anything right now.
Lethal is found alright but I’m scared shitless at seeing his wounds. They are not worse than Grace but they still worry me. Even Doc isn’t sure how much time it will take him to heal properly. I can never forget the look on her face when we both realized that Lethal was still in the house. Then she ran. She ran to him like he was her lifeline. She didn’t even care that I thought I was going to lose her too.
“Gwen...I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Her voice breaks at the end. Glancing at the other woman, I see a thousand questions swirling in those eyes.
Poor Kitty.
Caught in a world she didn’t deserve to live in.
“I-I just wanted to see you safe.” Grace whispers. She starts apologizing. So many excuses. So many reasons. But she doesn’t notice the light leaving from her sister’s eyes. She doesn’t understand how far it affects her sister. She doesn’t see the trail of tears flowing down her sister’s cheeks. “I needed to take revenge. It’s all I could think about. It’s what I lived for.”
What would Gloria...no Gwen, say if she could talk?
I ponder over a million sce
narios. And every one of them makes me more amused than the other. In some of them, she yells until she can’t. In others, she just stares unbelievingly like she’s doing right now.
“I had to keep you far away from...him. So when Lethal suggested that Seth takes care of you, I agreed. Please, don’t be angry at me.” Her sister isn’t angry. Even if she is, it won’t be at Grace. I can read that look from miles away. She’s drowning in guilt. I can see why a scared kitty like her will feel guilty.
She thinks everything is wrong, because of her.
"Jo..sh?" Gwen asks quietly. Grace's face goes blank but to her credit, she only manages to close her eyes tightly. Josh...The man I killed when he was drunk as hell. Who was he to them?
"He isn't here. He's never going to be here." As soon as the words are out, Gwen's eyes go slack, a gasp leaving from her trembled lips. "He didn’t want to-but every lie, every secret caught up to him. At the end, he wasn’t strong enough to overcome it. I’m sorry, Gwen. I’m so sorry that I couldn’t save him from becoming a stranger. He...he's gone. The man we knew is gone. Dead."
That look in Gwen's eyes.
I've seen it before. In my eyes, at Grace's. In Lethal's, when Grace was found hurt.
Josh...That dead bastard meant something to her. So much that even the pain can't touch her now. Then why? Why did he want to hurt Grace? Why did I have to put a bullet in his head? I stop Grace before she can say anymore words that throws Gwen from reality.
“Vixen.”
“Yes, Seth?” She glances up waiting for me to say something. My lips part to say a lot of words, but I end up asking the wrong question.
“What are you goin’ to do now?”
Shit! The look on Grace’s face is unfamiliar. Her face pales as a ghost, her hands tightening around her sister’s offered one. The later one doesn’t wince even if her skin is starting to look red.
“I don’t know. I didn’t think that far. I have to make sure Gwen gets operated on, and then there’s Lethal-” She chokes at his name. “What am I going to do now, Seth? What should I do?”
A smart man would comfort her. Tell her lies. A poor fool like me who thinks about her every second of his life would kiss her. He would shower her with love to take away her pain. But I can’t. So I slap her with the hard truth even if it makes her flinch.
“Lethal is goin’ to be OK. He has to. But I can’t tell you what you need to do. If you want to continue being a Devil or leave as far from here, that’s up to you.”
Lethal...He’s making his way to my mind. Or was it the shots I took before running after Mad Dog?
I’ve never had a good memory with alcohol. It makes me violent, makes me a person I don’t recognize. But today it helps me clear my head. Today it doesn’t make me see stars, it lets me see Gwen in her own world.
Grace takes one look at me and her face falls. “I want to stay. God, I need to stay! I can’t think about leaving. Not when...not when there’s so much I’ve to do.”
“What about Gwen then?” I ask without thinking. I don’t have any plans. I shouldn’t even care what Grace is going to do with her sister now. Yet I’m curious to know where the Kitty ends up staying.
Grace takes a minute to answer. Too little late for Gwen to raise a perfect eyebrow. Hell, even she’s figured it out that with Lethal in Doc’s care, no one can say what Grace’s reaction would be. So I’m surprised when I hear her cutting over my thoughts.
“I need you to do me a favor. Can you-can you still look after her? She needs a lot of help and I don’t think I can do it alone.”
For the first time since Grace entered the room, I see Gwen’s eyes widen and hear the sound of her breath hitch. The sound makes my own heart race and all for the wrong reasons. I am conflicted looking at both of them, staring at me to hear my decision.
Grace is desperate while Gwen is slipping away in her darkness.
“Seth? Please tell me you will think about it.” I still can’t decide what I should do. Maybe I can truly help her. Maybe not if I still pine after a lost cause.
“I will help.” The words shock me more than they think. “After all, we are a family.”
Grace relaxes immediately. Even goes as far as to hug me like I saved her life. When her arms lose their contact I’ve no choice but to avoid her glance. Though she’s not looking at me. She’s talking too fast for me to understand but her sister does. She nods her head, sighing. Only then do I notice Grace already walking closer to the door.
