by K. H. Kate
Why is he apologizing?
"You're my responsibility, not one I can- I'm sorry." His words are deadlier than him. They cut deeper than Josh's death does. This time the warm feeling over my cheeks is real. The tears he winces for has nothing to do with my demons. And as ridiculous it sounds I'd rather be his...something than nothing.
Maybe he realizes too as I feel a hand capture my cheek and he kisses it softly. I'm already in his embrace, his face too close for me to handle. And so I burn again as he holds me the whole night until the realization renders me speechless. His touch might ignite my deepest salvation, but the worst thing about him is when I realize that his presence is going to ruin me anyway.
CHAPTER 12
SNIPER
A good predator can smell its prey from miles away.
On the contrary, a prey can find a million ways to hide from its predator.
Maybe that's why I stared at her rigid back the whole night until the sun came up through the window. Maybe that's why she couldn't help but stare at the wall avoiding me all night, till the door rattled with a series of angry knocks.
"Sniper! Open the fuckin’ door!" The prey beside me shivers but she has a role to play. To avoid being hurt in the worst way by someone who can't even leave the room to give her some fucking time alone.
"Stop Tucker! I'm comin’ in a minute." I should say something to her. Apologize again. But I know nothing I say will justify what I did last night. She was my responsibility and I forgot all about that to be free. To feel a warm body again.
To feel something other than constant worry.
Not that it helped me to relax in anyway. Most of all, it added another layer of worry in my stupid dick thinking head.
"Sniper! Did you die in there or something?" The voice calls out again. Exhaling a breath, it doesn't take me long to leave the bed and find my clothes scattered in the corner. Quickly pulling my pants on as soon as I'm near the bed table to take my gun, her breath hitches.
Not a good pretender, are you?
I'm tempted to call her bluff. Then uncover the sheets to take a taste myself. To make her look at me while I bite those lips again. But both sane and sober Seth would never think of doing those things. So without saying a word, I pocket the gun in my waistband and leave the room in silence.
Funny, how these silent days have become the most interesting past time of mine.
"There you are. What the fuck were you doin’ in her room? Did you two fuck or something? I didn't know you were into girls like that." Tucker mutters pouring a drink. Thankfully, this time I stay away from the temptation to take a sip. Instead, I snatch a packet from him and inhale the smoke thinking it was someone else.
"First of all, it's none of your fuckin’ business." I hold up my fingers to make the asshole clear things. "Second- never ever talk about her like that...ever again. Third- she's a woman, not a girl, check your eyes with Doc if you have any problem seeing that."
"Damn! No reason to be that salty. Did she leave you with blue balls or something?" He chuckles at my misery.
And blue balls?
She left me in a thousand colors of confusion. She's beautiful and good company, that's for sure. Ginger loves her strength just like Grace. But with me, there's a visible barrier I can't seem to break. And for some reason, I don't even try to.
I shouldn't, until I figure out what I feel for Grace. Which is confusing enough in itself as the days passed, the only thing on my mind is Gwen, not Grace. Hell, I don't even feel an ounce of pain thinking about her with Lethal anymore.
Fuck.
There you go, confusion...
Still, I give Tucker a tight warning smile. "What did I say about none of your business? And why the fuck did you wake me up this early?"
"Before I forget, Reaper called. Xavier skipped town it looks like. And he left with an important file."
"The fuck!" It irks me how the fuck a guy like Xavier found the guts to steal from the Devils and thought he could live. "What file? Is Prez-"
"Prez isn't awake yet." He's quick to confess. Shit! I should have gone to the club to see him. But Kitty...
"So, what file did he steal?"
"The file that belongs to the Mexican cartels. Reaper thought he's lookin’ for either trouble or plannin’ something big." Shit! What the fuck was that idiot thinking?
"What's his beef with Ceaser? Do you think he's headed to Mexico now?" I ask curiously. Before Mad Dog was killed, all the Devils went to meet Xavier who flew out from Mexico not long ago, if this wasn't fishy I don't know what is.
