by K. H. Kate
He gets a second to answer. His eyes darting around before stopping one more time at the end line of the alley. I’m ready to blow his fucking head off when thankfully he opens his mouth. "I work for them. I-I can't break the code."
A code? Mad Dog wouldn’t be stupid enough to work with the mafia...or was he? Or was it the cartels who wanted drugs smuggled into other countries from the club? That bastard was many things but working with the higher up-that was pushing it too far. But what if he was? There was no way he could have gotten away with that incident if he didn’t know that people were going to back him up. He disappeared back then, didn't he? Left Southside to show everyone that he lost to Lethal when in truth he was just escaping. But to where? Who helped him escape?
"I told you this cop lives on dirty money. Fucking liars." Carter curses, giving him a smug smile.
"You don't have to say a name, cop. Just tell me who I need to destroy tonight." Now I know what Grace must have felt like all those months ago. Waiting, plotting to take revenge on every MC. Fire is burning through my veins to take all of them out. Every cartel and mafiya until there's nothing left to destroy.
"Whatever you are planning to do with them, you will fail." There's a defiance in his voice as he says that. “Sinaloa always protects their own. Even the dead ones has a price. You kill me today, they’ll turn up to kill you and anyone you have ever known-”
Sinaloa cartel, motherfucker!
I can't wait to destroy them.
But first thing first.
"Go." I know the man sounds surprised. Even Carter gives me a look as if to ask if I have finally lost my mind. "Go now, before I do something!"
The man doesn't have to say anything. He winces when he stands up but there's a stagger in his step when he runs towards the end of the alley.
"Tell me, Carter, does this man have any family?" He shakes his head frowning.
"What the fuck are you doing?"
"Last chance cuz, is there anyone he has a weakness for?" The gun clicks and in a second it's on its target.
"No, he doesn't. But do you really think you can shoot him from this distance? You are going to miss." He warns.
This time. I'm the one with a mocking smile. "Do you really think he's not goin’ to run his petty mouth off to them? I'm known as Sniper for a reason, I can’t risk it."
I raise the gun and-
Bang!
I don't even hear the scream that echoes through the alley. The blood that spills on the ground is his, but the scream that rips me apart paints a different picture. It shows me a pigtail, a dress, a small figure hovering over the body with a terrified face.
"Papa? Papa!"
I-I don't know the man who stands there anymore. I was a killer, not a murderer. But right now, seeing this girl cry for her father-
"Shit!" Carter curses, tugging my shirt. "We've to go, Seth. Fuck! Run!"
"Y-You said he didn't have anyone, Carter. You promised!" I don't care how loud I am. I can't see that picture. I want to burn it. I want to forget that I was the one painting it. I-I need her touch. I need to know I'm not one of those monsters...
"Well, I didn't know, Ok? But for the love of God, now go!"
I hate that my feet work. I hate myself when I reach the bar, with Reaper whining about losing Xavier when he was flirting with a girl, I hate it when reaching the club my feet take me to her room.
And I hate her when she doesn't even hate me as my legs give out in front of her. I hate that she listens to me as if I'm not the monster she should be afraid of. As if I didn't cry out the words echoing her own.
"Help me."
CHAPTER 21
GWEN
"Help me."
Such a simple request and yet my instincts are telling me to leave him like he did that night. Make him suffer. Make him see what he does to me. Turn your back on him. Forget him...Help him...
"Kitty?" I hate the way he sounds. And I hate it more when he flinches away from me the moment I try to touch him.
"I-I did a bad thing, Kitty." Old memories are coming back. I did a bad thing, Kitty. But I did it for you. I did it for my addiction. What now? What has he done for me now?
"I didn't mean it to happen. I didn't know." He's watching me with wide eyes. Is that a tear? But his eyes are full of unleashed anger and pain. I know that look. Self-loathing is a thing I've mustered up in these two years much better than anyone.
"I swear. Fuck! Say something."