“I’ve to leave for the club. I will see you tomorrow.” She gives me a timid smile before withering away. I might have been still looking at the burning trail of a woman I can never have, but I’m startled when a small voice reaches my ears.
“Y-You...li...ed.”
My hands twitch to take another shot, my body already walking closer to the blank-faced woman. If she’s scared when I invade her personal space, she doesn’t show it. Instead, she matches my own gaze head on and bites her lips harshly before saying the same thing.
“Y...ou lie...d.”
“What did I lie about, Kitty?” I ask her softly.
Her gaze falters for a second to look at the dark spot near the corner before meeting mine. I didn’t notice before but now I look at the device in her hands with a smile. She’s typing slowly, but pauses every once in a while to glance at me. Finally, the phone is thrust into my hand.
“You said everything will be Ok. You lied. He’s gone. He left me.”
She has rendered me speechless. My mouth opens but no words leave. Even if she waits longer than necessary to know that I have nothing to say. A scoff leaves her lips but that’s it. No words are exchanged yet I can see the challenge in her eyes.
Why did you have to lie?
“I didn’t lie.” My voice fails to decipher my emotions. They are too raw like the darkness in her eyes that I’ve to repeat myself. “I didn’t lie.”
“Then, help me.”
I’m surprised to see the next words. Help her? How?
“How can I help you, Kitty?” I wonder aloud. Lethal needs my help to hide the beast he really is, my brothers need me to keep them in line so what does she need me for? How can you help a woman like her? Not a minute later, the phone is on my face.
“I need you to tell me that everything will be alright. Give me false hope. Please just…just take me somewhere else. I can’t breathe here.”
I swallow hard, keeping every word…the false hope that she claimed from coming right up. That’s what I’m good at, aren’t I? I can give her a lie and not care that she is going to wake up miserable anyway. No lie, false hope can take her kind of pain away.
“You really want my help?”
Her smile doesn’t reach her eyes while my hands shake to just comfort her. Mama used to tell me that, it was the flare of good in me that most of the Devils didn’t have in their heart. That I can’t see people in pain without feeling it in my bones too. For years, I didn’t believe her. But my only consolation now is the words stopping me from proving mama wrong.
“I have a place in mind, come on.”
CHAPTER 9
GWEN
I should’ve been sad. Cry even. To hear Josh betrayed us. Betray me. To leave me without any reason. I should’ve been bawling my eyeballs out. Like one of the patients in the facility used to do when she heard that her fiancé died in an accident. Like Grace used to when mom died. Or, every time she looked at me. That’s what people do when they hear the person they loved more than anyone else is dead. Don’t they? This is how society works, I think. Isn’t it?
Then why can’t I?
Why did I ask for help from someone else instead?
Whatever I thought before throwing that bizarre request to this man, I didn’t quite expect him to place me on a bike to ride through the Southside at night. Still holding on to him, the sound of the loud engine has nothing on the thoughts storming around in my head. So many things happened, so many lies have been said, and so many lost, yet…yet I c
an’t begin to fathom what happened to Grace.
She was fine, wasn’t she?
Then why was she seeking revenge other than her dreams? Why did she give up on everything? Did I cause this? Was Josh’s death…on me?
Of course, I did. Who am I kidding? As always, it’s something because of me. It’s because of them. It’s the dark cloud that’s hovering over me at every step we take forward.
“You alright?” The sudden jolt of reality makes me gasp. The man riding the bike has been tensed since we got onto this thing. A bike he proclaimed borrowing from his brother for me. I have nothing to say but nod. He has enough grace to not counter me even if we both know that I’m not alright.
Few minutes more and we are already stopping near an abandoned building. Funny, the building should bring the old fear back. I was alone with a man I knew nothing about even if I had complete trust in Grace. But the only thing it brings is a speck of peace. How many months has it been since I was outside without fear drowning me?
“This alright?” he asks, removing the helmet from his head. Unruly black hair peeks in the night light, his blue eyes seeming even bluer than earlier.
“Yes.” He looks startled to hear my sudden voice. Honestly, so am I, but he is already helping me wrap my arms around him so that he can carry me to the building. I wait for his touch to linger, maybe then he will prove me right that I should worry about my safety with him. But as soon as we are on the roof, he can’t get away faster from me.
“Uh…this is the place I come to when I can’t think. Thought this will help you breathe.”
He’s right again. I can breathe here without choking on the truth that Grace delivered today. But the more I breathe, the more it hurts to keep the tears at bay. God, I can’t even begin to think what my sister had to resort to.
I killed people, Gwen.
I am sorry. I am so sorry.
I am sorry too. Sorry I couldn’t fight that day. Sorry I can’t fight the nightmares even now. Even now they still have a tight leash on my mind and body.