"Who the fuck knows? But no airport has confirmed that he's left the country. Now unless he's hidin’ with a false name which is what I’m counting on, there's no way to bring his ass and the file in one piece." Tucker scowls.
I remember that file like it's my last sight. If the peace treaty is really on Xavier’s hands, there's no saying what he is going to do with it. And the last thing we need is the cartel on our trail.
The fucker's already insane.
"I need to go to the club and check out details. When's Ginger coming?" I may have been hell-bent on staying far away from devouring Kitty but I wasn't an asshole to leave her alone without Ginger.
"Last I saw she was cooking. Do ya want me to call her?" Tucker asks, finally finishing his drink. Twelve shots. I definitely wasn't leaving her with the drunk fool.
"Ya. Do it quickly." Leaving the makeshift bar, I start to walk towards my destination. Though instead of using the underground garage, my feet take me towards the bedroom. The last place I wanted to be in right now- not that it fucking matters.
Opening the door, I'm surprised to see her sitting on the bed with a phone in her hand. As soon as she hears the sound, she's on alert. I'm insulted to think that even if she sees who it is, her eyes still dart around for something to probably hit my head with.
"I'm leavin’ for a few hours. Are you going to be OK?" What a stupid question. I think just to humor me she nods.
"Ginger is goin’ to be here in a minute. Tell her if anything is wrong. I'm only a phone call away." She nods again. No stuttered words. No throwing the phone in my hands.
She's closing herself again.
What the fuck did I do?
"I-I am sorry for earlier." I hear myself saying with gritted teeth. "You're a beautiful woman Kitty. I shouldn't destroy that. I will once I get to have you writhing under me."
A gulp.
A loud gasp.
That’s what makes me want to pounce at her again. To see a pair of widened lust filled eyes looking back at me.
And all it takes to kill it with a voice.
"Gwen?"
It didn't occur to me before how people can hide so many things so quickly if I didn't see Kitty's lust filled eyes dimmed to a blank canvas. Turning back I feel nothing, but an annoyance when Grace beams at me.
"Hey, Seth." I could have been dying to hear that voice less than a week ago. But how it can be possible to feel just...nothing now.
"Grace." Be a sensible guy Seth...I've to chant while grinning at her. She's ignorant to my gaze seeking her sister every once in a while. "Everything Ok?"
"Oh, it's fine. Actually, it's more than fine. Lethal finally woke up." Her whole face is glowing. How did I think of taking it away before? How can I be so selfish to destroy her happiness?
"That's great." I can't hide the relief in my voice. I was really worried when Doc said it could take weeks for Lethal to be awake.
"Yeah, that’s actually why I am here. Now that he's awake, I'd like Gwen to come with me to the club. It’s time she meets everyone." Grace says it so easily. She doesn't notice the slight clench in my jaw. She doesn't notice another dark set of eyes looking at me as if I already have her under me, moaning, screaming for me. Grace has no clue of the thoughts invading my brain. If she knew, she would have gladly shot me in the head at the first chance. And for the love of God, I can't look away from Gwen.
From the painful lost beauty.
>
One look at Kitty and all I can say is...fuck me.
CHAPTER 13
GWEN
If anyone ever told me in my twenty-four years of life, that I was going to stay in a biker's club, I would've prepared myself better for the obvious stares.
The ones you give to the animals in the zoo.
Some look at them as if they can chew you off anytime, you fear them enough to not go near the bar. Some pity them enough to understand their vulnerability in a cage. Some are just merely curious to know what really makes them a true animal.
I wasn't far-fetched from being that wounded animal.
"Hey, it's Ok." For a second I forgot that, Grace is with me. And she has her hand tightly balled up in a fist. I know she wants to say something really bad to the people around me but is holding back for some reason.
Not that it matters as I'm already used to it.