For the first time since he entered my room, I look at him with pain. His dark-no, red hair is sticking everywhere, his eyes look a different shade of blue. Contacts? I blink once but the mess of blood doesn't vanish from my sight. Surprisingly nowadays the red paints don't scare me anymore.
I nod and whisper. "Seth."
His eyes close and I'm the one feeling the pain in them. I question myself how to help him, but even I know what he will prefer. He did promise me, didn't he?
"Take me."
"What!?" He's now inches away from me, still looking at me with wide eyes as if he can't believe what I'm offering him.
"Take me, Seth. Just as you promised." He tilts his head to look at the door once. Then he's beside me, over me, in me...
His lips are against me, battling a war I've already lost. He lets me walk backwards with his help until I'm trapped between him and the wall. The small light from the lamp gives him the shadow of a warrior. A man who I can help. Who needs me like I'm his last breath. Who is panting because of me.
My back arches against my own wish, the small moan already escaping from my dry throat. His fingers work like wonder as he reaches down to take off my shirt. I know he doesn't expect me to be completely naked under the large shirt.
"Fuck! So beautiful." His voice comes out as if he's in pain. "And all mine."
Possession is a dangerous category to mess with. It can burn anyone if not careful. But he is the one who wants to burn. And I'm happy to be that fire.
"Oh, Seth!"
A soft moan leaves my lips or is it his growl? His rough hands are on my breasts, kneading, tasting, biting and oh yes...that feeling is taking over. My skin burns when he takes off his own shirt along with his jeans.
He's barely able to hide just how much he wants me. And shamelessly I love that. He stares at me the entire moment, his fingers searching just how much he affects me. He finds it quickly with a groan.
I'm dripping wet. Only for him.
My fist tightens around his hair with every stroke of his fingers. I have to choke down a gasp when he reaches a part of me I never knew existed. His name is the only thing I know, the only prayer I can chant aloud.
"Tell me what do you want, Kitty." His whisper is my downfall. "Tell me!"
"You! I want you!"
So easily he has taken my confession. I want you. All of you. Good or bad. Mistakes or not, I just want you.
"Then come for me, Kitty." Just like that my body follows as if it's not mine anymore. As if I'm not screaming for him to plunge into me. To disappear into a world where I can be me and he's just a man who isn't afraid that he did a bad thing. It's just us.
A dark world filled with the addicted and the addiction.
He doesn't take much time to pull me up so that I can wrap my thighs around him. His gaze is on me, that promise of a burning inferno painting me red. "I will take you, Kitty. Slow and hard. And the only name you will scream is mine."
Oh yes...take me, burn me, claim me...I need to be his. If not-If not...I will go crazy.
"Seth, please."
He doesn't bother to look sorry for the smile that suddenly blooms onto his face. He gets high on my pleas, his hips buck but he doesn't just slam into me. He rips open the packet of the condom he found in the bedside drawer, he takes time, exploring, and inch by inch making me scream. Thick, pulsing pleasure washes over me and I have nothing to hold onto. Sweat dribbles down our bodies but neither of us care.
We touch each other in a way no one can. His blue eyes lock me in
to his and oddly I can't fly away like other times. Those monsters don't come. They are locked into a cage made by him. And he doesn't stop until he's buried to the hilt.
"Shit!" He curses before biting my lip. It bleeds the same as we do. Back and forth. Slower and harder. His tongue takes my hard nipple, begging to get burned. Moans and groans fill the room, the sound echoing through the thin wall outside but for the first time I don't give a shit.
So, what if someone heard us?
What if Grace did? I don't care.
"Oh, yes!" I cling to him as my hips buck. I'm close, oh so close to falling with him. Like a true addict, he burns me with the pleasure. It's consuming...too much. Yet I take it. I take all he has to offer.
Tears blur my vision but even then I can hear him clearly. "Come, baby."
"F-Fuck!" I cry out the curse over and over as I fall down the rabbit hole with him. He comes with a loud groan, the sound tattooing in my memories. My nails bury deep down into his skin, blood sipping from the wound...claiming him as mine.