Another pair of eyes lock onto me though. The one I'm trying to ignore from the moment Grace dropped the bomb that it's better I leave the safe house to come here. The emotion in them is totally different from the others. They don't judge but they are the ones that make me fidget too much. Am I ever going to stop fearing those warm knowing eyes?
God...The answer makes me more nervous than I'd like to admit.
"Foxy? Come here for a second." My sister asks for someone. Her voice doesn't match that fierce face. Here, she's a different woman. Sad to say, it takes me a second to realize how many things I've missed since I was thrown into a facility. How many memories I lost. How many times I thought about...Josh only to know he just belonged to those demons, not me.
"This is Gwen, my little sister. I'd like you all to welcome her as you've welcomed me into this club. As the second law says. Do any of you have any objections?" Where did my older sister go? She used to be sassy but not stern. She never even raised her voice at me and here she was ordering a bunch of bikers around.
Is this the same sister who cried for me in the facility?
"I don't have any objection." For the first time I've come here, I glance up to see only one of them with a smile. She has her bronze hair in a ponytail and her look weighing me down. "Prez especially gave us an order to make sure she's in good hands. We agree with him."
"Good." The relief in my sister's voice is visible which makes me more nervous.
"I don't have a problem either. The more Devil, the merrier." A man with Grey eyes grins as if we should all be happy with what he was saying. What is he saying even? The more Devil, the merrier?
"Reaper...what the fuck are you on about?" Not my sister. Not my savior.
It's my new nightmare.
The other man scoffs. "What? If she’s livin’ here, she's goin’ to join one day. That's what happens around here anyway. Hey, even my girls joined."
"No. She wouldn't join us, Reaper. That's one thing, I beg you not to mention ever again. I’m serious." I feel pity at the way Grace has to stand her ground. She sounds tired, she looks even worse.
"I agree with Vixen. She needs to get operated on first, then she can even think about stayin’ here permanently." The flinch comes involuntarily as if my body reacts even before my mind can grasp his words. Seth doesn't want me here. It's bluntly obvious, yet, why does no one say a word?
"Fine. As you wish, Sniper." The other man-Reaper leaves with a mock salute and even I want to leave. I can't...can't take so many people's eyes looking at me like this. My breath goes uneven from not getting enough oxygen and before I know it, I’m living in a nightmare.
"Hurry!" My body screams in agony when someone tries to drag me to the bathroom. I'm too tired to fight or scream but still, I'm shocked to find how much I've got in me to scream one more time in protest.
Burn...burn everywhere.
It's like they've set my skin on fire...
"She’s not moving! Fuck!" I'm unable to tear my eyes from the mirror. Is it me though? Is this going to be the new me, if they keep me alive?
Oddly I don't want her. She's nothing like...me. She's not me. God, she's not.
"I don't fuckin’ care if she gets her knees broken, just leave her there!" I remember that voice. That's the one man who burst through our door first. His coil like eyes are stuck on me as he starts to laugh.
Hahaha...Please stop laughing.
No...I can't...Every voice blends together, every scream taking place as my new background music, every touch branded into my skin.
"Fuck! She's havin’ a panic attack! Leave everyone!" What? Where am I?
I want to run. Maybe if I could use my legs I would've. But I only manage to gasp loudly when someone throws me onto a bed and all I can see is a dark black abyss. The touch doesn't bring back the flinch but still, it haunts me.
"Where the fuck is the switch? Ginger!" Someone familiar screams. Is he trying to get them out of my head? I'm practically a corpse by the time the light fills the room. It's unfamiliar. The bed I'm in is small compared to the one in the safe house but there's a faint scent of someone sleeping here before.
"Snap out of it!" Someone shakes me. I want to...but I can't.
"It gets better over time, Gwen. Just wait for a while. Fight!" My nurse claims. Lies. All of them are lying. It doesn't get better. It never does.
"Gwen? Please tell me what to do?" A pair of eyes the same dark shade as mine, stare down at me in a desperate plea. What can anyone do for me? I want to laugh at her face.