He kisses me for the last time before sliding me down. I see the same pain coming back but with determination, he helps me to bed and sinks back to the other side of it. I feel his chest against my back, hearing a deep sigh leaving from his lips.
"Do you want to talk about it?" I don't press too much. I know what happens when someone probes at you. Like me, he might want to shut himself off. And, I don't think I can take that now.
"Someone hurt a person close to me. I wanted to kill the bastard. And I did it too." He stops, making me change sides. Now I'm looking at him dead in the eye and I want nothing more than to hug him.
"But?"
"Then I saw his little girl cryin’ out for her father. I made someone an orphan, Kitty." My heart lurches for him. How is it possible? I should hate him, shouldn't I? Then why can't I?
His breath is hot on my skin. "I am just like them, aren't I? A monster." A hollow laugh leaves his lips. "That girl will always remember me in her nightmares. The bastard who took her father's life."
"Did he deserve it?" I don't know why I ask him that. Of course, it's unusual for me to defend him. But I still do.
His gaze is on me as he nods. "Of fuckin’ course he did."
"Then you are not like them." It sounds childish even to me. How can you throw away the fact that he murdered someone? What about that little girl?
"You don't love me, Kitty." Love? The word brings a new wave of feeling to wash over my body. "You can do better than me. So why lie to me?"
I can never find a better one. It's a laughable excuse...maybe for him. But for me, that's the truth I can't hide even if I wanted to.
And, being a monster?
I've studied every monster and the skin they have. He doesn't match. He doesn't belong to them. He might belong in my dark world, but those monsters are far away from his reach. And, if I don't make him understand...it might be too late.
But then again do I love him?
Respect him, maybe.
Care for him deeply, yes. But love? Can addiction turn to love? I have been burned by love before. Can I take that step again?
I-I don't know.
So, I don't answer.
All I know, is that he feels safer in the silence made by us than in his own room of darkness.
CHAPTER 22
SNIPER
"Fuck, where's your mind at?" Lethal groans.
Probably where it shouldn't be. I shake my head again. Focus, Seth, focus.
She laughs and just like that my mind is on her. Not the job Prez gave me. Not on the sniper rifle I've got with me for later.
Fuck! My stomach drops again when she nods at whatever Scar says to her. I didn't even know she started to work in the bar until I saw her take an order from Tucker. Most nights I avoided staying with her, thinking what if I made a mistake by confessing that she's more than just pity. More than my obsession. She is just Gwen and mine.
Simple as that.
But she couldn't say it back that day. She kept silent the whole night and the next day. Right then, I knew why I shouldn't have said it. Perhaps, she’s still in love with Josh, that damn bastard. Or maybe I wasn’t worth it. But she did trust me, didn't she? She trusted me with her body, so why can't she trust me with her heart?
"You there, brother?" I have to focus once again on my job. Lethal is staring at me with a glare, but even I know he's stressed and worried about the shipment.
"Yeah, I am." Lovesick fool Seth is a liar, how fucking wonderful. "Just mentally gettin’ ready for every scenario. It's not easy to steal Lorenzo's shipment. Cops are basically tryin’ to send him to prison for the last twenty years."
True to my words, same worry for that reason grips me harder too. Not like Kitty does, but still close enough.
"Then we better be fuckin’ ready. He's stolen enough from us. I will love to see his face when he realizes that his shipments are gone." He grunts knocking down another drink. Though I hate to admit, this idea wasn't Lethal's. Hell, he didn't even know about the goods coming to the Southside an hour ago. Rather it was mine, cause the shipment was coming from the Sinaloa cartel.
And, I'd take any chance to get closer to them.
I can't throw away the burden of killing someone and not do something about it. Xavier was already seeking them one by one, so why not seek them out on my own? Surely they will be devastated once they know that the weapons didn't reach Lorenzo's hand.
"Yeah. He will be fuckin’ sorry for his actions." As the others who hurt my Kitty will. But first of all, I need to talk to her. I need to tell her everything. "Can I be excused for a minute? I need to see through some things."
"Yeah, yeah." He dismisses me, his head already working out the plan no wonder. When I look at the bar it's almost empty. Thinking of her has forced me to smoke again but when I try to search my pocket, I'm disappointed to see that I'm out of cigarettes.
How many have I finished since that night?
Fucking hell, I've taken too many that I’ve lost count. By the time I reach her, Scar has gone to take a break. Perfect timing.
"Hey."
There's a smile on her face but when she looks up it diminishes into a frown. Her fingers clench and unclench before the smile comes back again but this time it's strained as if it's hurting her to even fake a smile for me. Running her fingers through my hair, she croaks out. "Hey, I see the hair is getting back to normal?"
Yeah, fuck Reaper and his inability to do one thing without causing chaos.
“It was a bad dye job.” I try to share her smile but it falls flat. “I didn’t came here to talk about my disastrous hair.”
“Oh.” She nods, still pretending that I didn’t just tell her I love you a few nights ago.
"We need to talk, Kitty." She doesn't resist when I walk closer to her. "It's like fuckin’ important for you to know."
"Er...ok?" She looks at me, perplexed.
"I'm goin’ out for a job. And it's gonna to be messy, so I thought we should talk now. There's so much you don't know, so much you deserve to know." So much that I'm afraid she's going to hate me for hiding things from her. "After our talk can you like leave for a night with Ginger? Things are goin’ to be bad here. I don't want you to get between a war if things go south."
"What? What's happening?" I hate to make her worry but she should know.
"There is a shipment full of weapons comin’ into the Southside for a gang. The shipment it's comin’ from...well I have some personal scores to settle with them." I admit under my breath. "So I advised Prez to steal their weapons. It will stir up a lot of trouble for all of us but it's worth it."
She looks up to me with confusion clear in her eyes. "Ok? But what does it have to do with me?"
Oh my naive, Kitty...It has everything to do with you.
I take a second to fess up but I know even that won't be enough to stop her from freaking out. Ginger better be there for her. "I told you about what I did that night, didn't I?"
&nb
sp; I murdered someone. Didn't kill. She nods. "Yes, you did."
"That cop was the one who refused to write Grace's report. He didn't even help when you two needed someone to bring justice. I tracked him down with the help of my cousin. He said Mad Dog wasn't the only one that night-"
"Stop!"
Shit! She cringes back against the counter, all color going away from her face. Her nails are digging into her skin, yet I can't utter a word. I watch as her breath hitches as if she can't breathe. Double shit!
"Kitty-"
"Please stop, Seth." Turning away from me, her fingers tightly clutch the hem of her shirt. "I knew he wasn't the only one. Ok? I was there, Seth. I was there. How can you forget that?"
I want to hold her. Comfort her, but I know she doesn't want that. Not from me at least.
"I was there the whole night. I saw them. I saw their faces. Their mocking smiles...those monsters ruining me...I saw it all. I suffered all of them, Seth. So why? Why didn't you tell me before? Why now? Why you? I shouldn't matter-"
"I love you, Gwen." The blow doesn't land as I wanted it to. Her nails dig even deeper. "And I can't see you cryin’ all night because of them. Not when I can do somethin’ about it."
"How can you love me, Seth?" She wonders aloud with a bitter smile. "How can you love a shell? Aren't you afraid that one day I'm going to disappear and in my place, there's going to be another woman you don't recognize? Because I'm terrified that I will lose it all one day. And even you won't be there for me."
"Too fuckin’ bad then. Because I'm stuck with you whether you like it or not. I-I can't let go. I won't let go of you. Even if you lose it all. If I can love you now...I can love all your versions." And it doesn't even matter if she loves me back or not. Even then I will be beside her.
She tilts her head and shakes it as if she can't believe me. "You are insane, Seth. Completely insane."