What can you do, Grace?
What the fuck can you do!?
"Nothing," Seth answers like he knows everything that's going through my mind. And for that, I hate him. He's taking place in my dark corner. "Nothing will ever be enough."
And just like that, he's thrown the one step at a time motto to hell...
CHAPTER 14
SNIPER
"So...How's everything?"
I doubt he has had a good sleep in a long time. His eyes are still black but the swelling has gotten to the point that if someone was closer, only then they would see the damage caused by the fire.
"My old man is helpin’ me walk like a toddler. How do you think I'm doing, Sniper?" Ouch. Ok, I deserved that one.
"Honestly can't say I've ever had the experience, but oh well, at least you are breathing. One month ago, even I couldn't have said if you would be alive. But you always have to be reckless right?" Am I being salty? Perhaps. Does it mean I don't care? Fuck no.
"No joke." Lethal agrees with me. "This casting thing is really has me startin’ to question my sanity. I might be fuckin’ insane, but this is a whole new level of torture...even for me."
"You don't say." I may not have been with Lethal when he was getting therapy, but I need to be with Gwen every moment after her operation which is scheduled for next week.
In this one month, she avoided me like I was some kind of disease. Can't believe I wasn't blamed for. Everyone just gave her hope that I was a good man who was going to help her no matter what. They were right. I was going to help her as best as I can. But still that night...I could not let go of that night. Every fucking time I would remember and it would make me want her so bad. Her scent would drive me crazy enough for me to leave the clubhouse for a ride at midnight.
Because I couldn't just take her. It wasn't right.
Even if Scar laughed in my face saying I should just go for it after having a long night of drinking in the bar, I couldn't. They saw what she wanted them to see. A strong woman who was capable of living her life without any worry. But what they didn't see, how hard it was to sleep knowing she was in the next room chasing nightmares. Sometimes I heard her scream, sometimes even hear the whimper of pain leaving those lips.
And sad to say I wasn't enough. This...whatever she was going through, wasn't going to vanish just because I wanted to.
"Where'd you go?"
"Nowhere." Lying comes easy these days. "So, what about Xavier? You want to make him pay still?"
"I have to. No one fucks with the cartel and that son of a bitch is tryin�
�� to do just that. And he's using the Devils as his sick bait. Of course, I still want his head." As much as I hate to say this, I agree with Prez. I'm already in a deep sea of confused emotions. The last thing the club needs is another out of mind Devil.
"Then I will send Rider and Tucker on an errand to head toward Mexico. It's not much but we have searched every area near Chicago and his warehouses in New York. The bastard is nowhere to be found." Lethal's expression is grim when he nods, though Xavier's not the reason for his sudden mood change.
It's Grace.
And she's standing at the door looking like a deer caught in headlights. For once, she looks uncomfortable and I'm quick to give her a warm smile. I know like her sister, she's going through something. Lethal helps her and I'm incapable of doing the same for her sister.
What a fucking useless...
"I'll see you later, Prez. I'm goin’ with Gwen and Vixen for the surgery." He doesn't say anything, only leaving a grunt.
"Hey, Seth." Grace acknowledges me with a nod, but her eyes are stuck looking ahead of me. To no wonder, Lethal's.
"Vixen. I gotta go."
She looks exhausted just like us, but she's determined to hide that behind a smile. "OK. Just check in with Gwen on the way. It looks like she's craving your company again."
Craving my company...my ass.
Kitty's finding ways to hurt me without knowing. Knowing that I can never touch her yet giving me those little looks of longing. Giving me hope that I can fucking get rid of her nightmares when even I know I'm going to fail anyway. It's just going to be another disaster like my infatuation with Grace.
At least I got over that once my mind started showing the truth that I only loved the idea of Grace.
"I will."
The words hold a familiar feeling of recognition. I not only got stupid but also got desperate. Fuck! Even the prisoners in the basement have a better chance of breathing freely, certainly more than me.